[SPOILERS AS FUCK] 2ch Q synopsis prep. for anal devastation

[Azathoth]

>・中身は28歳外見は14歳の眼帯アスカに引っ張られて砂漠を歩くところで

!!

[Reichu]

Here's the whole thing. Original Japanese here. Translation by me.


In accordance with Ritsuko saying "Third Impact has begun" at the end of "2.0", the incident with the 10th Angel (Zeruel in NGE) is documented as the Third Impact.

So, deemed responsible for causing Third Impact, Nerv is dismantled by the government.
Misato and the other Nerv staff are confined, Eva-01 with Shinji and Rei absorbed is imprisoned in a tesseract and transported to the Moon. Then the story moves ahead 14 years. [Not positive on how 話 is used here.]

All original Nerv staff except Gendo and Fuyutsuki have started an organization called WILL-E.
Their public pretext is restoring the red ocean back to blue, but in actuality they exist to prevent Gendo (Nerv?) from carrying out Fourth Impact. To do this, Misato and WILL-E advance the operations plans of the flying battle ship Wunder using Eva-01 as a power source. [I think that's what it says?]

Asuka and Mari pilot their Evas to perform a heist of Eva-01, which is imprisoned on the Moon. En route, they encounter the 11th Angel, but Eva-01 destroys it. (The TV sneak peak opening 7 minutes.) Asuka and Mari's appearances haven't changed due to the curse of Eva.

With Eva-01 back on the surface, Shinji is salvaged by Misato, as in NGE. Shinji then learns about the post-3I world and goes into despair. After that Wunder begins to make use of Eva Unit-01's power, and the 12th Angel is destroyed.
Kaworu appears before the despairing Shinji, and tells him that the world can be remade/constructed if they use the two Spears and Eva-13.
Shinji joins Kaworu and Nerv instead of Will-e.

Shinji and Kaworu pilot the compound cockpit model Eva-13 and go to extract the Spear of Longinus and the Spear of Cassius that are impaling Lilith. But when they actually reach Central Dogma, both Spears were the Spear of Longinus. [buh?] Shinji pulls out the Spear(s) of Longinus so that Asuka won't meet a cruel fate again, but it was a trap by Keel and sets Fourth Impact in motion. As Fourth Impact is on the brink of happening, Kaworu stops it, and he blows up / ruptures. Because of the cockpit's compound arrangement, Kaworu bursts apart before Shinji's eyes.

Even after Fourth Impact is prevented, humanity is mostly extinct, and we proceed to "New/Sin Evangelion Theatrical Edition: ||".


DAMMIT BRAINMAN MORE SHIT TO TRANSLATE IT NEVER ENDS. NEVER MIND XARD IS DOING IT

[driftking18594]

SPOILER: Show

Praise His Noodly Appendage that Asuka survives! This might be worth watching after all!

Hasn't stopped me from watching EoE though.

[Lonecow12]

Alright I've come to terms with this. It sounds totally batshit insane and nothing like the Eva I fell in love with. Which is great. I'm happy with this. Do whatever you want to Asuka, cause this whole thing just looks like crazy fun.

As we have all been whispering to ourselves, "We still have the original."

[Xard]

Now guys don't have to worry about fapping to 14-year-old girls I guess. Not like it ever stopped anyone.

Yeah, it's a wonderful world!


So anyway, looks like some guy on /a/ was faster than me - just did couple of fixes. FILM NAME FINALLY EXPLAINED, IT WAS THEMATICALLY MEANINGFUL AND DEEP LOLPUN. ALSO SAD TWIST UNTWISTED!?!?!?!?!?!

SASUGA ANNO-SAN


Gendo and Seele's final conversation
When Fuyutsuki turns off some sort of device, the monoliths disappear
The final monolith (keel) thanks Ikari
Shinji and Kaoru go down stairs to go unpierce Lilith, which had been pierced by two lances
Shinji and Kaoru take the two seat Eva down
When Kaworu sees the two lances, he gets lost in deep t hought
As a result Kaworu suggests leaving the lances alone
Shinji unpierces lilith believing that taking the lances (yari) out, he can get a redo (yarinaosu) for everything.

Suddenly, fourth impact
Kaoru, feeling regret for causing all of this, dies by explosion (not clear how/what intent)
Shinji cries like crazy
Eva Mark 13 falling down
Inside is a physically 14 year old eyepatch Asuka with the mind of 28 year old Asuka. Asuka pulls him through the desert and (incomplete sentence/context)

[bobbyfischer's ghost]

Cowboy Bebop?

SPOILER: Show

I couldn't take it.

Is Rei really pregnant? ><

[NemZ]

I just got here and ....all my WUT.

[Xard]

Cowboy Bebop?

SPOILER: Show

I couldn't take it.

Is Rei really pregnant? ><

No, that's Kaji


Brainman, please fix your post. It messed up the whole page

[Brainman]

Brainman, please fix your post. It messed up the whole page

Already got it.

[Jinroh]

So if I understand correctly the world changed after the aborted third impact? It seemed pretty local though, the nerv personnel outside the compound wasn't even hurt...

[Seen]

OH MY GOD I REALLY WISH THEY JUST WENT AND REMADE THE ORIGINAL SERIES NOW.


WHY, ANNO? WHY?

[driftking18594]

No, that's Kaji


Brainman, please fix your post. It messed up the whole page

Bald, tanned Kaji.

The years 2015 to 2029 have not been good to him.

[Xard]

DAMMIT BRAINMAN MORE SHIT TO TRANSLATE IT NEVER ENDS. NEVER MIND XARD IS DOING IT

hidoi, reichu-san

I'll see if i can (not) fail at it

In case it doesn't jump out at readers well enough

Inside is a physically 14 year old eyepatch Asuka with the mind of 28 year old Asuka. Asuka pulls him through the desert and (incomplete sentence/context)

Asuka STRONG

edit: yes red is mod colour but c'mon! For Asuka's sake!

[driftking18594]

hidoi, reichu-san

I'll see if i can (not) fail at it

In case it doesn't jump out at readers well enough





Asuka STRONG

Certainly matches whatever "durability" vibe Shikinami was meant to have.

[BiQ]

Longeva is Long.

Also eligible for the "Phallic objects of Evangelion" list, I guess. Can't bother to dig up link now.

[Brainman]

Asuka STRONG

I have to admit, /a/ had me kind of worried for a moment. But nobody can stop Asuka. (Not even the Avengers!)

[Nonoriri]

I don't even.

[Reichu]

Xard: You don't mention Mark.06 in your translation, but it's in the original text.

And... uh, are they implying that Asuka is Eva-13?

This film is pretty fucking bizarre and mysterious so far. How many dangling plot threads can we accumulate here? And all this Eva-13 crap makes me wonder why Eva-06 was ever a big fucking deal.

[Jayfive]

What 'cruel fate' has Asuka befallen? Does it mean Mari's finally got her horny little hands on her?

Is Rebuild the prequel, not the sequel?

What the hell is *that* guy?

Mind = undergoing repeated blowings.

[AmuroRay]

saw the spoilers... is this real life?