EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

[supershinjiasukashipper]

Oh, the depressing story thread. Time for you all to see how terrible my last year has been. Well starting with my love life last year I met the love of my life in March and he dumped me after a month of dating which resulted in my attempt at suicide in April and then months of meaningless flings and hookups. We got back together in December though but seeing as how he lives in California (we met while he was interning in DC) there are a few details that make it complicated.

On top of this I realize I have very few real friends. To elaborate, all my straight friends from college rarely talk to me any more, all my gay friends are only my friends cause they want to have sex with me, and any other real friends I have live far out of state, or are busy with work or school.

I have decided to adopt Shinto as my religion though since being an atheist made me miserable so that has brought me some peace.

So yeah, feel free to share your thoughts or for those of you who know me utter shock.

[Chuckman]

I wish I had a bunch of friends that just wanted to use me for sex.

Looks like it's time to oil up

[Shinoyami65]

Oh, the depressing story thread. Time for you all to see how terrible my last year has been. Well starting with my love life last year I met the love of my life in March and he dumped me after a month of dating which resulted in my attempt at suicide in April and then months of meaningless flings and hookups. We got back together in December though but seeing as how he lives in California (we met while he was interning in DC) there are a few details that make it complicated.

On top of this I realize I have very few real friends. To elaborate, all my straight friends from college rarely talk to me any more, all my gay friends are only my friends cause they want to have sex with me, and any other real friends I have live far out of state, or are busy with work or school.

I have decided to adopt Shinto as my religion though since being an atheist made me miserable so that has brought me some peace.

So yeah, feel free to share your thoughts or for those of you who know me utter shock.

I'd rather have a solid group of friends who will never love me (but are still friendly towards me) with than a few friends who just want to me for sex. That said, I doubt I'm attractive enough to become desirable in that sense.

I'd rather get to know a person and connect with them emotionally before starting a physical relationship with them, although from what I hear that's rarely how it works these days. Luckily I've got about a year left before I'll have to worry about that at all, but I'm worried about what it'll be like when I'm older because even if by some magical chance I manage to find someone that I like and who feels the same way about me, it might not work out if I can't satisfy them physically.

I am also worried about becoming so emotionally involved with someone that I can't stand to break up with them, especially since it'll probably take a huge amount of effort for me to even get into a relationship in the first place. I have literally zero experience in dating and I doubt I'll develop any in the next two years so I'm also worried that I will inadvertently force the other person to be the initiator for everything, which isn't my intention at all. Being too passive also hurts my chances of getting into a relationship in the first place, since it seems dating these days works through a sort of 'first come, first served' logic and I definitely would be the unfavourable competitor if there even was any competition.

Then there's also the distance issue, because I can't realistically find a partner in my current country but I'm going to need a permanent visa to settle down anywhere else and obtaining one would be more difficult in some places than in others.

[Mr. Tines]

I have literally zero experience in dating and I doubt I'll develop any in the next two years

That was my state of play on my 21st birthday. Six weeks later I was in a relationship that has been going ever since. So don't despair now.

[robersora]

^
^
The pitfall of being a gay man is that once you're out, some straight male friends around you act differently, since they feel somehow threatened. While that's sad and everything, giving in to all the easy Sex can be nice. Then again, your pool of choices is very limited compared to the ones straight people have, so a meaningful relationship is much harder to establish.

But there's hope. One day my Kaworu will come.

[pwhodges]

I doubt I'm attractive enough to become desirable

We think we know that, but we don't. You cannot know what might cause someone to find you attractive, so there's no need to discount it. At least, be prepared to be surprised.

[kuribo-04]

I'd rather get to know a person and connect with them emotionally before starting a physical relationship with them, although from what I hear that's rarely how it works these days.

We are teh few romatics left in the world.

The pitfall of being a gay man is that once you're out, some straight male friends around you act differently, since they feel somehow threatened.

I can't really relate to that because I don't know anyone gay. I have a friend though that has a gay friend, and he is straight, and it doesn't seem to be a problem at all.
I suppose it isn't anything homophobic, it's the fear that somebody might like you and you have to tell them that you don't like them, which isn't a comfortable situation. I actually always feel like that with girls (edit: because I think I''m not ready for a relationship). Even though no one ever likes me lol.

SPOILER: Show

sometimes some have mentioned that I'm handsome or something bu meh pity much

But it's like "What if?"

Well there was that girl that liked me, when I was six years old, and she kissed me on the cheek before our classmates, and everyone laughed at me. Traumatic Xperience.

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

Sorry to hear about all that, Doggy. I hear it gets better, though... there's not much advice I can give asides that.

[robersora]

We are teh few romatics left in the world.

I used to be that way. Then I thought... Why not enjoying sex while waiting for the right one? And who knows, maybe one day I'll fuck the right one coincidently.

I have a friend though that has a gay friend, and he is straight, and it doesn't seem to be a problem at all.

Yes, most straight friends don't treat me differently, surprisingly. Although it's always funny to see them stutter, when they realise, they might have said something unintentionally homophobic.
But that's ok, as long as it doesn't get seriously offensive, I tend to joke with them. That also makes it much easier to talk about it. Me and my straight friend had the best gay-joke ever running while we were borderline-wasted. Now it's in the realm of legends, since nobody seems to remember it. But we allude to it's beauty until today.
Now I lost track of what I tried to convey.

I suppose it isn't anything homophobic, it's the fear that somebody might like you and you have to tell them that you don't like them, which isn't a comfortable situation.

Yes, I understand that. This was the reason the friendship to another straight friend almost shattered. He likes to hug everyone, and I told him that I find him attractive, and that I'm in love with him. From that moment on he distanced himself from me (which is understandable), but it hurt me immensely that I saw him hugging everyone while suddenly avoiding eye contact with me. It didn't help that at the same time he got together with one of my female flatmates. So he was around all the time, I could see them flirting, while he avoided me completely. That was a very hard time for me, it was the first time my heart felt broken and I needed almost a year and a new apartment to get over it. As much as I told myself how silly my feelings were, and that it can't be helped, seeing them together hurt me like nothing did ever before. That was the time when I started crying out of nowhere straining the relationships to other people as well. I know I appeared like a selfish bitch, but I truly, truly loved him and I felt really, really hurt.
After all, he played a great part in helping me out of my depression and he often pushed me out of my comfort zone, making me a lot more socially apt. Well, he'll always be my first love and he will stay a very important person with a big impact on my life, negative and positive. And that is something I now can cherish.

Well, it feels good, to be able to write about it, without feeling the need to cry. Thanks for reading (if anyone does )

I actually always feel like that with girls (edit: because I think I''m not ready for a relationship). Even though no one ever likes me lol.

SPOILER: Show

sometimes some have mentioned that I'm handsome or something bu meh pity much

But it's like "What if?"

Well, you'll never be ready. Just go with the flow and try. With "what if's" nothing exciting will happen. Do it as long as you're young, you'll regret missing the opportunity when you're older.

[kuribo-04]

I used to be that way. Then I thought... Why not enjoying sex while waiting for the right one? And who knows, maybe one day I'll fuck the right one coincidently.

But that ain't romantic!
Meh, there's nothing wrong with that at all. But I just have my (probably outdated) way of thinking about this stuff.

Well, he'll always be my first love and he will stay a very important person with a big impact on my life, negative and positive. And that is something I now can cherish.

See? That's the attitude!

Well, you'll never be ready. Just go with the flow and try. With "what if's" nothing exciting will happen. Do it as long as you're young, you'll regret missing the opportunity when you're older.

I dunno...
But it feels good to know that apparently nobody feels ready. Maybe it isn't that complicated.

[Princess Asuka]

I'm lonely I miss my bf really badly.

I've never loved someone so much that I wanna be with them forever.

Get married, have a family, grow old and die together in each other's arms sharing one final kiss, one final I love you. Only to be reunited in heaven or in another life.

If something ever happened to him, I couldn't go on living. (I'm tearing up as I type.) I just can't live without him. Yeah I have friends, awesome friends, but they're not the same as a boyfriend.

[Dataprime]

"I like you as a friend"

or

"I love you like a brother"

hurts. every. time.

[Princess Asuka]

"I like you as a friend"

or

"I love you like a brother"

hurts. every. time.

I have to tell guy friends this and exs this a lot.

[Tankred]

I have decided to adopt Shinto as my religion though since being an atheist made me miserable so that has brought me some peace.

What.

[Princess Asuka]

Really could use a reply to the post in FML thread.

I'm stressed exs and guys wanting me, I miss my bf.

Evil forum admins and my sister mentioning the name of the girl who bullied me and showing her pic on Facebook just angers me. It brings up bad memories, painful ones.

[Tankred]

Really could use a reply to the post in FML thread.

The FML thread isn't your personal thread, PA, even if you act like it is.

[Princess Asuka]

The FML thread isn't personal thread, PA, even if you act like it is.

Sorry.

[Chuckman]

"I love you like a brother"

Look her in the eye.

"A Lannister always pays his debts."

Wink.

[supershinjiasukashipper]

@Chuckman:
You really don't, it seems good at first but it is emotionally damaging in the end.

@Shinoyami65:
I know how you feel when it comes to friends. Better to have many platonic ones than a harem of FWB.

@Robersora:
Ugh, I know what you mean by the small pool of choices. Most gay men have repulsive personalties. It makes me wish I were straight some days. Then again, pretending to be straight sucked for me too, though just a little less than coming to terms with who I am.

@Nuclear Lunchbox:
Thanks man, few people show me any sympathy for this kind of stuff, you would be surprised how many people in my life try and tell me its my fault.

@Tankred:
It is exactly what it sounds like.

[Shinoyami65]

But there's hope. One day my Kaworu will come.

Just be careful your Kaworu isn't actually an Akio.