You? I was describing me
According to legend they are often found grazing around "The Watercooler." In all my research, though, I've yet to find any maps to this mythical oasis.
I need to update my sig...
Mr. Tines wrote:
"behemoth"? Have you let yourself go since the last photos I saw of you?
I was actually overweight in those pictures to begin with (my build is just a bit more forgiving of superfluous flesh than some), and it's gotten even worse since then. When I spent a month down in Houston at my sister's place helping my BIL with the nephews, I put on 20 lbs. or something. "THIS HOUSE IS SO STUFFY AND THESE BOYS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY HEY LOOK CEREAL BARS AND CHOCOLATE OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM" Then I spent the next several months tweaking my psychiatric prescriptions and feeling like shit. I think.
Doesn't matter, in any case. I need to just grit my teeth and start working the adipose off before I turn into a human flapjack.
(And I'd be happy if I looked as good as an Ambulocetus
Anyhow, as a soliciting 31-year-old is under the "half age plus 7" limit, you'd be scandalously young for me
...but would that really
be enough for you to say "no"?
For today's FML: So, since the hornies haven't gone away yet, I'm back in the dank, decrepit dungeons of OkCupid! This looks like it might have potential if I stick with it long enough and don't get discouraged by the vagueries of online communication, but, boy, do I need to vent about a couple of things.
1) There are WAY TOO MANY assholes who clearly are not paying any
attention to the contents of my profile or the many compatibility-determining questions. It's all too easy to see that they're human spambots, sending generic (and usually grammatically inept) greetings to anything with a vagina in their geographic vicinity, all in the hopes that some
woman will respond and say, "Why, yes, I'd love
to see your cock". If these dirtbags are looking for casual encounters or something, they can specify it in their profile and questions
and automatically get appropriate matches! Why are they wasting people's time with this inane shit instead?
I'm half-tempted to write a standardized response for these fuckwads telling them exactly what I think, in the unlikely chance it starts a cascade reaction in their brains that ends up making them better people.
2) I wrote to one guy who seemed pretty compatico with me. A nice message that actually references his profile and what he's purportedly looking for; no bullshit. What's the response I get? One word: "What?" The hell? That doesn't even make any kind of sense! This is made even more boggling by virtue of the fellow's lamentations that he'll be forever alone. Um, yeah... If that's how you usually treat the ladies, you deserve to be. ...ass.
3) So, fellows go through the trouble of creating profiles, answering questions, saying they're looking for this that and the other and that you should contact them if you meet X specifications. Alright, I'm seeing some potential here; let's try this shit! But once I try to get into conversations with some of these guys, absolutely no attempt is made to sustain any kind of dialogue. I'll follow my de-Asperger-tizing training from years back and try to strike something up: talk about myself a little, and ask questions about them. The response is basically a dead end! No threads to grab onto! To me, this either means, "I'm not interested and won't tell you why; get lost", or "I'm a lazy fuck who doesn't want to put any kind of mutual effort into this". Perhaps there's a third option I'm not considering.
Best prospect so far is an overweight, emotionally damaged Jew. To be fair, he actually seems like a decent and honest guy; I'm mostly worried about the lack of obvious and easy-to-finger common interests. I guess I should arrange a meetup anyway and see how it goes.