[CYOA] Shinji's Silly Misadventures!

[Squigsquasher]

Can we vote on other peoples names? Because I would vote Agent's.

Yeah, voting for other people's suggestions is fine.

[Justacrazyguy]

Instrumentality

Yeah, I know, it´s obvious, but I like it!

[BPES]

Put Rei at the front and call it

Miss Adventurous

[notalive]

While I agree Agent's idea is just awesome, it's not really a ship name. They tend to have names of people or things.

That's why I propose Hideaki Anno as the ship name for some great fourth wall breaking

But even if Agent's name is not sellected, I feel our heroes should sometimes refer to their pirate vessel as (not) a pirate ship.

[MAGI_01]

I like Agents name!

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

THIS IS (NOT) A PIRATE SHIP

Win. I vote this.

[Squigsquasher]

"I have the perfect name..." you say.

"Go on" your friends reply.

"Boat 1.11: This Is (Not) A Pirate Ship" you respond.

"..."

Your colleagues look on in silence.

Then they smile and break out into fits of laughter.

"Hah! It's brilliant!" wheezes Kensuke, struggling to keep his sides from splitting. "I love it!"

Even Rei is giggling. "Shinji, the name you have selected is both highly humourous and totally ingenious. I like it"

You grin. "Alright guys...Let's go treasure hunting!"

"YAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!" you all triumphantly cheer, before boarding your vessel.

You go to the "bridge" of the ship and inspect the socket that came with the engine, now installed in the wheel of your ship.

"...OK..." you think to yourself "Yoko said I need to feel awesome to get this to work..."

Mustering what precious little self-confidence you have, you raise the little gold drill high into the air, and then slam it into the socket and twist in one highly overdramatic motion.

The screen on the wheel glows green, and the booster engine roars into life.

The ship jerks forward, green fire spurting from the back.

"It's working! Something in my miserable life is actually going according to plan!" you triumphantly cry.

"Shinji! Road ahoy!" calls Hikari, gesturing to the open road ahead.

You grab the wheel of the ship and attempt to steer the colossal wooden contraption. Unfortunately, whilst you do end up on the road, you crash through a fence in the process.

"Shinji" Rei chimes in "I would advise that you lower your speed to make steering easier"

"Good idea...This is a little fast..." You attempt to slow down the ship. Eventually it slows to a leisurely cruise along the road.

"According to the map, and my compass" says Kensuke "We're going the right way! Just follow this road until the roundabout, and then we'll have to go off-road"

"Thanks, Kensuke!" you reply "Touji, how is the engine?"

Touji pokes his head up through a hatch in the deck. "Working well, no problems so far, captain!"

"I'll cook us some victory lunch!" Hikari says happily, evidently enjoying herself.

Suddenly, you hear the roar of a familiar engine.

"Avast, scurvy pirates!" calls a very familiar, slightly German voice. "That there treasure be ours!"

You spin round, and your wonderful mood is almost instantly shattered. For standing on the rear seats of what looks like Misato's car with the roof detached and covered with pirate regalia, is Asuka Langley Sohryu.

She suddenly look shocked. "Sh-Sh-Shinji!?!?! Is that you!? Where have you been, and what the hell are you doing on this ridiculous contraption!?" she screeches.

"Umm...Asuka, I can explain...You see, we found this map and-"

Then Misato stands up, with Pen-Pen on her shoulder.

"Shinji-kun! There you are. We were worried about you! We would have looked for you if we hadn't heard about this treasure!"

"Your thoughtfulness overwhelms me" you mutter, sarcastically.

"Waark" interjects Pen-Pen.

Misato is unperturbed. "We heard about the treasure from that red-headed parts vendor, so we thought we'd join in the chase!"

"That we did!" shouts Asuka, smirking "So give up, and let the experts-"

Suddenly, Asuka's face turns bright red.

"WHY THE FUCK IS Rei DRESSED LIKE THAT!?!?!?" she shrieks, in an incredibly painful ALL CAPS voice.

Misato, on the other hand, goes sparkly-eyed, springs a nosebleed, and starts bouncing up and down, and Pen-Pen makes an excited "waaark".

"Oooooh, Shinji! I had no idea you were into that sort of thing!" she coos "Imagine the fun we could have together!"

"I-I-I...I'm not...It's just-"

"My clothes were dirtied due to a collapsing shelf, so Shinji found the only nearby outfit and offered it to me" Rei explains. "However, the night before we had incredibly satisfying, highly inappropriate sex, which he was stupendously good at"

You begin to wonder whether this is still an Evangelion CYOA, or if it has turned into the deformed lovechild of Love Hina and Excel Saga.

Misato's "Squee" level goes off the scale.

"Oh, you didn't! Shinji! I'm so proud of you!" she giggles, sounding slightly drunk. That could explain the stench of rum.

Then you notice Asuka's face. It is the kind of face that sinks battleships and makes Satan himself cry.

"Shinji...You...Filthy...Stupid...PERVERT!" She screams, drawing a cutlass she seems to have extracted from Hammerspace. "YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO GIVE YOUR BODY TO ME!"

"Well...If you really want me too...I guess I could fit in some time-"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ON ME!? I NEVER SAID YOU COULD EVEN TOUCH ME, YOU LECHEROUS CRETIN!"

"Do not be in such denial, Asuka, it is obvious you are only shouting at Shinji-sama because you are jealous and needy. But you need not be jealous. Shinji's manliness cannot be contained by 1 woman alone, and I am sure Shinji-sama will be happy to share a bed with you too" Rei says, attempting to calm down the snarling ginger kraut in the car-come-pirate boat.

It does not work.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU SLUTTY WONDERGIRL! Misato, READY THE GUNS! FIRE!"

"You heard the girl! Kaji, Pen-Pen, ready the guns!" orders Misato-

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" you interrupt the CYOA, with the classic "record screeching to a halt" sound effect. "Didn't Kaji die in, what, episode 21?"

"I did" says Kaji, suavely "But I got better through a mixture of black magic and the power of comedy. But mostly black magic"

"Right..." you mutter "On with the story"

Pen-Pen and Kaji start loading rockets into a pair of stolen JSSDF rocket lauchers strapped to the car.

Hikari starts trembling. "What're we going to do? They aren't joking around!"

What do you do?

1: Try and ram them off the road,
2: Fire at them first,
3: Try and escape,
Or 4: Try and reason with the furious half-German redhead and the seemingly undead, effortlessly cool super spy who I shoehorned in for no purpose other than humour?

OK, these posts are getting longer and longer...

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

Option Five: Grow some drills onto the (not) pirate ship with some FIGHTING SPIRIT!, and drill the hell out of them. Pun intended.

[Agentomega]

Why is 4 always the best option? 4 PLS

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

Why is 4 always the best option? 4 PLS

First post was a joke, I meant this.

[Lavinius]

4.

[MAGI_01]

4 haha

[Squigsquasher]

The sad thing was...

I was trying to make 4 the most boring option...

I am not the world's greatest writer...

[Justacrazyguy]

The sad thing was...

I was trying to make 4 the most boring option...

I am not the world's greatest writer...

It´s okay. We all love you here. Now, make 4 an interesting option or I will hate you forever.

[notalive]

It seems 4 is bound to be the best choice, even when the author tries to do exactly the opposite.

With that said, I choose 4

[Squigsquasher]

"Wait!" you cry, desperately trying to stop the firing of the bazookas at your ship "We can talk about this!"

"Oh, you can talk to me and Misato about it, no trouble" says Kaji "It's Asuka you might have trouble with"

"Waark" says Pen-Pen, in a way that suggest warning.

You swallow your pride and begin to try and calm the fiery, tsundere half-German down.

"Look, Asuka, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you! I just thought that-"

"Thought what, pervert? That you could take advantage of me and try and take my virginity?" fumes Asuka.

"No! It's just, the way you were talking, you sounded rather jealous..."

"I AM NOT JEALOUS!" roars Asuka.

"No, I didn't say you were jealous, you just sounded it!" you try and defend yourself.

"I sound exactly as I intended to!" Asuka sneers. "The fact is, the only person you are allowed to give yourself to is me, and only when I say you may!"

"Jeez, calm down, Goebbels" sighs Touji, who obviously has a death wish. "If you want some "attention" that much, there's always Kensuke"

Asuka gives Touji a stare that could break a Nokia.

"Say that...1...More...Time..." she steams.

"I said, calm do-"

He is hushed by Kensuke. "Dude, stop! You'll get us all killed! Remember what happened in the first couple of pages!"

"I agree. There is a much better alternative to this" Rei states, coldly.

Then she leaps off the ship, somersaulting onto Misato's car, and gives Asuka a passionate kiss.

There is a clattering sound as everybody's jaws drop. Even Pen-Pen is too shocked to make a "Waark".

Asuka's eyes flutter wide open in shock for a few seconds, and then close in bliss.

Rei finally breaks off the kiss.

"Y-y-you...PERVERT! Th-that was...incredible..." she struggles to say, breathing heavily and flushed bright pink.

Rei looks up at you. "I believe the crisis has been averted" she says, calmly.

Asuka turns to you. "Shinji...I'm sorry...I needed that..." she blushes, looking embarrassed.

You are too shocked to speak, both at Rei's promiscuity, and Asuka's sudden change of mood.

"But don't think you can just go around trying to deflower me!" she snaps.

You sigh with relief. This is more like the Asuka you know.

Suddenly, you hear a loud foghorn.

"What the fuck was that!?" cries Misato.

You turn towards the source of the noise and see an absolutely COLOSSAL battleship-like construct, rolling on treads and bristling in pylons and turrets. It is painted grey, with red accenting, and the sides are covered in hatches. An enormous control tower extends from the back, and across the side is written the vehicle's name: HMS GIRLFRIEND OF STEEL.

Then there is a blast of static as the intercom system of the gargantuan rolling fortress blares into life.

"Ahem...Is this thing on? Oh, yeah, it is, whoops...*Cough cough* Anyway, greetings, foolish pirates. Step aside, for otherwise you will be crushed beneath the iron treads of the Girlfriend of Steel. You are not worthy of the title of pirates. Step aside and leave the treasure hunt to the professionals"

You recognize the voice.

"...Dad?"

"What? Oh, it's you, Shinji. Where the hell did you get that boat from?" Gendo sneers.

"We built it" you reply smugly. "And it's not a boat, it's a landship"

"Hah! You think you can find the treasure before us in that heap of firewood? You have no-"

"Hang on" interrupts Misato "How did YOU find out about the treasure?"

"A good question" replies Gendo "Using the hidden cameras in Rei's apartment, we were able to discover the existence and location of the treasure! We scanned the map using our-"

"...WHAT!?!?" you all exclaim simultaneously.

"Commander, I was not aware that you had put spy cameras in my apartment" Rei says, sounding slightly betrayed.

Misato leans into Rei. "We're calling child protection, right now" she says sternly.

A second later, you hear another blare of static and an audible slap.

"You horrible man!" booms a feminine voice over the intercom system "Spying on an adolescent girl! You told me you had those screens installed in your bedroom to watch Cardcaptor Sakura to help you get to sleep!"

"Please, Ritsuko, I can explain! Please put down the spanner!"

*SKWUNCH* *THONK*

"Ouch! Stop! OW!"

*CLUNK*

"Gah! Please, stop, you crazy woman! Ooch! Ouch!"

After 10 minutes of Ritsuko beating Gendo with a spanner, much to your amusement, she finally relents.

"Gurgh...Send out the Evangelions with the retrieval equipment...Ouch, my back..."

A hatch opens on top of the enormous vehicle, and a lift slowly rises, revealing 11 Evangelion units.

9 are white, with no shoulder pylons and big, smoochy faces filled with nasty pointy teeth. They have no pilots, and seem to just stare off into space with big goofy grins, or at least they would if they had eyes.

The other 2 are like nothing you've seen before. 1 is greenish-beige, with a lance on 1 arm, and 4 long spindly legs terminating in wheels. Atop it stands a girl your age with a pink plugsuit, brown hair and red glasses.

The other is more conventional, dark blue with orange highlights here and there. It has a visored face, and on its head stands someone very familiar.

"K-Kaworu?!" you cry in disbelief.

"That's right, Shinji-kun. How are you?" replies the albino, inhumanly handsome boy.

"Who the hell is that?" Asuka demands, pointing to the pink-clad girl.

"Hello! I'm Mari Illustrious Makinami. I'm a new character!" the girl replies, cheerily.

"Shinji" Hikari whispers in your ear "If we don't act fast, they could use the Evas to destroy our ship and steal the treasure for themselves!"

"Hmm...You're right...What to do?" you reply.

1: Attempt to use your core drill and transform the ship into a Ganmen,
2: Try and board the enemy ship and disable it,
3: Attack it with This Is (Not) A Pirate Ship's cannons,
Or 4: Make a break for it?

Also, I'm sorry these are getting so damn long...

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

One is the obvious option here. Drill Gendo's ship and take it over.

[MAGI_01]

1.... the most obvious choice here haha.

[Justacrazyguy]

111

[Agentomega]

ONE WAN WON 1!