This is the more relevant part to disproving my arguments, so I quoted this. As for being a protector: she can't protect anything without her Eva; looking out for NERV is pointless, because if NERV were to attack in force, she could do nothing against them (thanks to the choker). In any case, NERV isn't a threat to the village; if they wanted to, they could have destroyed it long ago, because it has zero protection. Gendo isn't interested in that, because Wille still has a part ot play in his plan. As for her looking sullen: there's more than one possible reason here. The endgame for NERV always included her losing 02 and her pilot status. Consider her remark that the new suits are funeral clothes. She expected to die, in some sense, and part of her was to die, even if she won. That'd have been Eva 02, and her role as protector. So mixed feelings aren't out of the ordinary. She probably knows that this is the last time she will be needed for anything important; it's the final battle, after all. Besides, Wunder herself isn't necessarily joy for her in any case, given that she's treated like a dangerous individual the second she steps on board. That doesn't contradict her wanting to pilot again, the only way she can possibly change things for herself.
This isn't a pilot itching to get back in the entry plug, but a daughter pleased to be of use to her community. But not, as you assert, a community that accepts her ... despite her wish to be human.
We're jumping ahead here - her "wish to be human" isn't established yet. Look at her when she's handing over the letter. Not much joy there, so I'm not sure that the letters are responsible for giving her joy in this instance, either. Also, Asuka only looks like a child, she isn't actually one. I think she doesn't see herself as a daughter pleasing daddy Kenken (sloppy phrasing; I don't mean to imply that their platonic relationship isn't completely wholesome), and given that she is of incredible use to the community already on account of enabling it to exist in the first place, I don't see her taking much pride in being allowed to play mail-woman, either. She still otherizes herself from that community, too, and she doesn't express interest in it beyond being its protector. She doesn't interact with any of the village people. To jump ahead a little, yes, the women say that Rei looks "like she's got baggage", but they very, very quickly forget about it. They're not shown to harbour any lingering resentments against her; so if Asuka truly wanted, I see no roadblock to her becoming part of the village, unless they're for some reason more biased against her than they're biased against Rei, who is an enemy Pilot. They'd be some truly heartless folk if they reject Asuka when everything Asuka wants is being part of the group/community.
On what Asuka wants:She is saying that her desire for human community is a new feature in her life in addition to piloting.
Yeah, and she still forgoes that new desire in favour of piloting. It's nice to be able to talk to people, but it doesn't rank higher than piloting. Besides, that's an Asuka who still hasn't got her memories back. She still doesn't know that she's a clone, or that she's restricted to human form - she's at her most "I might be able to be a normal human" there. Contrast that to Q and Shin, where she does not seek "human interaction" at all. She's snippy towards Misato, and it seems like Kenken is the only human she tolerates in her life. She is still very much withdrawn, and doesn't seem to seek out the community she learned to value somewhat in Ha. She's not even open towards Mari, one of her only friends and a fellow meta-human.
Asuka has baggage. Something happened in the timeskip that makes her jumpy in the village, and ready for trouble. The village has antagonists -- she doesn't have offers or opportunities to be normal there;
Again - it's very strange then that they accept Rei completely, even though Rei talks like a robot and only wears her Pilot suit. Rei looks outright creepy; if they give her a chance, why not Asuka? Whatever token resistance they put up to Rei vanishes in an instance once she starts planting rice. Which doubts would warrant Asuka's continued exclusion from the village?
If at worst Kaworu acts intentionally and gets a bad result, at worst Shinji is merely negligent (regarding Asuka's consent) and still gets the right result: her conversion to a normal human.
We still haven't established that she wants to be a normal human. Wondering if she will be able to sleep again isn't decisive evidence for it. And that Shinji is negligient regarding consent is exactly why I compared him to Kaworu, because that was his prime mistake to begin with, too. It shows that Shinji hasn't grown as much as everybody tells him he has. His trial here was whether or not he can accept other peoples wishes or not, but he bypasses that completely, in favor of giving himself closure. And yeah, maybe consent is the highest moral virtue in NTE, because almost nobody does anything while consenting to it. Everybody is being puppeted, and everybody ultimately serves the evil guy, and none of them ever feel like they have any choice. Misato abandoned her son because she felt she needed to protect all of humanity; Rei remained in the Eva because she thought she had to protect Shinji from piloting, etc. They're "children with fate built into them", as per Fuyutsuki; so their decisions don't matter, because they can't change the outcome. Shinji piloted for many reasons, all of them including some form of "because I have to." In that kind of setting, being able to freely choose what you want to do with your life actually is one of the highest privileges you can gain, so yes, I'd say it is extraordinarily important.
And I don't see why the reasoning for Shinji can't be applied to Kaworu. Kaworu was merely negligient telling Shinji about everything this "fix the world plan" entailed; he didn't intentionally deceive him, he was just clumsy.
I think Shinji did very much act intently. He's actually going by something Asuka taught him: "I was angry at you because you didn't decide whether to help or kill me." So now, instead of being indecisive, he simply decides on her behalf right away. There's nothing in his behaviour betraying any insecurity or doubt, and nothing to suggest he's not acting intentionally, either. In fact, the whole point being raised about him being a hero rests on Shinji finally acting of his own volition and asserting himself - if it was all an accident, he wouldn't be a grown up to begin with. He's broadly praised for taking things into his own hands and changing them for the better (presumably). "I just forgot", which in this case means: "I don't care about your feelings/opinion" is the exact opposite of what would constitute growing up.
In any case, this issue isn't about Shinji doing the right thing, or making the right choice on somebody elses behalf - the whole issue is that it wasn't his choice to make to begin with. It's Asuka's choice to make, nobody elses. No matter what Shinji choses, whether it's good or bad, is besides the point. It's not his choice to make. Realizing that is him growing up; foregoing that is repeating Kaworu's mistake.
Anyway, I'm dead tired, so this reply probably isn't up to snuff. I want to add in reply to Konya7 that, no, it's not only the outcome which dictates that a behaviour is abusive. Just because you want to help somebody doesn't mean you're a good person. <- this previous sentence doesn't read like proper English, so I'll go to bed now and fix it later.