NGE Ep.24 Script First and Second Drafts

[Synapsid]

Thanks, You’re really spoiling us with these translations (not in a bad way though but we don’t have to work for it at all)

I do wonder what the scars and miniature EVA ever came to though

[LiLi]

He was wasn’t he? Actually it seemed almost like a metaphor for what Shinji really is ...somehow I can see Shin-chan refusing to let go.

Reading Draft 1 in more detail I thought Shinji acted a bit like a little stalker... At first he didn't dare be in Kaworu's company but he sorta followed him creepily around like a shadow,...

The core reference is interesting though, I wonder if they weren't using one of the older designs.
[URL=http://s528.photobucket.com/albums/dd325/Synapsidia/EVA/?action=view&current=Kaworu_prototype1.png][/URL]

Thank you for that reference, it's very interesting. I have been wondering what Kaworu might have looked like in his Angel form... and do you think the one on the right might be the dark blue sailor outfit?
Would you mind reminding me the sauce?

@network censorship on ep.24:
Well, it might have some relation to the fact that IIRC they reportedly had to "behave" after airing the Misato/Kaji scene that got them in trouble with the sponsors and network (sorry, can't recall the sauce right now, I think it might have been Tsurumaki the Kaibunsho, the reliability of which is, I suppose, debatable).

[Synapsid]

… Shinji and Kaworu start hanging around together a lot, so when their classmates at school notice that Shinji has been daring to cling to their Kaworu-sama, Asuka tells them that those two are an item…The girls start spreading the rumor right away...

Did they say anything else about Kaworu (it sounds like he had quite a bit of attention about him)? You know if this Shinji still had his habit of evading offered intimacy from others, the girls at school might have already guessed that Shinji wasn’t into girls so Asuka really just confirmed that impression.

Reading Draft 1 in more detail I thought Shinji acted a bit like a little stalker... At first he didn't dare be in Kaworu's company but he sorta followed him creepily around like a shadow,...

That’s why I said he seems even more yandere than normal, all of those actions, (especially stalking, reacting poorly to rejection and killing his lover) when done by a moe/uke(which this Shinji also seems even more than normal ) character fit in perfectly with the archetype, but this was before the term...so I think it’s fair to call Shin-chan a prototypical yandere now.

I have been wondering what Kaworu might have looked like in his Angel form... and do you think the one on the right might be the dark blue sailor outfit?

Unless if they changed things Kaworu should have grown that weird core/vein network when he revealed himself as an angel, and to be honest I’m not totally sure about what Kaworu’s sailor suit looked like...although fans have drawn things that might look like it.

Would you mind reminding me the sauce?

Err, I think it was from one of Sadamoto’s books, I need to look it up...Sorry I wish I could help more

Well, it might have some relation to the fact that IIRC they reportedly had to "behave" after airing the Misato/Kaji scene that got them in trouble with the sponsors and network...

Did they ? Well I guess that scene kind of went a bit too far for what the network might have wanted(I wonder if that affected their funding)...So I guess Anno trolling the fans might not have gone to well. It isn't too surprising though most of the censorship here is done by the broadcasters.

[Mr. Tines]

"This place is your Church to a person of the past."

I think Cathedral would fit better (if not Temple or Shrine) in a localized rather than literal translation.

[LiLi]

Did they say anything else about Kaworu (it sounds like he had quite a bit of attention about him)?

Indeed.

While Touji is in the hospital, Kensuke visits him and shows him a video recording of events at school. He tells Touji about the new transfer student who got a fanclub as soon as he transferred. The fanclub seems to comprise all the girls in the school except for one Rei Ayanami... Watching the video, they also note that Asuka doesn't seem in good spirits. Touji is surprised. Kensuke remarks that she had led the clamoring in the morning but, for Kaworu to be transferring now, it probably means that he's becoming an Eva pilot. That means that a rival has appeared for Sohryu since her synchro ratio with Eva 02 has been bad lately. Asuka notices she's being filmed and throws something at Kensuke => the video ends with noise/static.

(I'll try to add a more detailed version to the summary, along with some interesting bits bridging the gap, ASAP...)


@censorship: I find it ironical that nowadays the BL element could be desirable for the sponsors/broadcasters...
Somehow, it seems Anno & Co. werehellbent from day one on having Kaworu and Shinji naked together, perhaps as a representation of a lowering of Shinji's AT Field?

:EDIT: Added some more to the summary.

:EDIT^2: According to data from JPN wikipedia, it seems the birthdays of Shinji, Asuka and Misato are the same as their respective seiyuu's. (Rei doesn't have an official birthday but the album "Birthday of Rei Ayanami" was released, IIRC, on the birthday of her seiyuu...) So Shinji doesn't share a birthday with Anno, huh...

[Lament]

LiLi-sempai! Thanks for all of this. You found these drafts and translations! I never could have imagined that Gainax had planned this

When they are together, he feels like he's going crazy, and yet, whenever he can't see him, he becomes unbearably anxious...

This line is just brilliant. It describes the feeling perfectly. Good writing definitely.

IIRC, He gets squished - at his own request - in both drafts, poor lad.

Still tragic as ever. I like K/S partly because it's tragic :B So at least that didn't change. Though I'd like to see Kaworu with his angel form, with core and everything ^^,

Not only that - just before Shinji and Kaworu got all friendly, Hikari-chan found Shinji sitting alone in the classroom, head on his arms, listening to Kaworu's piano playing from another room. She thought he'd gone with Kensuke to see Touji in the hospital but nooo... apparently he'd ditched them in favor of doing that instead... Shinji also reminisces on the time he was introduced to Kaworu and his divine beauty (): apparently, when Kaworu smiled and greeted him, meeting his gaze, he stammered, blushed and averted his gaze...

I like that. In the anime they had the same taste in music (classic). In the manga, Kaworu also plays piano. That makes so much more sense now. Is he good? Because some fans keep saying he's tone deaf because he hums "Ode of Joy" wrong, lol.

And Kaworu's divine beauty is epic! x)

I see! Thank you very much, it seems this is the same book I was referring to in my reply to Synapsid above. I'm trying to get a hold on a copy of it!

You're welcome ^^ I'm glad if it helped. I re-read the text and it seems there's some weird doujinshi as well, lol. Does it have the drafts? Hmmm...

Sadamoto at least stated in Volume 11 of the manga that he questioned his sexuality or some such thing.

He said he never had feelings for the same sex but he found himself thinking along the lines "Come on Shinji, he's not that bad".
And that later Sadamoto realised he had started to develop feelings towards Kaworu. It was pretty epic. I need to read it again!

It really does sound like Shinji’s trying to evade life

Yeah. I'd almost put it that Shinji was trying to evade his everyday life/reality. Kaworu was something new so it was easier to attach himself to him. Like in the manga when Rei dies? These scripts make sense in mangaverse =)

It does, I think it certainly plays into a lot of uncompleted ideas concerning Shin-chan that they’ve already brought up... Although Anno seems to have shown a thing for touching on unused scripts so we might still see it from Khara.

Hmm. Maybe in Rebuild? I really hope they'd use at least some scenes of these drafts because they seem pretty great.

Thanks, I was wondering about that, although now I kind of feel like a louse, I haven’t done anything to help.

Me too! LiLi does so much and I don't even have internet :/ Now I'm creeping to my friends' computers all the time :B I'm so useless, lol.

[LiLi]

This line is just brilliant. It describes the feeling perfectly. Good writing definitely.

I agree... so poignant! TBH I think this script is deserving of a proper translation...

I like that. In the anime they had the same taste in music (classic). In the manga, Kaworu also plays piano. That makes so much more sense now. Is he good? Because some fans keep saying he's tone deaf because he hums "Ode of Joy" wrong, lol.

Awww... meanie fans! Maybe that's why Ishida Akira refuses to sing now...

According to Hikari-chan, Kaworu is quite good at the piano... Also, you might find the Second Draft particularly interesting: IIRC, it makes use of the characters' love/ability with music and how this creates a further bond between them a lot more... I must get around to properly summarizing it...

I'll throw just a few spoilers in here... (:EDIT: I got carried away...)

In the Second Draft, Shinji and Kaworu make a promise to play a duet together - even though Shinji is reluctant at first since his playing isn't as awesomesauce as Kaworu's. (This unfulfilled promise also plays a role in the climax scene... )

Let's go back a little bit...

Shinji is in the public bath at NERV HQ.
Enter Kaworu, his limbs visible through the steam.
Kaworu remarks that Shinji is always going on ahead.
Shinji averts his eyes from Kaworu's nudity.
Kaworu says Shinji is avoiding him.
Shinji denies it.
Kaworu insists.
Shinji goes, you should have told me you were the Fifth Children.
Kaworu goes, That's my line, I didn't know you were the Third. Are you angry about that?
Shinji denies it.
Kaworu asks if the atmosphere is always that strained(?), with Katsuragi and with Shinji.
Shinji replies that a lot of things have happened before Kaworu arrived, with Kaji and with Ayanami...
Kaworu wonders what happened to the First.
Shinji refuses to elaborate.
Kaworu insists.
Shinji doesn't want to say it.
Kaworu wonders if it's because of a duty of confidentiality.
Shinji doesn't reply.
Kaworu enters the hot water.
They get to talking about Shinji's habit of avoiding contact with other people out of fear of hurt and betrayal (interesting bit, I'll have to get back to this in more detail later).
Kaworu asks Shinji to show him his left hand.
Kaworu takes Shinji's hand and looks at his palm intently.
Shinji notices scars on Kaworu's wrist. He's startled.
Kaworu makes a remark about the skin of Shinji's fingers - Shinji replies they are that way because he plays the cello 'a little'.
Shinji gets all flustered that Kaworu is holding his hand, skin touching skin, his heart starts beating like crazy, so he climbs out of the bath... staggers... and faints.

He wakes up in his room at NERV HQ, on his bed, with Kaworu watching over him. Shinji apologizes for the trouble, Kaworu says he must be tired since a lot seems to have happened.

Kaworu notices the cello in a corner of the room.
Shinji says it's a memento of his mother.

Kaworu proposes they play music together - Shinji on the cello, Kaworu on the piano.

Shinji says he's embarrassed since he's not as good as Kaworu, but Kaworu is all, "It's just for fun... Besides, there shouldn't be anything to be embarrassed about at this point..." Shinji remembers his own "disgraceful behaviour" and his pale face flushes red again. (Which really makes me wonder about the bath scene... ) There should be a piano in the lounge, so they make a promise to play together the next day, after the Eva 02 activation test.

Then...

Kaworu: Then, I'll be going.

Shinji: Goodnight.

Kaworu: Goodnight-

Kaworu's face glides close to Shinji's.
Kaworu exchanges a kiss with Shinji.
Shinji realizes he's accepting it spontaneously, without rejecting it.
Feeling oddly calm, he watches the lamplight on the ceiling.


Aaah, I must try to make a better summary!

I re-read the text and it seems there's some weird doujinshi as well, lol. Does it have the drafts? Hmmm...

Yes, there's a bunch of KawoShin doujins in the book, it seems!
(If you're interested, I have found the table of contents...)
Unfortunately, it seems there's no drafts as far as I can tell... :/

Hmm. Maybe in Rebuild? I really hope they'd use at least some scenes of these drafts because they seem pretty great.

YES PLEASE. DO WANT.

Thanks, I was wondering about that, although now I kind of feel like a louse, I haven’t done anything to help.

Me too! LiLi does so much and I don't even have internet :/ Now I'm creeping to my friends' computers all the time :B I'm so useless, lol.

But you guys with your questions really help me write down the summaries!!

[NAveryW]

With both drafts referencing scars on Kaworu's wrists, I can't help but feel like avoiding showing Kaworu's hands in the finished product isn't such a trivial detail after all.

[LiLi]

It seems the duet idea from the second draft was re-used in one of the games (GoS2, maybe?), with some changes:



It seems Kaworu wants to perform a duet with Shinji, in a public concert - with Kaworu on the violin and Shinji on the cello this time. Again, Shinji acts all shy at not being good enough...

:EDIT: Kaworu insists he wants to perform with Shinji. He mentions that a Pianist can't help but feel "akogare" for their piano. Shinji says the cello is different from the piano. Kaworu says musical performance is an expression of one's feelings. Shinji seems indecisive about performing on stage.

Also from the same walkthrough video (I had to paste two frames together to get the whole picture):

In the Boys' Locker Room  SPOILER: Show

This right after Shinji has remarked the plugsuit is so thin, it's like being naked, IIRC... So I guess it would go with the recurring them of them being naked together?

:EDIT: Further Dialogue (from what I can read/hear):

SPOILER: Show

Shinji: It might be cool... It suits you too, Kaworu-ku...

Kaworu: I was waiting for this time all along... The artificial human, Evangelion...

Shinji: If you hold me so tight, it hurts...

Kaworu: Come, let's go... to the cave where the Angel(s) sleep...

With both drafts referencing scars on Kaworu's wrists, I can't help but feel like avoiding showing Kaworu's hands in the finished product isn't such a trivial detail after all.

Is it so? That hardly seems a coincidence... From what I understand, he seems to have a great number of those scars, too...

[Xard]

fuck this all

I now hate NGE


stupid gay shit

[LiLi]

Updated summary of Draft 1 with this scene:

Pg.8

Eva 01 immersed in coolant.
In a corner there's a sink and Shinji is (seemingly) absentmindedly washing his hands.
Misato arrives.

Misato: Shinji-kun...

Shinji (without even turning around): The smell of blood won't come off... Nor the sensation of the time I smashed (him)...

Misato: Shinji-kun, you admired/yearned for/were in love with* him...
*「シンジ君は、彼にあこがれていたのね」

Shinji: He had all the things I'm lacking. He should have been the one to survive.

Misato: No. Only those with the will to live survive.

Shinji earnestly washes his hands in silence.

*****

Looks familiar?

[Legendary]

Goddammit Shinji. If you didn't act like freaking Lady MacBeth maybe people wouldn't think you're a girl.

[LiLi]

Here’s the smell of the blood still; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh!

They scrapped the Shinji-cosplays-as-Lady-MacBeth part eventually, (people still think he's a girl though...) but it seems to me that the essence of his talk with Misato still remains, substantially...

In the final version it is Shinji himself who brings up Kaworu's words and shares with Misato his own feelings for him though. Also, he verbally reacts to her "coldness" rather than keeping silent, IIRC.

[Legendary]

Yeah, I know... but still.

[Rock-Slash]

So, originally Eva was going to end as a shonen ai?, mmm...

fuck this all

I now hate NGE


stupid gay shit

[LiLi]

How about a slightly more constructive way of expressing a reaction, guys?

Do I have to ask the mods to lock the thread?

[Legendary]

I don't hate the fact that Shinji was originally a flaming homosexual. My only problem with the Kaworu/Shinji relationship, and this has a problem I've had with it since about the time I saw 24' for the first time, is that Shinji becomes enamored WAY too quickly. It's all Romeo and Juliet-y. In this respect, these drafts are actually worse, as the form of Shinji's love for Kaworu is ambiguous.

[Synapsid]

LiLi-sempai! Thanks for all of this. You found these drafts and translations! I never could have imagined that Gainax had planned this

Well, there was a good deal of back and forth speculation on just how intimate they were, but I don't think anything like this would have been accepted. Of course people forgot thattrollAnno wrote this, it really is an amazing find, not only does this give a view into Anno's intent but it also says a great deal about the characters, (Tabby and Puppy especially, but everyone has some light shown on to elements of their character) ... you really have given us a lot, even without the translations

Still tragic as ever. I like K/S partly because it's tragic :B So at least that didn't change. Though I'd like to see Kaworu with his angel form, with core and everything ^^,

Very much so, it certainly looks like they knew what they were doing from script one on, it’s rather interesting that the basic flow of the story was mostly the same...I’m sure we would have seen more if it wouldn’t have been for the network and budget

And Kaworu's divine beauty is epic! x) . ..

I think it makes it all the more interesting that he’s scarred.

You're welcome ^^ I'm glad if it helped. I re-read the text and it seems there's some weird doujinshi as well, lol. Does it have the drafts? Hmmm...

Doujinshi? Well they’re probably not what I’d consider weird, thanks for giving it to us.

He said he never had feelings for the same sex but he found himself thinking along the lines "Come on Shinji, he's not that bad".
And that later Sadamoto realized he had started to develop feelings towards Kaworu. It was pretty epic. I need to read it again!

I probably should buy the volume and stop looking at the scans I really do wonder if that had anything to do with why Shin-chan fell for Kaworu in the end.

Like in the manga when Rei dies?[/size] These scripts make sense in mangaverse =)

They do , it looks like a lot of their content was adapted to it, although it’s presented in quite a different manner.

Awww... meanie fans! Maybe that's why Ishida Akira refuses to sing now...

Wait, he doesn't?...but Kaworu said songs were nice. Then Khara's never going to release the promotional set of character songs I had been secretly hoping for.

According to Hikari-chan, Kaworu is quite good at the piano... Also, you might find the Second Draft particularly interesting: IIRC, it makes use of the characters' love/ability with music and how this creates a further bond between them a lot more... I must get around to properly summarizing it...

I wonder if they aren’t intentionally playing upon the concept of synergy you have in music, it certainly would have given Shin-chan's music theme from the earlier episodes more meaning wouldn't you say?

They get to talking about Shinji's habit of avoiding contact with other people out of fear of hurt and betrayal (interesting bit, I'll have to get back to this in more detail later).
Kaworu asks Shinji to show him his left hand.
Kaworu takes Shinji's hand and looks at his palm intently.
Shinji notices scars on Kaworu's wrist. He's startled.
Kaworu makes a remark about the skin of Shinji's fingers - Shinji replies they are that way because he plays the cello 'a little'.
Shinji gets all flustered that Kaworu is holding his hand, skin touching skin, his heart starts beating like crazy, so he climbs out of the bath... staggers... and faints.
He wakes up in his room at NERV HQ, on his bed, with Kaworu watching over him. Shinji apologizes for the trouble, Kaworu says he must be tired since a lot seems to have happened.
Kaworu notices the cello in a corner of the room.
Shinji says it's a memento of his mother...
...Shinji realizes he's accepting it spontaneously, without rejecting it.
Feeling oddly calm, he watches the lamplight on the ceiling.
Aaah, I must try to make a better summary! …

Hm better? The summary came out just perfect, now I really wish Anno &co had saved their trolling till 24 it really does play that much into what’s been seen as incomplete parts of the characters. I always did wonder about why Shin-chan clings to his cello, it has more meaning if Yui is what he’s clinging to through it, and the calices from griping on to the fingerboard might not be a bad metaphor for piloting either those instruments really do wear the skin on your fingers. I certainly would have loved seeing the talk about the Puppy running away, only to have him try to run away and end up in bed with Kaworu(sort of) instead. It does seem almost like the manga intentionally played on that scene.

But you guys with your questions really help me write down the summaries!!...

Now I kind of feel guilty about that, you’re writing all of this for us and I didn’t have the courtesy to respond And unlike Lament I don't have the Internet as an excuseAnd I haven't run into any sort of Kaworu that would make me evade the world sorry.

It seems the duet idea from the second draft was re-used in one of the games (GoS2, maybe?), with some changes:[img]kawoshin_cello.jpg[/img]
It seems Kaworu wants to perform a duet with Shinji, in a public concert - with Kaworu on the violin and Shinji on the cello this time. Again, Shinji acts all shy at not being good enough...
... Kaworu says musical performance is an expression of one's feelings. Shinji seems indecisive about performing on stage.

Did you find this in Nicovideo as well? It looks like they’ve got all sorts of stuff there...I’m not sure what game it’s from but GOS2 seems likely, it seems that a lot of their ideas were reused through their spinoff products, and maybe even Death and Rebirth, I guess the orchestra/synergy theme really was going to be integral to the plot.

In the Boys' Locker Room  SPOILER: Show

[img]kawoshinhug-1.jpg[/img]

This right after Shinji has remarked the plugsuit is so thin, it's like being naked, IIRC... So I guess it would go with the recurring theme of them being naked together?…

It does, it really seems to, and it looks like you were right about nudity being a metaphor for letting someone through an ATF , it looks like Shin-chan was going to let it happen but it did. on a side note Shinji really does have a girly build, it's nothing new, but...

Is it so? That hardly seems a coincidence... From what I understand, he seems to have a great number of those scars, too...

He does, and they never explain why? Well I guess it isn’t unlike them at all, there does seem to be some sort of symbolism in scarring Kaworu’s otherwise “divine beauty” it might say something about his character, but it might also say something about his background it does very much sound like he’s been a lab subject.

...maybe people wouldn't think you're a girl.

Oh, and what's wrong about that, it doesn't look like Kaworu minds

They scrapped the Shinji-cosplays-as-Lady-MacBeth part eventually, (people still think he's a girl though...) but it seems to me that the essence of his talk with Misato still remains, substantially...

Was part of that adressed to me I only said that he looks and (as far as social values go)acts like a girl.It's not my fault though, these scripts play even more on that facet of himself...It's almost like a romance storry (and Shinji the military pilot boy, is basicaly the "girl" in it) I'm sure that was trolling from Anno but... I really don't think I'm ever going to be able to take the depictions of Shin-chan as a heterosexual man seriously...and I swear it's not just because of my bias.

Now I can't get the idea of them doing a school play instead of a duet...although hand washing aside I'd say that Kyoko(especialy if she was anything like Jung or Asuka) would probably be a more apropriate Mrs.Macbeth...Though it really might be intresting if the puppy did have a full psychological break down from this.

In the final version it is Shinji himself who brings up Kaworu's words and shares with Misato his own feelings for him though. Also, he verbally reacts to her "coldness" rather than keeping silent, IIRC.

It does look like the second script was done somewhat late along the development stage, many of the concepts are already formed, and it certanly folowed up on allready introduced ideas like the "smell of blood". It certanly does seem like Misato never did conect Shin-chan's loss with her own.

@Rock-Slash/Xard
...does this mean you're both going to dissown Shin-chan because he's gay (well techincaly gay isn't acurate but...). You know Anno did have a point in trolling, why should an action/military hero have to folow the usual template.

Do I have to ask the mods to lock the thread?

... Please don't ask for it, I know we've been ungrateful but I really love this thread and what you've done!
And to be honest if Anno really would have gotten his way most of the fans would probably have acted just like that Shonen fans did make most of the initial viewers, so I'm sure they would have been trolled, right?

[LiLi]

I don't hate the fact that Shinji was originally a flaming homosexual. My only problem with the Kaworu/Shinji relationship, and this has a problem I've had with it since about the time I saw 24' for the first time, is that Shinji becomes enamored WAY too quickly. It's all Romeo and Juliet-y. In this respect, these drafts are actually worse, as the form of Shinji's love for Kaworu is ambiguous.

Just to clarify, I wasn't referring to you, Legendary. Negative opinions or reactions to the drafts are, of course, perfectly acceptable. Welcome, even, as long as they are expressed and/or elaborated upon in a constructive way (like your latest post for example).

I can definitely see where you're coming from with the issue of the relationship development being too quick - but would you mind elaborating on your last line (the ambiguous nature of Shinji's love)? I'm not sure I understand what you meant.

I actually thought the drafts did a better job in developing the relationship as they (well, the first one at least) span over a period of several days?

[Legendary]

In 24/24', the final versions, we're not entirely sure WHAT Shinji feels for Kaworu. Is it a sense of friendship coupled with a hatred of killing that causes Shinji's collapse? Is it a sense of deep connection? Is it sexual love? We really don't quite know.