Okay, edits! The very first scene has been edited a bit, as I didn't like the ending. The most recent scene has also been edited, but only to remove the last line -- too saccharine for my tastes. And, as noted, the OCs' names have changed. Here's what I've got:
Dr. Okada has become Dr. Shiori Okada -- "Okada" in the real world is the president of Gainax. "Shiori" means "flowing" or "bending" -- appropriate for a general therapist who tries different approaches to help people, and suggestive of rivers and water in general.
Dr. Sakishima has become Dr. Manaka Sakishima -- Both names are from Nagi no Asukara, an anime with deep ties to the sea.
Dr. Kobayashi has become Dr. Kotetsu -- the Kotetsu was an Imperial era battleship, a relic of the past.
Prof. Nakamura has become Prof. Hibiki Kohaku -- "Hibiki" is a research vessel in the modern Japanese fleet. Kohaku is just a name I liked.
Ironically, I think I got it closer to Anno's actual methodology by saying "fuck it"; many of his names, including Shinji's, are not for boats. It's obvious I just need to relax and name people as I like.
The naming pattern will be obvious to anyone who cares to Google the names, so have at it. It will take awhile to post all the edits, so please bear with me.
Oh yeah, new scene. It's very rough, and probably needs to be edited/expanded, but whatever, I think it does what it needs to do:
September 14, 2018
Misato found her in the apartment complex's common area, sitting at a table with her head on folded arms. "There you are, Asuka," she said, by way of greeting. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
Asuka didn't bother raising her head. "If you'd looked everywhere you would have found me by now," she observed.
Misato laughed self-consciously. "Oh yeah, I guess that's true." She sat down across from the girl and folded her hands before her on the table. She twiddled her thumbs, trying to think of the best way to broach the topic at hand.
Asuka tolerated the silence for a bit, then said "Well?"
Misato smiled innocently. "Well what?"
Asuka raised her head and scowled at her one-time guardian. "You aren't being Ms. Nicey Nice, trying to make me feel better or whatever, so that means you have something to say. And since you're nervous about it, that means it's probably something I won't like. Get on with it."
Misato flinched, then sighed and gave in. "You're very clever, Asuka."
"Tch."
Misato nodded and began. "As you may recall, your father returned while you were in Kyoto. He and the German government have been inquiring about your return to Germany. I've been able to stall them for the time being, citing your health concerns, but now that you've checked yourself out of the hospital I have to give them an answer."
Asuka frowned. "So you're sending me back."
Misato shook her head. "I didn't say that."
Asuka crossed her arms and leaned back. "You just got done saying how clever I am, so don't insult my intelligence."
Misato shot her a frosty glare. "Don't let your bitterness and anger cloud your judgement. The fact of the matter is that I have no intention of sending you anywhere you don't want to go."
"Whatever." Asuka shook her head. "It's not like you have any say in the matter, anyway. I'm a minor, and--"
"You're a minor who's in my legal custody, and that's the way it's going to stay until we decide otherwise."
Asuka scoffed at her. "Oh, please. How would that even work?"
Misato smiled mildly. "Bluntly, the Germans have no claim on you, since you're an American citizen, and I'm not exactly convinced your father has your best interests at heart." She folded her arms, resting her elbows on the table as she leaned forward. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves, here. Before we get to the how and the why of it, you need to answer one simple question."
Asuka cocked her head in curiosity.
"Do you want to go back, or not?"
Asuka just stared at her incredulously, then shook her head and once again crossed her arms. She looked out the window and was silent for a few moments. "All I ever had there was Eva," she murmured. "Father ignored me, my stepmother never wanted me around, and I never had any friends since I was always training and stuff. And now, with my Eva gone, with my . . . mama gone . . . " She rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands. "There's nothing there for me now," she said. "I'm just a failure to them, why would they even want me back?"
Misato smiled sadly. "Maybe your father wants to reconnect with you. It's possible--"
"I didn't even see him in Instrumentality," Asuka interrupted. "I saw you, and Mr. Kaji, and Shinji, and Mama, and lots of others, but not him. Not my stepmother, either. Isn't that strange?"
"I don't think it's strange at all," Misato said reassuringly. "We're the ones you're close to, and that's what seemed to matter in Instrumentality."
"Hmmm," Asuka said absently. She was playing with her hair, deep in thought. Presently, she looked Misato squarely in the eye and said, "I don't want to go back. I don't . . . I don't know what I'm going to do here, but I don't want to go back."
Misato nodded. "Alright, then. That's fine. You're welcome here as long as want to stay with us, and I really mean that."
Asuka gave her a dubious look, then said, "But even so, how can you possibly think this will work? If they want me back--"
"Let me worry about the details, okay?" Misato said with a grin. "This is just politics to them, really; as soon as they realize they'll have to fight to get you back they'll leave it alone."
Asuka snorted. "Figures."
Misato's expression softened. "But you really should consider your father's position," she said. She held up a hand to stave off the girl's indignation. "Believe me, Asuka, I understand how you feel. I resented my father for years for many of the same reasons you resent yours. And I regret that now, since there's no way for me to repair things with him. But your father's alive, Asuka. That gives you options, some of them very precious. Please remember that."
Asuka looked at her guardian thoughtfully, but said nothing in response.
"What is it, Asuka?" Misato asked.
"Nothing, really," Asuka mused. "It just occurred to me that you've done more for me in the past week than they have for my entire life."
Misato beamed at her for a moment, but her face fell as the implications of Asuka's words sank in. All of a sudden she felt a crushing wave of sympathy for the girl in front of her. She took Asuka's hand in her own and said, "I'll take care of you, Asuka. I promise."
Asuka took her hand back. "We'll see," she said.
Next scene: Asuka learns the nitty gritty about Yui Ikari. IOW, EXPOSITION. Might or might not involve Dr. Hibiki, Misato, Fuyutsuki, others.
Also, I really need to do a few scenes without Asuka. Because, holy shit man, you'd think the world revolved around her or something in this fic. That isn't my intent, but biases are what they are.
Bagheera wrote:I have discovered a critical and unforgivable error in the text so far: none of the OCs are named after boats.
Keep it up!
And maybe have these related to the others somehow. I do this from time to time and it adds more subtext, subplots and sub...fun. 
