[CYOA] Eva Station 13

[Agentomega]

2)

[MAGI_01]

2)

[SirRotgut]

2

[Oxopoha]

2) Look, a three headed monkey.

[Doctor Memory]

2) Look, a three headed monkey.

Looks like you want to DISTRACT. Too bad that doesn't start with 'A'. Yet, you might be able to hack something together...

"Turn about thine gaze and behold a primate possessed of three cranial appendages!"

Your STRIFE MODEX judges that the Joseph Ducreux meme is incompatible with ARTICULATE, as you've essentially rendered a perfectly reasonable statement into confusing, baroque drivel. You expected as much. Your STRIFE MODEX can be a Dickensian like that.

Besides, the guards aren't buying it. "Yeah, that's Guybrush, former genetic test subject," says Dan. "The anoraks keep him around as a pet."

"Sure, but what about the demonic duck over there?", quips Dennis.

"Whaaaat?", Zim drawls incredulously. "What kind of bull-- SHIT, THERE'S REALLY A DEMONIC DUCK OVER THERE!"

"SHOOT IT!", Dan shouts without hesitation. The guards draw their guns and proceed to empty their battery packs at the amphibious apparition like the retarded Shitcurity they are.

You and Dennis take this opportunity to pool what little ambulatory capacity you have and limp away.

Whenceward do you hobble?

1) To Medbay. That foot should be looked at immediately.
2) To Administration. Shitcurity should be put on report straight away.
3) To Auxiliary Tool Storage. You must get Ye Screwdriver.
4) To the Janitorial Supplies closet. You need to lay low at least until the redshirt rozzers get bored and harass someone else.

[Oxopoha]

2) We don't have much more than Minor Wound(s) we need to ensure those pantamimes in security don't ambush us in the medbay.

[Agentomega]

"Sure, but what about the demonic duck over there?", quips Dennis.

"Whaaaat?", Zim drawls incredulously. "What kind of bull-- SHIT, THERE'S REALLY A DEMONIC DUCK OVER THERE!"

You make the best references ever.

1) "Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a Ringleader!"

EDIT: Did you intentionally name the other guard Dan like Dan Shive, or was that just pure coincidence? Also, I'm half-expecting Zim to invade something.

[MAGI_01]

1)

[Doctor Memory]

Did you intentionally name the other guard Dan like Dan Shive, or was that just pure coincidence? Also, I'm half-expecting Zim to invade something.

((Dan is Deputy Dan, Firesign Theatre's recurring police state straw man. Zim is Sergeant Zim, as interpreted by this image macro. These were the best candidates for a Shitcurity buddy cop duo I could come up with at the time, which was several posts ago. Oxo referenced Monkey Island and I was like, "I have to use this, but a three headed monkey won't turn even one head on Space Station 13. Fuck it, I'll have Dennis summon The Duck."))

Guybrush the Mutated Monkey has joined your party. You form a conga line and shuffle your way towards the Medbay. Behind you, you hear the click-click-click of empty blasters and the slow grinding of mental gears as your pursuers realize you're not in the Main Hall anymore. It won't be long before they're upon you again.

You come up with the following strategeries:

1) You and Guybrush will stay behind to occupy the guards while Dennis gets patched up
2) Dennis will start a food fight in the Mess Hall. That will get everyone's attention and hopefully saner minds will sort this all out.
3) Guybrush will raise holy hell in the Dorms and hopefully the resulting grey tide will be enough to get the guards to leave you alone. At a bare minimum, Dennis will get to Medbay quickly.

[Oxopoha]

1) Get to da [s:ozw7z8e7]choppa[/s:ozw7z8e7] docta!

[Agentomega]

Hm. 3)?

[SirRotgut]

3)

[MAGI_01]

3)

[Doctor Memory]

Dennis empties his inventory of every last banana and hands them all over to Guybrush. He even throws in a few spent peels and a quick demonstration of how they can be used as comedy caltrops. Guybrush seems to comprehend. He saunters away with all three heads engaged in masticatory manufacturing of anti-perpendicular mines.

With Guybrush on his way, you and Dennis speed towards Medbay with maximum ambulation. It's like a bleeding, three-legged footrace of some sort. The finish line is marked by the automatic sliding glass doors ahead of you.

As you barge into Medbay, a pink-haired nurse spots you. She scrambles over with a first-aid kit in hand. "Have a seat over here." She indicates a row of chairs next to the aftward wall. Dennis flops down onto one of them with a distressingly wheezy *honnnk*. "Any other injuries?", she asks while prodding his blood-soaked, deflated shoe.

"Just the foot."

"And what about you, ma'am?" She looks you directly in the eyes. You stare back into hers. Those eyes... so pink and sparkly. Your heart palpitates for a moment. Her ID card identifies her as Madoka Kaname.

"No, I'm fine.", you reply, looking away.

She smiles at you and goes about applying first aid.

There's something vaguely familiar about her...

Your STRIFE MODEX suddenly has a new verb: 守る. You'd like to test it out on something, but for some reason the only valid target is Madoka here. You try transposing the PREDICATION MATRIX, altering the OBJECTIFYING PARAMETERS, even realigning the PREPOSITIONAL COORDINATES. Nothing works. It's just sort of... Homustuck.

You have no further time to ponder the matter. The screeching of a monkey in three distinct voices and the rumbling of about two dozen pairs of feet herald the arrival of the Grey Tide. You stand near the doors to witness this pandemonium first-hand. The Redshirt Rozzers are making quick work of stunning the crowd into submission. Zim spots you through the doors. You suddenly realize that if you hadn't stuck your neck out to watch, they might have forgotten about you entirely. Oh, well.

Zim charges at you and is almost instantly put down by a forgotten banana peel. Dan smartly leaps over Zim and the banana trap entirely, meeting you at the doors in another three steps. The doors, having no concept of enmity, courteously provide your foe access to the Medbay. Looks like you're about to take a drive down...

STRIFE BOULEVARD II

1) ATTENUATE
2) ATTACK
3) ASSESS
4) ARGUE
5) AGGRIEVE
6) AGGRAVATE

[Oxopoha]

2) Counter Zim's charge with Disgruntled Ant Suplexes Cantilope and disable him with Hungry Bear Sits on Gorilla.

[MAGI_01]

2)

[Agentomega]

1)

[Doctor Memory]

2) Counter Zim's charge with Disgruntled Ant Suplexes Cantilope and disable him with Hungry Bear Sits on Gorilla.

You are way too sober to pull off either of those moves.

Since you can't rely on drunken Kung-Pao wrestling, you'll have to fall back on your preprogrammed ATTACK verb. Fortunately, it has a bit more chutzpah than ASSAULT.

Dan decides to counter with PARRY. This seemed like a good idea to him at first, as he can keep you at a distance and wait for the right moment to zap you. What he failed to realize is that Zim is only just now getting up from the floor and can't yet assist. After a withering series of jabs and hooks, Dan gives up enough ground to let you use a spinning kick, which knocks his stun rod out of his hands and across the Medbay floor. It comes to a rest next to the reception desk.

Zim stumbles into Medbay. He's still a bit too dazed to do anything yet, but he's putting OBSERVE to good use. Dan launches an ATTACK of his own, putting you on the defensive.

1) ASSUAGE
2) ASSESS
3) ARGUE
4) AGGRIEVE
5) AGGRAVATE
6) ACQUIRE stun rod

[SirRotgut]

6)

[Oxopoha]

6) Now we are the tool using primates.

EDIT: I request that Mari be given the Drunken Kung-Pao Master trait retroactively and, that her hand to hand skills increase with her BAC accordingly.