[CYOA] Eva Station 13

[Doctor Memory]

You struggle with the decision to admit or deny affiliation with the Syndicate. Dennis seems to think you're playing dumb. While that assumption wouldn't be entirely accurate, he certainly seems to know a hell of a lot more about the Syndicate than you do. You decide to coast along on his friendly demeanor.

With a name like MacDahmer's, you have to wonder what's in the burger.

Dennis laughs at that. "No, it's 100% monkey meat. Everything else is locally sourced. Hydroponically grown right here in the belt. Can't say I know where the monkeys come from, but who can, right?" Another chuckle. "Besides, I gave up working fast food years ago. This is a Rousseau Burger, sans the sauce. Irony Sauce is a bit too spicy for me. Though, now that you mention it, I think their Soylent Green waffles are made from people. Volunteers, I hope."

Given his admitted career change, you ask Dennis where he acquired his hacker knowledge.

"Oh, that's something all the best clowns know how to do. Sometimes we go into Telecoms and mess with the transcription code a bit. Randomly add a honk every fifth word or so. It livens up the mood. Keeps the day from getting boring. That's my job now. Anyway, everyone has their own packaged code for quick in&out jobs, whether it's sabotage, repair, or just adding functionality. There's usually a section that credits the original author(s). You can often tell the quality of the code by the quality of its About page. The code in that gadget you got there is probably the predecessor to modern AI linguistics software. At least, if NERV can be believed. I've never heard of Simulfax before, so best case is, they're a fresh upstart affiliate using ancient canned code. Worst case, that's a new Syndicate toy and it could explode on you with the wrong word."

You mention that you already know a little bit about clown culture. For instance, your mother was a bozoette in high-school.

"Oh, Really? Did she go on to Honkvard?"

"No. I came along and that put a hold on everything."

"Oh. Yeah, maintaining a clone can get expensive. Sounds like you're natural, though, so that must have been even harder."

"Yes. Mom did her best, I suppose. We didn't always see eye-to-eye on everything. The philosophy of always having fun, no matter what; I took that to heart. But I don't think the, uh..." You make vague gestures at his wig and shoes. "...the more flamboyant elements of the clown lifestyle are for me."

Dennis frowns at this. "You know, for most of us it's not a lifestyle choice. We're born this way."

You briefly flash back to the legends you were told about the Honkmother.

Your reverie is broken by the chime of your PDA.

Device drivers installed.
AR Mode enabled!
Press here to sync with display

1) Continue jiving with Dennis (specify subject)
2) Investigate AR Mode (specify object)
3) Do something else (specify verb)

[Oxopoha]

2) Ask the shuffleparser what AR mode is.

[SirRotgut]

1) lets not be rude Ask Dennis about AR mode and goggles

[Agentomega]

1) lets not be rude Ask Dennis about AR mode and goggles

I concur with this fusion of 1 and 2.

[MAGI_01]

1) lets not be rude Ask Dennis about AR mode and goggles

I concur with this as well.

[Doctor Memory]

You ask Dennis what he makes of "AR Mode". You show him the goggles.

"If these are augmented reality goggles, I'd say that's what AR stands for. Let's see here..."

He holds the lenses up to his face and looks around at various things in the shuttle.

"Never mind. The goggles do nothing."

"Hmm... Backdoor code: AR Mode Help."

*Beep-Boop*
)} HELP : SIMULFAX A.R. MODE
Error: Help file missing
Reshuffling...

*Boop-Beep*
)} GUIDE : SIMULFAX AUGMENTED REALITY, OPERATION
Checking device state... Done.
Initializing Guide Mk III... Done.
Warning: Connected device reports no Sub-Etha capability.
Certain information may be unavailable.
Submitting index query... Done.

Suddenly, a mechanical voice which is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike that of Peter Jones spills forth from your PDA.

"Simulfax Augmented Reality System, operation and use:

"The Simulfax AR system comes in three parts: The Shuffleparser, goggles, and a commlink (sold separately). The commlink acts as a base station for the other two devices and does most of the processing for the Simulfax C3 software. The goggles are specially calibrated for the input/output requirements of C3, but can be substituted with a similar eyepiece, such as Google SpyMax. The Shuffleparser is a powerful natural language processor, capable of driving the whole system.

"To activate, first connect the Shuffleparser to the intended base station. This connection must be physical, as the Shuffleparser has no wireless capability of its own. The Shuffleparser will then upload the C3 software package to the base station. When this process is finished, the goggles can be slaved to the base station by pressing and holding the Sync button located inside the frame, near the wearer's right ear. Consult the your product manual if using a non-Simulfax product.

"Once fully active, the system is manipulated by voice command. The Shuffleparser is capable of interpreting most languages and dialects. Be sure to speak clearly and audibly."

You find the Sync button on the goggles, but the "Press here to sync with display" message has been replaced with this jazzy Guide app.

1) Investigate the app
2) Reboot the PDA
3) Consult Dennis (specify subject)
4) Shuffleparse )}__________
5) Eat the burger

[MAGI_01]

1)

[Agentomega]

4) Shuffleparse )} Diagonelly

... What? It said "speak clearly" and I want to test this sauce XD

[SirRotgut]

1)

[Oxopoha]

1)

[Doctor Memory]

*Beep-Beep*
)} DIAGON ALLEY

((This gives me an idea for later.))

You finger-scroll your way through what appears to be a massive encyclopaedic index.

"Does that have an About page?", Dennis chimes in.

*Beep-Beep*
)} GUIDE : GUIDE, COPYRIGHT
Submitting index query...

The Hitchhiker's Guide to CYOAs
Copyright information relative to your PQL is currently not available.
Enable Sub-Etha to continue

OK
Cancel

You press Cancel. The Shuffleparser said your PDA can't do Sub-Etha, whatever that is.

1) Scroll to a random entry
2) Press Introduction
3) Press Exit and try to sync up the goggles
4) Shuffleparse )}__________
5) Jive with Dennis (specify subject)
6) Look out the window

((Next update will be Sundayish))

[Oxopoha]

6) I've got a bad feeling about this.

[Agentomega]

2! Reading the manual is a valuable and important step of- Heh no. Just kidding. 3)

[MAGI_01]

Erm I dunno...

3) I guess

[SirRotgut]

3)

[Doctor Memory]

Having located the method of properly exiting the app, you return to the task of setting up AR Mode. It's a simple process, requiring only a few seconds to complete. You remove your glasses and try on the goggles.


You try putting the goggles on over your glasses, but that just gives you a headache. Fortunately, the Shuffleparser has caught on to your problem.

*Beep-Beep*
)} COMBINE : GOGGLES + GLASSES
Tool(s) required: SCREWDRIVER

Dennis jumps in again. "I know where you can find a screwdriver. Looks like we're about to dock, so I'll show you."

"Sound's like a plan.", you reply.

After docking, you give Dennis a minute to re-inflate his shoes and the two of you proceed to the Main Hallway.

You are ACCOSTED by a pair of security guards.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Dennis the Menace.", one of them drawls. "What sort of trouble have you brought for me today?"

"I'm just showing this newbie the ropes, Dan. *Honk* No need to get uppity."

"Don't you honk at me, clown!", Dan shouts.

"I can *Honkity* honk at whomever I *Honk* well feel like." At this point, Dennis is still smiling.

"Dan, what the hell have I been telling you?", the other guard asks rhetorically. He answers his own question by throwing something at Dennis. The hiss of escaping air and Dennis' scream inform you that he's been impaled in the foot. That you could not see this happen is either testament to the speed of the projectile or merely the result of network latency. Probably the latter.

"See, Dan? The clown cannot honk if you disable his shoes."

"I wish I was half the asshole you are, Zim."

"You're already twice the asshole I am."

It seems you've just had your first encounter with Shitcurity.

STRIFE!

1) ASSESS
2) ASSAULT
3) AGGRIEVE
4) ACCEDE
5) ABSCOND to the Head of Personnel's office and ACCUSE
6) ABANDON the clown and ACQUIRE a screwdriver
7) Backdoor code: )} VERTICK ALLEY

[SirRotgut]

2) throw these bozo's out the airlock

[Oxopoha]

2)

[Agentomega]

7)

[Doctor Memory]

2) throw these bozo's out the airlock

You cannot THROW, SHOVE, PUSH or even YANK the guards. Your STRIFE MODEX just won't let you for some reason. What you'd really like is to ROBUST them, as that has built-in WEAPONIZE functionality. Unfortunately, you're limited to verbs beginning with 'A'.
Also, the only bozo here is Dennis.

You attempt to ASSAULT the guard called Zim. He seems to be the bigger threat at the moment. He counters with BACKPEDAL. Your hit percentage is in the single digits, but at least you're putting distance between the guards and Dennis.

After a while, Dan gets bored and taps you with his stun baton. You drop like a feather in a vacuum. You've lost the ability to AMBULATE. Any verbs with a dependency have likewise been disabled.

1) ASSESS
2) ARTICULATE
3) AGGRIEVE
4) ACQUIESCE
5) ACCEDE
6) ABSTAIN and try to recover AMBULATE