Have a Real Shot at Getting a Japanese Girlfriend, Help Me!

[SAWgunner]

Ok, it's like the subject says. She's going to school in the US and we hit it off really well talking online. I'm meeting her in a week and I'm pretty useless at getting women from my own culture, let alone a totally foreign one. I was wondering if those of you more clued in on Japanese culture can help me. As a point of reference, she's an artsy intellectual type who went to international school and has travelled around the world quite a bit. Here are some general questions I have:

1) Otakuness: I don't consider myself one, I don't fit the stereotype of one (outwardly), but I have an awful lot of Gundam models and Rei Ayanami figures in my room. I've heard that the Japanese take a much dimmer view of this than Americans do (depending on the American). Should I sanitize my room before she visits?

2) Living with Parents: I do. I pay rent and cover all of my own expenses but still, I live with my mom. Is this as lame to them as it is to us? She probably won't be hanging out in my area any time soon but still.

3) Models: Speaking of Gundam models, I build and paint all kinds of models. Historicals, Warhammer, you name it. It seems like modeling is a pretty mainstream hobby in Japan, like stamp collecting is here. Is that the case or is it too tied into to Otaku culture?

4) General Dating Etiquette: How big are they on classic male chivalry (opening doors, paying for dinner, etc.)? Is there any thing I absolutely should do? Absolutely should NOT do? What are some general guidelines for physical stuff, i.e. at what point is it ok to hug, hold hands, kiss, etc? Is there a timeline or does it depend on circumstances (when it feels "right") like with us?

I'll ask more questions as they come to me. Please, please, please, this girl is really awesome and she's probably out of my league so I CANNOT FUCK THIS UP! Help!

[Xard]

1) Otakuness: I don't consider myself one, I don't fit the stereotype of one (outwardly), but I have an awful lot of Gundam models and Rei Ayanami figures in my room. I've heard that the Japanese take a much dimmer view of this than Americans do (depending on the American). Should I sanitize my room before she visits?

hide the figs at least for first visit. Srsly.

Also, Japanese women are just as much bitches and whores as any other women. Treat her with decency and care just like you would any other human being but try to keep in your mind there's nothing per se special about Japanese women. Otherwise you end up with crazy projections that reality can't meet

Living with parents is kinda lol and only neet thing to do, I guess.

I'd answer in more detail if it wasn't 6 in morning and I need at least some sleep

[KnightmareX13]

I would recommend hiding most of the anime related models and figures, the other models shouldn't matter.

[ZapX]

Japanese girls, like any culutre's girls, are all different. I think the figures may be a put off but other than that just be yourself and show her a good time. Show her places to hang out and fun things to do in your area. Just be yourself and be confident.

[SAWgunner]

Also, Japanese women are just as much bitches and whores as any other women. Treat her with decency and care just like you would any other human being but try to keep in your mind there's nothing per se special about Japanese women. Otherwise you end up with crazy projections that reality can't meet

Don't worry, I'm into her for who she is, rather than any weird ideas I might have about how Japanese women are. Her nationality only matters because of my paranoia over doing something to offend her. It does make her more interesting, but in the same way that meeting someone from Namibia or Moldova would be interesting.

[TehDonutKing]

1. Hide them well on the first visit, don't hide them at all on any subsequent visits.

[robersora]

Hm... Is she really the right one if you are not sure if you can be yourself?

[symbv]

Ok, it's like the subject says. She's going to school in the US and we hit it off really well talking online. I'm meeting her in a week and I'm pretty useless at getting women from my own culture, let alone a totally foreign one.

So she is new to the US? (at least in terms of living there, I guess she already visited it before) Speak good English? How much she knows about western and American culture? Is she a fan of anything western or American?

OK, I will give my shot from my experience of years of living in Japan and interacting with people there:

1) Otakuness: I don't consider myself one, I don't fit the stereotype of one (outwardly), but I have an awful lot of Gundam models and Rei Ayanami figures in my room. I've heard that the Japanese take a much dimmer view of this than Americans do (depending on the American). Should I sanitize my room before she visits?

Gunpla is considered OK but not too many please.
Any female figure is definitely no-no, unless she has some alternative taste or mindset.

2) Living with Parents: I do. I pay rent and cover all of my own expenses but still, I live with my mom. Is this as lame to them as it is to us? She probably won't be hanging out in my area any time soon but still.

Not so big deal I think.

3) Models: Speaking of Gundam models, I build and paint all kinds of models. Historicals, Warhammer, you name it. It seems like modeling is a pretty mainstream hobby in Japan, like stamp collecting is here. Is that the case or is it too tied into to Otaku culture?

There is something called "Model otaku" you know. In short, don't let yourself be seen as someone who is way too deep in a hobby, even if it is a mainstream one. No girl like to think that a guy's hobby is going to take priority over her. So be careful when you talk about your hobby: enthusiasm, yes; indulgence, no.

4) General Dating Etiquette: How big are they on classic male chivalry (opening doors, paying for dinner, etc.)? Is there any thing I absolutely should do? Absolutely should NOT do? What are some general guidelines for physical stuff, i.e. at what point is it ok to hug, hold hands, kiss, etc? Is there a timeline or does it depend on circumstances (when it feels "right") like with us?

In Japan the dating etiquette is to go Dutch, but some surveys show that girls secretly want to be treated. At the end it depends on her expectation and how western she is -- in general Japanese girls love to be treated like princess, and they are particularly forgiving if a foreigner hits some faux-pas but show they are sincere. As for physical stuff, I think you just need to detect hint and signal from her -- westerners hold (fairly or not) reputation of being more aggressive and "impatient" if you know what I mean. That said, in Japan there is also the unofficial understanding that after a good 3rd date, things can get a bit physical. Again it is not absolutely universal -- each girl can be different from another, so you need to be observant.

[the_seventh_child]

Hum, so you haven't actually met yet, but you still set on making a move on her? Woah, hold your horses soldier; talking online and meeting that someone up close, is very, very different, trust me.
If everything goes smoothly after you actually met though, and you still like her that way then you should just ease up, be a decent guy, show her around to nice places (preferably those that have really nice sceneries, sets the mood for something nice) see how she reacts and take it slow from there.

p.s as for the figs, I personally would find them kind of cute-dorky but that's just me; I'd say hide the Ayanami ones at least.

[The Eva Monkey]

1. Hide them well on the first visit, don't hide them at all on any subsequent visits.

Hide them on alternating visits.

[Bomby von Bombsville]

Also, Japanese women are just as much bitches and whores as any other women.

I get the point you're making, but misogynist much? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here but the way you're wording it really comes off like that.

Treat her with decency and care just like you would any other human being but try to keep in your mind there's nothing per se special about Japanese women.

This, exactly. Attraction really should be on a person by person basis.

Of course, some may note that I have a pattern of attraction to Korean women. That just really mostly has to do with my soft spot for a certain shape of lips that Korean women tend to have moreso than me placing them on a special pedestal. Like I said, it's a person by person basis.

[the_seventh_child]

I get the point you're making, but misogynist much? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here but the way you're wording it really comes off like that.

That's Xard for you, a seemingly misogynist sly /a/ visitor but with a soft spot for moe characters such as Ranka. Doesn't make sense, yeah.

OP did I mention to hide your female figs? Yeah, I did.

[Xard]

I get the point you're making, but misogynist much? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here but the way you're wording it really comes off like that.

Given the atmosphere of the OT subforum in general I keep on forgetting not everyone here goes on 4chan...

Of course, some may note that I have a pattern of attraction to Korean women. That just really mostly has to do with my soft spot for a certain shape of lips that Korean women tend to have moreso than me placing them on a special pedestal. Like I said, it's a person by person basis.

I admit I've wondered if you've had something of a complex about it () but good to hear that's not the case. Though really, to be perfectly honest the reason you give doesn't exactly deflect impression of pretty superficial interest :P

That's Xard for you, a seemingly misogynist sly /a/ visitor but with a soft spot for moe characters such as Ranka. Doesn't make sense, yeah.

but when have I ever been misogynistic? My usage of bitches and whores meme is about as serious as my homolust for Akira Ishida ie. pretty much completely playful and joking.

and apart from occasional bitches and whores/3DPD I'm not sure what would give grounds for such suspicions.

(I'm not sure if I lean all that much towards moe characters in general though)

[Bomby von Bombsville]

Though really, to be perfectly honest the reason you give doesn't exactly deflect impression of pretty superficial interest :P

It's completely superficial. I'm perfectly willing to admit that. It's a purely visceral physical attraction to a certain feminine feature that tends to be common among Korean women. Plenty of non-Korean women have it, too. I will admit, there's a bit of added cultural interest with East Asian women in general, but it doesn't play as big of a factor in romantic attraction as some might (understandably) suspect from my recent postings.

[Defectron]

If you want to get in a lasting relationship with her I think you should be honest about who you are and what your interested in. If your not serious go ahead and hide all that though.

But yeah I have a freind who plays warhammer 40k, but hides it, one time he was having sex with a girl and his warhammer pdf finished downloading so he got to go check on it and forgot about her, the girl left but he says it was a really good pdf.

[Trajan]

Maybe the sex was just really bad.

[symbv]

But yeah I have a freind who plays warhammer 40k, but hides it, one time he was having sex with a girl and his warhammer pdf finished downloading so he got to go check on it and forgot about her, the girl left but he says it was a really good pdf.

That is what I meant when I said no girl wants to have the impression that a guy's hobby takes priority over her. At least he took care to observe the rule at the beginning...

[Fireand'chutes77]

But yeah I have a freind who plays warhammer 40k, but hides it, one time he was having sex with a girl and his warhammer pdf finished downloading so he got to go check on it and forgot about her, the girl left but he says it was a really good pdf.

[arkiel]

Try to conceal any evidence that dating her is part of your obsession with Japanese culture -- whether that is true or not.

After that, its all down to chemistry, and you not screwing it up, and her not turning out to be one of those chicks that kills gaijin for fun.

Good luck with that.

[SAWgunner]

But yeah I have a freind who plays warhammer 40k, but hides it, one time he was having sex with a girl and his warhammer pdf finished downloading so he got to go check on it and forgot about her, the girl left but he says it was a really good pdf.

It's that guy's fault that chicks don't go for nerdy guys. Entirely his fault.