Postby NickFury90 » Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:20 pm
END OF EVANGELION IMPRESSIONS
Ok, this is gonna be an epic one. BRACE FOR IMPACT!
Shinji is afraid of pussy, and so he goes to the most manly girl he knows for help. 'Course, she's still fucked up so she doesn't answer. He shakes her rapidly and OH SNAP 14-YEAR OLD BREASTS! Pedobear get in here! God, Shinji even fails at masturbating! How do you get it all over your hands like that? Anta baka?
Macross Operators discuss things, hinting that NERV will probably be disbanded now that they are no longer useful. Misato brings the audience up to date with some useful exposition. SEELE wishes to blow shit up to start the next evolution, but Gendo is like "Suck a African-American brother dick, I'm done with ya'll."
Rei wakes up in the middle of the night to fetch a midnight snack. She has also destroyed Gendo's glasses, probably as a sign that she doesn't like being his little doll anymore.
Misato is hacking and being paranoid, when suddenly SEELE brings out TEH HAX. NERV's firewalls are elementary, I told ya'll niggas to get that AVAST. Five Magis on one? I like Fuyutsaki's face on here, he's like "WTF I'm a mod, why is the admin banning me?"
Misato does a nice "HBIC" walk down the hall. My wife Ritsuko comes to the rescue with her l33t haxxor skilz. SEELE is like "No these mofos didn't" and initiates the Angry Anime Army Assault!
Angry Anime Army Attacks! Battle stations! Batten down the hatches! Insert generic emergency phrase here!
Damn, stabbed that dude! Oh shit, SEELE aint playing games no more, they got an entire Awesome Angry Army of Alliteration! Hide the children, literally!
LOL @ putting Asuka in the Unit-02. I can just picture them dragging her out of bed, trying to put her in the plugsuit, etc. Course Shinji is off being a bitch. "Oh, Dear God" indeed.
LOL Gendo knows how to handle this. "Defeat is inevitable" "Well, I'm out this bitch. Take over for me, k?"
The Angry Anime Army are Apathetic Assassins. Dude stopped in the middle of the hallway and was like "Hey, free kill! *blam*" Misato uses...Kool-Aid attack? Thats your big secret weapon? LOL. Also, Shinji is still a bitch.
Misato does a badass "Weapon Up" sequence, and the Macross Operators prepare themselves to. Female Operator is scared, but its believable for her to be scared to kill another human, so this doesn't let you off the hook Shinji.
Naked Rei(14.95 at your local AnimeCon!) sees all her clones, when Gendo walks in. She does a look like "Oh, THIS African-American brother...". ARGH! Angry Anime Army Aren't Arresting Anyone! They just shot him in the face! Ardent Antagonists.
Apathetic Army Assassination Aborted! Badass shaky cam Misato ownage! "Nothing personal either!" OH SNAP SON! Misato tries to give Shinji some of her badassness, but Shinji's depressness is too strong.
"Gee I hope they don't use N2 min--OH SHIT ITS A N2 MINE!"
I like how they do half-second cuts to the things Misato talking about. Helps keep everything together.
Asuka is at the bottom of the lake, when suddenly, mine attack! What happens next is super duper epic, when Asuka's mom(who, appearenlty, is bonded to the Evas, which doesn't make much sense narrative wise, but who gives a fuck with the emotional power is so strong) wakes her up! Whee, Asuka is awesome again!
YEAH TANKER LIFT FTW! SCREW YOUR MISSILE LAUNCHERS, African-American brother! MATRIX DODGE! SILLY HELICOPTERS, YOUR WEAPONS CANNOT HARM ME! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM? I AM Asuka! WOOT! AUSPICIOUSLY AIRY Asuka ANHILATES ANGRY ANIME ARMY ASSASSINS!
SEELE apparently has stole the world gross revenue of The Dark Knight, because they can afford to build a squad of creepy MP Evas.
LOL @ Misato. She is really trippin' thinking Shinji is gonna be useful in THIS movie.
"20 seconds each!" Thats the spirit baby! Oh shit, Asuka is DESTROYING these hos. Meanwhile, Shinji and Misato reach the alternate path to Eva Unit 01, and Angry Army Antagonists Aren't Accurate! They do shoot Misato though.
Misato gives Shinji a great speech about not giving up and life in general, and even KISSES him!? Of course, this just causes Shinji to be an even BIGGER bitch than before. Hey look its ReiEXPLOSION!
This movie is a 90-minute climax, so it goes by really fast and is full of awesome scenes. No need for exposition now, that was Act I and II stuff. So we got a lovely track playing as movie bounces around the various Eva characters. Ritsuko confronts Gendo with her "MWAHAHA, my l33t haxxor skillz set us up the bomb. We get signal." Too bad her mom out Zigged her with her own bomb. Gendo pulls out his gun/penis(it seems to have the same effect, everyone he touches with it dies), and whispers "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" and kills her.
Asuka is using her last seconds of badassness up pretty well, until the Spear of Destiny shows up for no reason and stabs her in the face.
Well I guess Asuka mom kinda ditched at the end, and no amount of Deus Ex Machina Mom Beserker Mode or Spiral Energy can wake it up. Also, those dead Evas that got killed? They aint dead. Seagull attack! God damn, these mothafuckas RUTHLESS, Asuka getting raped! She's pretty good at that. A bit too late for the Berserker mode now, thanks guys. Asuka is dead! OH NOES! Well at least we have Shinji, since he's such a great aw who am I kidding, he's sitting around making excuses for himself. This is probably the first film I've seen where the protagonist was a complete and utter FAILURE for the entire first half of the movie. "Ok, time to actually do something, oh wait the show's over?" Of course the episode ends with a completely girly ass scream, since he's been the biggest bitch in the entire movie so far.
Whee Double Helix Credits!
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: Probably my favorite Evangelion ANYTHING, although its only improved on because the second half is just as good if not better. Again, because its basically a 90-minute final act, theres no worrying about setting things up, establishing characters, all the crazy little subplots, etc. Thats what the past 24 episodes were for. Now its time for the pure energy and complex conclusion.
Second Half coming soon!
Last edited by
NickFury90 on Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I can't agree with people who believe the mole under Ritsuko's eye represents her fear of inadequacy or some other crap"
Captain_Morgan, on Neon Genesis Evangelion