[Fic] The Tenant of Room 404
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- Omegagouki
- Shikigami of the Castle
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That... was both disappointing and rewarding at the same time. I was expecting something a little more... concrete, but this will do for now.
PSN/Steam: Zentillion | Tum8lr
8luh 8luh
Sill (and always) promoting Homestuck
Avatar: A hungry demoness.
8luh 8luh
Sill (and always) promoting Homestuck
Avatar: A hungry demoness.
- Chowwow
- Ireul
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Heh hehe, HAHAHAHAHA!!!
So this is how you end this part of your story? The way you presented it was just brilliant - so much that all I can do is laugh a crazed laugh.
Amazing, and not only did you replicate the TV ending, but you made it actually pretty revealing and suspenseful rather than teeth-grindingly jarring. Well done, now to see the rest of the ugly truth!
Heh...
So this is how you end this part of your story? The way you presented it was just brilliant - so much that all I can do is laugh a crazed laugh.
Amazing, and not only did you replicate the TV ending, but you made it actually pretty revealing and suspenseful rather than teeth-grindingly jarring. Well done, now to see the rest of the ugly truth!
Heh...
- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
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That was awesome for lack of a better word, but now I'm wondering if you're going to end things like this instead of having some of that EoE content you first mentioned. I think it'd fit as an ending either way, though something more would be nice, too.
Nice job, as always!
Nice with how "I" met Shinji.
Nice job, as always!
Nice with how "I" met Shinji.
~Take care of yourself, I need you~
- universalperson
- Gaghiel
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- Ja Ayanami
- Adam
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- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
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- Reichu
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最低だ、俺って…
:sticks head into sand:
He'll get a present from me this afternoon. (Would be this morning if I didn't have to go places for once.)
:sticks head into sand:
He'll get a present from me this afternoon. (Would be this morning if I didn't have to go places for once.)
さらば、全てのEvaGeeks。
「滅びの運命は新生の喜びでもある」
Departure Message | The Arqa Apocrypha: An Evangelion Analysis Blog
「滅びの運命は新生の喜びでもある」
Departure Message | The Arqa Apocrypha: An Evangelion Analysis Blog
Asuka was in room 303 long before Neo got there.
***
“Final wish? To prevent the enemy from reaching their goal?”
“No. The distant enemy had been stopped already, and the near enemy eliminated. Nevertheless, Sumisu-san regarded his mission a failure.”
“But why?”
“He could not accept the price of victory.”
“The price..?”
“The Third Impact which the enemy wished for was made impossible, but those for whom Sumisu-san wished to prevent it were no longer living.”
“That's right, most of us died in the fighting... Then you mean he wanted this to happen so that we could... We could come back?”
“Yes.”
“That's the only reason?”
“You disapprove, Doctor?”
“Well, I won't deny that I appreciate having a second chance, but Sumisu made it sound like Third Impact would inflict catastrophic damage on the technological infrastructure, not to mention the ecosystem and climate. Was it really an acceptable tradeoff, just for us?”
“Sumisu-san was aware of the risk, and asked that my sibling and I work to minimize it. I believe we have been mostly successful... However, saving your lives was not his only reason. He told me that I must do this to secure the past and the future at once.”
“What does that mean?”
“He said that preventing Third Impact now meant nothing if steps were not taken to place it beyond human reach after this point.”
“That's why you destroyed all the Evas, why you freed those souls and absorbed what was left.”
“In a world where people do not live with the fear of what they call Angels, such constructs are unnecessary. Sumisu-san said that Eva, were it allowed to remain, would become in your time what the dreadnought and the nuclear bomb were in the times of your ancestors. In the absence of a unifying threat to survival, the United Nations will revert to its former place and become unable to sustain the cohesion of the last fifteen years. Humans will begin to turn against one another as they did in the past, for such is their nature.”
“I see... Eva would be something all the great powers on the planet covet, the start of a new arms race... But removing the ones that exist now is only a temporary solution, isn't it? The data on their creation and maintenance is still there, in computers and filing cabinets all over the world.”
“That is true, and it will be your responsibility to ensure that the data is never again used in such a way.”
“It's a tall order.”
“If you cannot control the information, your only choice is to remain vigilant for signs of its use. This is the task you must perform for tomorrow's children.”
“That's not much better... Setting it aside for the moment, why can't Sumisu tell us these things himself? Where is he?”
“Whether Sumisu-san still lives or not, I do not know.”
“But why isn't he here with us?”
“Sumisu-san and the man who was his enemy could not exist here. They were persons who did not possess that which you call a soul.”
“What? That's impossible!”
“Not absolutely impossible, Misato. Rei's, uh... Rei's spares displayed a limited degree of awareness without souls, for instance.”
“But they were made of exotic matter like the Angels, weren't they? I thought bodies like ours couldn't hold their form without an AT Field?”
“So we believed, but our understanding of the subject is far from complete. It may be that there is some exception to the usual pattern which we do not yet know of, or possibly that some aspect of our present model is flawed.”
“How, though? How could a person identical to us yet without a soul exist?”
“I do not know. What I know is that there was no light in his heart, nothing for me to gather when the time came for all to discard their physical forms.”
“But Ayanami, if Sumisu-san had no soul and no AT Field, then—”
“If he died, he couldn't come back like we can.”
“Correct.”
“Was he okay when you saw him?”
“No... He dragged his leg, supporting himself with his carbine, and he bled a white fluid from many wounds. He seemed very weak.”
“His blood was white?”
“He did not say why. His only thoughts were of killing his enemy and saving the two of us.”
“Two..?”
“There was another, a person who was special to Sumisu-san. The enemy had corrupted her heart, making her wish to kill the one she loved.”
“What happened?”
“Sumisu-san did not wish to fight her, but he could not avoid it.”
“He killed her?”
“Because he was also wounded, that man imprinted his skills onto his slave. Sumisu-san had no choice but to end her life.”
“A mercy killing?”
“Perhaps.”
“But he did get his man, right? He took out Tiller?”
“Sumisu-san said it was the narrowest of victories, that his survival was realized only because his opponent's weapon jammed at the best possible moment.”
“Best possible? Huh, that's Smith all right... What I still don't understand is, what was going on when Eva Four started mutating? What was that?”
“That was my fault.”
“Kaworu-kun? What do you mean?”
“It was after you fell to the enemy, Shinji-kun. I saw the Lilin butchering each other, those whom I consider my friends dying one by one, and I... I lost myself. Had my sister not brought me to my senses, I might have destroyed everything.”
“No! You wouldn't do such a thing!”
“I'm sorry, Shinji-kun. I wish it were so, but it seems there is still a part of me which has not accepted the necessity of sharing this world with your kind.”
“But...”
“This is something I must learn to control. In the meantime, you should be considering your own path.”
“Manly-girl's right for once. Where do we go from here, Miss Perfect?”
“This is not a place where you should linger. Soon I will send you back to physical reality.”
“And then?”
“And then you must go on living.”
“Um, Ayanami...”
“Ikari-kun, do you not wish to return?”
“It's not that I don't, but... Is it always going to be like this? Are we always going to be looking over our shoulders, always wondering how much time we have left?”
“Do you wish for something better?”
“Of... Of course I do, and yet... I don't know if it's worth it, going through this pain day after day. I feel so numb after a while... I'm not happy with it, but I don't know what is better.”
“Are you stupid? If you want to live in a better world, you have to do something to make the world better!”
“Asuka..?”
“Well, isn't it obvious? If you just sit there and mope, you'll never achieve anything!”
“Ikari-kun, can you imagine a better world? Can you picture it in your heart?”
“Can I picture it..?”
***
SUBJECT: TILLER
STATUS: EVALUATION TERMINATED
SUBJECT ELIMINATED BY SUBJECT
SMITH DURING PHASE ONE TRIAL
FILE CLOSED
The Beast who did a Raw Blink on the Heart of the World | STORY NEEDS SCISSORS: Part 61
SUBJECT: SMITH
STATUS: MISSING
SUBJECT ELUDED RETRIEVAL UNIT
AFTER COMPLETION OF PHASE ONE
TRIAL
RECOMMEND PROCUREMENT OF
NEW SUBJECTS FOR PHASE TWO
TRIAL
***
“Shinji? Shinji!”
Shinji rolled over, eyes firmly closed.
“Dammit, Shinji! Get up!”
“Mmph,” he grunted sourly.
“I've been lying here for ages, waiting for you to wake up so we could pick up where we left off last night!”
Shinji thought for a moment and twisted onto his back, raising a small mountain under the blanket. “Hm?” he mumbled hopefully.
“Got your attention, huh?” A finger prodded the mountain. “Too late now, stupid. You'll just have to wait until tonight.”
Shinji finally decided that resistance was futile and opened his eyes. “But Asuka...”
“Too late,” the redhead repeated firmly, slipping out of the bed and picking up her carelessly piled clothes. “And if you don't get moving, you're going to be late for school.”
“Aw...”
“It's your own fault you fell asleep at the best part. You need to work on your stamina.”
“...Sorry.”
“Tch.”
***
Passing the kitchen, Shinji was rather surprised to find his father standing in front of the stove. “Good morning, Shinji,” the elder Ikari grunted distractedly. “Breakfast will be ready in—” He leaned over to peer at one of the three timers stuck to the adjacent cupboard. “—two minutes.”
“Oh... Er, all right.”
“Your mother,” Gendo continued, frantically turning pages in a large cookbook, “is in the living room.”
“Ah.” Shinji moved on, it being obvious that his father didn't need any additional distractions right now.
***
Yui was at the table, talking to her laptop computer. “Just a moment,” she said as Shinji and Asuka entered. “The children are here.”
“Good morning, Mother.”
“'Morning, Aunt Yui.”
“Good morning, children... Dear, is everything all right?”
“Yes,” Gendo called. “Almost done.”
Yui beckoned to her son and guest. “Come say hello to Professor Fuyutsuki.”
Shinji circled the table until he could see the screen, which displayed a video feed of a very tired looking Fuyutsuki wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a large necklace of flowers and an ushanka with a peace button on the front. “Hello, Professor.”
”Hello, kids. How's everything there?”
“Fine,” Asuka replied. “How's San Fran?”
”Strange.”
“'Strange'?”
”Very strange.”
“What about the conference?”
”Oh, that's been fine. Still, we're only just getting started.”
“I hope it goes well.”
”So do I.” Fuyutsuki checked his watch. ”One of my Korean colleagues will be starting his talk in a few minutes. Time I signed off.”
***
“I dunno about you guys,” Kensuke opined as the irregular cluster of friends approached the school gates, “but I think school's gotten a lot more fun since the old mummy retired.”
“Same here,” Toji drawled. “'Course, it's obvious that ya say that 'cause of all the hot teachers we have now.”
“I do not,” Kensuke huffed indignantly.
“Yeah? What was your favorite class, again? PE? Fine arts?”
“While I make no secret of my admiration for Takao-sama and Misato-san, I must confess that my favorite subject is in fact English.”
“You've got to be joking.” Asuka's nose wrinkled. “Do any of you actually learn anything in that class?”
Shinji gave her a startled look. “I thought you liked that one?”
“It's not about liking the class, Shinji, it's about learning from the class. Sure, sometimes it's funny and even informative, but how much of what we do there is actually English?”
“Well...”
“Exactly! Every single time, that fruitcake teaches English for maybe ten minutes and then starts teaching whatever he feels like.”
“I know, but... As long as we're learning something it's okay, isn't it?”
Asuka just shook her head and sidled over to Rei and Kaworu. “So, how was the Philosopher Queens' night together?”
“Fulfilling,” Kaworu answered mildly, stretching her arms. “It was good to be together.”
“Uh-huh.” Asuka leaned in towards Rei. “Well?”
Rei eyed her impassively. “Well, what?”
“How far did you two go?”
“I believe I should be asking you that question.”
Asuka twisted away, face reddening, as the corners of her onetime rival's mouth turned up. Kaworu caught Shinji's eye and give him a roguish wink. “No worries, Shinji-kun. Your sister was in quite safe hands.”
“Erm... I'm sure she was,” the beet-faced boy stammered.
“Y'all are unbelievable,” Toji laughed, shaking his head. “All of—uh oh.”
”Suzuhara-kun..!”
“Let me guess,” Kensuke whispered as the terrifying cloud of fire and brimstone advanced across the lawn. “You forgot again?”
“Must have,” Toji agreed, rapidly paling. “Uh, later all.”
***
“...The ideal solution, of course, is for Ruritania to acquire what it seeks—that being, in this case, access to the deep-water port of Podunkshaven—through purely diplomatic means, by leasing the port from Bulungi, buying it outright or exchanging it for another territory, such as the Hoopla Islands.” The teacher paused in order to allow his hand to complete its transcription of all this on the portable blackboard. “Now, in the event that diplomacy breaks down or—if one or both leaders are exceptionally unsuited to their jobs—is skipped over, there remains the matter of how the coming war is to be pursued... Suppose we have two adjacent countries, the Kingdom of Xermany and the Republic of Yanzibar, which are both noted for their production of hats.”
Kensuke raised a hand. “Why hats?”
“I'm getting to that... Now, let us imagine that the king of Xermany takes offense at Yanzibar's national hat and decides to go to war. How far will he go? Perhaps this cause for war is not the uppermost thing on his mind, or his country has other priorities to consider. In such a case, Xermany and Yanzibar may engage in what is or used to be called 'limited war'. That is to say that they fight primarily with what standing armies they have at hand and don't get hugely worked up over what's going on. Such a war will likely end with either a stalemate and peace treaty or a marginal victory and peace treaty. Everyone who is still alive goes home and lives happily until the next time this happens—and in the good old days, it happened a lot... Next, we must consider what can happen if the king of Xermany does not have other pressing concerns, or is greedy, psychopathic or—worse case scenario—bored: the grim specter of total war.”
The teacher cleared his throat. “In total war, the whole or near whole of the country's populace and resources are primarily if not exclusively directed to the war effort. Manufacture of goods for civilian consumption is scaled back or cut entirely, depending on said goods' specific perceived utility. To bounce back into the real world for a moment, this is why a single party in a fairly recent case of total war armed its troops with pistols constructed by makers of sewing machines and air brakes, along with carbines assembled by builders of typewriters and jukeboxes... Anyway, Xermany embarks on a course of total war. If Yanzibar's resources are inferior, it will most likely be crushed rapidly. If otherwise, it may be forced to match total war with total war for the sake of survival. There is again the possibility of stalemate, but first let us consider what happens if one side overwhelms the other. Suppose Xermany overwhelms Yanzibar's defenses: Yanzibar will be occupied for years to come, its industry crippled and its cities in ruins. Its leaders, assuming any of them survive, will gain peace only by promising never to make hats again... In actuality, this promise will probably be conveniently forgotten as soon as Xermany's king realizes that it will be convenient to rebuild Yanzibar as an ally against the collectivized guerrilla hatters of Zelarus.”
There was a smattering of laughter in the back. The teacher raised his hand for quiet before going on. “That accounts for total war. What else is there? Well, what if the king of Xermany is a little more sensible than we've given him credit for, or if Yanzibar's military-industrial complex is particularly strong? Xermany might not go to war at all, but instead ramp up the production volume and sophistication of its own national hat. Yanzibar, of course, wouldn't like that, and counters with revisions to the original offending hat. In a particularly bad case, this tit-for-tat approach can run on for many years. Its conclusion, assuming it never spills over into open war, will probably involve one or both countries collapsing in bankruptcy after investing all labor and materials in the assembly and maintenance of huge stockpiles of hats, hats so obscenely large and complex that nobody on either side would dare wear them... This, then, is cold war.”
The teacher turned to face his class. “That pretty much completes the general overview. In order to get anything useful out of this, we have to examine it in greater detail—” He was interrupted by a distant bell. “—which we will get into upon the convening of our next session. Questions? Yes, Asuka?”
“When are you going to teach us English?”
The teacher turned his fedora sideways, tucked a hand into the front of his duster and gazed at her morosely, as if regarding the distant cliffs of Dover. “When you have convinced me, Mademoiselle, that it is in your interest for me to do so. Au revoir.”
***
“I'm telling you,” Asuka insisted as the class dispersed across the lawn, “if he's not going to take the job seriously, he might as well go back to being a legendary soldier of fortune or something.”
“Well, I enjoyed it,” Kensuke proclaimed.
“Of course you did.” She dismissed the military nut with a toss of her head. “C'mon, Hikari.”
***
“That is the world you wish for?”
“...”
“Ikari-kun?”
“I guess... But I already know it's a world that can't happen.”
“Giving up already, stupid Shinji?”
“Um...”
“Shinji-kun, you can't have it exactly the way you want it. Nobody can. But does that mean it's fine to just give up completely?”
“Misato-san?”
“We can't have perfection, so we have to settle for what we can attain. Isn't that right?”
“Yes, Major. Ikari-kun, this world does not exist in terms of all or none. You must find happiness despite imperfection.”
“But...”
“Is it the fighting you're afraid of, Shinji?”
“I...”
“You don't have to worry. I'll do it so you don't have to.”
“Kensuke..?”
“Wow, you just hit a new level of stupid.”
“I'm completely serious... Shinji, do you know what happened to me after Eva Three ran out of power?”
“Er... No, I don't.”
“Toji and I had to abandon it and get away on foot. The SSDF would have killed us for sure if the Russians hadn't rescued us... I saw a lot of really bad things out there, sick and terrifying things. I saw SSDF troops burning people alive with flamethrowers and executing them with shots to the head. I saw Spetsnaz with no ammo left throwing their shovels like knives. I saw refugees with sawed-off shotguns and ancient rifles being mowed down by the dozen for trying to protect unarmed civilians. I saw people with pieces missing crawling along the ground, crying for help I couldn't give them... And then, between throwing up and trying not to get shot, I finally understood.”
“Understood..?”
“You know I always admired people like Sumisu-san and Kangu-sama for being able to fight courageously... I admired them, but I could never be like them. I saw the things they did without comprehending why they did them.”
“Kensuke...”
“They were willing to do those things because they didn't want the job to be forced on people who mattered to them. That was what I couldn't see when I watched from the sidelines.”
“I think I understand, but... Do you really want to do something like that?”
“It would be dangerous, and probably not much fun... But I'd rather do it myself than make you do it.”
“Oh, how noble of you!”
“Asuka..!”
“So you finally figured out why Smith was always fighting? Well done! You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you'd just payed attention when he told you all that at New Yokosuka!”
“Can't you leave well enough alone for once?”
“What's your problem? I'm just saying—”
“Instead of incessantly badmouthing others to make yourself look good, why don't you worry about your own future?”
“Um... I think Takao-san has a point, Asuka. What are you going to do now that you can't pilot Eva anymore?”
“Eh?”
“You always acted like it was the only thing you had, like it was your only purpose...”
“I guess that's true, that I couldn't imagine life without Eva... But now that I have Mama back and so much else has happened, somehow I don't miss it as much as I thought I would.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I'm still thinking about it. Something a little more fun, maybe... How about being a gunslinger?”
“Uh...”
“You don't seriously think I should leave it to that stooge, do you?”
“Um...”
“Never mind that for now. Have you made up your mind yet?”
“I...”
“It's all right, Shinji.”
“Father?”
“Your mother and I have been talking, and we... We feel that it would be best if we could be a family again, while you're still a child.”
“You really mean that?”
“I ran away from my responsibilities as a parent for over ten years. It's time that ended.”
“I—I think that's good, but... What about everyone else? Misato-san, what about you?”
“I'll probably stick around for now. If what Rei said about Evas proliferating turns out to be true, there'll be nobody better placed to stop it than us.”
“What about your... Your family?”
“Ugh... I still need to work things out with my father, who no doubt wants to go on blowing up ancient aliens to benefit humanity. As for my 'sister'—”
“You need not trouble yourself on my account, Major.”
“Kaworu-kun..?”
“I'm not ready to live among the Lilin, Shinji-kun.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“I will gather my children and retreat to some isolated place, living in solitude while I train myself and teach them the ways of this world. When that is accomplished, I hope to come among you without danger.”
“Won't you be lonely?”
“It will not be the first time... And unlike the last, I will have the memories of the time I spent with you to comfort me."
“Can we come and visit you?”
“It would not be impossible.”
“I'm glad... Ritsuko-san, how about you? Have you talked to Maya-san yet?”
“Well... That is...”
“...You haven't.”
“I haven't had a chance, honest. I'll make sure to straighten things out with her as soon as we're back in the real world, all right?”
“...”
“It's not as if my, ah, previous arrangement is still viable, anyway.”
“Are you going to stay?”
“If Misato and the others are in, I might as well do my part.”
“We will be there, Ikari-kun. Will you be with us?”
“Um, Ayanami... Did Sumisu-san say anything else? Anything about coming back?”
“He said he hoped he could see us all again some day, and that Fujinami-san would find someone to replace him.”
“I see.”
“And, of course, that he knew where his towel was.”
“Say, Ayanami, did Keiko-sama go with him?”
“Yes.”
“Aww! My dream of learning the deadly arts from such a fine instructor, crushed in an instant...”
“Well, Shinji-kun? I get the impression everyone's waiting on you.”
“Maybe... Maybe it won't all be easy or pleasant, and maybe it'll actually be very hard, but... If we're all together and we all try our best, somehow I think the future will be all right, so I'll do my part too.”
“Congratulations, Shinji-kun!”
“Congratulations, Shinji.”
“Ikari-kun, congratulations.”
“Congrats, Shinji!”
“Congratulations.”
“Congratulations!”
“Shinji-kun, congratulations!”
“Congratulations!”
“Everyone... Thank you.”
To my family, thank you.
To my co-conspirators, thank you also.
And to all the readers, congratulations.
“Wait, what?”
“That's it?”
“You're ending the story just like that? Lame, man! Laaame!”
“And implied Rei/Kaworu? This time you've taken your sapphic agenda too far!”
“Who cares about the sapphic agenda? I wanted to see Maya be a total badass with an HK-Four-Sixteen!”
“I can't believe this! I followed the story all the way from the start and you never had Asuka and Shinji boink even once! You never even had them confess their love for one another!”
“Indeed, I must admit that I am also disappointed, particularly by the prominent absence of the promised metafictional angle.”
“This sucks. We didn't even get an epic end battle.”
“How did you put it again? Oh, yeah... 'Epic being Smith trying to disarm That Man's portable black hole while the JSSDF and Russian Navy duke it out over the Chernobyl NPP right as all four reactors are going KABOOM and Misato is flinging beer kegs at enemy tanks with a giant slingshot because Asuka stole the Mauser and Rei has gone combat streaking but Mikuma has built a machine gun into Aoba's guitar to SAVE THE DAY unless Hyuga realizes that there are no spoons and teams up with Chikuma to blast through hundreds of Wallachian MOOKS in order to reunite Maya with her senpai and force Gendo to go straight with Yui even though that will make Kyoko insanely jealous and almost certainly get Langley squashed like a bug just in time for Kirova to reveal her true colors and lead the people of the ZONE to victory over the Ukrainian Interior Ministry even though the UIM has nothing to do with the story and HARM is where it's at and I really don't know where I'm going with this but it can't be helped and it's going to turn out that Second Impact was caused by the UESC Marathon falling through a hole in the spacetime continuum even though there isn't any narrative justification for it but it would be the perfect mindfuck for everyone except maybe URSUSARCTOS and I who can't stop kicking myself for not turning this into a Black Lagoon crossover even though nobody would like that and the story is too complicated already thanks to the machinations of n00dle's puppet Haruhi and her oft-molested friend who reminds me of Hyatt for no reason at all and probably without justification just like the time travel arc and the gratuitous JOHN WOO tribute chapters which everyone hated even though they were supposed to be satirical and if I keep writing heads will explode but I can't help it because I just watched AMV Hell Four and I can't believe it's not butter?' Well, you sure delivered on that one!”
“...I just wanted to see Misato watching Top Gear.”
“Wasn't there supposed to be a contest where anyone who guessed what the end would be got a cameo in it?”
“Dude, I think this is it right now.”
“And to crown it all, we don't even know if Smith got home or not. What kind of ending is this?”
“I want a refund. I don't care that I never paid anything in the first place, I want one anyway.”
“Enough, dammit! I can't take any more! THIS—IS—”
AL FIN DESU
“So now you're mixing up random languages? How pathetic you are! I guess it was really too much to expect you to come up with something less pretentious—”
“Frog blast the VENT CORE!”
“My... My testicles...”
***
The Tenant of Room 404
A fanwork by BobBQ
Loosely based on 'Shin Seiki Evangelion', by Anno Hideaki and Studio Gainax
Thanks to...
Reichu, for fem-Kaworu, blue text and nagging about semicolons
Sailor Star Dust, for emotional support and Polish translations
UrsusArctos, for weapons consultation and Hindi translations
Chee, because the clown is dead
Ornette, for operating #egf and thereby making most of the above possible
All of the beta testers who read the story and gave feedback in the forum topic or via IRC, especially those who were brave enough to follow it from the beginning
And lastly, everyone at EGF
(Fade to black)
***
“SMIIIIITH! IT'S NOT OVER YEEEEET!”
***
Okay, suckers, now it's your turn. At the end of the month I'll set about writing the bonus chapter, TToR404: After the End True Squared. If you want to be featured, put your thoughts on the story—likes, dislikes, suggestions for the revised edition, bonus content you'd like to see, ideas for possible side-stories and so on—in a coherent PM and send it to me by July 31st.
First on the bonus content list, as per somebody's request, is a list of who's-who. Soon!™
***
“Final wish? To prevent the enemy from reaching their goal?”
“No. The distant enemy had been stopped already, and the near enemy eliminated. Nevertheless, Sumisu-san regarded his mission a failure.”
“But why?”
“He could not accept the price of victory.”
“The price..?”
“The Third Impact which the enemy wished for was made impossible, but those for whom Sumisu-san wished to prevent it were no longer living.”
“That's right, most of us died in the fighting... Then you mean he wanted this to happen so that we could... We could come back?”
“Yes.”
“That's the only reason?”
“You disapprove, Doctor?”
“Well, I won't deny that I appreciate having a second chance, but Sumisu made it sound like Third Impact would inflict catastrophic damage on the technological infrastructure, not to mention the ecosystem and climate. Was it really an acceptable tradeoff, just for us?”
“Sumisu-san was aware of the risk, and asked that my sibling and I work to minimize it. I believe we have been mostly successful... However, saving your lives was not his only reason. He told me that I must do this to secure the past and the future at once.”
“What does that mean?”
“He said that preventing Third Impact now meant nothing if steps were not taken to place it beyond human reach after this point.”
“That's why you destroyed all the Evas, why you freed those souls and absorbed what was left.”
“In a world where people do not live with the fear of what they call Angels, such constructs are unnecessary. Sumisu-san said that Eva, were it allowed to remain, would become in your time what the dreadnought and the nuclear bomb were in the times of your ancestors. In the absence of a unifying threat to survival, the United Nations will revert to its former place and become unable to sustain the cohesion of the last fifteen years. Humans will begin to turn against one another as they did in the past, for such is their nature.”
“I see... Eva would be something all the great powers on the planet covet, the start of a new arms race... But removing the ones that exist now is only a temporary solution, isn't it? The data on their creation and maintenance is still there, in computers and filing cabinets all over the world.”
“That is true, and it will be your responsibility to ensure that the data is never again used in such a way.”
“It's a tall order.”
“If you cannot control the information, your only choice is to remain vigilant for signs of its use. This is the task you must perform for tomorrow's children.”
“That's not much better... Setting it aside for the moment, why can't Sumisu tell us these things himself? Where is he?”
“Whether Sumisu-san still lives or not, I do not know.”
“But why isn't he here with us?”
“Sumisu-san and the man who was his enemy could not exist here. They were persons who did not possess that which you call a soul.”
“What? That's impossible!”
“Not absolutely impossible, Misato. Rei's, uh... Rei's spares displayed a limited degree of awareness without souls, for instance.”
“But they were made of exotic matter like the Angels, weren't they? I thought bodies like ours couldn't hold their form without an AT Field?”
“So we believed, but our understanding of the subject is far from complete. It may be that there is some exception to the usual pattern which we do not yet know of, or possibly that some aspect of our present model is flawed.”
“How, though? How could a person identical to us yet without a soul exist?”
“I do not know. What I know is that there was no light in his heart, nothing for me to gather when the time came for all to discard their physical forms.”
“But Ayanami, if Sumisu-san had no soul and no AT Field, then—”
“If he died, he couldn't come back like we can.”
“Correct.”
“Was he okay when you saw him?”
“No... He dragged his leg, supporting himself with his carbine, and he bled a white fluid from many wounds. He seemed very weak.”
“His blood was white?”
“He did not say why. His only thoughts were of killing his enemy and saving the two of us.”
“Two..?”
“There was another, a person who was special to Sumisu-san. The enemy had corrupted her heart, making her wish to kill the one she loved.”
“What happened?”
“Sumisu-san did not wish to fight her, but he could not avoid it.”
“He killed her?”
“Because he was also wounded, that man imprinted his skills onto his slave. Sumisu-san had no choice but to end her life.”
“A mercy killing?”
“Perhaps.”
“But he did get his man, right? He took out Tiller?”
“Sumisu-san said it was the narrowest of victories, that his survival was realized only because his opponent's weapon jammed at the best possible moment.”
“Best possible? Huh, that's Smith all right... What I still don't understand is, what was going on when Eva Four started mutating? What was that?”
“That was my fault.”
“Kaworu-kun? What do you mean?”
“It was after you fell to the enemy, Shinji-kun. I saw the Lilin butchering each other, those whom I consider my friends dying one by one, and I... I lost myself. Had my sister not brought me to my senses, I might have destroyed everything.”
“No! You wouldn't do such a thing!”
“I'm sorry, Shinji-kun. I wish it were so, but it seems there is still a part of me which has not accepted the necessity of sharing this world with your kind.”
“But...”
“This is something I must learn to control. In the meantime, you should be considering your own path.”
“Manly-girl's right for once. Where do we go from here, Miss Perfect?”
“This is not a place where you should linger. Soon I will send you back to physical reality.”
“And then?”
“And then you must go on living.”
“Um, Ayanami...”
“Ikari-kun, do you not wish to return?”
“It's not that I don't, but... Is it always going to be like this? Are we always going to be looking over our shoulders, always wondering how much time we have left?”
“Do you wish for something better?”
“Of... Of course I do, and yet... I don't know if it's worth it, going through this pain day after day. I feel so numb after a while... I'm not happy with it, but I don't know what is better.”
“Are you stupid? If you want to live in a better world, you have to do something to make the world better!”
“Asuka..?”
“Well, isn't it obvious? If you just sit there and mope, you'll never achieve anything!”
“Ikari-kun, can you imagine a better world? Can you picture it in your heart?”
“Can I picture it..?”
***
SUBJECT: TILLER
STATUS: EVALUATION TERMINATED
SUBJECT ELIMINATED BY SUBJECT
SMITH DURING PHASE ONE TRIAL
FILE CLOSED
The Beast who did a Raw Blink on the Heart of the World | STORY NEEDS SCISSORS: Part 61
SUBJECT: SMITH
STATUS: MISSING
SUBJECT ELUDED RETRIEVAL UNIT
AFTER COMPLETION OF PHASE ONE
TRIAL
RECOMMEND PROCUREMENT OF
NEW SUBJECTS FOR PHASE TWO
TRIAL
***
“Shinji? Shinji!”
Shinji rolled over, eyes firmly closed.
“Dammit, Shinji! Get up!”
“Mmph,” he grunted sourly.
“I've been lying here for ages, waiting for you to wake up so we could pick up where we left off last night!”
Shinji thought for a moment and twisted onto his back, raising a small mountain under the blanket. “Hm?” he mumbled hopefully.
“Got your attention, huh?” A finger prodded the mountain. “Too late now, stupid. You'll just have to wait until tonight.”
Shinji finally decided that resistance was futile and opened his eyes. “But Asuka...”
“Too late,” the redhead repeated firmly, slipping out of the bed and picking up her carelessly piled clothes. “And if you don't get moving, you're going to be late for school.”
“Aw...”
“It's your own fault you fell asleep at the best part. You need to work on your stamina.”
“...Sorry.”
“Tch.”
***
Passing the kitchen, Shinji was rather surprised to find his father standing in front of the stove. “Good morning, Shinji,” the elder Ikari grunted distractedly. “Breakfast will be ready in—” He leaned over to peer at one of the three timers stuck to the adjacent cupboard. “—two minutes.”
“Oh... Er, all right.”
“Your mother,” Gendo continued, frantically turning pages in a large cookbook, “is in the living room.”
“Ah.” Shinji moved on, it being obvious that his father didn't need any additional distractions right now.
***
Yui was at the table, talking to her laptop computer. “Just a moment,” she said as Shinji and Asuka entered. “The children are here.”
“Good morning, Mother.”
“'Morning, Aunt Yui.”
“Good morning, children... Dear, is everything all right?”
“Yes,” Gendo called. “Almost done.”
Yui beckoned to her son and guest. “Come say hello to Professor Fuyutsuki.”
Shinji circled the table until he could see the screen, which displayed a video feed of a very tired looking Fuyutsuki wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a large necklace of flowers and an ushanka with a peace button on the front. “Hello, Professor.”
”Hello, kids. How's everything there?”
“Fine,” Asuka replied. “How's San Fran?”
”Strange.”
“'Strange'?”
”Very strange.”
“What about the conference?”
”Oh, that's been fine. Still, we're only just getting started.”
“I hope it goes well.”
”So do I.” Fuyutsuki checked his watch. ”One of my Korean colleagues will be starting his talk in a few minutes. Time I signed off.”
***
“I dunno about you guys,” Kensuke opined as the irregular cluster of friends approached the school gates, “but I think school's gotten a lot more fun since the old mummy retired.”
“Same here,” Toji drawled. “'Course, it's obvious that ya say that 'cause of all the hot teachers we have now.”
“I do not,” Kensuke huffed indignantly.
“Yeah? What was your favorite class, again? PE? Fine arts?”
“While I make no secret of my admiration for Takao-sama and Misato-san, I must confess that my favorite subject is in fact English.”
“You've got to be joking.” Asuka's nose wrinkled. “Do any of you actually learn anything in that class?”
Shinji gave her a startled look. “I thought you liked that one?”
“It's not about liking the class, Shinji, it's about learning from the class. Sure, sometimes it's funny and even informative, but how much of what we do there is actually English?”
“Well...”
“Exactly! Every single time, that fruitcake teaches English for maybe ten minutes and then starts teaching whatever he feels like.”
“I know, but... As long as we're learning something it's okay, isn't it?”
Asuka just shook her head and sidled over to Rei and Kaworu. “So, how was the Philosopher Queens' night together?”
“Fulfilling,” Kaworu answered mildly, stretching her arms. “It was good to be together.”
“Uh-huh.” Asuka leaned in towards Rei. “Well?”
Rei eyed her impassively. “Well, what?”
“How far did you two go?”
“I believe I should be asking you that question.”
Asuka twisted away, face reddening, as the corners of her onetime rival's mouth turned up. Kaworu caught Shinji's eye and give him a roguish wink. “No worries, Shinji-kun. Your sister was in quite safe hands.”
“Erm... I'm sure she was,” the beet-faced boy stammered.
“Y'all are unbelievable,” Toji laughed, shaking his head. “All of—uh oh.”
”Suzuhara-kun..!”
“Let me guess,” Kensuke whispered as the terrifying cloud of fire and brimstone advanced across the lawn. “You forgot again?”
“Must have,” Toji agreed, rapidly paling. “Uh, later all.”
***
“...The ideal solution, of course, is for Ruritania to acquire what it seeks—that being, in this case, access to the deep-water port of Podunkshaven—through purely diplomatic means, by leasing the port from Bulungi, buying it outright or exchanging it for another territory, such as the Hoopla Islands.” The teacher paused in order to allow his hand to complete its transcription of all this on the portable blackboard. “Now, in the event that diplomacy breaks down or—if one or both leaders are exceptionally unsuited to their jobs—is skipped over, there remains the matter of how the coming war is to be pursued... Suppose we have two adjacent countries, the Kingdom of Xermany and the Republic of Yanzibar, which are both noted for their production of hats.”
Kensuke raised a hand. “Why hats?”
“I'm getting to that... Now, let us imagine that the king of Xermany takes offense at Yanzibar's national hat and decides to go to war. How far will he go? Perhaps this cause for war is not the uppermost thing on his mind, or his country has other priorities to consider. In such a case, Xermany and Yanzibar may engage in what is or used to be called 'limited war'. That is to say that they fight primarily with what standing armies they have at hand and don't get hugely worked up over what's going on. Such a war will likely end with either a stalemate and peace treaty or a marginal victory and peace treaty. Everyone who is still alive goes home and lives happily until the next time this happens—and in the good old days, it happened a lot... Next, we must consider what can happen if the king of Xermany does not have other pressing concerns, or is greedy, psychopathic or—worse case scenario—bored: the grim specter of total war.”
The teacher cleared his throat. “In total war, the whole or near whole of the country's populace and resources are primarily if not exclusively directed to the war effort. Manufacture of goods for civilian consumption is scaled back or cut entirely, depending on said goods' specific perceived utility. To bounce back into the real world for a moment, this is why a single party in a fairly recent case of total war armed its troops with pistols constructed by makers of sewing machines and air brakes, along with carbines assembled by builders of typewriters and jukeboxes... Anyway, Xermany embarks on a course of total war. If Yanzibar's resources are inferior, it will most likely be crushed rapidly. If otherwise, it may be forced to match total war with total war for the sake of survival. There is again the possibility of stalemate, but first let us consider what happens if one side overwhelms the other. Suppose Xermany overwhelms Yanzibar's defenses: Yanzibar will be occupied for years to come, its industry crippled and its cities in ruins. Its leaders, assuming any of them survive, will gain peace only by promising never to make hats again... In actuality, this promise will probably be conveniently forgotten as soon as Xermany's king realizes that it will be convenient to rebuild Yanzibar as an ally against the collectivized guerrilla hatters of Zelarus.”
There was a smattering of laughter in the back. The teacher raised his hand for quiet before going on. “That accounts for total war. What else is there? Well, what if the king of Xermany is a little more sensible than we've given him credit for, or if Yanzibar's military-industrial complex is particularly strong? Xermany might not go to war at all, but instead ramp up the production volume and sophistication of its own national hat. Yanzibar, of course, wouldn't like that, and counters with revisions to the original offending hat. In a particularly bad case, this tit-for-tat approach can run on for many years. Its conclusion, assuming it never spills over into open war, will probably involve one or both countries collapsing in bankruptcy after investing all labor and materials in the assembly and maintenance of huge stockpiles of hats, hats so obscenely large and complex that nobody on either side would dare wear them... This, then, is cold war.”
The teacher turned to face his class. “That pretty much completes the general overview. In order to get anything useful out of this, we have to examine it in greater detail—” He was interrupted by a distant bell. “—which we will get into upon the convening of our next session. Questions? Yes, Asuka?”
“When are you going to teach us English?”
The teacher turned his fedora sideways, tucked a hand into the front of his duster and gazed at her morosely, as if regarding the distant cliffs of Dover. “When you have convinced me, Mademoiselle, that it is in your interest for me to do so. Au revoir.”
***
“I'm telling you,” Asuka insisted as the class dispersed across the lawn, “if he's not going to take the job seriously, he might as well go back to being a legendary soldier of fortune or something.”
“Well, I enjoyed it,” Kensuke proclaimed.
“Of course you did.” She dismissed the military nut with a toss of her head. “C'mon, Hikari.”
***
“That is the world you wish for?”
“...”
“Ikari-kun?”
“I guess... But I already know it's a world that can't happen.”
“Giving up already, stupid Shinji?”
“Um...”
“Shinji-kun, you can't have it exactly the way you want it. Nobody can. But does that mean it's fine to just give up completely?”
“Misato-san?”
“We can't have perfection, so we have to settle for what we can attain. Isn't that right?”
“Yes, Major. Ikari-kun, this world does not exist in terms of all or none. You must find happiness despite imperfection.”
“But...”
“Is it the fighting you're afraid of, Shinji?”
“I...”
“You don't have to worry. I'll do it so you don't have to.”
“Kensuke..?”
“Wow, you just hit a new level of stupid.”
“I'm completely serious... Shinji, do you know what happened to me after Eva Three ran out of power?”
“Er... No, I don't.”
“Toji and I had to abandon it and get away on foot. The SSDF would have killed us for sure if the Russians hadn't rescued us... I saw a lot of really bad things out there, sick and terrifying things. I saw SSDF troops burning people alive with flamethrowers and executing them with shots to the head. I saw Spetsnaz with no ammo left throwing their shovels like knives. I saw refugees with sawed-off shotguns and ancient rifles being mowed down by the dozen for trying to protect unarmed civilians. I saw people with pieces missing crawling along the ground, crying for help I couldn't give them... And then, between throwing up and trying not to get shot, I finally understood.”
“Understood..?”
“You know I always admired people like Sumisu-san and Kangu-sama for being able to fight courageously... I admired them, but I could never be like them. I saw the things they did without comprehending why they did them.”
“Kensuke...”
“They were willing to do those things because they didn't want the job to be forced on people who mattered to them. That was what I couldn't see when I watched from the sidelines.”
“I think I understand, but... Do you really want to do something like that?”
“It would be dangerous, and probably not much fun... But I'd rather do it myself than make you do it.”
“Oh, how noble of you!”
“Asuka..!”
“So you finally figured out why Smith was always fighting? Well done! You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you'd just payed attention when he told you all that at New Yokosuka!”
“Can't you leave well enough alone for once?”
“What's your problem? I'm just saying—”
“Instead of incessantly badmouthing others to make yourself look good, why don't you worry about your own future?”
“Um... I think Takao-san has a point, Asuka. What are you going to do now that you can't pilot Eva anymore?”
“Eh?”
“You always acted like it was the only thing you had, like it was your only purpose...”
“I guess that's true, that I couldn't imagine life without Eva... But now that I have Mama back and so much else has happened, somehow I don't miss it as much as I thought I would.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I'm still thinking about it. Something a little more fun, maybe... How about being a gunslinger?”
“Uh...”
“You don't seriously think I should leave it to that stooge, do you?”
“Um...”
“Never mind that for now. Have you made up your mind yet?”
“I...”
“It's all right, Shinji.”
“Father?”
“Your mother and I have been talking, and we... We feel that it would be best if we could be a family again, while you're still a child.”
“You really mean that?”
“I ran away from my responsibilities as a parent for over ten years. It's time that ended.”
“I—I think that's good, but... What about everyone else? Misato-san, what about you?”
“I'll probably stick around for now. If what Rei said about Evas proliferating turns out to be true, there'll be nobody better placed to stop it than us.”
“What about your... Your family?”
“Ugh... I still need to work things out with my father, who no doubt wants to go on blowing up ancient aliens to benefit humanity. As for my 'sister'—”
“You need not trouble yourself on my account, Major.”
“Kaworu-kun..?”
“I'm not ready to live among the Lilin, Shinji-kun.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“I will gather my children and retreat to some isolated place, living in solitude while I train myself and teach them the ways of this world. When that is accomplished, I hope to come among you without danger.”
“Won't you be lonely?”
“It will not be the first time... And unlike the last, I will have the memories of the time I spent with you to comfort me."
“Can we come and visit you?”
“It would not be impossible.”
“I'm glad... Ritsuko-san, how about you? Have you talked to Maya-san yet?”
“Well... That is...”
“...You haven't.”
“I haven't had a chance, honest. I'll make sure to straighten things out with her as soon as we're back in the real world, all right?”
“...”
“It's not as if my, ah, previous arrangement is still viable, anyway.”
“Are you going to stay?”
“If Misato and the others are in, I might as well do my part.”
“We will be there, Ikari-kun. Will you be with us?”
“Um, Ayanami... Did Sumisu-san say anything else? Anything about coming back?”
“He said he hoped he could see us all again some day, and that Fujinami-san would find someone to replace him.”
“I see.”
“And, of course, that he knew where his towel was.”
“Say, Ayanami, did Keiko-sama go with him?”
“Yes.”
“Aww! My dream of learning the deadly arts from such a fine instructor, crushed in an instant...”
“Well, Shinji-kun? I get the impression everyone's waiting on you.”
“Maybe... Maybe it won't all be easy or pleasant, and maybe it'll actually be very hard, but... If we're all together and we all try our best, somehow I think the future will be all right, so I'll do my part too.”
“Congratulations, Shinji-kun!”
“Congratulations, Shinji.”
“Ikari-kun, congratulations.”
“Congrats, Shinji!”
“Congratulations.”
“Congratulations!”
“Shinji-kun, congratulations!”
“Congratulations!”
“Everyone... Thank you.”
To my family, thank you.
To my co-conspirators, thank you also.
And to all the readers, congratulations.
“Wait, what?”
“That's it?”
“You're ending the story just like that? Lame, man! Laaame!”
“And implied Rei/Kaworu? This time you've taken your sapphic agenda too far!”
“Who cares about the sapphic agenda? I wanted to see Maya be a total badass with an HK-Four-Sixteen!”
“I can't believe this! I followed the story all the way from the start and you never had Asuka and Shinji boink even once! You never even had them confess their love for one another!”
“Indeed, I must admit that I am also disappointed, particularly by the prominent absence of the promised metafictional angle.”
“This sucks. We didn't even get an epic end battle.”
“How did you put it again? Oh, yeah... 'Epic being Smith trying to disarm That Man's portable black hole while the JSSDF and Russian Navy duke it out over the Chernobyl NPP right as all four reactors are going KABOOM and Misato is flinging beer kegs at enemy tanks with a giant slingshot because Asuka stole the Mauser and Rei has gone combat streaking but Mikuma has built a machine gun into Aoba's guitar to SAVE THE DAY unless Hyuga realizes that there are no spoons and teams up with Chikuma to blast through hundreds of Wallachian MOOKS in order to reunite Maya with her senpai and force Gendo to go straight with Yui even though that will make Kyoko insanely jealous and almost certainly get Langley squashed like a bug just in time for Kirova to reveal her true colors and lead the people of the ZONE to victory over the Ukrainian Interior Ministry even though the UIM has nothing to do with the story and HARM is where it's at and I really don't know where I'm going with this but it can't be helped and it's going to turn out that Second Impact was caused by the UESC Marathon falling through a hole in the spacetime continuum even though there isn't any narrative justification for it but it would be the perfect mindfuck for everyone except maybe URSUSARCTOS and I who can't stop kicking myself for not turning this into a Black Lagoon crossover even though nobody would like that and the story is too complicated already thanks to the machinations of n00dle's puppet Haruhi and her oft-molested friend who reminds me of Hyatt for no reason at all and probably without justification just like the time travel arc and the gratuitous JOHN WOO tribute chapters which everyone hated even though they were supposed to be satirical and if I keep writing heads will explode but I can't help it because I just watched AMV Hell Four and I can't believe it's not butter?' Well, you sure delivered on that one!”
“...I just wanted to see Misato watching Top Gear.”
“Wasn't there supposed to be a contest where anyone who guessed what the end would be got a cameo in it?”
“Dude, I think this is it right now.”
“And to crown it all, we don't even know if Smith got home or not. What kind of ending is this?”
“I want a refund. I don't care that I never paid anything in the first place, I want one anyway.”
“Enough, dammit! I can't take any more! THIS—IS—”
AL FIN DESU
“So now you're mixing up random languages? How pathetic you are! I guess it was really too much to expect you to come up with something less pretentious—”
“Frog blast the VENT CORE!”
“My... My testicles...”
***
The Tenant of Room 404
A fanwork by BobBQ
Loosely based on 'Shin Seiki Evangelion', by Anno Hideaki and Studio Gainax
Thanks to...
Reichu, for fem-Kaworu, blue text and nagging about semicolons
Sailor Star Dust, for emotional support and Polish translations
UrsusArctos, for weapons consultation and Hindi translations
Chee, because the clown is dead
Ornette, for operating #egf and thereby making most of the above possible
All of the beta testers who read the story and gave feedback in the forum topic or via IRC, especially those who were brave enough to follow it from the beginning
And lastly, everyone at EGF
(Fade to black)
***
“SMIIIIITH! IT'S NOT OVER YEEEEET!”
***
Okay, suckers, now it's your turn. At the end of the month I'll set about writing the bonus chapter, TToR404: After the End True Squared. If you want to be featured, put your thoughts on the story—likes, dislikes, suggestions for the revised edition, bonus content you'd like to see, ideas for possible side-stories and so on—in a coherent PM and send it to me by July 31st.
First on the bonus content list, as per somebody's request, is a list of who's-who. Soon!™
First reply?
Perfect. That was just perfect. There was really no other way you could end it. Although it'd have been damn cool to see EoTToR404, ending it like that was fine with me. I've been really impressed with this whole affair from the beginning, and you took the biggest (IMO) issue with a fanfic, how to end it, and did it in a way that was distinctly Eva.
Omedetou.
Perfect. That was just perfect. There was really no other way you could end it. Although it'd have been damn cool to see EoTToR404, ending it like that was fine with me. I've been really impressed with this whole affair from the beginning, and you took the biggest (IMO) issue with a fanfic, how to end it, and did it in a way that was distinctly Eva.
Omedetou.
Rebuild of Evangelion 1.0: YOU ARE (NOT) ALONE -My fanfic. COMPLETE, HAHA! 2/25/08.
2.0: YOU ARE (NOT) WORTHLESS: Updated (!!) 7/14/08
Nigecha dame da...
"Kaworu is not a character. Kaworu is a plot device. Kaworu sucks." -Reichu
2.0: YOU ARE (NOT) WORTHLESS: Updated (!!) 7/14/08
Nigecha dame da...
"Kaworu is not a character. Kaworu is a plot device. Kaworu sucks." -Reichu
Fuckwin
more fuckwin
“How did you put it again? Oh, yeah... 'Epic being Smith trying to disarm That Man's portable black hole while the JSSDF and Russian Navy duke it out over the Chernobyl NPP right as all four reactors are going KABOOM and Misato is flinging beer kegs at enemy tanks with a giant slingshot because Asuka stole the Mauser and Rei has gone combat streaking but Mikuma has built a machine gun into Aoba's guitar to SAVE THE DAY unless Hyuga realizes that there are no spoons and teams up with Chikuma to blast through hundreds of Wallachian MOOKS in order to reunite Maya with her senpai and force Gendo to go straight with Yui even though that will make Kyoko insanely jealous and almost certainly get Langley squashed like a bug just in time for Kirova to reveal her true colors and lead the people of the ZONE to victory over the Ukrainian Interior Ministry even though the UIM has nothing to do with the story and HARM is where it's at and I really don't know where I'm going with this but it can't be helped and it's going to turn out that Second Impact was caused by the UESC Marathon falling through a hole in the spacetime continuum even though there isn't any narrative justification for it but it would be the perfect mindfuck for everyone except maybe URSUSARCTOS and I who can't stop kicking myself for not turning this into a Black Lagoon crossover even though nobody would like that and the story is too complicated already thanks to the machinations of n00dle's puppet Haruhi and her oft-molested friend who reminds me of Hyatt for no reason at all and probably without justification just like the time travel arc and the gratuitous JOHN WOO tribute chapters which everyone hated even though they were supposed to be satirical and if I keep writing heads will explode but I can't help it because I just watched AMV Hell Four and I can't believe it's not butter?' Well, you sure delivered on that one!”
more fuckwin
- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
- Age: 38
- Posts: 23063
- Joined: Aug 13, 2006
- Location: 私の中いる自分の心
- Gender: Female
So your gonna do some EoE as a sequel fic, eh? I'm surpirsed I didn't see that AU idea of the Evas doing some transport thing as you mentioned in a PM, but at any rate....
THIS WAS AWESOME..
The chapter was absolutely perfect, from the EoTV approach as well as everybody making comments about things (yay for the AU of Fem-Kaworu/Rei and A/S
hehehe ); I really couldn't think of a single fault except MOAR is a must. If I would add anything more, it'd just be repeating what Shiro mai waifu said. 
btw, I remember seeing that HILARIOUS long rant somewhere else, but who was it supposed to be? Chee? I know I was ranting about A/S, Reichu was upset about the lesbian agenda stuf, and Tines was probably the one talking about metaphysical stuffs.
Hopefully I'll be PMing you about things after thinking about it. I'm sure at any rate you'll do an excellent job with the sequel though.
OMEDETOU
THIS WAS AWESOME..
The chapter was absolutely perfect, from the EoTV approach as well as everybody making comments about things (yay for the AU of Fem-Kaworu/Rei and A/S
hehehe ); I really couldn't think of a single fault except MOAR is a must. If I would add anything more, it'd just be repeating what Shiro mai waifu said. btw, I remember seeing that HILARIOUS long rant somewhere else, but who was it supposed to be? Chee? I know I was ranting about A/S, Reichu was upset about the lesbian agenda stuf, and Tines was probably the one talking about metaphysical stuffs.Hopefully I'll be PMing you about things after thinking about it. I'm sure at any rate you'll do an excellent job with the sequel though.
OMEDETOU
~Take care of yourself, I need you~
- Omegagouki
- Shikigami of the Castle
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...And that's how it ends? To say I'm not slightly disappointed would be a lie, but this ending is good enough, in my book. Excellent job through and trough, Bob. I quite enjoyed this story, and who knows what the revision (if it comes) will hold, eh?
...Oh yeah, also, I happened to like the John Woo tributes. :P
...Oh yeah, also, I happened to like the John Woo tributes. :P
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Sill (and always) promoting Homestuck
Avatar: A hungry demoness.
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Sill (and always) promoting Homestuck
Avatar: A hungry demoness.
- UrsusArctos
- The Beginning and The End
- Posts: 10501
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Magnificent. Now this is what I call a fitting ending! It's the end of an era on EGF.
Glad to know I was of help. "Co-conspirator"? Suits me!
I'll put up more thoughts later.
Glad to know I was of help. "Co-conspirator"? Suits me!
I'll put up more thoughts later.
(Was Board Staff from Dec 31, 2007 - Oct 17, 2015 and Oct 20, 2020 - Aug 1, 2021)
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster
Shiro wrote:Although it'd have been damn cool to see EoTToR404...
Sailor Star Dust wrote:So your gonna do some EoE as a sequel fic, eh?
Omegagouki wrote:...And that's how it ends? To say I'm not slightly disappointed would be a lie...
Since Reichu, perennial sourpuss that she is, is already threatening not to finish reading and critiquing the story - which in turn would kill the revised edition before it even got started - unless I write a better ending, it seems I'm going to be stuck working on this a while longer. I have some other things that need to be done first, though, like finishing the Easter Special. More on that when AtETS goes up.
Sailor Star Dust wrote:I remember seeing that HILARIOUS long rant somewhere else, but who was it supposed to be? Chee? I know I was ranting about A/S, Reichu was upset about the lesbian agenda stuf, and Tines was probably the one talking about metaphysical stuffs.
The epic run-on was something I wrote in reply to n00dle back at the beginning of October '07. In this context, it doesn't really matter who's saying it. As for metafiction, that was more Chee's thing, though I suppose it could also apply to Enki and/or Doctor Memory. I had some potentially kewl ideas in that vein which got axed, but they'll probably return if I end up doing a D&R/EoE sort of finale for this.
And now, at long last, I understand why Herge drew a sketch of himself laboring at his desk with a whip-brandishing Tintin hovering over him.
- Enki v.2
- Eva Technician
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BobBQ wrote:As for metafiction, that was more Chee's thing, though I suppose it could also apply to Enki and/or Doctor Memory. I had some potentially kewl ideas in that vein which got axed, but they'll probably return if I end up doing a D&R/EoE sort of finale for this.
The metafictional ending with characters complaining about lack of metafiction was metafictional enough. In fact, that line alone made the entire ending EPIC and satisfying for me.
- universalperson
- Gaghiel
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