Marrying a super-cute Japanese girl (a cautionary tale)

[oOoOoOo]

Huh, maybe there should be an O-sempai relationship help thread lol

Ah haaa~ one more vote and all your dreams will be brought to life in terrifyingly vivid colour!

[ZapX]

No they won't.

[Soljer13]

oOoOoOo. Resident Dr. Phil

[oOoOoOo]

No they won't.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive to those who dream in black and white. Sorry sorry.

[Soljer13]

How Dare you make the lady of Many O's Cry! I will rip out and eat you heart and crap out your soul!

[FallenTabris]

to be clear, I'm not arguing with anyone, I just think this is fun..

but I see this same behavior being reinforced in many adults who are every bit as insecure of themselves as they are suspicious of their relationships.

So insecurity and skittishness about relationships act as a barometer for immaturity? But wouldn't a child's unwavering self-confidence be a sign of immaturity as well? I can see overcompensation in the form of a self-imposed stereotype representing immaturity, but unless you're that person, it's not always easy to judge whether the person has a habit of shielding his weaknesses with excess, or if the person truly is just a fool with no concerns.

People survive with it, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy.

Really? Do you know people that watch Fox News regularly? They seem plenty happy (albeit paranoid when a democrat's in power) to me. :) There's certainly a lot to this.. I think self-deception makes rosy the things we choose to keep in our mental periphery--like details of bad memories that're forgotten as to not hold us back. I've found bright people can have an obsessive (-compusive) nature, so a little self-deception takes the edge off things perceived that could potentially make them second-guess themselves far more than necessary.

'cause confidence is a game, right? It doesn't matter what you think of yourself in your heart so long as you can make other people follow you. I bet Hitler knew just how fucked up he was (his sexual kinks) from an objective standpoint, but he succeeded in many ways because he could partition those things from his public persona.

It's true self-deception means you don't completely accept parts of yourself. But in a broader sense, everything you've ever perceived, and the side of every other person that they've been willing to show you (eva eva eva), is a part of you too. It's convenient to forget things about people that conflict with the local image you bear of them. This isn't a conscious choice, it's something everyone does.

Ultimately, yeah, heavy self-deception will likely lead to sadness, but a little self-deception is present in all of us, I think. Almost no-one has a worldview that's airtight, right? It's just enough to have gotten us where we are. I can talk a lot but it's not as if I'm particularly successful with relationships.

I don’t quite understand what you’re saying here. It sounds like you’re trying to imply that everyone is unhappy and depressed, and that simply isn’t true. A lot of people ARE depressed, but that doesn’t mean EVERYONE, and it doesn’t mean that EVERYONE has lost the capacity for happiness. It simply means that our society is dysfunctional because it perpetuates unhappiness and encourages the factors that enable unhappiness… something most people already know.

That's true. Depression comes more with dwelling unnecessarily on the negatives due to chemical imbalances or whatnot. (Speaking of society, it's interesting how most doctors will jump on perscribing anti-depressants before proposing exercize and a better diet.) What I'm trying to get at is, we're all apt to fill in the holes and link implications about people and events in ways that're comfortable for ourselves, and we won't always understand how or why we do this. But it's apparently completely efficient and acceptable, since humans have survived a few hundred thousand years or so with this approach. Dwelling on an unfortunate reality isn't always what will motivate a person to be productive.

Being reminded of the cookies your grandmother made when you were a child due to a scent from your wife’s latest cooking project is much different than constantly wishing things were just like they were when your grandmother made those cookies.

yeah... you're still comparing to a past experience, though. but not dwelling is key.

[Orphan Of Darkness]

oOoOoOo aka Ophelia MD. Every weekday at 3!

Fix'd. It would be like the Sunday Night Sex show, only not on Sundays. And no sexual tyrannosaurus in the form of an older lady, just oOoOoOo and guest stars.

Also, you should not marry anyone unless you really know them/have been together awhile. Getting married in a rush = never good. So is getting married just to sleep with someone. (Unless you are a member of the royal court)

[oOoOoOo]

I'm so making that thread sometime this week. And it's all your faults.

[Agentomega]

Lol u say that like it's a bad thing...

[Annihilationscape]

Man, I am soooo late to this party... most of what I'd have liked to respond to has already been responded to.

However, this does indeed fascinate me. I tend to study interpersonal relationships (not prefessionally at all, just an observational habit of mine) so I enjoy the topic.

Ms. O, inquiry for you, however. Have you met a challenging male yet? It seems like you've had nothing but conquest after conquest but surely someone has surprised you in a positive way.

[oOoOoOo]

Annihilationscape, I've replied to you here in this thread.