So, who's into conspiracy theories?

[TheAdmiral]

Has anyone heard of Red Book? It's an "secret" document that says that Jesus was a alien, which I've always liked as an idea.

I think that's the equivalent of the Livre Jaune (yellow book) series published in France. A few half-truths thrown-in with a bunch of manure designed to appeal to gullible people who have no working knowledge of history. Worthy of being filed alongside the David Icke material as glorified doorstops.

[Chuckman]

Jesus was the last true native of this planet. We're the aliens.

[StarShaper7]

These are true real facts:

They have that public feud going on, but every once in a while Grant Morrison and Alan Moore begrudgingly team-up with each other to battle secret cults that worship dark gods. Their witty banter is amusing. Moore is also super tsundere.

Rasputin's pickled penis is the key to a hell gate. Like, literally a key. You stick it in there and turn it and everything. Once in hell, you can choose to return it to its owner or throw it into a bottomless burning pit as he watches. Do you go Paragon or Renegade? Which is which?

Alan Moore is distantly related to Grigori Rasputin.

Women derive more pleasure from lovemaking than men.

[Squigsquasher]

Conspiracy theories eh? I'm all for this.

- The Jews/Rothschilds/Rockerfellers/Illuminati are in fact running the world from behind the scenes- simply because they own everything and have large sums of money. Their only goal is to continue having loads of money and to remain at the top of the economic food chain, as opposed to any "population control/aliens" bullshit. The ones you really have to watch out for are the government, as they DO have cause to try and control the population. TLDR: The Jewish Conspiracy is real, but very, very boring, and ultimately inconsequential.

- Stonehenge is actually the remains of a massive ancient computer powered by ritual sacrifices used to contact the Old Ones/Chaos Gods/First Ancestral Race/Incubators. The barriered-off mounds dotted around the site contain boneheaps hiding the missing components needed to re-activate it again.

- Ebola-chan is a real entity- to be precise, she is merely a vector for a far greater being that has taken on the identity as a means to gather followers. Once the Ebola cult is no more, she/it will simply adopt a new identity.

- Anti-intellectualists (radical liberals/SJWs, extremist conservative, etc) are the puppets of a Demiurge, dedicated to the stagnation of human evolution and technological progress. Nobody is actually conspiring with it because nobody is aware they are under its thrall- it is fuelled by ignorance rather than worship, and thus can operate without anyone being aware of its existance.

[TehDonutKing]

The United States is fighting a secret war against time-travelling raptors. These time travelling raptors control everything and make sure that they are hidden. They caused the Crusades and the French Revolution. Recently, they caused 9/11 and blamed al Quaeda because they were jealous of Bin Laden's awesome beard. When Seal Team 6 killed Bin Laden, they discovered that it was actually the time-travelling raptors that destroyed the Twin Towers, we began a war on two fronts. One is in the present, where we're secretly taking down the raptors. The other is in the past, where we're trying to ensure that the dinosaurs go extinct before they develop time travel. We killed the raptor leader, Big Boss, but they wanted his body. We hid it on a Malaysian aircraft, because Malaysians can't tell the difference between a dead raptor king and a Canadian. Sadly, they don't know how to fly a plane either. They were taken into the past by the raptors when they crashed, and are being held with Amelia Earhart, in an underground bunker deep below Shamballa.

[robersora]

Cats are running the whole universe since the Big Bang, only now through the power of the internet their cover is slowly lifted.

[BrikHaus]

Here's one a patient told me the other day, and he, of course, absolutely believes it:

President Obama is instituting Sharia Law in Texas, so he can have a court outside of U.S. government purvue by which to sentence his political enemies to a life of imprisonment in FEMA concentration camps. Once his political enemies are tucked away, he will expand this to everyone who does not agree with his political views. Oh, and by the way, THIS IS ALREADY HAPPENING, I HAVE TALKED TO SEVERAL PEOPLE IN HIGH PLACES WHO CONFIRM THAT THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING ON.

I would crank up the Risperdal, but there's no point. He's not delusional, he's a cranky, old man who hates the government and hates Obama because he's black. He wants to believe the most ridiculous things about the president because he's a racist.

[robersora]

^
So, what do you do with people like that? I would have the strong desire to strangle him to death... But I guess, even in the U.S. that is not allowed.

[Squigsquasher]

^
So, what do you do with people like that? I would have the strong desire to strangle him to death... But I guess, even in the U.S. that is not allowed.

Because clearly the answer to people you don't agree with is to kill them. Hmm, that guy may have a point after all.

[robersora]

^
That's the only solution, according to my edgy Chinese cartoons.
We really need a sarcasm-tag.

[FreakyFilmFan4ever]

I would have the strong desire to strangle him to death... But I guess, even in the U.S. that is not allowed.

This is by far the best post I’ve read all day.

[Guy Nacks]

^
So, what do you do with people like that? I would have the strong desire to strangle him to death... But I guess, even in the U.S. that is not allowed.

We are talking about a country where anti-intellectuals are in significant places of power in certain states, after all, and has a cum dripping boner for thinking that its shit doesn't stink like a Mexican food fart.

[Chuckman]

This is why I quit teaching.

[Gob Hobblin]

Huh...Sharia law in Texas...well, considering we just elected a hardline conservative, religiously inspired laws are actually not too far afield at the moment. Of course he's not a Muslim conservative, and firmly against Obama, but...eh.

[CATO]

I would crank up the Risperdal, but there's no point. He's not delusional, he's a cranky, old man who hates the government and hates Obama because he's black. He wants to believe the most ridiculous things about the president because he's a racist.

This reminds of the fact that mental illness is not defined by the presence of irrationality per se. Our great species is plagued by examples of it. How do you deal with such things? When do you decide to treat? I suppose it all depends on the content and intensity of the delusions, and if they affect society or the "normal" daily activities of a person (I realize how ambiguous this latter statement can be).

TOPIC: I once met a young person who believed the Chinese were altering the food in the US in order to make everyone gay and effeminate, which would impede the country's ability to resist in the event of an invasion. I gave him kudos for making me feel like I was talking to someone from 1950.

[BrikHaus]

To answer everyone's questions, I don't do anything specific in this case. I listen for a few minutes, let him get whatever it is he wants off his chest, and then I redirect him to topics that are more appropriate and I can possibly help him with. Racism isn't treatable.

[drinian]

TOPIC: I once met a young person who believed the Chinese were altering the food in the US in order to make everyone gay and effeminate, which would impede the country's ability to resist in the event of an invasion. I gave him kudos for making me feel like I was talking to someone from 1950.

There have been widspread rumors in the black community for a long time that KFC makes black men sterile.

[StarShaper7]

Then this must be damn, dirty propaganda.

I want a cake made of chicken now.

[Shinoyami65]

There have been widspread rumors in the black community for a long time that KFC makes black men sterile.

Well if you eat loads of KFC then it's almost certain that you'd have difficulty finding a partner in the first place.


That must be the plan of the Chinese: to cripple America's population growth by introducing obesity into their culture while also setting an absurdly high standard of beauty and sexuality.

It's a lot better than a plan to make everyone gay. With the revelation of how many people serving with distinction in the military are homosexual after the whole DADT fiasco, not to mention the historical precedent set by the ancient Greeks, it should be known that someone's sexuality doesn't influence how badass they can be.

[Alaska Slim]

There have been widspread rumors in the black community for a long time that KFC makes black men sterile.

Oh... that's why people prefer Popeyes.


... meh, still not touching their crap.