House of Lonely Hearts split : Romance/Marriage discussion

[Chuckman]

Split from "House of Lonely Hearts" because the discussion merited a topic of its own.

Article of potential interest to you guys: http://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/how-romance-wrecked-traditional-marriage/

Sometimes in the depths of my contemplations I wonder if romance itself is not in fact a myth, essentially western society's way of romanticizing (for lack of a better word) limerence or puppy love or whatever you want to call the primordial urge to mate.

It's interesting how the newly emerging capitalist system jumped on the idea of romance and commercialized every aspect of it.

[UrsusArctos]

Romantic love is not a western concept. The idea has been around for ages and in cultures across the world - but the rank commercialization of love is new.

[Chuckman]

I didn't say it was. I said the western version rings false and commercial.

e: I guess what I said could be read that way but that isn't what I meant.

[riffraff11235]

I honestly can't see a point to church marriages. Most of them seem like giant, decadent, $100,000+ ego-boosting parties for the brides. Why not settle for a state marriage alone and use that money as a down payment towards a house?

[CJD]

Oh poor riff, so young and naive.

Most of them seem like giant, decadent, $100,000+ ego-boosting parties for the brides

That's why.

[pwhodges]

You mean:

Most of them seem like giant, decadent, $100,000+ ego-boosting parties for the bride's mother.

Current figures for the average cost of a UK wedding are around a mere £20,000.

[Giji Shinka]

I honestly can't see a point to church marriages.

Yeah, It's just too expensive and......What's even the point of marriage? They do it just for fun? It's just a tradition, and people do it because others do it too?

[Bagheera]

Yeah, It's just too expensive and......What's even the point of marriage? They do it just for fun? It's just a tradition, and people do it because others do it too?

Tax and other economic benefits on the one hand, emotional security on the other.

Also: romance isn't a myth if you do it. If you don't, well . . .

[Hunter21]

Most of them seem like giant, decadent, $100,000+ ego-boosting parties for the brides.

You must come from one hell of a wealthy family if you think that is the common price of a wedding. I have probably been to somewhere around 100 weddings in my life (including my own) and not a single one of them has ever even come close to half that price figure. You must be living a privileged life son.

Also, I know some of you guys/gals are lashing out because you are lonely but try to live in the world of reality a little bit more. Church marriages are not expensive, in fact they can be pretty cheap. Most of them are too. A marriage at a church will only cost you a lot if you hire some expensive ass coordinator and fill it with garish decorations (something most churches would rather you not do).

The real cost of a wedding is in how extravagant the reception is and where it is held. That is where the biggest cost of my wedding was and that includes getting married at a location that was much more expensive than any church in the area. This place actually [url]http://www.comozooconservatory.org/host/#/weddings[/url] but we just had the wedding there, the reception was at a hotel. The total cost of this extravaganza was just under $30 grand, and yes it was considered an expensive wedding.

I know the world of reality puts a damper on your hating but stay in it anyway.

[Chuckman]

My brother's wedding, which is the one whose financial details I'm familiar with, was pretty cheap, like a few thousand bucks. The most expensive part was probably the rehearsal dinner.

[The Eva Monkey]

I hate that weddings are a big dumb obligation, and I hate that they're a big scam, because of the industry built up around them. In the span of about a year, I went to something like seven weddings, not including one that fell apart, and another that was too expensive to travel to. It was ridiculous. I'm so glad there was only two weddings this year.

[TheFriskyIan]

I've only been to one wedding so far, it was literally all over the entire state. We all got invited to stay at a hotel up in Michigan, but the wedding itself was at a church near the city some 20-30 minutes away, and then the dinner was at some other special hall another 20-30 minutes away from the church. It took about an hour to get from the hall back to the hotel.

When I plan my wedding, everything is either gonna be in one place or five-ten minutes from each other.

Not to mention from what I've been told about other weddings, the one I went to was standard affair in the sense that your outside family gives you shit if you don't look like you're getting married yourself. I had a nice blue button up shirt, and they were all giving me a hard time for not wearing a tie, and then my cousin comes in a God damn polo and khakis and no one bats an eye.

[riffraff11235]

You must be living a privileged life son.

Ummm... no? (I'm starting to really hate this word....)

I'll admit, I kinda pulled that figure out of thin air. It may have been a gross overestimate, but even spending one-tenth of that on a wedding seems like a waste. Objectively speaking, there are much more useful things that a couple starting a life together could buy with that money.

What I really meant to say is that from what I've seen of American weddings, people seem to be inclined to spend money that they don't have to make them overly extravagant. And for what? Statistically speaking, it's not like having a church wedding makes relationships more stable.

EDIT: Okay, I just did some research, and it seems like the average cost of a wedding is about $25,000. You could buy a more-than-decent car with that much money.

[CJD]

Ummm... no?

That figure may have been a gross overestimate, but even spending one-tenth of that on something like a wedding seems like a waste. There are much more useful things that a couple starting a life together could buy with that money.

Wedding's aren't about how "useful" they are, they're about fulfilling the dreams of a big romantic wedding your bride to be has had since childhood. If you don't like it blame our culture, but lord help you don't deny her it if she wants it. This is her wedding, and god willing it'll be the only one she ever has, make it special for her if she wants it to be. It may not matter to you, but it very well might to her.

What I really meant to say is that from what I've seen of American weddings, people seem to be inclined to spend money that they don't have to make them overly extravagant.

You say that like spending money you don't have isn't a time honored American tradition.

[riffraff11235]

This is her wedding, and god willing it'll be the only one she ever has, make it special for her if she wants it to be.

As scary as it sounds, if I ever get to the point of discussing marriage with a girl I would do my best to talk my way out of it. If she really wants a big wedding so badly that she can't see reason, she probably wasn't the right one for me anyway.

You say that like spending money you don't have isn't a time honored American tradition.

True, true.

Apparently the average cost of a wedding in NYC is about $75,000. That might start to explain why my original figure was so inflated....

[CJD]

As scary as it sounds, if I ever get to the point of discussing marriage with a girl I would do my best to talk my way out of it. If she really wants a big wedding so badly that she can't see reason, she probably wasn't the right one for me anyway.

$50 says you cave within 5 minutes.

[riffraff11235]

$50 says you cave within 5 minutes.

I won't cave to doing something that seems utterly pointless to me. Plus, I'm not religious at all so the idea of getting married in a church makes me feel awkward....

[pwhodges]

The church isn't the costly bit.

[CJD]

^

I won't cave to doing something that seems utterly pointless to me. Plus, I'm not religious at all so the idea of getting married in a church makes me feel awkward....

Boy if you ever find a girl that you care about so much you want to marry her you ain't gonna give two shits about getting married in a church, nor will you even think of dumping her because of the cost. Trust me, your resolve to save a buck ain't that large. Para maybe, but not you.

[Giji Shinka]

Wedding's aren't about how "useful" they are, they're about fulfilling the dreams of a big romantic wedding your bride to be has had since childhood. If you don't like it blame our culture, but lord help you don't deny her it if she wants it. This is her wedding, and god willing it'll be the only one she ever has, make it special for her if she wants it to be. It may not matter to you, but it very well might to her.

FFFUUUUUU.......Guess I'll have to find a girl who doesn't want marriage/to have wedding. Pretty hard task?