Dream wrote:By my own rough calculation about 40% to 60% of my mental/physical energy is drained by interpersonal drama or obligations. At least half of that percentage comes from dealing with family and having to look/act social for them.
It usually leaves me kind of conflicted because it's not like i want to tell everyone to piss off and leave me alone for good as i enjoy the interaction every once in a while, but it's honestly kinda deppressing to see just how much of my life/energy is drained not by the things i consider really important, but by stuff i'd rather not have a need for or consider secondary (and in the case of drama, something i'd wish to rid off my life entirely).
Apologies if this isn't within the topic scope.
There is necessary interaction designed to fulfill the natural need for humans to communicate and there is interaction used to fill a hole one wants to forget about. It is also healthy to appreciate those who bring positive fulfillment in our lives, because we can always imagine what could happen otherwise.
Speaking of filling a hole...{rant mode: on}
What do you do when people decide to escape what frightens them by forgetting about themselves? When they run off on social media to platform the religion of narcissism just to be like everyone else, and feel welcomed and cherished in the warm embrace of lying to themselves? It seems people have been running faster and faster to try to escape what frightens them lately, and they've been dropping many of their screws and marbles along the way. You point this out to them and denial kicks in. Because hey, we all have dual brains. I can believe what I want even though it might be a lie and the truth is right in my face.
Then there is the collapse (socio-economic, moral and sanity) occurring around the world that's been revealing many disturbing secrets about humanity...all caused by something all those up top are terrified of letting loose. And I can't even talk about it without looking like a lunatic in many places, and the stress from that is immense. It is a national security directive after all. The Luxembourg leak on corporate tax evasion is nothing. Blair's secret Saudi business deals, the useless 9/11 torture initiatives...nothing. That's all politics so I won't go further into it, but when you become privy to humanities miserable pile of secrets, you change as a person.
Enter relationships. In a world such as this, the truth remains hidden beneath the lies perpetuated by the media and those who believe it. And when you learn the truth, you become the truth: hidden. You're on another level and dating becomes extremely difficult. It's usually not due to any fault of their own. You just know how it's all playing out, and everyday you see this confirmed before your eyes. But most are ignorant of this fact, not due to lesser intelligence but from simply not knowing. Some don't have the heart to believe you and deny what you say. Others deny outright because the truth frightens them. It's kind of like reading the script before the part is played and people not wanting to know what it is.
How can you trust someone who doesn't know themselves? One of the major agendas of social media is to forget thyself through shallow ego centrism and narcissism which is probably one of the worst things you could do. Because when push comes to shove, and you find yourself surviving a major disaster in your neck of the woods, how do you think you will react? If you don't know, then you never really tried and I can't trust you. You can't trust a uncivilized human in a corner who never learned about himself: he's like a wild animal and must be treated as such.
I lament about social media because it seems everyone is turning to that to forget the pain that they feel when they are alone. And yet that is where many of one's personal problems are solved: in silence. People don't want to face the real lesson and instead a culture of running away has developed. A culture of millions of Shinji's and Asuka's playing games with each other but never coming down to the heart center where it all matters. Most seem to be oversexed, drowning in entertainment to the betterment of their perception, when they don't realize that overdrawing on one's sexual reserves does impact their health, physical, spiritual and otherwise. But animals don't think, they do without hesitation, without logical implication. And when the times get worse, the more they flock to entertainment to escape the their troubles.
At the same time, my increasing spiritual growth has forced me to cease activities I used to enjoy such as anime and video games. I realize now they only serve as distractions that can negatively impact my spiritual well being, such as denying the orange ray (2nd chakra) its normal rate of rotation for instance due to the illusion of violence against others. But this also severs my ties to the majority of humanity, who know not what they are made of or how their own beings work, and neither do they care to learn these facts. So in order to even bond with them, I have to get back into the negative illusions that makes up the majority of daily reality: drink bad soda, eat bad food, watch shallow hollywood movies, watch hentai that corrupts the chakra flow across the entire body, act like a egocentric twat on twitter to feel a shallow sense of fulfillment then voila, I vibrate like they do and we can relate!
My friends are gone and I have been left alone with my job, still living with the rents with a small sense of independence. This also pretty much kills my chances on the dating front as well, at least locally. I could rent a shitty motel room, but I'm not in it for the sex. There goes 90% of my options from that alone.
My faith in the human race diminishes by the day. Surely this thing called love exists. It exists on many levels. But the level of unconditional love, that seems hard to achieve by many. Taught to care for number one, but not care for their inner selves. Hah!
{rant mode: off}
Thanks for reading...I am walking in a desert of love at the moment and I needed to vent.
