EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

[Vegeta 20XX]

The Baka crush has decided to make me jealous. How you guys ask? Well, he stated I have competion from a girl he knows and he's saying she's so perfect blah blah she's a 10 Princess. My new goal is to get hot that he can't refuse me and will reject her. I don't care if he's known her longer and his family thinks she's so great. I'm gonna get extensions, my tummy fat is going away, I'm getting sexier and confident and guys do stop and stare at me. If he doesn't choose when I'm done changing, I'll make him regret it. I'm not changing just for him anymore, I'm doing it for myself!

It's like I'm watching a sitcom.

Nuke summarizes your strange and obsessive relationship paradigm concisely - two things are apparent here:

1: If your guy is telling you there's competition, you've picked a loser here, folks.

2: More importantly, your singular focus on your crush is scary and offputting, and the fact that it rules your life and literally drives you crazy (that's what the above paragraph is - crazy) is probably why your relationship is plagued by seemingly childish issues, like making each other jealous and pitching crazy fits because your self-worth is directly tied to the success of your relationship.

I used the word "crazy" three times before this sentence - this isn't a lack of vocabulary diversity on my part, but a blunt description of your view on relationships and who you are relative to said relationship. My advice is the same as many other posters - forget the relationship (dude sounds like a dickbag anyway) and focus on the things that make you feel happy and complete as a person, because believe it or not, you don't require someone else to make you whole - in fact, relationships usually don't really work UNLESS both parties aren't solely reliant on their SO for their self-image.

I understand the drive to better oneself when love seems to be running out the door at light-speed - the first things that came to mind when the ex-GF left with the kid were plans to drag my ass out of my miserable hole, gain financial solvency, and bring my family back to a new, more secure life. Naturally, that never happened, because life doesn't really work that way - all you can do is improve your life for your own reasons, because you're the only one who truly gets the chance to enjoy those improvements...but only if you do it for yourself. Externalizing your happiness by depending on another person for self-improvement only guarantees failure in the long run.

@Chuckman: Teach me, wise master. Teach me...to comprehend the oversoul...

[Princess Asuka]

In the end we're both acting like two kids whose just enjoy doing things to piss each other off. I guess it's a love hate relationship, there are times when I love him, but times when I hate him and just wanna slap him across the face. I really should be focusing on stuff like finding a job and doing these things for me, not him. He admits he's a dick, but he has some good qualities it's just his attitude of if you're not what I want gtfo or doing things to make me jealous or cry or lying to me to make me feel happy are the only things I'd change about him. I need real hope, not false hope.

[Compiling_Autumn]

this guy...Tuxedo Mask, he ain't

My advice is to keep doing what you're doing w/r/t getting in better shape and focus heavily on the job search. Take a step back from the drama, and if it was meant to be, he will stop being a dick and start being reasonable towards you

[pwhodges]

Princess, listen to Vegeta.

Obsessing about relationships is a relationship killer; deal with that obsession, and things have the potential to improve for you.

Pinning your hopes for happiness on other people is running away from yourself. You need to learn how to be happy in yourself, on your own. When you can do that, you have something worthwhile that you can share with the right person.

[Shinoyami65]

In the end we're both acting like two kids whose just enjoy doing things to piss each other off. I guess it's a love hate relationship, there are times when I love him, but times when I hate him and just wanna slap him across the face. I really should be focusing on stuff like finding a job and doing these things for me, not him. He admits he's a dick, but he has some good qualities it's just his attitude of if you're not what I want gtfo or doing things to make me jealous or cry or lying to me to make me feel happy are the only things I'd change about him. I need real hope, not false hope.

Well, if you're acting like kids then that should be a pretty obvious sign that you're treating it like a puppy love fling rather than a serious, mature relationship.

It also sounds like you're suffering from a bit of 'I can change him' syndrome, but as far as I'm aware there is absolutely no way to change a person if he doesn't love you. The best thing to do would be to move on rather than play these mind games; there must be a guy somewhere who won't make you jump through hoops before he lets you be his gf.

[Sorrow]

Chuckman: Teach me, wise master. Teach me...to comprehend the oversoul...

You would have to give up your entire sense of free will and admit that you are but the true self, self assigned as a witness to the experience of an individual body. The body gives you the false belief and illusion that you are the possessor, the operator, when in actuality you are a bystander to the great game of life designed by the one true consciousness (you). Though, you never had any say of your own actions and you can't revert back to the true you---only witness the pot you inhabit become aware of this truth---and force yourself to continue to exist as a will-less onlooker.

Or, you could give yourself to Ziggy Stardust. He only demands that you worship his snow white tan.

[Princess Asuka]

Well, if you're acting like kids then that should be a pretty obvious sign that you're treating it like a puppy love fling rather than a serious, mature relationship.

It also sounds like you're suffering from a bit of 'I can change him' syndrome, but as far as I'm aware there is absolutely no way to change a person if he doesn't love you. The best thing to do would be to move on rather than play these mind games; there must be a guy somewhere who won't make you jump through hoops before he lets you be his gf.

It's like he has some feelings for me, but he's gonna constantly deny it every time I ask him.

Another thing is he talks big, but he never acts upon on anything he says.

He's that kind of that guy that's so picky even if I met his standards, he'd nitpick me to death and find one small thing wrong with me, an excuse on why he can't go out without me.

[Rosenakahara]

It's like he has some feelings for me, but he's gonna constantly deny it every time I ask him.

Another thing is he talks big, but he never acts upon on anything he says.

Please if you are smart, just drop the attempted romance, it will not be good for either of you.
Wont say any-more because it's becoming redundant at this point since everyone is saying this.

[Reichu]

Princess Asuka, from what you write it seems that you lack much in the way of self-awareness. Knowing yourself and how you work is critical for achieving any kind of real consummation in life. The childish preoccupations and thought processes you reveal in every post you write are only stalling your steps toward mental maturity. You need to let go of such frivolous things and find yourself.

Of course, I do not understand your circumstances and what causes you to behave as you do, and speak from a privileged position, having possessed a robust familial support structure all my life, so I'm unable to suggest the best way for you to break from your vicious bonds. However, any attempt to be more self-reflective in your posts would probably enable any number of our benevolent forum members to better steer you in the right direction.

But... you must acknowledge that you have a problem before anything can be done about it.

[delispin25]

Jesus PA, just drop it. This is going nowhere. Before you work on a relationship, work on yourself. You aren't mature enough for a relationship, especially evident by the fact that you don't know when to call it quits. If this guy is emotionally abusive then you're crazy for not getting out of there. You like to put the blame on your "boyfriend" (whatever he is at this point) and act like the victim, something that you like to do a lot. I'm sure you're just as much to blame as he is, acting like you aren't just makes it even more evident that you're not ready for a relationship. So let it go and take some time to reflect on what went wrong so that you can make sure it doesn't happen again, addressing some of your short comings is a good idea as well.

[StarShaper7]

Life does not in fact work that way and if you continue to behave as if it does I predict a restraining order in your future.

Once you get a restraining order, you violate it.

When you violate your restraining order, you get sent to the slammer.

When you get sent to the slammer, your bunkmate is Big Charlene.

When your bunkmate is Big Charlene, you discover things about yourself you never wanted to learn.

When you discover things about yourself you never wanted to learn, you turn to psychedelics.

When you turn to psychedelics, you realize that ordinary human perception is an artifact of our sensory organs and the universe is in fact a single consciousness imagining itself and you nothing more or less than a single point of view belonging to a vast cosmic oversoul that is itself miniscule within an unfolding fractal multiverse without beginning or end and your 'crush' was pointless because you already are that person.

Don't comprehend the oversoul, Princess Asuka. Subscribe to Direct TV.

I would ask if you were speaking from experience, but the better question would be what haven't you experienced?

[Princess Asuka]

Well, I've finally decided to just give up on him after shit hit the fan last night friends did a group phone call last night they kept saying how me and him should go out one friend's phone died and his friend hung up I guess. Then he said it those words I thought he'd never say, Princess, I hate you. Why he said this I don't know, if he truly means it I don't know. He says I constantly stress him out with crying. And complaining and my jealousy, yet he stresses me out by getting angry over stupid shit and blocking my number and unblocking it. I know now that I have a 1% chance with him, but he's still that kind of guy that's nice enough to go out with me, to make me happy. Looking back, even though faking to be my bf and the I love you were things that angered me, I now know he just wanted to see me happy. At this point in my life, I'd rather have him not my as my lover, but as my friend.

[Chuckman]

At this point in my life, I'd rather have him not my as my lover, but as my friend.

What part of 'I hate you' do you not understand?

Forgive my uncharacteristic bluntness but this has been going on for about three pages now and it needs to be said:

1. Being his lover was never an option

2. People who hate you do not make good friends.

You really, really, really need to just drop this whole 'relationship' thing and go do something else with your time and mental energy for a while. Go to the park, watch a new anime, read a book, take a class, do something other than try to rope this person or someone else into your harem anime fantasy.

I offer this advice for your own good because you need it. Take it or not.

[Rosenakahara]

At this point in my life, I'd rather have him not my as my lover, but as my friend.

Ok look NO.
I said i wouldn't get involved but what part of "I hate you" is not getting through here, a lot of the people here may seem to be coming off harsh but this is yandere levels of clingy now, just stop trying NOTHING IS WORKING, there are times when you have to call it quits, this is one of those times, if he hates you then he doesn't want you as his lover, he doesn't want you as his friend, he doesn't want to know you.

Ugh this was a sour post to get lucky number 1000 on.

[Shinoyami65]

Well, I've finally decided to just give up on him after shit hit the fan last night friends did a group phone call last night they kept saying how me and him should go out one friend's phone died and his friend hung up I guess. Then he said it those words I thought he'd never say, Princess, I hate you. Why he said this I don't know, if he truly means it I don't know

If a guy says he hates you, it means he hates you. As in, dislikes you strongly. As in, is probably not a good choice for love or friendship, both of which are polar opposites to hate.

I know now that I have a 1% chance with him, but he's still that kind of guy that's nice enough to go out with me, to make me happy. Looking back, even though faking to be my bf and the I love you were things that angered me, I now know he just wanted to see me happy. At this point in my life, I'd rather have him not my as my lover, but as my friend.

I don't really know how to put this, but the assumptions you make in the second quote are totally illogical based on the information in the first quote (and that's putting it lightly, it's like there was some sort of amnesiac episode in between the two).

Despite what anime may have taught you, people do not go from hating you to loving you immediately, no matter how many shiny love hearts, internet messages or aphrodisiacs you throw at them. I'm a bit concerned that you're trying to perceive this situation as a typical fantasy world in which wrongs are immediately fixed with a big hug and when a guy says he hates you he's harboring a hidden wellspring of goodwill somewhere in his soul. Furthermore, crying, complaining and jealousy are never conducive to a good relationship, so I'd consider your position during your interactions with people a bit more closely before blaming the guy entirely. I mean, if you cry at him and complain all the time of course he's gonna block you.

Lastly, speaking from personal experience the last time someone said they hated me it took around 3 years and a fair amount of self-improvement from both parties as well as a shared common interest to bridge the void. Frankly there seems very little chance of that happening in your situation.

[delispin25]

Princess, I hate you.
Why he said this I don't know

Probably because he hates you.

know now that I have a 1% chance with him, but he's still that kind of guy that's nice enough to go out with me, to make me happy. Looking back, even though faking to be my bf and the I love you were things that angered me, I now know he just wanted to see me happy. At this point in my life, I'd rather have him not my as my lover, but as my friend.

JESUS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? He didn't want to see you happy, he told you he hated you. Why would you want a friend that said they hate you? This is madness.

[pwhodges]

Well, I've finally decided to just give up on him

I'd rather have him [...] as my friend.

Make up your mind...

But in any case, this sounds as if you are deliberately setting yourself up for certain failure because then you know what's coming, rather than face the uncertainty of what might come if you try to be sensible!

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

What part of 'I hate you' do you not understand?

PA, I no longer have any idea if you're being serious or having a massive joke at the expense of the forums. It's pretty clear that this guy doesn't want to be around you. Stop trying to be around him. Any further efforts are only going to further his dislike of you. Just... stop.

[Reichu]

PA, why even post here if you're just going to ignore everything that people write in response? Start a blog or use Facebook or something.

[Guy Nacks]

What part of 'I hate you' do you not understand?

Forgive my uncharacteristic bluntness but this has been going on for about three pages now and it needs to be said:

1. Being his lover was never an option

2. People who hate you do not make good friends.

You really, really, really need to just drop this whole 'relationship' thing and go do something else with your time and mental energy for a while. Go to the park, watch a new anime, read a book, take a class, do something other than try to rope this person or someone else into your harem anime fantasy.

I offer this advice for your own good because you need it. Take it or not.

PA, if even Chuckman is starting to lose his patience with you, then you really should consider heeding everyone's advice and just move on.