Need some help with socializing in the next few days

Yeah. You read right. This is for everything that doesn't have anything to do with Eva.

Moderators: Rebuild/OT Moderators, Board Staff

skikes
Israfel
Israfel
User avatar
Age: 34
Posts: 477
Joined: Jan 05, 2006
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Gender: Male

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby skikes » Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:10 pm

View Original PostMr. Tines wrote:On my planet it's
1. Go to a bar
2. At best it's full of couples/mixed groups, more often it's mostly blokes watching sport on the TV (except in country pubs at lunchtime where you might see a bunch of middle-aged women talking about horses at one of the tables)
3. My face :huh:


Your going to the wrong bars...

OH! Another tip, gay bars are great for picking up straight girls. Gay guys always have hot faghags and straight girls get a hardon for straight guys who are down with the gays.
What if I don't want to live in the real world?

LeoXiao
Bridge Bunny
Bridge Bunny
User avatar
Posts: 1535
Joined: Aug 25, 2008

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby LeoXiao » Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:28 pm

I honestly think that most introverts have their own "thought language" that works well for them, but has to be translated into "human language" when they speak. So it never hurts to dedicate lots of time to thinking conversationally, just as practice. You must already be doing this, though, or you never would have been able to learn German.

Wow, now that you mention "conversational thinking", it's really hard for me to try inventing them. It's like my mind is automatically thinking only about the given topic rather than how it should be discussed.
Actually, with German, I don't invent conversations, but when I'm reading or when someone says something, I often try to translate it.
About the "thought language" idea, I think that makes a lot of sense and indeed, I often find myself grasping for words and even whole sentences and ideas that might accurately portray my thoughts. Like you mentioned with "translation" into "human language", I have to do exactly that, which requires time, something you don't have much of in an actual talk. It's the same with this paragraph I just wrote; it took me way too much time to formulate a response even though I knew exactly what I wanted to express the moment I finished reading your post.

This. I actually started doing this pretending when I was little, but later I did it just out of a need to have some form of social stimulation, whether real or imaginary. In the long run, while I thought I was a loser for doing it, it really, really helped me be better at talking to people. It also helped me get over my stuttering problem. Do it when you're walking somewhere or doing something that doesn't require the whole of your brain.

Fuck, I hate stuttering. I've mostly gotten over that but mainly because I don't talk as much as before.
I used to be better at imagining conversations, but I think that maybe as I got older, my mind learned to cut out more and more words and phrases that aren't needed for comprehension, and cast all that into my subconscious. So I find it hard to think about people talking to each other unless it (the conversation) is being presented before me. And then when this happens, I go into "listening mode", trying to understand the core idea of what is being said, which explained differently means that my mind is going to translate it into my "thought-language." All of this takes time, so for example if I'm arguing with someone, I spend so much energy playing audience to his argument that I think what my counter would have been only after reflection in solitude, at which point it's usually too late. So it's almost as if, when in a conversation, I reduce my self to the status of "observer". Now the reality isn't quite that bad, but this is just my estimation of what happens.

EDIT: Did I just write another meandering, overanalyzed block of text? What the hell.

NemZ
Token Misanthrope
Token Misanthrope
User avatar
Posts: 15804
Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Location: St. Louis
Gender: Male

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby NemZ » Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:45 pm

Find a group activity that meets regularly and join. If you have nothing to say, make sure to appear that you are focused on the activity rather than stuck in a BSOD moment, and continue listening.

Eventually you will learn enough abut the people around you and become comfortable in their presence through repeat exposure that you will be able to hold up some short conversations. Just be sure to avoid offensive, argumentative, or just plain weird topics, keep your manner friendly, and you'll invariably make a few acquaintances, possibly friends.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

MugwumpHasNoLiver
Erotic Humiliation
Erotic Humiliation
User avatar
Age: 33
Posts: 3139
Joined: Jan 17, 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Gender: Male

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby MugwumpHasNoLiver » Sat Dec 18, 2010 9:11 pm

View Original PostNemZ wrote:Just be sure to avoid offensive, argumentative, or just plain weird topics, keep your manner friendly, and you'll invariably make a few acquaintances, possibly friends.


I do the exact opposite of that when I make friends. When I try to be bland and inoffensive, I sink into the background and people hardly notice I'm there, unless my awkward silence creeps them out or something. It's better to be completely uncensored, even if you're offensive and contemptible, because, at the very least, you'll make an impression on people. Not everybody is going to like you, so you shouldn't mislead them into thinking you're something you're not, because then it's either keep up the charade or completely isolate them when you show your true colors. I like to get the isolation out of the way as soon as possible.

Bottom line is that there's only going to be a minority of people who really like you, regardless of who are you. Don't be a people pleaser. It's better to have one real friend than a hundred acquaintances. You can't fill the empty hole in your life with numbers; you friends should not be an interchangeable mass of blank, unfeeling faces. If you're shy, it's because you don't have any faith in your own individuality. You will always be alone in the world. Accept it, and embrace what you really are, because that select minority will only like you more for it.
Last edited by MugwumpHasNoLiver on Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Now, from Nature we obtain abundant information about ourselves, and precious little about others. About the woman you clasp in your arms, can you say with certainty that she does not feign pleasure? About the woman you mistreat, are you quite sure that from abuse she does not derive some obscure and lascivious satisfaction? Let us confine ourselves to simple evidence: through thoughtfulness, gentleness, concern for the feelings of others we saddle our own pleasure with restrictions, and make this sacrifice to obtain a doubtful result." -The Divine Marquis

"I agree Hans, but we have talked about those anal fisting analogies." -Werner Herzog

Baz
Leliel
Leliel
User avatar
Posts: 715
Joined: Mar 21, 2009
Gender: Male

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Baz » Sat Dec 18, 2010 9:25 pm

I dunno about that first bit, Muggy. You have a gift for talking about offensive topics without offending anyone. Most of us lack this talent.
Software Error. Press left mouse button to continue.
Guru Meditation #00000004.0000AAC0

ran1
Banned
Age: 32
Posts: 2684
Joined: Jan 20, 2010
Location: Taipei/Dalian, PRC
Gender: Male
Contact:

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby ran1 » Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:24 pm

Agreed. It takes a certain amount of faux naivete to do what you do, Mugwump.

But I'm rather surprised at the amount of "drink alcohol, talk to bitches" attitude. From my experience, that whole method is flawed at best. I'd much rather turn the tables and have the female be the one to actively show interest. In my experience, all the good relationships I've had with women have gone down that way.

But whatever you feel works best. I'd just say it's a flawed strategy to go around and drink it up. I'm more inclined to say something foolish or crass after a few prolonged sips of Svedka rather than be successful. Ask the poor girls in my dorm who have had the unfortunate experience of walking in on me vodka binging and attempting to fix my Arri when I had issues with its take-up reel. I made less than a good impression.
Punished "Venom" Ran1
Vanity of Vanities
Every post in Evageeks automaticaly becomes masturbatory material. It's nothing new. ~Justcrazyguy
Ran's persistent irony is a coping mechanism he uses to try and create some understanding of his paradoxical attraction to and disgust of the elitist bourgeois slaughterhouse in which he's forever trapped. --Muggy

the_seventh_child
radio gaga
radio gaga
User avatar
Age: 33
Posts: 2238
Joined: Jul 14, 2004
Gender: Female

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby the_seventh_child » Sun Dec 19, 2010 10:17 am

Come to Paris Expo this summer and I'll introduce you to tons of people.

Or, be natural as much as cliche as it sounds; if you tend to overthink this and that, well shit.
Anime and manga unite us all. Much better than the Olympics. - Carl Horn |11.30.2004.
"As of this moment, we are changing from soldiers to pirates!" - Captain Jeffrey Wilder (Macross Frontier #22)

LeoXiao
Bridge Bunny
Bridge Bunny
User avatar
Posts: 1535
Joined: Aug 25, 2008

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby LeoXiao » Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:17 pm

View Original Postthe_seventh_child wrote:Come to Paris Expo this summer and I'll introduce you to tons of people.

When in summer? I'm going back to the USA in June.
Or, be natural as much as cliche as it sounds; if you tend to overthink this and that, well shit.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking as well.

TehDonutKing
Camel Dilettante
Camel Dilettante
User avatar
Age: 28
Posts: 3934
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Location: Outer Space Jupiter
Contact:

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby TehDonutKing » Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:51 pm

I agree with Mugwump. This is how I usually make friends.

1)I don't disguise any facet of my personality. I fart, burp, and scratch in public. I bring up offensive topics just to see how people react.
2) I'm very blunt about ulterior motives. Hell, I'm just blunt in general. If I see someone I don't know, I'll say the following: “Hi. I don't know you. Who are you? I'm Corey.”
3) I disregard most rules, but abide by most of them naturally. I break quite a few all the time and people see me, yet I rarely get more than a smack on the ass and a stern “Go home.”
4) When I introduce myself, I usually tell them everything except that I'm a christfag and a furfag and that I browse 4chan often.

Somehow, people seem drawn to me. No idea why, though. You'd think they'd hate me.
/hj

I said and did some dumb and hurtful things in my time here when i was younger. If i ever hurt you, i'm sorry. If you see any of this while reading old threads, i'm learning and trying to improve. Donut redemption arc in progress.

Tokpile Quohog
Marquis Tokpile de Boîtes
Marquis Tokpile de Boîtes
User avatar
Posts: 1200
Joined: Jan 04, 2007

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Tokpile Quohog » Sun Dec 19, 2010 10:17 pm

View Original PostTehDonutKing wrote:WFT

/me looks at age. Ah.
TheEvaMonkey: I HATE BEING A FAT CHICK

LeoXiao
Bridge Bunny
Bridge Bunny
User avatar
Posts: 1535
Joined: Aug 25, 2008

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby LeoXiao » Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:23 pm

Okay guys, I think the problem is solved for now. It seems like all I had to do was to "accidentally" run into people (planning accidents is fun!) and complain about our common woes. I was actually able to get a conversation going.
I also found out that one of the girls I was able to talk to lives like right next to my bus stop, so if I plan things right I can always count on having a few minutes with her after school. Awesome.

oOoOoOo
Nerv Scientist
Nerv Scientist
User avatar
Posts: 1677
Joined: Apr 20, 2009
Location: Canada

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby oOoOoOo » Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:13 pm

If anyone ever gets stuck, a good rule of thumb is to ask people questions, because people love to talk about themselves. The less you talk about yourself the better.
~ O-chan is soooo 2D right now.


Return to “Completely and Utterly Off-Topic”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 14 guests