[Fic] New Perspective Evangelion 11... yes it is still going

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Eva Technician
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Postby Dartz » Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:22 pm

Like a pensioner with a huge estate who just won't die.... this fic gasps out another scene

Monday morning. I don’t like Mondays. It was still dark when I woke up, wondering why I wasn’t able to see in the dark anymore before quickly realizing that had probably been a dream. Stupid thing. I was licking at my incisors while slipping a hand down my underwear to just to confirm that I was still Noriko.

That’d be just perfect, wouldn’t it?

I didn’t want to go through this all over again. And I didn’t want to spend the rest of my days re-watching End of Evangelion knowing I left people I actually care about to that fate, when I could’ve been in a position to do something. Asuka, Shinji, Misato, Motoko, they were all real people, not just animated emotional wastelands.

What I find down below reassures me, and I wonder for a moment why I still can’t form the thought ‘My Vagina’ in my head without feeling strange all over. It might’ve been easier to just take a breath and feel my bedsheets tickling against my chest, or turn over and let the weight of them droop over.

A few minutes later, I was running through the usual morning routine. Eat, exercise, wash, have more breakfast, confirm that I did have a post-school synchronisation test, get dressed into my school uniform, run to catch up with the two lovebirds, then make it through the gate with a minute to spare.

Motoko was there, switched to those pain in the foot school shoes already

“Morning Noriko,

“Morning Motoko,”

“You seem cheery this morning,”

Yes, yes I am. “My memory come back,”

“Oh,” she paused for a moment. “I just remembered something too. A bunch of us are going up to lake Takanosu for a swim this weekend, want to come? Just us girls…”

I thought about it for a moment. A week ago, I might’ve made an excuse to get out of it.

“Sure.” I smiled, giving a shrug “What the hell,”

Class was it’s usual monotonous hell, stuffed in a solar furnace. Rei was still trying to win her staring match with the tree outside, I glanced back at Kawaoru who was ever the diligent student. Nothing unusual was happening. Nothing was going to happen, despite me tempting fate. Our weekend assignments were collected, and I spent more time fooling around sending messages on the schools intranet and dodging around the webfilter than I did paying attention to the old man.

“As you would know from your assignments, the Tokugawa plan was founded upon the simple assertion that, if we tried to save everyone, we would save no-one. The plan called for the distribution of resources according to where they would be most effective, rather than where they were most needed,”

A message popped up.

::Meet me at lunchtime – Kyonichi

I sent back.

:: Why?

“Whole communities were left to fend for themselves, while important urban centres were evacuated to refugee camps. Priority in the camps was given to skilled labourers, expectant mothers and especially young children after the full effects of Tyrell’s disease became known.”

::Something weird happened with the secret information you sent


They didn’t get arrested, did they?

“After the despair of learning that we would be little more than a dwindling coda to the human race, came the hope when it was discovered that the children who had been born after Second Impact were immune to the disease and its effects.”

He was looking at Shiori who made her best efforts to hide behind her laptop.

“Never forget that the future of the human race is inside you, in more ways than one.”

And I felt sick to think about that.

:: I need to talk in person. Main yard.

He probably didn’t. He probably wanted to be seen talking with an EVA Pilot. Well, it wasn’t like I had anything important to do.

::I’ll see you then

“Of course, you should all remember those who got you here, those who rebuilt from the ground up , not just once, but twice, and made sure that you would have a future…” And I stopped paying attention outright. Noriko’s brain has left the building. His mouth was flapping, sounds were coming out, but I really didn’t care what they were.

And started pondering the nature of sexuality, and how I was supposed to figure that out. Blame Motoko for sending me a link to what was supposed to be an attractive man. It didn’t trigger a single thing. Rather than making waves, I pretended to agree with her, while generally feeling just a little inert inside. It wouldn’t be too long before I understood completely. The law of averages said I’d be a nice, natural heterosexual woman…

Well shit.

Marking time, waiting for death by boredom.

After a few year’s wait, the lunchbell chimed. “Have we not heard the chimes at midday,” said General Chang. Or something like that. I preferred sandwiches for lunch. Asuka preferred to get hers from Shinji. Some of the girls were laughing, and I could tell by the way they were looking at me that I was the target. I scanned the yard self-consciously, wondering if it was something I’d missed.

Schoolyard paranoia, how I missed you.

Nobody else seemed to be paying attention. I scanned again. Shinji had clustered with his own group, while Asuka was stalking. For a moment I thought I saw Kawaoru with one of the girls from 2-C, but must’ve been seeing things. Rei was her usual rocky island, by herself and obviously content to be. Life continued.

“Yo Noriko!”

Kyonichi was waving from across the yard. I didn’t run over to him, I strolled slowly. This was me in control. This was me regretting the whole Haruhi thing and not just ignoring them from the start.

“Hey,” I said, unenthusiastically.

Well, he wasn’t a bad person.

“I don’t know what you did, but our server got rooted twenty minutes after Ha…” he stopped, grimacing while he rubbed at his temples. “Sakura! Damn it, now even I’m doing it,” He was radiating frustration, hot and angry. He shook it off. “Anyway, where was I?”

“Server root,” I said, fighting the urge to twirl a strand of hair through my fingers. Just hurry this up please.

“Yes! It got hacked and blown straight off the internet. Erased beyond hope of recovery. I don’t know what set it off, but it’s got Sakura believing that whatever you say to her about NERV will be the truth, and that they were covering it up,”

I chuckled mischievously, before remembering what had happened at the internet café. A creeping unease snarled up inside my stomach. It gave me an idea… something that might keep him from bugging me for more.

“Be careful,” I said, keeping my voice as flat as I could manage. “NERV always watch. They watch internet. They watch posting. They will disappear people who know too much,”

He slowly turned his head towards the convoy of vehicles waiting to bring us to the Geofront at a moments notice. He looked at me. He looked at each of the other pilots in turn, then over at Sakura who was bothering someone from the computer club.

“She wants to ask those agents about the conspiracy,”


He gave me a wan smile. “I’m beginning to think this Haruhi masquerade might’ve been a bad idea.”

“It….” and I had no idea how to finish that off. The sentence I’d prepared in advance just didn’t fit anymore “What else can do?”

“Bite the bullet, call the school psychiatrist. Destroy what’s left of her. Push her into a full blown mental breakdown and hope she doesn’t harm herself when she finds the truth. Then have her fall into the government childcare system.”

Alright, I’m still an adult in a way, I can still make the adult choice.

“I think, it would be harmful to continue,” I suggested, tentatively. “NERV will disappear her if she… continue,”

He sighed, looking away over at her still bothering the girl she insisted was her Mikuru, “I just don’t want her to be hurt,”

“The longer it goes on, the more it’ll hurt when it ends,”

I forgot what film that was from, but it felt like exactly the right thing to say. He was still looking at her. “Unh… there has to be something we can do,”

I am technically an orphan. I don’t feel it. My father died holding me. My mother is ‘dead’… my other parents are in an entirely different universe forever sealed away from me. I don’t really feel that at all.

But I can lie about it.

“I have no parent.” I stated.

He took a double take at me. “Really?”

I gave the best impression of a solemn nod. It was hard not to grin like an idiot. Part of this still felt like I was pulling the biggest prank on the whole world. For a moment I feared he’d call me on it.

“Well, I suppose you’re in the Father’s only class. But…”

He was clawing for a way out of the emotional hole he was certain he was digging

“I do not mind,” I assured him, forcing a smile. “It was an accident last year. “

I could smell jet fuel as I kicked that particular memory back under the carpet. Shoo! Shoo! Get out of my mind. Take a deep breath and staple down the carpet where it could stay.

He looked away at Sakura, still in full Haruhi cry. She’d stopped being annoying comedy, and had become a tragedy in her own way. Pitiable, but someone I could sympathise with. I knew a little about what it was like not to know who you are, or to think you’re the wrong person…. Or something like that.

“Well, if you’re willing to back me up. I’ll talk to the others,”

“I will,”

“Thanks Noriko, Ja ne,”

I was left alone again as he ran off, waving at me. But not for long, I determined. I knew where Motoko was, and I was determined to spend some quality time with my high-school friend. I wasn’t sure what exactly we could talk about, I was curious to see how my changed perspective would affect things.

“Noriko,” a voice tried to stop me.

I ignored it.

“Noriko,” it insisted. A heavy hand grabbed at my shoulder.

I spun on my heel. “What?” I spat.

Kawaoru Nagisa was smiling at me. What the fangirls were calling stunning alazarin eyes were boring through my soul, riding a hollow mockery of a friendly smile,

“I need to speak with you,”

“Fuck off Kawaoru!”

I’m certain half the campus heard that. He didn’t seem ashamed, and I certainly didn’t feel the need to be. Time to put my tsun-tsun hat on. How would Asuka deal with him? I consciously copied her usual stance. Legs planted, arms akimbo, staring down the target while trying to stretch myself up.

His expression didn’t change. “I still don’t under…”

I deliberately slammed the door on that sentence. “Look. I don’t get why you’re being so friendly with me,” I hissed through my teeth. “I don’t care. I’m just waiting for the day you turn around and finally decide it’s your turn to make a run at Third Impact. And when that day comes it won’t be Shinji taking minutes to think about it, holding you in Unit 01’s hand. It’ll be me, with a grin on my face, glad to wait just a few seconds to savour the moment before getting my revenge and making your body go pop in my fingers,”

And that mental image never failed to make me smile. Ever squeeze a jelly baby between your fingers when you were a child?

“Even if that would hurt Shinji?” he enquired “If I was Shinji’s friend, you would murder me?”

“Don't use Shinji as a shield! You destroyed me, remember?” I tried my best to loom and menace. He smelled of sweat and LCL. “I’m beating you by building myself back up and putting myself together. I’m getting used to it. I can live like this. But I can’t forgive you for taking my life from me. I am going to destroy you.”

And that was a fucking promise. Drilled into his chest with my finger.

That got a reaction. A momentary shock. Kaworu doesn't like pain. Kaworu doesn't know what pain is.

“So be it.” And he knew he was going to die anyway. He would have to. He didn't even bat an eyelid. “ I just assumed you would like to know about the next Angel,”

“Misato’s party hasn’t happened yet,” I hissed.

“No, but Sahaquiel won’t play by the script. Sahaquiel will play to win,”

He spoke with the same, serene certainty he always did.


“I don't know how, just that he'll try,” said Kawaoru.

“Well thank you. That's a great fucking help that is,”

“You're welcome,” he said, mildly.

I went arms akimbo. Another deliberate Asuka imitation. I was on a roll. “What, no concept of sarcasm, Mysterious Stranger?”

“I believe you are grateful for the warning, even if your anger doesn't let you truly show it,”

What. The. Christ.

“Whatever. I’m done.”

I spun on a heel with a weighty swish from my hair. It pendulumed behind me, dragging my head just a little. I stomped away from him, driving my heels into the tarmac. Stones crunched under thin-soled shoes and I would be damned if I wasn’t glad half the school wasn’t watching that.

The virtuous cycle of self-confidence continued.

A mental image of who Noriko was supposed to be was beginning to form in my mind. Asuka-lite. Heavy on the dere, with enough tsun-tsun to give the right amount of spice. In otherwords, normal, well adjusted.... with an irrational hatred of one particular person that nobody will be able to explain. Misato without the real dark parts, and hopefully with the same.... bounce.

Myself was mine to define from here on in.

It's funny. In fiction, the heroes were always the hero. They could be safe in that knowledge. While the coward could assure himself that he would always be the coward. But, here and now, in Tokyo-3, the self-called hero could become a coward. And the self-called coward could become a hero.

We are who we make ourselves to be. Ask Shinji about that in a few episodes time.

I choose to be happy.

I probably shouldn't have yelled “I am shit hot!” and punched the air in the middle of the schoolyard.

But I felt great. I was in that wonderful time of bliss between the time when I dealt with my own problems, but the one’s Noriko had before the accident hadn’t quite manifested themselves yet. Enjoy it while it lasts, because if Noriko’s neuroses don’t hit, something else is going to come along to take this away from me. A meteorite from above perhaps.

Eating as I walked, I looked for Motoko.

Shinji was at the centre of attention again, flanked by both stooges as they dealt illicit pictures. I could hear him laughing in the centre of it. Asuka was in the bathroom….. that was a sickening reminder of something I really hated. It made me cringe inside.

Where was Motoko?

The alarm bell interrupted my search.

Back to the drudgery. I’d catch her on the network. Save the world, go to school. Get chewed out by a teacher who doesn’t appreciate me trying to winkle out of an assignment using a clever justification based on the subject of that assignment. The one thing Misato couldn’t beat was a teacher’s sense of arrogant superiority.

A failing grade, I was the only student failing history. Everyone found the concept of one of the Eva pilots failing hilarious.

I received commiserations from Motoko, humiliation from everyone else.

And a hell of a shock when the RSS feed suddenly exploded with tsunami warnings. The eleventh? I snatched a glance at Nagisa, then at the others in the class. He wasn’t doing anything more than sitting through his lesson, pretending to be normal. Asuka was tapping away one-finger scrolling throough whatever she was reading. Shinji appeared to notice, but not be too bothered.

News followed through ten minutes later; Another earthquake off old Tokyo, a faultline dumping aeons of stress…. Nothing more.

All it did was get my heart racing, and collapse a few old buildings on the coast that were well rotten.

Our next assignment was a writing assignment. Speculative fiction. Had Second Impact not happened, what would the world have been like?

This. This would be easy.
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Eva Technician
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Postby Dartz » Sat Feb 18, 2012 1:36 pm

undeath. Not that anyone here is worried.

I live in a world where half of humanity was wiped out by natural disaster, giant monsters beyond our understanding are attacking and the only way to fight them off is using technology centuries ahead of its time, powered by weaponised maternal instincts and piloted by children of questionable sanity. I write an essay on alternate histories for class, about a world where Second Impact never happened. I tell the truth, straight down the middle….

And it gets rejected for not being believable in the slightest. A good technothriller maybe, but completely unrealistic. An hour later I was sitting in my giant robot.

What is the real world, when the truth about where I came from gets rejected as a ridiculous fiction?

This one. Because right now, this is where I am. September 11th, 2015, Neo-Tokyo 3.

A week had gone by. A week of training. I saw Nagisa going through the same training I had. I saw him at school stalking around by himself.

A bunch of us went swimming up at the new Lake Takanosu. It was nice to be around other girls without feeling like the outsider all the time, or uncomfortably self-conscious. It was just the normal teenage self-consciousness.

I made First Lieutenant in a small ceremony, where I received a medal for killing an Angel. My emotional armour was at it’s strongest.

We did this really cool exercise, an officer training thing, where each of us was put in a single room and given a pair of television screens and our own bridge-bunny. I got Maya. The screens would only show surveillance camera footage of a squad of troops we had to pass orders on to. We were given a simple objective; building a cart out of an assortment of random parts from scrap cars, then guiding them and the cart through an obstacle course under simulated fire.

The test was of our ability to think through a problem, take advice, and then make sure that I could get my point across through a bridge-bunny with nothing more than a comm-link. I think the real reason was to give us a little bit of sympathy for the difficulties of command.

I did alright. My initial plan of doing whatever Misato would do failed when I realised I had no idea what Misato would actually do. So I just asked the squad for ideas since they knew better, then chose which of their own ideas to implement. Mission completed, with the third best time. Asuka grabbed the bull by the horns and controlled everything, micromanaging the slightest details. She finished first, a full minute and a half ahead of everyone else. Technically she got two of her people ‘killed’ in the process, so was docked points. Rei took the same approach I did, coming in second just ten seconds ahead of me. Kawaoru was fourth, with Shinji taking the longest.

Finally, we were graded by the troops . They liked Asuka’s ability to take control quickly… to a point, though greatly disliked her tendency to get them killed. But it was hard to argue with results. Shinji, at the opposite end, just didn’t assert himself enough while Kawaoru did his usual thing of being pleasant at first, but creeping everyone out in large doses and sowing discord. In a tossup between myself and Rei. They felt that Rei was the best commander; I just didn’t contribute enough ideas of my own into the mix and took a little too long to make decisions.

After that were a full-up battle-simulations. Angels just didn’t use regular tactics and regular tactics just didn’t work against them, so they were really only good for teamwork practice, getting us working together. The usual practice was for 00, 03 and 04 to provide fire support, pinning or – more likely – irritating the shit out of an Angel enough that it’d ignore 01 and 02 flanking with prog-weapons. We provided covering fire for a fighting withdrawal, or a high speed advance. In simulations, it worked.

In reality, it was doubtful any Angel would arrive in a way that let us actually do it.

Technically the last Angel had, and maybe Zeruel when it appears, but otherwise supposed be little more than a starting point to try so we could see how the Angel responded, then adjust tactics to match and try again. Lather, rinse, repeat and hope it doesn’t take too long to figure out how to blow it up. It wasn’t a case of monster of the week, it was outside context problem of the week. I had a leg up in that regard, which I couldn’t really use without answering some very uncomfortable questions.

That was followed by the usual pain-desensitisation exercises. Those were always tough. Focus on a complex task, while they put you through an artificial agony. As a counterpoint, the usual sync tests were an exercise in monotony. Since when did sharing my mind with the slumbering presence inside a thirty-story biomech that bordered on being a textbook example of an abomination against nature become routine?

I knew what she was capable of, but never felt threatened by her. Unit 03 was a big old mama bear, I was her cub and she always seemed glad when I first sync’d. She had moods, I was certain of it. Maybe they were reflections of my own, or maybe they were hers. When I was happy, she seemed almost cheerful. When I was scared, she was soothing. When I was angry, she was savage.

Sometimes it made me wonder how sapient she actually was.

That was my advantage over the other pilots. I knew who was in there with me.

Best of all, I had a plugsuit with more chest room and some new plastic trim under the ribcage. My confidence peaked in a sleek figure-hugging plugsuit. Being the eldest pilot had it’s advantages. I was stronger, faster…. Among other things. And, from a comfort perspective, it was certainly better to be a female Eva pilot, than a male. Dimensional consistency made wearing a skintight plugsuit so much more comfortable. I certainly saw Shinji suffer more than once at the sight of Asuka walking in front of him.

You have been assimilated, Noriko. Resistance was futile wasn’t it?

Daily life was a bit more give and take, but it still evened out. And the things I actually liked about myself had nothing to do with gender.

It was a Wednesday that managed to be utterly unremarkable, except for the rain hammering at the windows of the bedroom. The downside of having a lot of black hair. It took forever and an age to get dry.

The upside. It was an excuse to sit in just my underwear and a t-shirt enjoying the hot-air blast from a hairdryer. Asuka was providing fanservice for the perverted behind me as she changed out of her school uniform, while I was more interested in the doujin that was cradled in my crossed legs.

“Are you ever going to be finished with that?”

“This is why I bought my own,” I cooed at her, wearing a smile of smug, self satisfaction. “Yours is in the bathroom.”

A low growl rose from her throat. I sat my ground. More self confidence means resisting Asuka gets easier, means more self confidence. It keeps working. She stormed out in her underwear.

I smiled to myself.

I heard her go into the bathroom, clattering around as she tried to find her own. She was swearing in German. I was gaining some vicarious thrills courtesy of Rally Vincent.

The bathroom door opened. Asuka was coming back. Till Lindeman stared down at me from a poster, waiting patiently for her return.

The front door opened. Three voices entered.

“Thanks for letting us stay, Shinji,” I heard Kensuke remark.

“Yeah, man… it’s just….” Silence. Touji stopped dead in mid sentence.

An alarm went off in my mind. Asuka screamed. She shrieked Germanic curses. It was a screaming, howling storm of rage and fury. Touji dove in boots and all with a studs-up verbal tackle. Being called tiny-tits certainly didn’t do much for her volume control.

Her underwear was getting a bit.... tight on me.

I popped out a head through the door to enjoy the drama scene. Three boys, soaked to their skins and dripping a trail of water on the floor, so caught up in the argument they seemed to be oblivious to the fact Asuka was still standing there, bare feet planted on wooden floor, in her underwear.

“Asuka.” Shinji interrupted, his voice somewhere on the nervous side of calm. “Misato’s still in bed.”

A deep yawn made that a lie, cutting off Asuka's snark before she could do more than scowl bitterly at them.

Kensuke snapped to attention. They both bowed to the point where I thought they would fall over. How to do that without headbutting the ground was a skill I’d never master.

“We apologise for our unforgivable rudeness ma’am,” they both harmonised.

Shinji blinked. Asuka stood there blind-sinded, trying to look angry and generally failing.

“I needed to wake up anyway,” she batted it away, stifling a yawn. I smothered a laugh behind my hands.

Kensuke adjusted his glasses, inspecting something on Misato’s collar. His eyes seemed to zoom in. My good humour dissolved as he snapped to attention, throwing a crisp salute.

“Congratulations on your promotion Major Katsuragi!”

So. That would be tonight.

And then Sahaquiel over the next couple of days.

And shifting to [URL=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PCgm_N_2-C18QBFrrkpGUsfUe-upmvJVpqUhAOzGt7Y/edit]GDocs[/URL] if anybody wants to check on WIP or make in-stream comments.
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Eva Technician
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End of Part 12

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Postby Dartz » Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:55 pm

It's a good place to cut things and get something that says 'I'm not dead' out there. End of Part 12 so, at 20 kilowords.

We were both dressed in our plugsuits, making our way through anonymous corridors to a sync test.

“You might’ve backed me up earlier,” Asuka hissed at me.

Says the person who, if I had’ve charged to her defence would’ve been just as pissed off and vehement that she didn’t ever need any help whatsoever.

“I was wearing panties and a t-shirt.” I offered in my own defence.

“And you sent me out there in a bra and panties rather than lend me yours . It was your fault Noriko,”

And clearly she expected me to make it up to her.

“Alright, alright,” I raised my hands in surrender. Time for a peace offering. “I was going to go shopping tomorrow with Motoko, maybe you could come along?”

I really had planned it in advance. A thin smile formed on her lips. “If you’re paying for ice-cream?”


Friendship with Asuka was expensive. We passed the male locker rooms on the way. Shinji, and Kaworu were just ahead of us, reversing the usual order of things. Asuka nudged me in the side, whispering into my ear.

“Y’know. From this angle, the fifth isn’t so bad,”

Showing remarkable intelligence and my usual razor sharp mind, I answered;


“Weird personality. But a nice body,” she smirked at me. “I wonder if that’s how boys see Rei?”

“I’ll take your word for it,” I demurred, trying to hide a big fat lump of hate filled revulsion wrapped in vengeance and spiced with naked spite rising up the back of throat. She was wrong anyway.

“I am not like him,” Rei reminded us of her presence. And that she was at least bilingual.

“You are what I say you are,” Asuka sneered at her.

If I had to pin Rei’s expression, it was somewhere between ‘Why did I even bother speaking?’ and ‘Not this shit again’.

“I think she’s right,” I said, tentatively testing the ground. “Kaworu is like a serial killer. Rei....” I pondered for a moment. “She’s just shy and sheltered,” Enough that she seemed completely unbothered by us talking about her. “It’s not really a sexual thing. She just acts like she needs protecting. It feeds the big brother instinct and the desire to care for a younger sister. They want to matter to someone.”

She blinked. Her eyes narrowed. “Whatever.... boys are weird.”

I don’t know. They made perfect sense to me. Then again, I did have certain advantages

“So. Gun to your head. You have to choose one of them, which would you choose to spend the night with, for the good of the human race,”

“Ikari.” I answered. I didn’t even hesitate.

“Huh?” he glanced back at me, hearing his name.

“Nothing,” we harmonised.

“And you? Which would you?”

She grinned at me. “I’d rather take the bullet.”

As if that was the only noble option.

I pouted to hide my smile. “You never told me that was an option,”

“When it comes to preserving myself, taking the bullet is always an option,” She continued with her haughty posturing. Her body was as pure as spring water, reserved especially for one person. Her eyes glimmered as she thought of something funny

“What about you First?”

I caught the sneer in her voice as she asked.

“Ikari,” Rei answered. Straight off the cuff.

Asuka made a show of shrugging her shoulders. “Well I guess you two will have to share then. I’m sure the pervert won’t be picky,”

I didn’t take the bait.

I placed a finger to my lips. “Hmm.... that might even be kinda fun,”

A moment later I found myself agreeing with myself. It would be interesting. My insides squirmed at the thought.

“No,” Rei said, simply.

Both of us looked at her. Her expression was as impassive as ever. Those red eyes regarded us with their same quiet curiousity they always did.

“First doesn’t like to share, does she?” she groused.

“No,” Rei repeated.

“Well, I don’t want him. He’s too whiny. He never stands up for himself and he’s a total perv’.”

The thought occurred to me to call her bluff, just to watch her go pop. But then I’d end up winning a hand I really preferred to lose anyway. She saved herself for Kaji.... being selfish I saved myself only for myself.

I was smiling like an idiot at that thought all the way to the main control room. Ritsuko was there with the usual briefing beforehand instructing us on the specific details of the day’s test. I paid my usual attention until she finally mentioned my name.

“Noriko. One last thing....Worcester finally got off their ass and sent the simulation data for Unit 03, along with that of 04. You can join the others in the simulation plugs.”

“Why not Unit 03?”

“Safety protocols. It is much safer to use the simulation system, than the actual Eva.”

Safer for the pilot, anyway. The simulators were the standard entry plug design, but instead of being mounted to the Eva directly, they were connected via a massive collection of metaphysical technobabble that transmitted the signals between pilot and mecha. It was a tangle of cables and conduits bubbling away at the bottom of a bleach-smelling tank of cooling fluid.

Firstly, it was impossible to get trapped inside a berserker Eva if you weren’t inside it in the first place. Secondly, falling into the coolant pool would be embarrassing. Falling off the shoulder armour of an Evangelion would be lethal.

Nobody wanted that accident.

Internally, it was a case of the simulator being the same, but....

For one thing, there were no visual displays to keep my interested, no little toys. 03 was there but, syncing through the simulation system was a lot like driving a car with an automatic gearbox.

There was a strange inertia in the system. It really felt like trying to turn a propeller by stirring the water you’d suspended it in. It took a while to get up to speed once you started, and it ran on even when you were pulling back.

The effect on my scores was pretty much as expected. Akagi was unusually conciliatory, assuring me that it was just while I adapted to the system.

The effect on Asuka when she was politely informed that she had to do better since Shinji was catching up on her was also pretty much, as expected. I made a note to avoid that thunderstorm by spending twenty minutes in the public baths. Rei gave nobody any surprises.

“And in his first test, Nagisa scores forty point two percent synchronisation, with a harmonics value of two-five-two.”


Everyone looked at me.

Ritsuko continued “As the Fourth Child so eloquently put it, those are exceptional scores for a first test.”

It took me weeks to match that. He was cheating. He was doing that sync on demand thing.

“So, it looks like we have another prodigy on our hands,” Asuka sneered at him, “Maybe the rest of us who have to work at our tests should give up now?”

“Beginner’s luck,” Nagisa assured her, diplomatically. “Nothing more,”

Rei was staring hard at him.

“Well, if it translates to an operational score with Unit 04....”

“Wait, he hasn’t even been tried in an actual Eva yet?” Soryhu interrupted.

She stole the words from my open mouth.

Akagi glared at her as I shuffled in behind, lending my support. “....I would see no reason not to move him to operational status as soon as Unit 04 arrives from America,” She paused, sucking on the end of her pen. “Of course, if you want his operational scores now, there’re enough similarities between 04 and Unit 02. We could run him tomorrow...”

“No way!”

“When is Unit 04 coming?”

Hello Bardiel.

“Within the next two weeks, once final airlifting arrangements are met.”

Kill two angels with one bullet. Perfect.

I made a point to get out of there as quickly as possible. Nagisa was ruining everything. He ruined everything. He was walking ruin with a smile on it’s face. He sucked out all my good humour and replaced it with vile hate and anger. He used it to power that evil little smile of his.

“So, what’s up between you and the new wunderkind?”

Asuka, halfway out of her plugsuit, decided to interrupt my private two-minute-hate. She was fishing for allies to go against the newest threat, that much was obvious.

“That’s private,”

I didn’t even try to be subtle. It got dangerously close to things-she-was-not-meant-to-know.

“Heh, Jealous of him destroying your scores so easily. Maybe it’ll mean the end for us who have to work at things, when it all comes so easy to them,”

“Knock it off, Asuka,”

I was ready to fight my corner... I was ready for anything from her except what she did next. The energy drained right from her body, all that bluster just blew away, replaced by an expression that might almost have been sympathetic.

“What did he do to you?”

It was completely disarming. I stood for a second, half naked, trying to figure out what I could say to her to get her to drop it, without blowing the whole lot back in her face. She was going out on a limb.... offering a hand.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” I said, offering a forced smile.

She scowled at me. “Well he had to have done something. You hate him. It’s so blind stinking obvious enough that you hate him that I’ve overhead Misato talking about it.”

My jaw fell open.

“You recognised him when we first met, even though it was his first time in Japan. And you hated him from the first second.”

I started to feel ill. She noticed that?

“So, you’ve met him before, haven’t you? And he did something to you. He did something to you horrible enough to make you hate him with ever fibre of your being, and enough that you don’t want to talk about it. ”

And she was determined to weedle it out of me. I knew exactly what she was insinuating.

My first instinct was to leave.... to get out of there and get as far away from her as possible.... but she’d track me down. She’d hunt me down and she’d corner me and she’d drag it out of me.

Whether it was to satisfy her own curiousity, or she was genuinely trying to help...

If she thought I’d been...

I can’t tell anyone about what I really am, about what he really did, can I?

I can’t tell the truth.

I can’t outright lie to her and make up something that’d take ten minutes to prove wrong. That’d just piss her off.

And leave me in the exact same place. Actually, it’d leave me down a friend.

I took a breath, and didn’t look at her face.

“I’m going to the public baths. If you want me to tell you, meet me there in twenty minutes. And promise you won’t call me a lunatic,”

I hoped this would work.

Now I had to figure out what to tell her, and how. The fun couldn’t last, could it?


What is it with the tenth Angel killing Eva fics ;P
-------m(^0^)m------ Wot, no sig?

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Postby Deepak » Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:32 pm

good stuff I see

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Postby Dartz » Sun Sep 02, 2012 7:59 am

And more

I'm sure someone will get in a snit over the Room of Gauf fanwank. Go right ahead.

Tokyo-3 was burning in the night sky. Sparks rolled up like fireflies dancing in glowing orange clouds of smoke. Smaller fires were splashed across the mountainside, burning in patches in the forests. Most were already dying on their own, smothered by the damp conditions.

Old Hakone was slowly being consumed by flames. I watched the flames licking across and between houses in the old city, first taking a tentative taste before consuming the building whole. The wooden buildings just went up like tinder. Fire crews did their best, but it was a losing battle. A gas bottle rode a jet of fire into the sky.

The flames illuminated the main city; damaged but still mostly intact. We’d kept the worst of it from falling on the main city.

Everything was to protect the city. And only the city.

Another orange glow silhouetting the ridgeline to the South was a pyre for Minamizu, sending a column of black ash kilometres into the sky. Rainout had covered everything in a thin layer of black ash-muck. Bigger shards of ejecta were still scattered about. Blasted high into the air while molten, they’d glassified as they cooled before shattering when they landed.

I was too tired to feel anything. My home was being slowly nibbled to death before my eyes, I was beyond feeling sick at watching the destruction. Naked fatigue had left me feeling like the little black nub left when the majority of the candle had burned down. The flame was still burning. It was still barely clinging on.

But it lacked the capacity to do much if anything else.

“Stand down from Alert One. All Units, Stand down from Alert one,”

My body was running on autopilot. My hands swept across the controls, powering Unit 03 down. Touchscreens flickered and warped beneath my fingers. Switches thunked on the control throttles, answered by chirrups from the seat-mounted speakers.

The procedure was simple. Secure and safety any armament. Shut down targeting radars so the techs wouldn’t get microwaved. Throttle back the power to the minimum necessary to move. Then finally dock with a mobile parking gantry.

The Main Energy Systems display switched over from ‘Racing’ to ‘Slow’. Power consumption fell off to less than a hundredth of its usual value. I could feel the energy draining from her body. The last few megawatts were used to stand the Eva up into its parked position. Docking clamps from the gantry engaged on the shoulders, supporting thousands of tons of meat and armour.

It was a weight off my mind.

“Unit 03, request fixed power connection,”

Maya looked well rested when her face appeared beside me. Another alarm beeped somewhere, distracting me for a second. My mind swam as I tried to figure out what it had been. Nothing seemed to have changed.

Control; “Fixed power connection establish. Cleared to power down to idle mode”

“Unit 03 Roger. Shutting..... uh..... powering down to shut. Power down to idle Roger,”

The space between my ears was flooded with a strange treacly confusion that clung itself to all thought and idea and dragged them down to become part of the growing mire of the mind.

Focus Noriko.


Something’s missing somewhere.

I scanned around. Everything seemed normal. All the displays gave me what looked like the correct information. No alarms. No flashing warnings. The only idiot lights were the ones that should’ve been lit.

Hy hand hovered over the controls, my eyes tracking to my fingers. Everything blurred, colours and lights slurring together. I closed my eyes and shook my head, opening them again.

I blinked.


My eyelids hung half closed.

What am I missing?

Maya’s face was still framed in a window to my left.

Control; “Unit 03, is there a problem?”

I looked at her.

“No, no problem.”

My voice croaked.

Control; “Then why haven’t you switched to idle mode yet?”

Her smile was a warming ray of sunshine that brought light to the darkening recesses of my mind.

“Right, right.” I offered her a sheepish smile.

I took one look back at the array of information displayed on the monitors around me, and completely forgot what I was going to do. All that was left was a dim haze smothering the echo of the idea of what I was about to do.

Maya’s face still watched. Her smile still shone.

“Right! The power!”

It was a complete Eureka moment. The fog cleared and I finally brought the Eva down to a quiescent idle. Power was being drawn from the batteries which were being continuously replenished by the umbilical cable.

She was idle, but still ready to jump at a moments notice. It was chased by a burp that sent a bubble floating back to the top of the entry plug

I swallowed a deep breath of LCL which mutated into a deep drawn out yawn.

“How long do I have?”

Another yawn rang off the walls.

Control; “Unit 04 will arrive in four hours. The Angel’s next orbit will take ninety-three minutes.”

I glanced to my right.

Mission Elapsed Time: 31:40:25

Nearly thirty-two hours.

That’s the last thing I remember before falling asleep.


I was never more afraid than I was waiting for Asuka. It was the worst ten minutes of my life so far. It was the longest ten minutes of my life so far. It was time enough for me to run through every possible permutation of this...

Each one with a worse outcome than the last.

Sitting there in hot water, with every muscle in my body stretched taught demanding that I run away. I already knew I couldn’t tell her the whole truth. It was beyond unbelievable, and I didn’t want to do what I figured I’d have to do to get her to believe it.

Half the truth would be enough.

Half the truth felt right. Especially when the only thing I knew for certain about what happened to me was that Nagisa had been responsible, and that I never wanted to go through it again. Even to go home.

Maya was there. The number ‘04’ had been scarred onto her back some time ago, a pink shadow of a sports jersey somehow branded into place. Even the normal ones had their scars I guess. Like Misato, I had both kinds.

A three story monitor displaying an image of Mt Fuji framed by cherry blossoms towered over the entire bath. The bath itself was big enough to be a swimming pool if it’d been any deeper, more than large enough to feel empty despite being crowded enough to be filled by a buzz of conversation. Someone was getting married.

I’d found a quiet corner for myself where I tried to relax a little before Asuka arrived.

Instead of relaxing, I was burning with apprehension.

Asuka entered ten minutes after I expected her to, with a towel clinging to her body as she strode with confidence. I hoped in vain she wouldn’t spot me sitting in the corner but those ice blue eyes locked right in on target.

She slipped out of her towel, and then into the water beside me doing her level best not to let anyone see her naked body. It didn’t stop all the other women from looking at her, exchanging whispers among each other.

“So, what is it with the Japanese and communal bathing? It’s so unsanitary.”

Everyone heard her. They retreated away from her, clearing us a private space in the bath, cursing the dirty foreigner for polluting the water with her unwashed body.

Gaijin Smash! Something only a blue-eyed redhead could possibly get away with.

“Okay,” she began, “Spill it Noriko; How do you know Fifth?”

Everything I’d prepared beforehand and stored in my mind just melted in the intensity of her gaze.Those eyes had a laser beam intensity that froze me in place. Words locked up in my throat.

I fought the urge to shuffle back away from her.

“I have seen Kaworu before.”


“I saw him in my dreams before I woke up in the hospital.”

That did a merry tapdance right along the line dividing true and false. I forced myself to swallow and meet her gaze. She didn’t seem puzzled.... she just waited with building impatience for me to keep going.

“I should have died in the crash. I was declared dead.” I looked down at the scars still left behind. “I saw the future.... “ I looked at her. She still betrayed nothing about what she thought of this. “Kaworu told me he was an Angel, and...” I paused to collect myself. “Kaworu did this to me.”

The look on her face said it all. You’re crazy.

“Kaworu destroyed my psyche. He destroyed my self. He destroyed everything about me and I’ve been slowly rebuilding a personality out of the remains.”

She actually eased back. The other women at the other end had gone quiet and I was glad we’d stuck to my native language. I could feel my momentum building. I could feel tears starting to rise in my eyes and part of me was secretly glad because it’d give my performance a little extra credence.

“Kaworu is an Angel. He is the seventeenth.” I took a breath and looked at the other women, who’d gotten back to chatting. “ I don’t know if the others know. But I do.” I tried to stare at Asuka, who seemed to be dithering between shock, confusion and outright disbelief. I stopped caring. “I know a few days in advance when they’re coming. I already knew EVA. I already knew Misato before she came to my hospital room. I knew you, Shinji and Rei. I knew who you were before I met you.” My throat tightened again as images of the person in front of me screaming, desperately trying to move her Eva, with her eye cascade of blood flashed through my mind. “And I know how it ends.”

“How?” she asked.

“Everybody dies.” I croaked out. I swallowed another breath, gritting my teeth. “And I hate Kaworu because when he gave me this knowledge, he raped my mind and ruined me.”

Yes, I did use the R-word. Yes I meant it. Yes, I was aware of the irony. I pored all of my frustration and fury and hate into it. If I could’ve stabbed him with it I would have.

I could see her turning it over in her mind, switching between disbelief, confusion, uncertainty and surprise at how vehement I was.

“If you already knew me, you would be able to tell me something about my past.” she said, mildly. I knew immediately where this was going. And if she asked me, I knew I’d tell her. “I know I haven’t told you this, Noriko, so if you already knew me you could tell me what my major was in, in college. So what was it?”

Her face expected an answer.

For a moment my jaw dropped wide. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me. I could’ve told her exactly what happened to her mother. I could’ve told her about her father, the nurse, the stuffed monkey doll. But Goddammit why wasn’t what she studied in college EVER in the series?

“I don’t know everything.” I defended.

“But you know when the next Angel is due.”

“Sort of.” I nodded.

“And you know what it will be then?” She pushed.

“Kaworu said this would be different. But it should fall from orbit sometime over the next few days.”

“They arrive roughly every two weeks.... there’s always an Angel in the next few days.”

Shot down again. My shoulders fell.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

I didn’t mean to, but I was certain I was giving her a pleading look, desperate for her to say she did anyway.

“No”, she shook her head. “But I believe you believe yourself.” she said, cautiously. “But, what’s a more logical explanation? That the Fifth Child is really an Angel and he gave you the secrets of the future, or that you still have some lingering injury to the brain that affects your memory, and causes you to retroactively reinterpret and rewrite your memories.” She took a breath. “ Just one of these is scientifically documented.”

“But.”I swallowed a lump in my throat “I’m not crazy.” My voice had shrunk down to the size of a mouse, recoilling back down my throat.

“I’m not calling you crazy. I respect you, Noriko. I’d respect anyone who could be as fit and as ‘almost normal’ as you after an injury like that. But, isn’t it more likely?”

If it hadn’t happened to me....

“The Fifth is pretty creepy.” she continued. “Physically he’s kinda attractive but he makes my skin crawl, especially when he looks at me.” A shudder went through her body. “Like wondergirl, something is just wrong about him. Isn’t it more likely that your mind created a reason to justify that feeling to yourself?”

I had a trump card to play, but I just couldn’t bring myself to play it. Besides, she’d probably assume Misato let it slip and I’d subconsciously retconned it to fit with my warped worldview now. It was a far better, more logical explanation than what I was offering.

“Are you going to tell anyone about this?”

“I won’t if you don’t want me to. But try to tone down the hate for wonderboy if you don’t want other people prying. I don’t know what the others would do if they found out.”

The worst possibility was that it could have been true. On one level, the idea that it was all just a fractured mind trying to make sense of the world made a lot of sense.

No. I was right. I was certain of it. I knew who I was and what had happened to me. I knew beyond all shadow of a doubt..

She just wouldn’t believe me. And making an issue of it would bring down other forces. Maybe I should have lead with ‘I’m really a grown man stuffed into the body of a fourteen year old girl. I come from a universe where this is all a TV show. I’ve seen the bad end..... oh, and your mom hung herself’.

“Thanks,” I offered with a forced smile.

“Well, that’s just one of the advantages of being my friends, isn’t it?” she said haughtily, stretching herself to rise up above me. “It’s the duty of the strong, after all, to look after those in need.”

I slipped down to my neck in the water.

I had to remind myself that it could have gone worse. She could’ve outright called me a lunatic, or a liar and I might’ve blown my friendship entirely. Instead, Asuka just thought I was completely brain damaged.


She pushed herself up out of the water. “I’m going to go call Hikari and let her know about later.” she heaved a sigh. “And Shinji asked me to bring the First too, but you know what she’ll say.”

“I’ll stay here for a few minutes.”

“Don’t be late,” she warned. “You know he’s bringing Touji the stomach with him.”

“I’ll catch up,” I assured her. “I’ll bring Motoko too. It’ll give us numerical superiority.”

She left me alone there, leaving with just as much confidence as she entered. The others stayed at the opposite end, conspiring amongst themselves about the pilots and their peculiarities.

A few moments after she’d left I shot to my feet.

Asuka said she respected me.


I fell asleep in the Eva.

I rarely slept soundly. I had nightmares about being trapped in an airline seat by my own broken bones, drenched in fuel while watching the flames crawl towards me. If it wasn’t that, it was waking up at home, going through the whole genderbender thing again in the other direction, then getting to watch the people I’d grown to like beg me to come back and help while they died. I was crushed alive by unit 01, machinegunned by the JSSDF, discovered as the fraud I wasn’t anymore...

And when I did dream, my dreams went beyond weird.

It was a dream... but not. I was aware. I knew I was dreaming. I knew I was asleep. But there I was still perfectly aware, standing in a facsimile the city, in a park beside Kaworu Nagisa.

But something was a little weird about about him. It started with the unidentifiable tune he was humming.

“I’m Kaworu,” Kaworu said. “All of him.”


He looked no different. Same red eyes. Same graphite hair. Same alabaster skin. But still different nonetheless.

“The Kaworu you know is a three dimensional reflection of me, existing in a form compatible with lilin consciousness. The Angels exist wholly in a dimension beyond human consciousness, what you would know as the Fifth Dimension. Metaphysics calls it the Room of Gauf.”

Again, I allowed my true genius to show. “Huh?”

The world dissolved into a single white room. Kaworu held up a piece of paper and drew a dot on it.

“This is a point. It has no height, no width or depth It just is. It exists riding uncontrollably along time’s arrow.”

“Right, right.” I got it.

“ Now… add a second point. “ he drew another dot, “And fill in the line between them. That line between points is the first dimension. It has length… and only length.”

“The X direction. Right? “ I see where this is going, “With Y and Z as the second and third dimensions, and the Fourth being time.”

“Almost,” he smiled at me, “But for now lets just stay in two dimensions. Imagine somebody who lives solely in the second dimension. They have length and width, but no height… this stick figure”… he drew a simple humanoid shape. “If he were to encounter a 3 dimensional object, what would he see?”

“Slices in two dimensions as the object transects his home plane.”

Now I knew where this was going, I could begin to sound like something more than a child receiving a lecture.

“Yes. And if he were to move anywhere? “

“He could only move along an X’Y plane.”

“Now, what happens if we fold his two-dimensional plane in the third dimension like so,” He twisted the paper once, then took both ends so they joined up. “Now watch. Imagine the two dimensional man walking along this path.” He drew a line starting at the split…

“It’s a moebius strip.” I said, “He can move in the second dimension and never reverse his direction, but still end up back where he started, because he’s been moved in the third dimension, and isn’t aware of it.”

“Precisely.” He smiled… perhaps a little surprise. “Now look up,”

I saw him and myself. A dark haired girl who just looked like she realised something profound, standing beside another Kaworu

“What the?”

“So you understand?” alt-Kaworu said.

“I do,” alt-me answered. “But that’s just…weird.” She shuddered.

“Follow me,” the Kaworu beside me directed, tugging me gently by the shoulder. I think I knew where this was going…

We walked while he talked.

“Imagine what would happen then to those who can only perceive in three dimensions, moving forward in their own dimension, who’s path is then moved within the Fourth Dimension. They themselves will not be aware of it. To them, all they see is the snapshot of the Fourth Dimension which transects the planes of the Third Dimension they perceive… the ‘now’. Now would they notice if the Fourth dimension were looped back in it’s own moebius strip? As creatures they could keep moving forward, but still end up at the same startpoint over and over again.”

I had a horrible feeling about where this was going.

“On a larger scale, this is what happens to the world. Each Third Impact is like the tape binding the moebius strip together in time. It’s a crash in the universe triggered by the sudden absence and recurrence of sapient awareness. Those living on the strip can’t tell this is happening, they just feel themselves moving forwards, even though they may be treading over the same basic therritory.”

The flaw was obvious, “But I remember seeing myself in the future…” err.. “Past. Whatever?”

“Yes, you do. Because you retain your self awareness throughout the entire trip. Lilin have this clever trick whereby their momentary self includes information from all previous states.”

“My current memories,”

He nodded. “ Third Impact doesn’t just destroy the lilin. The end of each cycle destroys the evidence that it ever existed in the first place, while laying the foundations for the next to begin. The information is destroyed.”

Ends with the Third… begins with the two. Third Impact, and Shinji and Asuka on the beach doing an Adam and Eve. A little more thought on the whole creation myth and suddenly the expulsion from paradise began to make a lot more sense.

The juice left over from Third Impact was an Eden… and the desire for knowledge, the desire to have a self which could understand right or wrong, led to the expulsion from Eden.

I think…

“Now look up,” a familiar voice said from straight infront of me.

I turned my head, and saw the expression on my own face from a few moments ago. Or right now… or … whatever.

“So now you understand?” Kaworu beside me asked.

“I do,” I said… then remembered myself saying the exact same words a few minutes before and shuddered as a few sanity points fluttered away on the wind “But that’s just weird,”

“Follow me,” the Kaworu beside her directed, tugging her gently by the shoulder. I think I knew where she was going…

But didn’t we already go there? And then they’d come around and see the exact same thing, and another cycle would start over…. And… my head started to hurt.

“Okay… I understand that we’re looping around in a cycle. But how do we break the cycle?”

“A system will continue in motion unless an external force acts upon it.” he repeated something I remember him saying “By knowing it exists, we can try find a route that steps off.”

He turned left and I followed him.

“So then… why me?”

“Because I am an Angel.” As if that explained everything. “Lets go back to our dimensions. Think of yourself and all the three dimensions you exist in, squished down to a point. Then, think of yourself in ten minutes time, in a different position. Another point. And the line between them would be the Fourth dimension of time. “

“And a four dimensional being would exist along that entire line simultaneously.”

He nodded again. “But for a being that perceived time above Four dimensions, that’s what you’d look like - a long, amorphous thread, extending from when you came into existence, to when the thread is cut”

“Timeline?” For some reason , I started to think of reality in terms of derivatives. I perceive a snapshot of the Fourth Dimension delta-t in length, then the Fourth dimension is sort of the integral of the third. And the snapshot I perceive now includes information from previous snapshots as part of itself.

“Lifeline. Everything that you are, where and will be, simultaneously. You are birth, life and death all laid out in the one space. Everything that you are and will be.”

I looked at him fearfully,

“You can see the future,”

“Possibilities.” He said. “That change with every action or thought or decision made by the lilin. I can see you dying. I can see you living. All along the one lifeline. Decisions made act as branches along the line, forming new lines. These tangle with the lifelines of others out there, forming the tapestry of life. The Fifth Dimension is the summation of all possible lifelines originating from the origin of this universe. The Fifth Dimension is the room of gauf, it is the one where both Angels and Lilin live.”

“But we’re three dimensional”

“Lilin perceive three dimensions but are fundamentally Fifth Dimensional creatures. The fruit of your knowledge allows you to perceive the universe in a way that causes the timeline to exist as perceived. The lilin soul is a functional part of the three dimensional reality, the perception of which gives it form.”


Okay… now I was confused. The little beachball in my brain was starting to twirl.

“This restricts your immediate perceptions to a single three dimensional plane, but the soul - that which you are - intersects each and every possible timeline you are in. And each intersection is it’s own individual person. Some are almost imperceptibly different from you and some utterly unrecognisable. The desire for individuality keeps you separate from these selves, it gives them form and shape.”

I think I got that.

“Echoes of different timelines reverberate through a soul. A person who dies in a plane crash in one line, might well have a strange fear of flying in another. A writer might call it his muse which allows him to get into the mind of a serial killer. Thoughts and ideas, half-fragments of memories and ripples of emotion bleed through and then disappear.”

I looked at him, feeling a little cold.

“And in those echoes and fragments are pieces of the previous lines of this world. Now, they are inside you.”

His finger stabbed me in the chest. The bolt of pain shocked me awake.

I opened my eyes to be met by a burning sunset above Tokyo 03. A moment later, I realised it wasn’t the sunset that was burning, but the city itself. My eyes scanned around, while I struggled to make sense of what I was seeing around me. I swallowed a lungful of LCL, before finally catching up to where I was and what was happening.

I blew bubbles with a yawn. I’d fallen asleep. Despite the amphetamines, I was so tired I’d fallen asleep anyway. I’d dreamed. Only, it was seared into my memory in the way dreams just weren’t.

Just like the train, I could remember everything. I could remember his eyes staring right through me. Sick anger crawled like a centipede up the back of my throat.

He. Was. In. My. Mind.


“Control to all Units. Control to all Units. Set Condition One. Set Condition One. ”

I’d have worry about it later. Take a deep breath. Try to focus. Try to wake up. Kaworu was somewhere over the North Pacific, about two and a half hours away.

I got about getting Unit 03 ready once again, allowing my awareness to expand out, filling each finger and toe with my mind.

Even she felt tired.


I opened my eyes to be met by a burning sunset over Tokyo-3. The sun had dropped below the level of the clouds for a few minutes before finally sinking beneath the mountains, casting long black shadows.

I could look up and see a stunning rolling grey sea of clouds, crests of swells flecked with orange flame. The ground was still slick with rainwater, a cool breeze threatening further showers later in the night.

Puddles glimmered with orange light. Fire-sparks flickered off skyscraper windows far above me.

The sun began its final plunge below the mountains, a cold shadow embracing me and forcing me to pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders. Darkness rolled up the face of the buildings around me, the fires in the windows going dark as the shadows cast by the mountains rolled up the buildings.

Dusk settled is as the last windows went dark, the glow from the clouds overhead extinguishing a few minutes later. Late-night offices could be picked out, whole floors illuminated in strips of white light. The sky above continued to brood.

At least I hadn’t blown my friendship with Asuka, that was the main thing. She thought I was brain-damaged instead. A small smile came to my lips. Asuka also respected me.

Well, Asuka was far more than the 2 dimensional character I’d once seen on a television screen.

I made it to Motoko’s house a few minutes after dark. The lights were already on, casting a warm glow on the street beyond. I didn’t even hesitate before knocking on the door.

Her father answered and he towered over me. I hated being reminded how small I was. I was looking up at his broad face. Small eyes inspected me.

“I am a friend of Motoko’s, sir. I would like to speak to her.”

It amazed me how clear that came out. He didn’t even blink. He dissapeared back inside for a second. I heard him calling for Motoko. Her answer was smothered by distance. I just couldn’t make her.

“She’s upstairs in her room. Come inside.”

“Thank you sir,”

The Japanese language was great for puns. But for self-esteem? Talking with adults I didn’t know was soul crushing. Keep your head down, and know that you’re the serf. I remembered to leave my runners at the door.

It was a larger home than our apartment, having an upper floor. Two NERV parents, and a post-Second Impact child moved them pretty high up the housing allocation list. They got a standalone house. Aside from families, only high-ranking members of the city government got houses.

The thing I always noticed about other peoples homes, was that they smelled of strange dinners and exotic air fresheners in the way your own home never did. It was an alien place, with strange decorations on the walls, along with photographs of places now drowned beneath the ocean.

I knocked on her door. “Motoko?”


I slid the door open with a smile on my face.

The first thing I saw were the posters. I’d known Motoko was a Daisuke Mifune fan, but her room was practically wallpapered with Mifune posters. It was stunning. It made me just a little uneasy.... Photoshopped eyes gazed longingly down on the bed from multiple angles.

“Oh, I know, Dai is just that awesome isn’t he?”

Motoko seemed to drift away into her own dreams for a moment. She was lounging around in a t-shirt and her underwear, laid back on her bed with her laptop supported on her knees.

I forced myself to smile “...sure.”

It was only a matter of time before I genuinely meant that.anyway.

“You don’t think so?”

“You know how I feel about this.”.

She cringed. “Sorry. Sometimes I forget.”

I waved it off with a swat from my hand. “No big deal.” I sighed. “Anyway I came here Misato was promoted and...” I paused, just taking a moment to get my mind around the sentence.

“You came to invite me to a party to celebrate?”

“Bingo!” I beamed. “How you know?”

“Hikari just posted about it on her DSpora,” she giggled at me. Her fingers pecked at the keys. “And I just told her that I’m coming too.”

She was far too pleased with herself. I let her have her momentary, minor victory

“Touji and Kensuke will be there, so we need to balance things out.”

“Well, I just have to finish the latest chapter of Morita Life. Akira finally gave in to Tetsuo.”

I glanced at the screen. It was the standard fare.... nothing special. Elfin men with razor-shap chests and almost feminine chins.

“I prefer Girl’s love stories myself,” I said, dismissively.

They fired the imagination far better, for one thing.

“I don’t know. There’s something about the thought of grown men being so soft and tender and accepting.” She began to blush. “The only thing more handsome than a crown prince snared in the depths of love, is two crown princes snared in the depths of each other’s love.”

Great. My best friend is a Yaoi fangirl.I set myself in solid ice, freezing my heart solid. “Princes are arseholes.”

“So, you prefer boys like Shinji then?” she needled. “It’s obvious, really.”

Following the usual procedure, I blushed hot and red.

“And so does Asuka’” I tried to slip around the question. Or at least imply without admitting outloud. “And so does Rei.”

“Ooh,” she winced in sympathy. “I suppose if you have to work together, life and death, it does sort of do that. But all three of you?”

I nodded, swallowing a lump. “Shinji likes Rei.” I said. “He thinks Asuka hates him. Asuka is embarrassed admit she likes him even to herself. Rei is unaware of her own feelings and cannot act on them. Shinji afraid to make the first move..”

“And you’re still mentally in the cooties phase,” she added.

“I am mature enough to know I not ready.” I said, pointedly. It wasn’t even a case of being too young. I was still coming to terms with myself... adding another person to the equation was asking for trouble. Especially when my gut reaction to the idea was to get ready to throw up just thinking about it.

“What about Kawaoru?” she asked, mildly.

“Kissing Kaworu would be kissing a Dementor.” I sneered.

She blinked. “Dementora?” Her fingers pattered at her keyboard, the local search engine spitting out the answer before I could even begin to explain. “Ooh. Obscure reference.”

I wasn’t sure if she was more embarrassed by not knowing that herself, or by the fact that her best friend was just that nerdy. Blame Second Impact for the Harry Potter series ending at The Goblet of Fire and falling into obscurity.

“I meant, for Shinji. What about Kaworu and Shinji?”

“Only in..... “ I stopped myself before I said ‘Episode 24’ “Only if he had no friends left.”

When he was alone and desperate for any form of human contact after everyone he cared for had been taken away for him. Well, if it came to that...

“Ask him out.”


Her doujin fell to the floor as she pounced towards me with an almost predatory gleam in her eye. I stared right at her, like a doomed deer watching the wolves approach, paralysed with shock. My jaw dropped open but no sound came out.

“You know you want to.”

The lizard brain wanted to. I didn’t. I snorted at her. “Office romances are doomed to fail.”

Listening in on Misato’s phone conversations with Ritsuko actually paid off for once. I matched her tone exactly.

“Fine. Stay twelve years old. Just admit it....”

I was beyond twelve years old. Part of me was still an adult. I was mature enough to know it’d be a bad idea. And because the idea of acting on those impulses still gave me the same reaction as eating food from the NERV employee canteen again.

The mere exploration of the idea in my mind made me want to throw up. But. she was right, in a way. I would never admit as much to anyone else, except for my ‘best friend’’.

I saw my way out.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I do like Shinji Ikari. If I ever.... wanted to, I would prefer to go out with him.” Her face lit up... she seemed ready to squeal with glee. I cut her off with a raised hand. “But. I think it would be bad to actually date. EVA is more important and dating another pilot will make complicated.” She sat back down. Something small latched like a miniature flip-flop somewhere in the back of my mind. “Maybe when it is over.”

It had the side effect of satisfying both warring impulses. I got what I saw in the mirror, every single piece of it and all the attendant consequences. It was only a matter of time, just waiting until I felt emotionally ready.

And so, I will acknowledge that yes, I do feel that way. But I would prefer not to act on those feelings.

My head’s still too bloody messed up to deal with the consequences.

“So, when’s this party anyway?”

“Shinji promised to hold Misato for one hour while we prepare” I checked the time on my phone. “They should be near finished.”

Laziness was an art I hadn’t lost.


It wasn’t laziness that tried to force me back to sleep. Sleep deprivation had caused my mind to set solid like concrete.

“Noriko.... are you awake in there?”

I swatted for the voice that seemed to be coming from all around me. It took an age for me to realise it was coming from the headrest speakers.

“Be nice to get some fucking sleep.” I slurred, before swallowing a yawn.

Power set. Power lock? System..... system.... what now? I stared at the consoles and vid-windows around me, trying to make sense of the walls of text and colour closing in around me.

Nerve connection. Confirmed. Biomonitor. Confirmed. Synchro-start... Now!.

Episode 8 saved my ass. Once I remembered Asuka’s little startup sequence, the rest was obvious. My mind flowed like cold tar through the EVA’s frame as synchronisation rushed through my awareness . It was a blur of confusion, accelerated ahead of my thoughts and awareness.

I was too tired to concentrate on doing much more than spread my AT field. I had to do much more than spread my AT field. Drawing in a deep yawn, then burping up a bubble of LCL.... I completely forgot what I’d been planning to do.

I sat there, staring at the lights and holo windows with my mind seized up solid.

“Unit 03, Status report.”

Maya looked fresh and well rested in the comm-window.

I blinked, gave a bleary eyed look around the cockpit and assumed that because nothing was flashing red or wheeting at me that everything must’ve been just fine.

“Control. Unit 03 online. All systems nor... norminal.”

“Unit 03, take the rifle from the building to your left and switch to induction mode.”

The rifle was another standard pallet rifle. They were mass-produced and designed to be disposable. Empty the magazine, drop it, then fetch a new one from the nearest building. It kept them cheap to develop and cheap to manufacture. They only had to last for a full magazine, and sometimes not even that. And there were hundreds of them located throughout the city to make sure that one was always to hand when you ran out.

Nobody ever expected to run out of rifles. Then again, nobody expected an Angel attack to last for two days and counting.

“Control, I have the rifle. Induction mode engaged.”

“Unit 03, set targeting mode to Intellink.”

“Roger,” I croaked out. It had been configured to run as a script operated by one little red button, to save me remembering the sequence.

This was how we saved ammunition. No two guns in the city would fire at the same target. No gun would fire at a target any more than was determined necessary to destroy it. Everything from tank-guns to anti-aircraft batteries to the EVA’s was all linked in through the MAGI.

The MAGI assigned targets based on position. All we had to do was engage.

“Headquarters to all Units. Radar has picked up multiple entry tracks. Estimate range at Tokyo-3 in thirty seconds. Impact in sixty-three seconds.”

Hyuuga sounded almost bored. I checked the clock. Right on cue. Another manic minute. There was no rush of adrenaline, or kick of excitement. It was a tired routine. I raised my pallet rifle to my shoulder, targeting HUD already picking out the incoming trails.

Moments later the MAGI determined my allocation, passing the data on to the targeting computer. I glanced at 00, 01 and 02. They were all standing ready, although one of Asuka’s fins had been smashed.

Every single cannon in the city was aimed at the sky. Firefighters had run to shelter. Flames continued to lick at a skyscraper a hundred meters to the right.

Hyuuga began the countdown. “Twenty Five seconds.”

My finger tensed up on the trigger. Take a deep breath. Try to clear the tired fog. Release the firing lock and....

My viewscreens flicked and froze for a moment, the image beyond turning into a single still photograph projected in super detail.

A solid black wall swept it silently away, before being flooded with a wall of basic printed white alphanumeric text. My mind locked up as I tried to make sense of what was happening. My first instinct was to try the firing lock switch again, but nothing happened. Again, again and again, each time with the same result getting steadily more annoyed at it’s staunch refusal to do anything.

I started to feel sick when my mind finally caught up with the idea that Unit 03’s computer systems had just crashed, hard. In amongst the chaos of hexadecimal words, backtrace and process lists was one word that loomed large in bright white letters on the black screen of death.


Good advice.

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Postby Tsachoul » Fri Sep 07, 2012 4:21 pm

"We rode on the winds of the rising storm,
We ran to the sounds of thunder.
We danced among the lightning bolts,
And tore the world assunder."

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Postby Dartz » Sat Sep 08, 2012 7:14 pm

The odd Guf fanwankery not bothering anyone. That's a first.

Anyway, in other news, courtesy of a fan on Spacebattles.
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Postby Dartz » Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:48 pm


I tried to keep calm, but the excitement was just bubbling up inside me. It wanted to burst out of my mouth in a fit of giddy giggles. I’m ashamed to say it, but it was my first surprise party. In any life. It just wasn’t done back home.

The apartment was dark inside, with the only light coming from the crescent moon outside. A few stray moonbeams glinted of the banner overhead. The clock on the VCR was painfully bright to eyes adjusted to the dark.

I swallowed hard, trying not to burst out laughing.

My one regret was that I arrived too late to change out of my jogging wear. Kensuke, crouched beside me, wasn’t complaining however. He was doing his level best to try and ignore me entirely and not be obviously stealing glances. I could hear him swallowing a lump that kept crawling up his throat, while licking his lips to keep

Maybe I shouldn’t have raced the lift up the stairs?

It was hard not to have sympathy for the poor guy. I knew from painful experience just how uncomfortable it could be. He was trying desperately hard not to touch me in case...

“Hey, don’t put that there! Pervert!”

Asuka’s shriek interrupted my train of thought.

“I can’t help it. You keep pushing against me!”

“If you weren’t trying to....”

“I’d cut it off rather than put it in there.”

That was when I lost it and burst out laughing. A snap of palm-skin meeting face rang out simultaneously.

“Touji. I can’t believe you’d take advantage of a girl in the dark!”

Hikari had already jumped to conclusions. She was standing in the doorway to Shinji’s room

“So the surprise party is cancelled?” Kensuke wondered aloud.

“Will everyone shut up!” Motoko yelled.

I leant back against the couch, trying to swallow my own laughter and failing abysmally. Kensuke edged forward leaning over the top, trying to see just what the hell Touji and Asuka were doing to each other.

He reached out to pull himself up, grabbing for the couch. He grabbed something else entirely.

The yelp of pain that came out of my mouth threw him backwards. That look of horror on his face told me immediately that it’d been accident.

That didn’t stop it from hurting like all hell.

“...Sorry,” he blurted out, holding his hand open to show he hadn’t ripped the whole thing off

That didn’t stop it from feeling like he had.

“Be careful next time,” I said through clenched teeth, stroking at soft flesh to try and sooth the ache.

The natural response would’ve involved a toe-up kick to a very painful place. A spark of spite demanded I take a shot anyway, but I bit back on it. I also knew from painful experience that he’d be beating himself up over it every time he saw me for the next few weeks.

It was an accident. I was an adult. I could let it pass, to his obvious surprise. He stared at me with his hand still hanging in mid air.

“Is he molesting you too?”

Asuka groped in the dark for support.

“It was an accident,” I said calmly.

And I was an adult who’d been through it before from the other side. He offered me a grateful smile in return.

“Anyway,” Kensuke swallowed the lump in his throat. “Shinji messaged me fifteen minutes ago to say they’d be here in ten minutes,”

I just sat there waiting for the ache to die down while trying to ignore the memory of Noriko complaining bitterly about being the only one in her class who hadn’t begun to develop. Be careful what you wish for, I thought ruefully.

“Someone want to go out onto the balcony and keep watch?” Asuka suggested.

“Too late,” Hikari said. “They might be down there already.”

Kensuke sat down beside me. “Just keep waiting then.”

“For how long? We’ve been waiting for five minutes already.”

Asuka’s frustration was starting to show.

“Does it really have to be a surprise?” Motoko enquired. “I mean. It’s going to be a surprise anyway, but not that sort of surprise.”

“They can’t be too far away,” Hikari chimed in. She was watching the door.

“I don’t think I can take the smell anymore,” Asuka sneered.

“The fox smells its own first,” Touji shot back.

Kensuke’s phone interrupted everyone with a ringtone that, at first, reminded me of Char’s Counterattack, but wasn’t. He rummaged in his pocket, taking deliberate care not to brush against me again.

Just watching him made me uncomfortable. I was halfway through translating ‘I don’t mind you touching my breast’ into Japanese before I realised that he might hear something entirely different from what I meant.

I managed to keep myself from laughing out loud, but the stupid grin just refused to go away.

He flipped open his phone and scanned the messages.

“They’re in the lift! Less than a minute. Commence Operation Stardust!”

Annoyed groans mixed with hurried shuffling as we got back into position. Kensuke shunted me in the side as he rolled over back behind the couch. I didn’t even move. He gave me a stunned look for a moment.

I grinned at him. Yeah. I am that strong. I work out.

Outside, muffled voices approached the door. Adrenaline flooded my body. My muscles stretched taut, ready to spring forward as soon as the door slid open. I could feel my heart racing, charging up some big capacitor in my body ready to dump all that energy in one massive explosion.

Misato’s voice. Shinji’s voice. I held my breath. Everyone went dead still. Waiting.

One. Two. Three... The servos on the door whined, pulling it open.

The lights exploded on with a nuclear flash, blinding for a heartbeat to eyes used to moonlight. I sprang up... releasing all that energy in one single explosive burst.


Misato was staring at us, her eyes wide like a deer trapped in headlights. Her right hand shot down to her hip, covering her holster while she forced a grateful smile that looked anything but.


I was staring at the blank screens like Bambi staring at an oncoming truck, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
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Postby Tsachoul » Wed Sep 26, 2012 6:01 am

I really like the present time/earlier that day juxtapositions going on here, and I normally hate flashbacks. Though a full chapter of them might become to tiring to read. Will have to see how it is once it pops up unabridged on ff.net.

I'm enjoying that its been long enough since I read the original that I often can't tell what is new material and what I just don't remember. It's almost as good as not having read it before. :)

Out of curiosity, how much re-writing are you doing? Is it an extensive edit, or are you rewriting the entire story from scratch?
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We ran to the sounds of thunder.
We danced among the lightning bolts,
And tore the world assunder."

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Postby Dartz » Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:36 pm

The first few chapters need revision again anyway. I'm never happy with them. They still feel old to read.

It's been mucked around with quite a bit actually.
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Postby Dartz » Thu Oct 18, 2012 7:20 pm

I was staring at the blank screens like Bambi staring at an oncoming truck, trying to make sense of what had just happened. It was a wall of white data scrawled on a black screen, refusing to go away no matter how hard I yanked at the control throttles.

“Go Ya Fucker! Come on!”

Adrenaline flooded my body. My mind struggled to spin up, like an old engine starved of oil for far too long. I sat there, shivering, shaking, desperate to run and do something but my thought process had just seized up solid.

“Unit 03, Status report.”

I glanced at the speaker. It sounded like Ritsuko. She sounded less tired than usual. The connection between mouth and brain dropped like a stone.

“The.... fucking.... fucker’s all...” I grasped for the right description but it just slipped through my mental fingers .”...fucked.”

“Thank you for the concise report. Hard power off the system. Then use the accelerated startup sequence. Skip all primary checks.”

In layman’s terms, just turn it off and on again as fast as possible.

“Uh..... Roger that.”

Hard restart proceedure. Right. Hard restart. In a hurry. How I do this again? How? Right! Raw adrenaline blasted apart the fog clouding my mind. I know how to do this!

I groped under the entry plug cradle for the power disconnect handle and pulled it hard. It latched open with a meaty thunk just in time to cut of Akagi telling me to do the same thing.

Next. The screens went dark. Circulation pumps wound down. For a heartbeat, everything whent still and quiet. Ten seconds before the first impact. Or near enough to that. It felt like it’d take an hour. It felt like it might happen any second now.

Distant thunder rolled far beyond the walls of the entry plug. Cannon fire..

I slammed the disconnect handle back shut. Electricity crackled and fizzed as the plug lights flickered back to life. Pumps spooled up as the disk drives behind me whined to life. The drive-head’s rattled as they reset themselves. The system offered me the option to go through a full startup sequence or just skip everything and go for the full rush.

I felt the thunder rise up through me. It shook me to the core and chilled me to the bone, like sitting on the world’s largest subwoofer.

First impact. I had to get it running. I had to get it online now.

My breath was ragged and fast, struggling to keep up. Abort pre-start checks. Yes, I’m certain I want to do it. Definitely certain. I punctuated it with an angry kick that shook the whole cradle.

“Hurry up!”

I was shaking. I wanted to just go. My whole body was ready to explode into action. My blood was burning hot with the last reserve of my energy.

While Unit 03 crawled through startup.

My hands were running on autopilot, faster than the system itself.

“Hurry up!”

It didn’t like being hard-powered off. It kept insisting on diagnostics and scans that I knew would take an hour. It kept insisting I cancel them. It kept disagreeing with me and asking if I was sure I wanted to skip.

Every. Goddamned. Time.

The world will end because a programmer never realised that after a kernel panic, someone might want to restart really, really, quickly and not worry about this crap.

“Stupid, piece of motherfucking shit..”

“Unit 03, Be advised, you’re still on vox.”

I could hear the cheerful grin on Maya’s face. I could hear the pandemonium in behind her as NERV struggled to keep up.

The world materialised around me. The fog covering the monitors cleared.

A million tracers streamed up from the ground. Muzzle flashes were like a broken flourescent light in my peripheral vision, flickering away in the distance. Every single gun in the city was firing, from the tanks all the way up to the big mountain emplacements firing two-ton beehive shells from battleship cannons. Unit 02 pulsed through a magazine, rippling fire between discret targets.

Target. Shoot. Target. Shoot. Target. Shoot. Target. Shoot.

Asuka was shooting like with a machine’s rhythm, not even pausing to check if she hit. She fired one last burst before throwing the expended rifle to the ground.


The building beside her split open, one single rifle, instead of the usual rack of ten.

A thousand more fireballs burned in the sky. Some burst apart like fireworks.where tracerfire intersected. Some just burned straight on through. A new crater had been blasted out of the mountain behind me, still glowing a hot molten orange.

New fires sparked up down in the city

A few last straggler-systems came online, completing the picture. All seemed well.

“Unit 03 Online.”

My moinitors lit up with targeting information, picking out each individual project.

“Copy that Unit 03. Fresh rifle in the building to your right. All your systems look normal”

Ritsuko, for one moment, sounded truly relieved.


I grasped it and brought it to my shoulder in one fluid movement, alread

“Thirty seconds!” Hyuuga announced

Thirty more seconds until this bombardment ended and I was wide awake for the first time in hours. I pulsed out the first three rounds a heartbeat later.

I didn’t even see whether they hit or not.

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Postby Tsachoul » Mon Oct 22, 2012 4:47 pm

Nice piece of action. It suprised me though that the EVA are running off mechanical hard disks. Is there some advantage of mechanical disks that I am unaware of? Or are solid state solutions not so developed in the post 3I world?
Also, nice use of profanity :)
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We danced among the lightning bolts,
And tore the world assunder."

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Re: [Fic] New Perspective Evangelion 11... yes it is still going

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Postby Dartz » Sat Aug 14, 2021 6:35 pm

It's been 9 years since anyone posted in this thread.

And yes, this fic is still alive. That which is not dead and all that. It'll outlive me, I suppose.

It may be the only Evangelion fanfic to ever update 'on location'. And trust me, Hakone is well worth visiting in it's own right. I've been there twice and you can't beat the Hot Springs. And the reactions of strags to that certain blue haired girl and 'Oh God Jesus that's not why you came here, is it'

All I'll say is -- for a story that began before Rebuild 1.0 ---- 'FUCKING CALLED IT'. Anything else would be a spoiler.

And now I've to rework the bloody thing to include Mari.

For those who may care, I'm trying to clean it up. You may find the result here

Mostly it's just a realisation that me in 2007 is not me in 2021.

Also, Noriko -- Courtest of Choo1701
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