NGE Ep.24 Script First and Second Drafts

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Postby Reichu » Tue Jun 28, 2011 9:00 pm

View Original PostSailor Star Dust wrote:(And I guess it also implies how EoE was the original intended ending.)

It's corroborating evidence, of course, although the train is thrown off the rails so abruptly and whatever production values remain take such a nose-dive between 24 and 25, it's pretty apparent that something rather different had been intended.

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Postby LiLi » Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:36 am

...Was it ever mentioned that the conversation bit about "Bruges The Dead City" (from Draft 1) was apparently actually recycled, with some alteration in the dialogue, in some, errr, video-game type thing (「碇シンジ育成計画」の渚カヲル編「渚カヲル養成計画」) voiced (mostly? I think?) by the original cast?

(If it is allowed I will post the youtube link here.)
Last edited by LiLi on Tue Dec 04, 2012 2:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Hyper Shinchan » Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:41 am

First time I hear something about it and this is definitely one more reason to play this game, but maybe I'll use the complete save to skip Shinji's scenario...
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Postby gwern » Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:51 am

I hadn't heard about Bruges being reused elsewhere, either.

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Postby LiLi » Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:04 am

I guess it is okay to post the youtube link...

SPOILER: Show
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYwxKZHNoRo

The Bruges part starts at around 3:25 and ends at around 4:07

I take no responsibility if you end up watching the whole thing and your brain explodes. It is about as subtle as a big, purple sledgehammer... I honestly thought it had to be a doujin game at first...
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Postby gwern » Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:36 pm

No subs, huh? (Although I did hear what sounded like 'Bruges' at 3:51, so I don't doubt you.)

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Postby LiLi » Thu Dec 06, 2012 5:29 pm

SPOILER: Show
カヲル
「ここから見ると、この街は
書き割りの絵のようで
美しくて、寂しいね。」

Kaworu:
"Looking at it from here, this city looks like a theatrical backdrop, beautiful and desolate."


カヲル
「あたかも死の如く、
静かにそこに鎮座している。
灰色の街、ブリュージュのように・・・・・・。」

Kaworu:
"Peacefully enshrined there, as if it were dead.
Like the ashen city, Bruges..."

シンジ
「灰色の街?」

Shinji:
"The ashen city?"

カヲル
「19世紀のフランスの作家ローデンバック。
彼が書いた『死街ブリュージュ』という小説の舞台だよ。」

Kaworu:
"It's the setting of "Bruges-la-Morte", a novel written by Rodenbach*, a 19th-century French writer."

カヲル
「若くして死んだ妻が忘れられない。
そんな自分を、寂れた街に重ねている、
憐れなれな男の話さ。」

Kaworu:
"It's the story of a poor man who cannot forget his wife who died young, and superimposes himself on the deserted city."

シンジ
「ふうん・・・・・・。」

カヲル
「先を急ぐよ、シンジ君。」

*Rodenbach was actually Belgian, according to wikipedia...
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Postby gwern » Thu Dec 06, 2012 6:11 pm

Thanks.

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Postby Hyper Shinchan » Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:55 am

Thanks for the link and the translation, it's interesting that a silly game like ISIK re-used the reference to Bruges-la-Morte from the initial script of episode 24, I wonder if they also recycled something else. Did you end up finding that reference to the first script just by chance? Or did you find a discussion about it on some Japanese board?
View Original PostLiLi wrote:
I take no responsibility if you end up watching the whole thing and your brain explodes. It is about as subtle as a big, purple sledgehammer... I honestly thought it had to be a doujin game at first...

Only a certain other thing could have exploded here but luckily I contained myself.
So let’s make a wish.
“Please let me redo again.”
No matter how many times

From the book “All About Nagisa Kaworu: A Child of Evangelion”.

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Postby ath » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:37 pm

Thanks! Nice find.

Too bad they didn't include the swimming scene in the game, it would have been so fitting...

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Postby Hyper Shinchan » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:58 pm

Good Haro posted on /a/ the complete translation of the two drafts:
ep 24 first draft
ep 24 second draft
So let’s make a wish.
“Please let me redo again.”
No matter how many times

From the book “All About Nagisa Kaworu: A Child of Evangelion”.

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Postby Mr. Tines » Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:58 pm

Any scribes to hand to copy these to the wiki?
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Postby NemZ » Sun Jan 27, 2013 4:42 pm

yep, pretty much what LiLi said it was but still a full translation is quite welcome.

Amazing how much changed as the script developed, no? I mean in that first draft it seems Asuka wasn't suicidal at all and Ritsuko didn't destroy the reiquarium (so is that actually still Rei2?), which has all kinds of implications of how much the prior episodes must have been different as well.
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Postby gwern » Mon Jan 28, 2013 7:37 pm

More discussion:. http://cake-slice.tumblr.com/post/41707916948/evangelion-episode-24-drafts-complete-translation http://17th-angel.tumblr.com/post/41710656950/evangelion-episode-24-drafts-complete-translation

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Episode 24 drafts

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Postby kuribo-04 » Sun Feb 03, 2013 7:28 pm

Hello! This is my first post. Thanks to the people that created this site and its content, it really helped me when I watched EVA for the first time. I want to talk about the episode 24 drafts, that were recently translated. I'm not sure, but I think that nobody has talked about them here.

[[Resources:Episode 24 Draft 1 (Translation)]]

This are two drafts (in the site of the first there is the link to the second). They are from the JUNE magazine (a yaoi magazine). Maybe some of you know that Hideaki Anno had interviews with this magazine, and he told them how he collaborated with co-writers. He talked about Akio Satsukawa (also collaborated in Nadia, Love&Pop), and he said that he needed him because he was better at "homoerotic stuff". I don't know what your opinion on the Kaworu and Shinji relationship is, but I always thought that Shinji felt attracted to Kaworu because of confussion, and because he was lonely. This drafts could prove me wrong. The thing is, I don't want Shinji to be gay. I mean, we know EVERYTHING about him and suddenly he is gay? That is out of character I think. Is ep. 24 worse than I always thought? I always interpreted it as Anno talking about himself, his subcounscious, etc. And really, this scripts are yaoi. Shinji and Kaworu kissing?!
And who wrote this drafts? They are credited to Satsukawa, but the expression objet'de art is used to describe Lilith, and Anno often use this. Did the two write this? Does Satsukawa use it too?
Anno sais that they discussed the plot together, and he always gave "the final touch".
Really, this drafts are interesting.

EDIT
Sorry, the link didn't work. I read about creating links, but it seems I didn't understand it. I hope this works.
http://wiki.evageeks.org/Resources:Episode_24_Draft_1_(Translation)
Shinji: "Sooner or later I'll be betrayed... And they'll leave me. Still... I want to meet them again, because I believe my feelings at that time were real."
Ryuko: "I'm gonna knock ya on your asses!"
-Asuka: THINK IN GERMAN!!! -Shinji: Öh... Baumkuchen...
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Postby Oenara » Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:10 am

Speaking of the JUNE interview, a link to the relevant forum thread may be apropos: Hideaki Anno, JUNE Interview - August 1996

(In my opinion, it would be appropriate to move that thread to Everything Else Evangelion, maybe merging it with this one, since the excerpts translated so far all deal with Evangelion, focusing on episode 24.)

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Postby kuribo-04 » Wed Feb 27, 2013 8:35 pm

:| I don´t know why nobody talks about this drafts. There is so much information here.
Who wrote the drafts? Satsukawa according to the Eva wiki page, but according to some tumblr users they are credited to both, Anno and Satsukawa. ?
Shinji: "Sooner or later I'll be betrayed... And they'll leave me. Still... I want to meet them again, because I believe my feelings at that time were real."
Ryuko: "I'm gonna knock ya on your asses!"
-Asuka: THINK IN GERMAN!!! -Shinji: Öh... Baumkuchen...
Hayashida: "As game developers, our work is special. All of us here can put smiles on very many people's faces with our work."
"In any case, it (Kill la Kill) is the greatest work of fiction ever written and should be taught in schools." -Squigsquasher
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Postby LiLi » Thu May 30, 2013 2:20 am

I keep forgetting to mention... it seems I have finally managed to obtain a hard copy of the June magazine with the drafts :devil: (and, somewhat by mistake, one of the issue featuring the interview to Anno... -o-; )

I have only managed a cursory glance so far, but one thing I hadn't realized before is that it came with illustrations by Nobi Nobita (if I am not mistaken). IIRC there is also one of the kiss scene.

:EDIT:

HyperShinchan wrote:Thanks for the link and the translation, it's interesting that a silly game like ISIK re-used the reference to Bruges-la-Morte from the initial script of episode 24, I wonder if they also recycled something else. Did you end up finding that reference to the first script just by chance? Or did you find a discussion about it on some Japanese board?


You are welcome, and sorry for the belated reply, I think I have only just seen your message... :facepalm:
IIRC I found it by chance while looking at the video...

ath wrote:Too bad they didn't include the swimming scene in the game, it would have been so fitting...


I very much agree... what a pity! And, you are (belatedly) welcome!
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Postby Literary Eagle » Thu May 30, 2013 7:33 am

LiLi wrote:I keep forgetting to mention... it seems I have finally managed to obtain a hard copy of the June magazine with the drafts :devil: (and, somewhat by mistake, one of the issue featuring the interview to Anno... -o-; )

I have only managed a cursory glance so far, but one thing I hadn't realized before is that it came with illustrations by Nobi Nobita (if I am not mistaken). IIRC there is also one of the kiss scene.


Wow, illustrations? What an interesting discovery! Which issue of JUNE is it?
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Postby LiLi » Thu May 30, 2013 7:38 am

View Original PostLiterary Eagle wrote:Which issue of JUNE is it?


別冊JUNE 1996年9月号


Bessatsu JUNE September 1996
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