Evangelion and Personality Disorders.

For serious and at times in-depth discussions only, covering the original TV series, the movies End of Evangelion and Death & Rebirth.

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viperzero
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Re: Evangelion and Personality Disorders.

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Postby viperzero » Wed Mar 22, 2017 11:37 am

View Original PostSnow wrote:He had to stay against his will, as i remember it. The others could go because they were not pilots.

Yea and he just did as he was told. But then again he might have just not cared

viperzero
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Re: Evangelion and Personality Disorders.

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Postby viperzero » Tue Apr 09, 2024 11:57 am

I saw this quote in the Paranoid/Schizo interview

Anno: That's the same thing as I [myself] becoming an adult. I'm often asked if Shinji-kun [represents] an old version of myself, but that's not the case. Shinji-kun is my current self (laughing). I act like a fourteen-year-old boy; I'm still childish. No matter how you look at it, in psychological terms, I'm [still] in the Oral Stage. A melancholic oral-dependent type. Well, this is a truth I can't deny; I can't do anything about it. I wanted to move forward from there, but the result was that I ended up regressing back to myself. A dead end.



From wiki on dependent personality
The conceptualization of dependency, within classical psychoanalytic theory, is directly related to Sigmund Freud's oral psychosexual stage of development. Frustration or over-gratification was said to result in an oral fixation and in an oral type of character, characterized by feeling dependent on others for nurturing and by behaviors representative of the oral stage. Later psychoanalytic theories shifted the focus from a drive-based approach of dependency to the recognition of the importance of early relationships and establishing separation from these early caregivers, in which the exchanges between the caregiver and the child become internalized, and the nature of these interactions becomes part of the concepts of the self and of others



It seems like a somewhat explicit reference. Also that last part is of interest to Eva, that’s object relations theory which is explicitly referenced in episode 16. The title Paranoid and Schizoid itself is a reference to the paranoid Schizoid position in early child development.

VeryConfusedDingus
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Re: Evangelion and Personality Disorders.

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Postby VeryConfusedDingus » Tue Jun 11, 2024 5:45 pm

So I finished watching Eva about an hour or so ago. I have many questions and I am taking time to process wtf I just watched. What hit home most was Hideaki Anno's quote in an interview when asked "What parts don't you like?":

The parts where I see myself


I relate a lot to Shinji and his pain as someone with both ASD and an ongoing diagnosis of schizoid/schizotypal disorder. Rei's derealization hits home a lot. Honestly man I am broken after watching this. The main message I got from the show was to love and accept yourself - expressed so in the most fucked up downright depressing way I have ever seen.

Growing up, I did speak to myself a lot and indulged in an internal fantasy more than I did reality. I have suffered from a lifelong depression and was agoraphobic to the point where I wouldn't even touch grass or step out onto the playground asphalt. Video games were my go-to escape to drown out the noise. As I got older, I knew that there was something wrong. I had a prior diagnosis of ASD at the age of 7 yet that didn't explain the ever-constant hollow and numb feeling I had. Over the covid lockdowns, I became severely depressed and developed a temporary psychosis because of cabin fever. I wouldn't sleep or eat for days at a time. My grades and overall mental health suffered too since I didn't cope. By the time it had all ended, it was if I didn't know how to function as a person anymore. My hair was down to my shoulders. I became selectively mute and non-verbal around my peers. I performed OK academically and left with a few decent grades. But I lost all my dignity and felt so ashamed. Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt disgusted by what I saw as if I were looking at a stranger. Grabbing the mirror and mumbling to myself for hours on end. I have broken two laptops looking at my reflection at night.

I have been asked by my family, friends and peers if I was gay dozens of times before. I guess I was always a bit "fruity" and failed to live up to the preset masculine image set out for me from youth. But I feel like such a blank slate unworthy of love. Don't want to use the term asexual since I feel that would mean that I am wholey incapable of love. Shinji's relationship with Kaworu resonated a lot. I grew up without much of a proper role model and someone to serve as an emotional outlet. Me and my father bond together over football and video games now that I am older. All the old memories I have of my dad were either him shouting or leaving for a few days to go with his drinking buddies when he argued with my mum. Shinji was left abandoned by his father with no explanation and is forced to become a pilot years later by him. He holds a boiling resentment and anger like I did to mine. Suddenly he's part of my life again after what seems years of coldness.

There was this guy in my early senior year class and he was beautiful. He was foreign and stood out with a glowing radiance of optimism to him. A soft voice with a head of long, curled dark hair. He was my first crush. We held hands together like in the bathhouse scene while the classroom was empty. Then one day, he just disappeared. Gone, no trace. Nothing. Part of me wondered if it was a dream since no one remembered him.
SPOILER: Show
When Shinji said "He loved me, he said he loved me. I should've died - not him". That's where it hits the most. He loved him, truly. Kaworu was everything he wasn't - like I was to him. He didn't care how pathetic he was, Kaworu saw it as beautiful "like fragile glass". Whereas Shinji seems so repulsed by Asuka and her ego and her belittling know-it-all attitude. The hospital scene was his emotional desperation after the loss of Kaworu and his realization on what he done. He didn't just love Kaworu, he wanted to be him. His love was unconditional. Maybe in a sane world, they could have been together and lived happily. But he didn't get to have that. You're just the waste of space.


Being detached from the world around you is agony. Indifferent to any praise and absorbing criticism like a sponge. I barely use my name in real life. I have had about thirteen different names and avatars I use on a rotating basis. I can't say 'I love you' to my family without feeling inauthentic about it. Nearly made my brother move out three times because of how strained and distant we are. Too scared to make or maintain intimate long-term relationships, or to show any form of submissive behaviour. At this point, you're just craving love and validation from anyone and feel like too much of a fraud and a sissy to commit. You feel incapable of the most basic things, so you revert back to your shell. Shinji exemplifies that, just lounging about for seemingly hours alone and isolated in your own self-loathing bubble. He wants no part in this freak-show.

In my view, Evangelion is a warning against escapism.
SPOILER: Show
The Human Instrumentality Project is a mass of melted, agonising flesh consisting of all living things in a Roko's Basilisk devoid of any true free will because humanity feels so limited by their own bodies and conscience. The failed notion we can somehow "perfect" ourselves through superficial materialistic gain. What we fail to do is love ourselves for who we are, no matter how flawed we may be. Shinji is sadly the one who has to atone and amend for mankinds sins, for no good reason, despite only being a scared and confused boy. Forced to grow up too fast.


Shinji is an idiot, a coward, weak and pathetic;
But I have to love Shinji,
otherwise I would hate myself.

P.S. Apologies about the personal rant, but holy shit I did not expect that when I watched this show. The end-credits song "Fly me to the Moon" feels so sombre and calming after the insanity. Like they are trying to reclaim the whimsical journey to happiness. 10/10 masterpiece, mental scarring is now complete and I will never look at Fanta the same way again. Maybe if I decide to pursue a psychology degree, I can decipher whatever the Hell this show is for myself.

tl;dr Shinji is literally me
Please be nice, I am dumb and new :P


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