Before and After, 400 words
Before
I knew that father wouldn’t come.
He didn’t show up last year, or the year before that, or any time at all, ever since that last time – almost three years ago now… it’s not like I saw him often even before that. He’d only come a short while. He’d barely say anything. One year, he only sent a card.
Sometimes I want to rip it up, but it’s still there in a drawer in my desk.
I mean, I get it – my teacher tells me he’s doing really important work, saving humanity and all that, and I get that I’m not more important than saving humanity, but…
It’s supposed to be my birthday.
I know how silly that sounds. I must sound very spoiled.
I know that. I know it, and yet -
I keep flinching when I see a black car passing outside the window, even just from the corner of my eye. I keep expecting to see that black sedan. I keep rushing out of the house first thing in the morning, to see if I got another post card to stuff away so it could collect dust along with the other one.
...I mustn't complain. I know that my teacher is probably gonna buy me something – He gets enough money for that, after all. He’s asked me many times now what I want, but I don’t really know what to ask for… no, even if I knew, that would be no good, since I’m imposing enough on him as it is… a pointless, unneeded burden that can’t carry its own weight.
Something forgotten, stashed away, incidental, no different than that post card…
And even if I dared to ask for it, it’s not like I could get what I really want.
What I really want can’t be bought with money.
It may not exist anymore at all, except maybe in the past.
I ought to be glad if I get anything at all.
After
“SURPRIIIISE! Happy Birthday, Shinji-kun!”
Out of all the bright noisy voices, Misato-san’s is probably the loudest.
Even the operators came, and the class rep, and every single one is holding some package, each of different sizes, different wrapping papers…
I don’t understand. Why would they even do this for someone like me?
I think I should be happy but, before I know it, streams of tears are dripping off of my chin.