lThe difference between NGE ending and EoE ending isn't in the meaning, but in the time and effort required to learn to live. If you interpret them in this way you will see that the two endings are complementary and therefore both important, as well as yin and yang are both necessary for the Tao.
I am grateful for the advice you’ve given to me thus far. As of late, I came across an article which interpreted the Original Ending of NGE as a guide, and the other, EOE as a warning; https://www.doctornerdlove.com/learning ... vangelion/
After reading this, I was able to look at the movie from a different point of view. This answered many questions that I had logistic-wise.
But still, this couldn’t offer me comfort from the fact the movie triggered my PTSD. One example is the fight which Asuka died in. This reminded me of my wrestling class, which I had my collarbone and sternum dislocated, yet no one, not even the staff bothered to help me locate a chiropractor. I worked as hard as I my body could push, but it was because of this injury, I never won a single match, not one.
The scene where Shinji refuses to help Asuka until he arrives too late also haunted me. My best friend Max committed suicide a few months ago. To me, this scene gave me the impression that I had the chance to save Max from dying, but I did nothing about it, that like Shinji, I am somehow responsible because I abandoned him.
Another example is when Asuka berated at Shinji in one of his mind trips, accusing him of being unable to love himself and labels him as pathetic for doing so. Furthermore, she accuses Shinji of being unable to take responsibility for his actions. This reminded me of the times when I was bullied in my Sophomore year. I wanted to take accountability for my actions, but I didn’t know the right way to do so, and I was afraid of being vulnerable, as that often presented myself as a target others. I see myself as a mostly honest individual. Even when I accepted the fact I had made mistakes, the others still taunted and bullied me. I knew they had issues of their own, but I was all the more confused of why they had to take their anger out upon me even though I was honest. Even when I asked the staff for help, they did little to change anything, and one of them blamed me for everything. Since I saw Shinji as a twisted reflection of my past self, seeing this past self being berated by Asuka and then going to choking her and starting the Third impact haunted me all the more. This is the scene that triggered me the most, as I was under the impression that everything that happened was my fault.
Throughout my life, I’ve tried to fit in with the norm. Now I’m embracing the fact that I am a full fledged bohemian. Who said standing out has to remain a bad thing?