[CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

General Role-Playing and collective works.

Moderator: Board Staff

cyharding
Our Man in Tokyo 3
Our Man in Tokyo 3
User avatar
Age: 42
Posts: 1923
Joined: Jun 08, 2007
Location: In Glorious Technicolor
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby cyharding » Tue Nov 22, 2016 11:27 pm

4. I want hilarity to ensue damnit!
Finding intelligent life on the web is not easy, we must all be glad we found EGF. - A.T. Fish
You Can Start Again. Chapter 32 now released. Now on FF.net
Oh, Eva, you never cease to amaze me. Your fans are analizing a calendar, for god's sake.- Alpha

MAGI_01
Nerv Employee
Nerv Employee
User avatar
Age: 35
Posts: 1325
Joined: Mar 17, 2012
Location: Vancouver, WA
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby MAGI_01 » Wed Nov 23, 2016 8:40 pm

1. Need to control the chaos that could happen otherwise.
"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid." - Me
"Has anyone ever told you how pretty your eyes are?" - Akio's most famous line.
Akio in Lance of LoL's Rebuild RP
Steam/PSN: MAGI_01 Origin: MAGI_02
Avatar: Mephisto Pheles.
Interested in a FMA based RP? Then check this out!

Squigsquasher
Banned
Age: 27
Posts: 3671
Joined: Feb 09, 2013
Location: The bonus 10th level of hell
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Squigsquasher » Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:06 pm

Well darn. We're at a tie between 1 and 4. One more vote ought to settle it.
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

pwhodges
A Lilin in Wonderland
A Lilin in Wonderland
User avatar
Age: 77
Posts: 11034
Joined: Nov 18, 2012
Location: Oxford, UK
Contact:

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby pwhodges » Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:34 pm

4. Why do you need ask? The more pawns the better.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
Avatar: The end of the journey (details); Past avatars.
Before 3.0+1.0 there was Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

Squigsquasher
Banned
Age: 27
Posts: 3671
Joined: Feb 09, 2013
Location: The bonus 10th level of hell
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Squigsquasher » Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:20 pm

"OK, I suppose you can come along. You might be able to help with this."

Rei nods. "Thank you, Commander. I shall endeavour to be as useful as I can."

You leave Rei's apartment with the girl in tow. You return to your car, which you are pleased to see has not been purloined, to find the three schmucks you picked up still inside, with Rock the Casbah booming from the radio.

You open the door. "Right, change of plan. You three are coming with me."

A flash of confusion drifts across Touji's face as his puny brain struggles to process the sudden turn of events. "Huh? But you said-"

"Never mind what I said. We're headed to NERV HQ. Now shut up and sit back."

"But-"

"Another word out of you and I'll have you all minced up and made into feed for Misato's ludicrous waterfowl companion. Now put your seatbelts on and keep quiet."

This seems to shut the three stooges up. You get into the car, Rei gets into the front passenger seat, and you drive off towards NERV HQ.

20 awkwardly quiet minutes later, and the PimpMobile is in the elevator to the Geofront. The car is locked into place by the elevator clamps, and the whole assembly lurches downwards. As the car travels through the elevator shaft, the Geofront is revealed in all its glory.

"Wow! I've never seen this place before!" says Hikari, sounding amazed. "It's like a giant garden!"

"It's like a big ol' snowglobe! Except...without snow!" drawls Touji.

"It's like the inside of a small planetoid containing the progenitor of all human life and the environment designed to sustain it!" says Kensuke. You make a mental note to have him lobotomised later- he knows far too much. Either he's got connections, or he reads the wiki, and you're not sure which is worse.

Suppressing your desire to smack the stupid children, you simply grin. "Yes, this is the Geofront. You're very lucky, seeing the inside of it, not many people...hang on a second."

Looking out through the window, you notice something is very, very wrong with the HQ pyramid. Its smooth silver facets appear to be coated in some bizarre blue substance. It is only when the elevator draws nearer that you see it is in fact a mass of blue hair, growing like moss. Things are obviously much worse than you had thought.

"Oh my." says Rei, sounding about as emotional as if she had discovered an inconsequential stain on her school dress. "It appears the situation is, as you previously said, awful. I sincerely hope the staff of NERV HQ are OK."

"Dear god, this is worse than awful..." you say, balling your hands into fists. "This is catastrophic. If the old men of SEELE find out about this..."

"Wait, what's going on?" asks Hikari. "Why is the pyramid covered in Rei's hair? And what's a SEELE?"

You sigh. "...Never mind, it's a long, long story. It's also classified to the point where if I told you I'd have to kill you, and whilst I dislike you three immensely I don't want to actually kill you, if only to avoid the paperwork I'd have to fill in."

Eventually, the car comes to a stop. You immediately pile out of the car and make a dash for NERV HQ.

"Stay with me, you three." you tell the annoying children. "You might come in useful later."

Eventually you reach the entrance to the HQ. As you make your way into the lobby, you cannot help but notice the large amounts of blue hair growing up the walls and ceiling. It seems to be growing much like some variety of creeping plant.

"OK, Rei, stay behind me." you say. "The rest of you, stay in front of me. I want as many non-essential bodies between me and whatever's caused this mess as possible."

Touji looks like he's about to give you backtalk, but he wisely remains silent.

As you advance towards the gate, you notice Aoba standing in front of it, armed with what looks like a board with a nail in it.

"Commander! Thank goodness you're here!" he exclaims, nervously. "We've been holding out as well as we can, but the Rei clones...they're everywhere!"

"Wait, Rei clones!?!?!?" splutters Hikari. "What exactly have you been doing down here, you sick man?"

"Quiet." you snap. "Aoba, what's the status of the HQ? Has Terminal Dogma been breached?

"No, Terminal Dogma is still safe." he replies. "As for the status of HQ, it's not good. Approximately 72% of the HQ has been Ayanamized, and it's only getting worse. We're trying to hold them off, but- ACK!"

Suddenly, the gate is blown open, and a trio of Rei clones grabs Aoba from behind. The three are completely naked, save for one (presumably an evolved form) who is wearing Groucho Marx glasses.

"Resistance is futile, doomed creature. Join our mass, or we will rend you apart, and put you separate from the rest." utter the Reis in an absolutely chilling monotone.

This looks bad. If the HQ is really as overrun as Aoba says, you need all the help you can get. You really need to rescue him, but the question is, how?

1: Get out your handgun and shoot the Rei clones?
2: Charge in and grapple with the blue meanies yourself?
3: Send in your Joke Monkey Squad to battle the clones?
4: Try and get Rei to negotiate with her sisters?
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

Justacrazyguy
DNA Donor
DNA Donor
User avatar
Age: 27
Posts: 2546
Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Location: Portugal, Kingdom of Al-Gharbh
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Justacrazyguy » Wed Nov 30, 2016 7:10 pm

2, time to do things close and personal.
Nearly all teenage boys are dumbfucks-Xard

É altura de se tornarem pessoas interessantes.- My Classic Culture Teacher

MYANIMELIST-http://myanimelist.net/profile/Justacrazyguy

NemZ
Token Misanthrope
Token Misanthrope
User avatar
Posts: 15804
Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Location: St. Louis
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby NemZ » Wed Nov 30, 2016 11:36 pm

2. Lead by example and bludgeon these naked she-beasts with your gloved fists of justice. Or maybe that nailboard.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

Squigsquasher
Banned
Age: 27
Posts: 3671
Joined: Feb 09, 2013
Location: The bonus 10th level of hell
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:24 am

Well, we've only had...two posts since the last update, but seeing as it's been over a month since the last post, I think it's time to proceed regardless. I'm not letting this thing die yet.

There's only one thing for it- time to mete out some good old fashioned violence.

Before anyone can stop you, you thunder forwards, barging past the three nincompoops you brought along with you, and slam into the Rei clones.

"Go Go Gendo Pimp Hand!" you exclaim as you open-handed slap the nearest clone. The gloved strike jerks the creature's head back, sending it stumbling back a few paces before it falls to the ground and collapses into a puddle of LCL. Immediately, its two compatriots advance on you, no doubt wishing to avenge their fallen comrade.

One lurches forwards and swings at you, the tiny fist aimed at your solarplexus. Fortunately you dodge the attack and counter with a side-kick, sending the clone flying- it splatters against the wall in a shower of orange slime.

The only one left is the leader, clad in the Groucho Marx glasses. It shows no signs of fear, and stands resolute.

"Pathetic." you sneer, wiping clone-goo from your glove. "Is this really the best you have to offer?"

"Not at all, foolish mortal." replies the leader-clone. "Now, observe my true power."

With a wave of its hand, the gooey remains of the two dispatched clones begin to ripple, before coalescing back into their Rei-mimicking form. After a few seconds, the clones are fully revived, red eyes burning with anger.

Welp, looks like you're going to need to try a bit harder to dispatch of these filthy creatures.

You reach for your gun, but before you can draw it you feel something wrap around your ankle, and you are yanked to the floor, sending the gun flying from your holster onto the ground. You notice a tentacle of fibrous blue hair has erupted from one of the growths on the wall, and has pulled you to the ground. You try and free yourself, but three more hair-tentacles burst from the walls and restrain you completely.

The three clones advance towards you, the leader-fiend bending down to pick up your gun. It stands over you, and points the firearm at your head.

"Whatever you are...I order you to stop." You say through gritted teeth. "I am your commander."

The clones simply grin, their red eyes seeming to glow.

"Goodbye, commander." they say in unison, voices filled with malice.

You close your eyes. You've had a good run, but it looks like this is the end. You prepare for sweet death to claim you.

But death never comes.

What does come, however, is several wet smacks and a few gunshots, followed by a noise that sounds a lot like a trifle hitting the floor.

You open your eyes and look up, and see a crazy-looking Aoba, coated in a mix of blood and LCL, handgun clutched in one hand and nailboard in another.

"There! That should keep them dead, for now." he says, shaking. "Are you OK, commander?"

You sigh, exasperatedly. "Well, I'm alive, so that's something." you respond, irritably. "Though I'm not sure what you were doing all the while I was fighting those monstrous clones.

Aoba shakes his head, nervously. "I'm so sorry, commander! I thought you were able to handle yourself, so I thought I wouldn't interrupt! Please don't fire me!"

"Well, that's fair enough, I suppose. Also, it seems like the kind of thing I'd do if I wanted to get rid of my annoying boss so I could replace him, so I admire your ingenuity." you say. "Don't worry, Aoba, you're cool. You're demoted to scrub-monkey third class, but you're cool."

Aoba bows. "Thank you, commander, thank you so much!" he says, trembling.

You notice Touji, Kensuke and Hikari are standing absolutely dumbfounded, jaws agape. Rei is also standing perfectly still, but does not look terribly surprised.

"Anyway. You four, standing uselessly over there. Get me out of these horrible hairy tentacles, I feel like an extra in a cheap hentai."

A few minutes of tugging later and you are freed from the blue bindings. You dust off your suit and grab your gun off of Aoba.

"Right, so Aoba. Tell me what's going on, and how we can stop it."

"Sir!" says Aoba, saluting. "The Rei clones have began to convert the HQ into a...hive of some sort. This hairy stuff grows wherever the influence of the Rei clones is strong. We-"

"Yes, never mind that." you interrupt. "Leave the science babble to Ritsuko. How do we kill them?"

Aoba wipes his brow. "Yes, right." he says. "Well, the Rei clones are fairly fragile on their own, but the leader-clones are incredibly tough and are capable of reviving destroyed clones. Without a leader, though, the clones aren't too dangerous."

"I see. And how do we recognize the leaders?"

"Well...the leaders wear clothes. Usually just a hat or something though."

You shrug. "Well, thank you anyway. Now, we need to get moving, so let's decide where to go first."

"Indeed. We should probably get a move on to the command centre, Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko are waiting there." responds Aoba.

"Commander," interjects Rei. "It might be wise to look for survivors in the base first, and then accompany them to the relative safety of the command centre. I suggest the cafeteria as our first port of call."

"W...Wouldn't it be a good idea to get something to defend ourselves with first?" says Kensuke. "Isn't there an armoury in this place?"

Hikari shakes her head. "I think we should follow Rei's idea...though I would have thought the infirmary would be a better place to look first."

Touji, meanwhile, stays completely silent, looking extremely grim.

You ponder the ideas. On the one hand, you really want to just get to safety in the command centre and find a way to get rid of these damnable clones. On the other hand, you don't want to make Rei sad or Hikari whine by abandoning potential survivors. Also, the nerd has a point about getting weapons.

So what do you do?

1: Focus on getting to the command centre,
2: Visit the cafeteria first in search of survivors,
3: Visit the infirmary first in search of survivors,
4: Go to the armoury and arm yourselves up,
or 5: Do something else?
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

Justacrazyguy
DNA Donor
DNA Donor
User avatar
Age: 27
Posts: 2546
Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Location: Portugal, Kingdom of Al-Gharbh
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Justacrazyguy » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:00 am

4 The Gun is Good
Nearly all teenage boys are dumbfucks-Xard

É altura de se tornarem pessoas interessantes.- My Classic Culture Teacher

MYANIMELIST-http://myanimelist.net/profile/Justacrazyguy

Geometer
Adam
User avatar
Posts: 73
Joined: Dec 22, 2016

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Geometer » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:33 am

Four

NemZ
Token Misanthrope
Token Misanthrope
User avatar
Posts: 15804
Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Location: St. Louis
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby NemZ » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:52 pm

4. Never argue with someone quoting Zardoz.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

Squigsquasher
Banned
Age: 27
Posts: 3671
Joined: Feb 09, 2013
Location: The bonus 10th level of hell
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Squigsquasher » Thu Jan 19, 2017 11:02 am

It's hard to argue with the bespectacled otaku- some hardware is required for bringing the pain to these blue bowl-cut bitches.

"Kenneth is right." you say, authoritatively. "Aoba, take us to the armoury." You swear you feel a sudden chill down your spine, coming from the direction of the speccy one.

Aoba looks very, very uncomfortable. "Are...are you sure?" he says, sweating. "It's infested with clones, and clearing it out won't be easy..."

"Not with that attitude it won't be..." you growl. "Now show us the way or I'll have Human Resources confiscate your air guitar."

The corporate mug winces. "Of...of course!" he replies, suddenly changing his tune. "I'll, uh...show you the way now!"

With that, he salutes, clicks his heels and turns on the spot before marching through the ruined gate into the bowels of the HQ.

You begin to follow him when you notice the three annoying kids aren't moving.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Follow me?"

The stooges shake their heads, frantically.

"I...I don't think it's gonna be safe..." drawls Touji, trembling.

"This isn't natural..." whimpers Hikari, shuffling behind Touji for protection. "I think this place is cursed..."

"I want my dad!" wails Kensuke.

You feel your gloved hands balling into fists. This is infuriating- if the little twerps won't do the decent thing and act as cannon fodder for the actually important characters, what's the point them being here? You might as well shoot them here and now.

Before you can, however, Rei steps towards them.

"Please, there is nothing to fear." she says, her voice soothing and calm. "We are with the commander, he will make sure the mission ends in success. Besides, if needs be, I will protect you."

The three goons turn to each other, before finally nodding weakly.

"Well...OK then..." says Kensuke. "But I'm calling dibs on the biggest gun, 'kay?"

"Good." you say, definitively. "Well, let's get a move on."

Without another word, you proceed to march through the entrance, with your joke monkey battalion bringing up the rearguard.

***

As you enter the HQ proper, you take note of your surroundings. The clones appear to have done a number on the place- blue creepers are everywhere, the place stinks of LCL, and the walls are coated in graffiti, most notably "RITSUKO SMELLS LIKE CAT PISS", "TEH Rei 4 EVAR", and bizarrely enough, "GIVE US YOUR CELERY".

"Disgraceful." says Rei, disgustedly. "To think these creatures are copies of my good self. We shall need to teach any survivors proper etiquette when this is mission is successful." You don't quite have the heart to tell her that there probably won't be any survivors when you're done with this.

As you come to the escalator, you notice that it is totally motionless. Presumably the mechanism is clogged with blue hair. Things are obviously worse than you thought. Nevertheless, you and your merry band advance down the steps towards almost certain death.

You file off the end of the broken escalator and continue to follow Aoba, who takes you through the leftmost corridor entrance at the end of the hall.

***

"Are you sure you're going the right way?" you ask him as you wander through the corridors. "I swear we've already passed that door 5 times..."

"Uh, I think so..." he replies, uncertainly. "Gainax never did release a proper map of the HQ...Aha! Here we are! The elevator to the storage level!"

You have indeed come to an elevator. Excellent, something straightforward for once.

"Good work, Aoba. Now, let's get a move on, get in and find that armoury."

Aoba nods. "OK, let me just call the elevator." He presses the button, and to your relief you hear the sound of the elevator sliding up the shaft, along with something that sounds oddly like...chanting?

A few seconds later, and there is a soft chime to indicate the elevator has arrived.

"OK, here's the elevator." says Aoba cheerfully. "Now we just need to take it down to level B-35 and- Oh god not again!"

As the elevator door slides open, a mass of tiny pale hands reach out and grab onto Aoba. He flails about with his nailboard, trying to get free of the swarm of clones, but he is being slowly pulled in by the relentless tugging despite his best efforts.

The joke monkeys rush to his aid, and grab a hold of him from behind, doing their best to wrench him free from the clutches of the Reis. Alas, they aren't having much luck, and are only succeeding in delaying the inevitable.

Whilst you'd be quite happy to see those three imbeciles drawn into the seething tide of blue, you really need Aoba, and so decide to take action. You draw your handgun and shoot into the mass of Reis, sening a few blobs of orange goo spraying from the elevator as the clones disintegrate.

Finally, the clones lose their grip on Aoba, and he and the three idiots fall on their backsides. Fortunately, before the clones can escape from the elevator, the door closes again.

"Nice work, Aoba." you say, sarcastically. "Now I've gone and wasted at least four bullets saving your sorry arse, and on top of that you nearly led us into a death trap. Now what are we going to do?"

"Well..." replies Hikari. "We could always find another way to the armoury..."

"Or we could try and clear out the elevator with something." says Kensuke. "Or we could-"

"Shut up." you snap. "I'm thinking."

This is a tricky one. You need to get to those weapons somehow, but how you're not sure. There's not enough bullets left in your pistol to clear out the clones, and a nailboard isn't going to do the trick against a swarm of the little freaks. You COULD find another way around...but there might be Rei clones that way too.

What do you do?

1: Charge in with that fire extinguisher on the wall in the hopes that it subdues the clones?
2: Send Rei in to try and negotiate with the clones (with the fire extinguisher as a backup plan)?
3: Just try and find another way that doesn't involve that elevator?
4: Try something else altogether?
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

Justacrazyguy
DNA Donor
DNA Donor
User avatar
Age: 27
Posts: 2546
Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Location: Portugal, Kingdom of Al-Gharbh
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Justacrazyguy » Thu Jan 19, 2017 12:47 pm

Eh 2 I guess? Using diplomacy seems interesting.
Nearly all teenage boys are dumbfucks-Xard

É altura de se tornarem pessoas interessantes.- My Classic Culture Teacher

MYANIMELIST-http://myanimelist.net/profile/Justacrazyguy

NemZ
Token Misanthrope
Token Misanthrope
User avatar
Posts: 15804
Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Location: St. Louis
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby NemZ » Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:16 pm

Hmm... very tricky. Rei is far too valuable to risk loosing her to the swarm, so that's out. She also knows her way around the ventilation system and could potentially lead us to the armory by such a route, but that seems like a very dangerous option.

I don't see how the fire extinguisher is going to do much of anything, though it could make a decent bludgeon. Bashing-type-damage seems of little effect against the clones however, even our burning fists of pimp justice, but they pop easily enough... what we really need is a couple of machetes, or even better a few polearms. We should split up in groups and scout the immediate area for useful supplies, especially for a maintenance closet or the like. Hell, just a broom handle, a screwdriver and some duct tape could work wonders in a pinch.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

Geometer
Adam
User avatar
Posts: 73
Joined: Dec 22, 2016

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Geometer » Thu Jan 19, 2017 9:35 pm

Two might be the only way, we need to know at least what they want/plan

MAGI_01
Nerv Employee
Nerv Employee
User avatar
Age: 35
Posts: 1325
Joined: Mar 17, 2012
Location: Vancouver, WA
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby MAGI_01 » Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:51 am

2 it is.
"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid." - Me
"Has anyone ever told you how pretty your eyes are?" - Akio's most famous line.
Akio in Lance of LoL's Rebuild RP
Steam/PSN: MAGI_01 Origin: MAGI_02
Avatar: Mephisto Pheles.
Interested in a FMA based RP? Then check this out!

Squigsquasher
Banned
Age: 27
Posts: 3671
Joined: Feb 09, 2013
Location: The bonus 10th level of hell
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:27 am

"I can only see one course of action here." you declare, solemnly. "Rei...you must try and negotiate with your clones."

Everybody except Rei looks at you as if you had suggested using a newborn baby as fishing bait. Rei, as usual, looks about as emotional as a breeze block.

"You...You can't seriously be thinking about sending Rei in against those...things!" splutters Aoba with abject horror.

Kensuke nods. "Yeah! You can't just send her into the meat grinder like that! It ain't right!"

"Why don'tcha do it yaself rather than sendin' a kid to do yer dirty work?" fumes Touji.

"Quiet, fools." you snap. "There is much about Rei you do not understand. If anyone can deal with these freaks, it's her."

You turn to your faithful blue minion. "Isn't that right, Rei?"

"Yes, absolutely. The commander is right, as usual." she says. "I am the only one who has a chance of placating the clones. Besides, even if I die, I can be replaced."

The colour drains from the three pesky kids' faces, their jaws agape.

"That's...that's awful!" wails Hikari, running to Rei and hugging her. "Of course you can't be replaced! You're a precious human being!" The stupid little girl then starts rummaging in her pockets and pulling out church pamphlets and pieces of paper with suicide prevention hotline numbers on them.

The irony, of course, is not lost on you, but nonetheless this is hugely irritating. You haven't got the time to explain the intricacies of Rei's existence to the daft schoolgirl, and even if you had, you can't be bothered.

"Am I going to have to release Mr Smacky?" you growl, hand instinctively adopting an open, slapping shape. "This isn't the time for getting sentimental. Now get out of the way and let Rei do her thing."

Hikari, still sobbing, reluctantly lets go of Rei and steps back.

"You're...you're awful, Mr. Ikari..." she says, shaking with what you assume is girlish hysteria. "I hope you're not this cruel to your son..."

You suppress the urge to fall about laughing and turn back to Rei.

"OK, Rei. See if you can subdue the blue meanies. We're counting on you." you tell her, clapping a hand on her shoulder.

Rei simply nods, and marches towards the elevator door. She presses the button and steps back to avoid getting pulled in when the door opens.

After a tense few seconds, the elevator door slides open, revealing about 9 clones and one leader, wearing a ten-gallon hat and clutching a broom.

"Who dares approach the scions of the Pale Queen so brazenly?" they utter in perfect unison.

"Greetings, sisters." says Rei, confidently. "I am the original Rei. I have come to talk on behalf of my friends."

There is a brief period of murmuring and chattering amongst the clones. Then there is silence, and they all kneel before Rei.

"Our original template..." the leader gasps. "Please forgive us, oh true master of Clonekind. What is your command?"

"That is simple." Rei replies. "Cease the destruction of the HQ and those I hold dear, and return to your confinement in the Dummy Plug Plant."

A look of horror and betrayal flashes onto the clones' faces. "We cannot return to that lifeless, deathless state of existence..." says the leader. "Why would you wish such a horrible fate upon us, your own progeny?"

Rei shakes her head. "I do not wish you any horrible fate. I simply wish to preserve those I consider precious to me."

"And who do you consider so precious as to condemn us to incarceration for their sakes?"
replies the leader.

"I have no ill feelings towards any entity." says Rei. "But in particular, there is Ikari-kun, who makes me feel warm, and the commander, who-"

"The...The commander..." snarls the leader, hatred dripping from her words. "The great conspirator who seeks to use us as nothing more than pawns in his diabolical plans? You consider that monster precious?"

"The commander is not a monster." responds Rei, sounding a little hurt. "He cares very much for me, and has even given me my own flat, with my very own space heater.

The clones murmur to themselves again. Finally, after much chattering, the leader speaks again.

"You have clearly been corrupted by the beardy one. We must endeavor to break his conditioning upon you." says the clone leader, gravely. "My comrades, go forth and seize her."

The clones begin to lurch forwards out of the elevator, footsteps perfectly synchronized, chanting "Reclaim the template" over and over.

This is bad. You cannot allow the filthy little bootlegs to abscond with your precious original-run Rei. Time to do something about it. You take the fire extinguisher from the wall and blast the horde with it. The high-pressure foam sends them stumbling back a little, hissing with anger, but you know full well it won't stop them for long.

"Right, change of plan." you shout over the chanting and hissing. "Run!"

For once there is no backtalk from your incompetent minions, and you all make a dash for it, running down the adjacent corridor with the clones in hot pursuit.

***

"Did we lose them?" pants Hikari, exhausted from the running.

"I think so." you reply. "An army of evil genetic abominations they may be, but they're not very fast and they're even less clever."

Touji shakes his head. "What...What have ya done, Mr. Ikari?" he sighs, trying to maintain what little composure he has. "Ya can't jus' make copies of a person like some recipe for okonomiyaki... it ain't right! It ain't natural! This is whatcha git fer messin' around wit' nature!"

You roll your eyes. "Look, you stupid children." you snap. "This is a lot more complex than any of you can comprehend. Now stop worrying about unimportant details and help me sort out this mess."

"Hang on, just a second." says Hikari. "Rei said earlier that if she died, she could be replaced...what did she mean by that? What have you done to her?"

"Well..." you respond, slightly awkwardly. "You see, those clones weren't straightforward clones...they were more like replacement bodies."

"...Replacement bodies?" gasp the three joke monkeys.

"Yes. Replacement bodies." you continue, annoyed by the interruption. "In the event that Rei died or was grievously injured, her soul could be transferred over to a new body and she could carry on as if nothing had happened. Of course, with the plant wrecked and the clones running riot, that might very well have put the kibosh on that plan."

"Wait a minute..." butts in Kensuke. "If the clones were just replacement bodies, how are they running about on their own?"

You shake your head. "That is...a good question. I don't know is the simple answer. They were supposed to be inert, soulless shells."

"Look, I hate to interrupt the science lesson." interrupts Aoba. "But if we don't get a move on, the clones will catch up with us."

You nod. "Good point. We'd better...hang on, is that a utility cupboard?"

"...Yes. What of it?"

"Well, with a bit of inventiveness we could theoretically arm ourselves with the contents, at least until we can get to the armoury." you explain. "The resources department deliberately made sure that only the deadliest of stationary was kept in those cupboards, precisely in case of an event such as this."

Aoba raises an eyebrow. "Huh. I wondered why I kept on cutting myself with the Pritt Sticks..."

You all file into the cupboard, and begin selecting tools/weapons. There is a large variety of bits and pieces that could theoretically cause some hurt...but the question is, what should you pick?

1: Tape the box-cutter onto the end of the handle of the broom in the corner, for a makeshift polearm?
2: Wield the staplegun like a pistol?
3: Do the same, but with the hot glue gun?
4: Tie the paperweight to the end of the length of rope to make a rudimentary flail?
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

Justacrazyguy
DNA Donor
DNA Donor
User avatar
Age: 27
Posts: 2546
Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Location: Portugal, Kingdom of Al-Gharbh
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby Justacrazyguy » Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:21 am

I'll go with 3. It sounds hilarious but it just might work.
Nearly all teenage boys are dumbfucks-Xard

É altura de se tornarem pessoas interessantes.- My Classic Culture Teacher

MYANIMELIST-http://myanimelist.net/profile/Justacrazyguy

NemZ
Token Misanthrope
Token Misanthrope
User avatar
Posts: 15804
Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Location: St. Louis
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby NemZ » Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:28 am

Sticking with1, but 4 sounds hella fun too.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

cyharding
Our Man in Tokyo 3
Our Man in Tokyo 3
User avatar
Age: 42
Posts: 1923
Joined: Jun 08, 2007
Location: In Glorious Technicolor
Gender: Male

Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

  •      
  •      
  • Quote

Postby cyharding » Wed Jan 25, 2017 12:33 am

My vote is for 4.
Finding intelligent life on the web is not easy, we must all be glad we found EGF. - A.T. Fish
You Can Start Again. Chapter 32 now released. Now on FF.net
Oh, Eva, you never cease to amaze me. Your fans are analizing a calendar, for god's sake.- Alpha


Return to “Role-Playing Related”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests