FML general thread [8]

[Sachi]

personally I think After High School if you don't need it and don't want to pursue it you shouldn't be forced to take a math class just to get into a university.

I mean take me for instance I'm not going to be a scientist or engineer or any of that I'm trying to become a professional artist. why do I need to know the quadratic equation, and taking at least an Algebra 2 class before I qualify to transfer to a university?

A degree suggests a level of general education above high school, regardless of major, which includes math. Otherwise, you can always get a certificate in whatever field you're in.

[IronEvangelion]

It worked

I'm glad to hear everything went well.

[Sachi]

I need to seek help.

I hate to sporadically pour my soul here in the FML thread, so I think I'm eventually going to join a depression forum, or some shit like that so that you guys don't have to listen to me complain. In the last three days alone, I've gone from happy-go-lucky, to wanting to kill myself, back to happy, and then back to wanting to kill myself (currently still in that latter state). Recently, my old roommate reached out to me; if any of you guys remember some of the drama involved between her and I a couple years ago, then you'll know that my relationship with her is quite complex. We hadn't talked in months, because I let my depression destroy our friendship and I pushed her away. I'm convinced that I'm a piece of shit, and that she shouldn't drag herself down by associating with me, particularly since we were once romantically involved and she has a boyfriend. Well, she reaches out to me, letting me know that she's been going through a tough time, and informs me that her boyfriend had cheated on her LONG, LONG before she ever cheated on him with me and he only just now told her; what makes this so terrible is that we were honest about it as soon as it happened between us, and he lied about it for three years (why he didn't confess it when we made our confession, IDK; seems like that would have been a good time). Needless to say, I was pissed, because I spent so long convincing myself that I was a piece of shit for interfering with his relationship, and I had done everything I could to make him seem like a good guy and have her stay with him. Anyways, since she has reached out to me again, we've started talking, and I'm starting to remember what it's like to have a friend. For the last several months I've been so detached that I've been numb to the fact, and now that I've tasted a bit of positivity, it's making my mood swings worse. I still believe that I'm a piece of shit, I still believe that I don't deserve to have any friends, and I still believe that I'm going to be alone forever. This is making speaking to her again difficult, because it was because of these mood swings that I had pushed her away before.

So, in short, I'm in a weird place where I can either sink back into the numbness of depression and have no friends and no direction, or I can confront these mood swings. So, after the first time she had to listen to me having a break down again, I decided that I need help. I really have not been happy in a long time. All I do is go to work 40 hours a week, go to school full-time, and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I always need to keep myself busy, because whenever I'm alone my depression catches up with me. However, by constantly staying busy with work and school, I've forgotten how to live and I've lost sight of why I work so hard. Again, I have no friends, and so I never go out. I haven't dated or been in a happy relationship since I was fifteen (and does dating at fifteen really count?), because I'm thoroughly convinced I'm not worthy of love, and so I don't pursue it. I'm wasting my life hating myself, and I've held myself back from so many opportunities. I've always been against prescription medicine, particularly anti-depressants, but at this point I think I should seriously consider it as an option. My friend is going to provide me with some information and a place to start looking for therapy, and I'm hoping to make an appointment in the next two weeks or so. It's a strange feeling, but hopefully it's better than continuing to leave my depression untreated.

[pwhodges]

I've always been against prescription medicine, particularly anti-depressants, but at this point I think I should seriously consider it as an option.

Medicine can work very well as a way of breaking the pattern sufficiently for longer-term approaches like therapy to have an effect. It's bad to rely on a drug as a solution, but good to see them as tools with a worthwhile place. When I had a bad patch during therapy, I got an antidepressant - my therapist had no view either way, but I found it helpful (and saw no need to renew the prescription when it ran out).

My friend is going to provide me with some information and a place to start looking for therapy, and I'm hoping to make an appointment in the next two weeks or so. It's a strange feeling, but hopefully it's better than continuing to leave my depression untreated.

Go for it. Remember that not all therapists are the same, and there's a element of chance in how well your first choice will suit you. But almost any should start you on the right road; just don't blame therapy as a technique if your first experience isn't as smooth as you'd like - it may even be no more than your subconscious resisting the treatment.

[NemZ]

If it's gotten as bad as that then I'm glad you're being proactive, Sachi.

[Monk Ed]

Hey Sachi, how many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

[NemZ]

Ugh, today was a rough one. I was running behind catching my morning train, literally, tripped and did the full 'still running forward but clearly still falling' thing, and crashed down with a slide just a few feet from the platform. Shredded the hell out of elbow and forearm, but what really topped it off was the train leaving without me anyway, bastards laughing as they went by.

[Sicarius VI]

@NemZ - Your life is like a movie.

(Srsly tho sorry that happened to you)

[NemZ]

True if you mean today's movie was something starring Chris Farley. (okay, not quite that bad).

But hey, whatever. I dabbed at it with a newspaper and grabbed the next train. Did actually make it on time (barely) and finally stopped bleeding about halfway into my second class period.

[child of Lilith]

Glad you're ok, NemZ.

[Sachi]

Haha, so I let my depression ruin my friendship again. I'm literally convinced that I deserve my misery, and so I pushed her away. I want her to forget about me because she'll really, truly be better off without someone as self destructive as I am in her life, especially considering how much she already has to deal with on a daily basis.

I still plan on trying out therapy, but honestly at this point I'm not sure if I'm ready for change. I'm awfully stubborn and can always find pragmatic excuses for myself. One reason is that I'm finally on a steady-ish course with my savings and education (being free from distractions and all), and if I can only keep it up for another year or so I will be able to hit a major checkpoint for myself. That might seem like a bad excuse not to seek positive change in my personal life, but this is the sort of logic I use against myself constantly. I always put everything else before my personal feelings or even taking care of myself (food, what's that?), whether it be my obligations to work and education, or when I believe that others would be better off without me. One day I'll finally wise up, or not. We'll see. I'm going to sleep now.

[ChaddyManPrime]

@ Sachi

You got trauma Good Sir? The PTSD sort?

[Sachi]

I would have never considered PTSD to be among the list of things wrong with me; I've never been diagnosed or anything, but I've traditionally (and mostly likely wrongly) assumed I had something along the lines of Bi-polar or Avoidant Personality Disorder. However, I just looked it up, and apparently there's a thing called Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), which seems rather accurate to what I deal with, and probably more likely than those other two possibilities. So... maybe? I'm no doctor.

[ChaddyManPrime]

When or if you go to see a psychiatrist make sure to ask them to give you a placement test of sorts, the doctor thought I might have autism, but I know I have severe clinical depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, OCD, and ADHD.

If you have PTSD I suggest EMDR.

[IronEvangelion]

(This is not a reply to the above posts)

People these days are fucked in the head. Our culture is raising generations of emotionally detached sociopaths.

I've been going to the chat forums of a certain online multiplayer game (which I won't name because I don't want to give the game a bad rap) for a couple months now, since it's the only game I've actually been playing for the past few months. The place is overrun with hardcore elitists, which is bad enough, but today several of them started a topic about how best to orchestrate a eugenics program. The goal? To prevent people who are bad at the game from reproducing, thereby getting rid of all the "stupid people" who play the game (as if skill at an online vehicle-based shooter is any indication of a person's intelligence) so that the elitists would only have good players to play against. What the fuck!? I'm not entirely sure if the topic was meant to be a joke or not, but I don't care. You don't fucking joke about sterilizing real people to improve the player base of A FUCKING VIDEO GAME!!! I'm bad at the game myself, and it's bad enough to see their (quite literally) dehumanizing comments toward bad players constantly, but this was fucking unreal. I'm now considering leaving those forums, didn't know a good portion of the forum user base was a breeding ground for future nazis when I joined.

Anyhow, that incident made me miss this place a little. There might be two or three toxic forumers here, but at least the forum population as a whole is generally made up of sane people. Oh and the real kicker about that topic I mentioned? After it got to 4 pages, the mods locked it for... excessive arguing. So, they have a system in place that automatically censors even the mildest curse words in posts, but a topic advocating the sterilization of bad players is okay unless people do a lot of arguing?

Sorry about the long post guys, I just needed to vent. My brain is kind of fried after reading that topic.

[Shamsiel-kun]

People these days are fucked in the head. Our culture is raising generations of emotionally detached sociopaths.

Originally I thought you were replying to the previous posts about stacking various mental health issues on top of each other via self-diagnosis, which made it a hilariously insensitive comment (don't change it ). Seriously though, for the people above, please, if you think there's something wrong with you, go see a good doctor and don't self-diagnose, that may be very misleading (most psychiatric diagnoses use a rather specific combination of symptoms and/or behaviours that generally must be present in quite extreme ways to be actually considered of diagnostic value) and lead to trouble one way or another.

I've been going to the chat forums of a certain online multiplayer game (which I won't name because I don't want to give the game a bad rap) for a couple months now, since it's the only game I've actually been playing for the past few months. The place is overrun with hardcore elitists, which is bad enough, but today several of them started a topic about how best to orchestrate a eugenics program. The goal? To prevent people who are bad at the game from reproducing, thereby getting rid of all the "stupid people" who play the game (as if skill at an online vehicle-based shooter is any indication of a person's intelligence) so that the elitists would only have good players to play against. What the fuck!? I'm not entirely sure if the topic was meant to be a joke or not, but I don't care. You don't fucking joke about sterilizing real people to improve the player base of A FUCKING VIDEO GAME!!! I'm bad at the game myself, and it's bad enough to see their (quite literally) dehumanizing comments toward bad players constantly, but this was fucking unreal. I'm now considering leaving those forums, didn't know a good portion of the forum user base was a breeding ground for future nazis when I joined.

Recognizable. Some video game forums, especially those featuring First Person Shooter fans, tend to attract a certain loud and obnoxious (fringe) demography that has rather extremist ideas and is essentially rather clueless despite behaving like they are really hardcore (i.e. keyboard warriors). I suggest using the ignore function of the forum, if it has one. Then you don't have to see the idiot posts and won't run the risk accidentally confronting one of those posters with actual logic or common sense, which tends to work like a red rag on a bull, making them gang up on you.
If you really don't feel at ease, go look elsewhere (as I did on a fighting game forum when some ass decided to basically tear into me for doubting his posts about a game-breaking bug and mods did nothing - figured I didn't deserve that shit and could spend my time without getting aggravated by bullshit - amusingly I later found a official guide that mentioned the asshole's 'bug' was a game feature... ).

Anyhow, that incident made me miss this place a little. There might be two or three toxic forumers here, but at least the forum population as a whole is generally made up of sane people. Oh and the real kicker about that topic I mentioned? After it got to 4 pages, the mods locked it for... excessive arguing. So, they have a system in place that automatically censors even the mildest curse words in posts, but a topic advocating the sterilization of bad players is okay unless people do a lot of arguing?

Sorry about the long post guys, I just needed to vent. My brain is kind of fried after reading that topic.

Look at it like this: your brain needs to see a topic like that to fry. Theirs is fried by default.

[IronEvangelion]

Originally I thought you were replying to the previous posts about stacking various mental health issues on top of each other via self-diagnosis, which made it a hilariously insensitive comment (don't change it ).

Sorry, I've added a disclaimer to clarify that it was unrelated to the other posts.

I suggest using the ignore function of the forum, if it has one. Then you don't have to see the idiot posts and won't run the risk accidentally confronting one of those posters with actual logic or common sense, which tends to work like a red rag on a bull, making them gang up on you.
If you really don't feel at ease, go look elsewhere (as I did on a fighting game forum when some ass decided to basically tear into me for doubting his posts about a game-breaking bug and mods did nothing - figured I didn't deserve that shit and could spend my time without getting aggravated by bullshit - amusingly I later found a official guide that mentioned the asshole's 'bug' was a game feature... ).

I may indeed have to start using the ignore function. I usually refrain from using ignore lists because even people I strongly disagree with sometimes have a good point to make, but the longer I spend on the internet, the more I'm starting to realize some people just aren't worth listening to at all. And man, there are a looooooot of them over there. Here's hoping I won't have to add half the forumers to the list.

I thought about it all day, and I decided I am going to stay on those forums. The benefits outweigh the mind-numbing idiocy I have to put up with there. It's the game's official forum, meaning everyone there gets to talk directly to the company staff and make suggestions. And they actually listen to us and make changes (within reason) based on what we suggest on a monthly basis! Plus we get advance notification of any sales or specials that are about to happen, and there are a lot of those since it's a F2P game.

[MAGI_01]

Apparently telling someone to get out of the room because the bird wont stop freaking out and flying into the walls until they do is me being an asshole, but I'm the one being told to apologize despite the fact I was the one told to go fuck myself.

Yup, love being public enemy #1 in this house. No matter what I do or say anymore, unless it's in a perfectly dainty tone, I'm being an asshole yet I can be talked to like shit and it seems to be perfectly ok.

So ate dinner in my room alone and refuse to apologize for something that does not deserve one. Think I may make this a permanent change as I have grown well past tired of always being called out for even the slightest bit of annoyance in my tone, yet I can be talked down to, but if I protest I'm being a crybaby about it.

Cannot make this stuff up.

[IronEvangelion]

A more light-hearted FML today for me:

First it was Final Fantasy XV being delayed from September to November, and now Valkyrie Drive: Bhikkhuni, which was supposed to release September 20th, has been delayed to October. All the games I wanted to play in September are running away from me. To make it even worse, the new release date is the exact same day that Dragon Quest Builders releases, and I have both games pre-ordered. My wallet already hurts.

[NemZ]

Schlafly pumpkin ale. just no.