Michael Bay's The Birds

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Postby Sachi » Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:48 pm

View Original PostSquigsquasher wrote:Meanwhile, in Hollywood, Michael Bay to direct remake of The Birds. Ray will be delighted.

How laughably absurd. I see no good reason for there to be any sort of explosion in that movie, so he'd better not try and force one in there.
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Postby A.T. Fish » Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:59 pm

View Original PostSachi wrote:I see no good reason for there to be any sort of explosion in that movie


Are you sure?

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Postby Ray » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:20 pm

View Original PostSquigsquasher wrote:Meanwhile, in Hollywood, Michael Bay to direct remake of The Birds. Ray will be delighted.



:rageface:
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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:21 pm

View Original PostRay wrote::rageface:


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHA

HAAAAAAAAA

I will go to see this just to spite you.
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Postby Sachi » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:33 pm

View Original PostA.T. Fish wrote:Are you sure?

Like I said, no good reason. If that scene was recreated today, it would be ludicrous.
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Postby Ray » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:40 pm

To paraphrase what I said about the TMNT movie on the Transformers Thread.

It's probably going to be universally panned and make billions, just like every other film Michael Bay's directed/produced since the first transformers. Because the dumb modern moviegoing audience can't rub two braincells together to think for themselves and instead let Michael Bay drag them all around by their genitalia.

But you can't say that. Because a film critic is never supposed to put the blame for good filmmakers getting screwed over and good films failing at the box office, and bad filmmakers succeeding and bad movies making billions where it belongs. On the AUDIENCE. You're supposed to give the audience a benefit of a doubt, that the Hollywood powerbrokers have underestimated them and that if they would make it available, the audience would pick the Lobster with truffles and olive oil they've never eaten before over the KFC Popcorn Chicken bucket they've eaten billions of times before. But it's simply not true.

Pigs go to the trough, because pigs love their slop.

Michael Bay isn't the problem, he's just the Asshole making a tidy living by giving the fat guy fast food until he dies of heart failure because he can't rub two braincells together to eat something other than french fries.
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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:45 pm

And who are you, oh mighty Mr. Holier-Than-Thou, to tell the pigs they can't enjoy their "slop"? Not everyone likes lobster. Some people just want a pasta salad.

Last time I checked, you were not the universal judicator of what people can and can't enjoy. Do not delude yourself into thinking you have that power, nor that you or anyone else deserves it. Down that path lies lunacy and totalitarianism.
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Postby C.A.P. » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:51 pm

Bay is going to produce this BTW.

It's not going to stop any of you from having a fascination with Bay, but whatever.
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Postby Stillborn » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:53 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAnjIj5pBk4

Enough said :lol:
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Postby TehDonutKing » Tue Jun 30, 2015 4:14 pm

View Original PostSachi wrote:Like I said, no good reason. If that scene was recreated today, it would be ludicrous.

It was pretty ludicrous already, to be honest.
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Postby Ray » Tue Jun 30, 2015 4:38 pm

Bay is going to produce this BTW.


Bay also produced the crappy live action TMNT the crappy reboots of Friday The 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Four films that were generally bad on their own terms, and missed the entire point of what made the original films work.

For the record, I did watch the first three. I learned my lesson.

And who are you, oh mighty Mr. Holier-Than-Thou, to tell the pigs they can't enjoy their "slop"? Not everyone likes lobster. Some people just want a pasta salad.


The difference is, a restaurant that serves Lobster doesn't stop serving lobster and start serving Chicken Nuggets and Big Macs when the Fast Food joint across the street gets more business than them. In film industry on the other hand, Bay is having a horrible influence. Every blockbuster filmmaker is trying to imitate Bay's style, trying to replicate his success, because they it will make money and is the most successful style of filmmaking. James Cameron himself, the guy who produced some of the best movies of all time claims that during production on AVATAR he watched a whole bunch of Michael Bay Movies and took notes while he did trying to reverse engineer his camera angles and filmmaking! Are you kidding me?

The Michael Bay aesthetic is poisoning the way the industry makes makes blockbuster film. Every blockbuster filmmaker is trying to make their films look like Michael Bay films, because they know that style of filmmaking will make money. Why? Because the audience keeps going to see it, year after year after year. Even good action movies are blurring together with Bay's Aesthetic and are all starting to look the same. overuse of teal and orange Gradient, all action no quiet moments, bad to okay CGI, socially backwards representations of people groups, pandering to wish audience fufillment. and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

and the audience keeps sending the same message to Hollywood year after year, telling them that Michael Bay movies are genius, that we keep wanting to see them, over and over. The audience keeps telling the Hollywood bigwigs that if you put Michael Bay and people who direct movies like Michael Bay in charge and just have him keep giving us the same crap year after year, we'll go see it! You don't have to change the texture, the look, the plot, the character arc, or have engaging drama or make the characters interesting or likeable or anything and we'll still go see it!

That is one reason. But another reason I hate Bay's movies (directed AND produced) is because he's turned action and horror movies. Things that are supposed to incite emotion, excitement, fear, anger, sadness, happiness when the heroes triumph. Into Boring, aggravating, annoying, slogs that only incite numbness and apathy. He's made the two most exciting genres of film, boring!

Remember the first time you saw an explosion in an action movie like Terminator 2, Demolition Man, or the Rock? Remember how cool it was? I mean, how can anyone, male, female, young, old, not look at an explosion and say "That's incredible!" Then, we got Michael Bay, the "King Of Explosions" and he kept giving us more and more explosions in his movies, more in the next film than the last. Until now they don't even register! What's an explosion in an action movie now? Boring and annoying! Not the least bit exciting.

There have gotta be like 200 explosions, and Camera Swirls in every Bay Action movie made since the first Transformers, and not one registers at all.

The worst part is, I KNOW Bay is a good filmmaker under the Bullcrap. Bay has made good movies. Bad Boys II, The Rock, Armageddon, I'd even say the first Transformers movie. I even liked the Island! But He's gotten so powerful, so influential and so rich that nobody can tell him no without repercussions. Nobody can tell him what makes a good film, or a good script because he knows he can do anything and people will go see it, so he's not even trying to tell a good story or make good films anymore.

Compare The Rock an early Michael Bay action film, to a modern day action Michael Bay action film like Dark Of The Moon.

The Rock was a tightly scripted, engaging, fun and entertaining action movie. Why? Because although there we're moments of over the top action and explosions. The majority of the film was about building up the characters, making them entertaining, fleshing them out, giving them believable motivations which made the action more effective and engaging when it hit. This was all done through relatively quiet moments, where the camera was stationary or if moving not moving very much, and the Michael Bay "Money Shot" (the camera swirling, as the character rises in slow mo) was only used twice in the whole movie. Two really tense moments, where it made sense to use it. Once during the aftermath of the car chase between Sean Connery and Nick Cage, and once again towards the end of the film with the Jet dropping the bomb on the Island.

Dark Of The Moon on the other hand? The camera is always moving, never slowing down, the camera shakes, swirls around, and NEVER STAYS STILL. Action scene? Camera swirl. Decepticons talking? Camera Swirl. Transformers talking? Camera swirl. Our designated hero being a douche? Camera swirl. No regard for context, or any quiet moments to develop the characters and give them any real humanity. The action went from engaging and entertaining, to mind numbingly brutal and aggravating. It's the difference between watching a boxing match, and being pummeled to the point you can't feel anything by that same Boxer.

In the Rock? Tension and context and character inform the action scenes and filmmaking technique. In Dark Of The Moon? No quiet moments, Sensory Overload in both audio and visual, the context doesn't inform the action or add any real tension to it, and the characters aren't the slightest bit charming or likeable.

Compare Michael Bay Movies to the Fast And Furious Series.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/troy-campbell/why-we-let-michael-bay-ke_b_5885410.html

= = =

But back to the topic. Why? Why remake The Birds? There is nothing you can add to the film that wasn't in the first one. To have anyone remake it would detract from the original, but to have this man? The man who missed the point when it came to Freddy, Jason, Optimus Prime, and April O'neil miss the point AGAIN when it comes to Alfred Freaking Hitchcock? The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost of Modern Filmmaking? This is like Uwe Boll or M Night Shyamalan producing a remake of Citizen Kane!

But what am I saying? You can hate all you want, you'll still go see it. Michael Bay knows how to ride the wave of hate that pretty much gives him free publicity.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/troy-campbell/why-we-let-michael-bay-ke_b_5885410.html

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Postby Defectron » Tue Jun 30, 2015 4:48 pm

View Original PostSachi wrote:How laughably absurd. I see no good reason for there to be any sort of explosion in that movie, so he'd better not try and force one in there.


What is this I don't even...
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Postby Reichu » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:42 pm

View Original PostRay wrote:You can hate all you want, you'll still go see it.

Speak for yourself, bub. This girl has yet to see a single Bay movie all the way through, let alone in theaters. I'm quite content ignoring their existence. Perhaps you should be doing similarly? It doesn't make much sense to acknowledge the power of negative attention, while writing up a wall of text post providing exactly that!
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Postby Ray » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:50 pm

Did you even read what I posted? I'm not going to go see it. If it has Bay's name attached. I stay the hell away. he aint getting any of my money. I saw all the movies I mentioned without paying a penny for them.

But that doesn't change the fact that BILLIONS of people still do go to see it, and keep rewarding Bay and Hollywood for being the exact opposite of what a good filmmaker should be.
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Postby Reichu » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:54 pm

View Original PostRay wrote:Did you even read what I posted?

"Speak for yourself" as in "don't speak for me".
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Postby NemZ » Tue Jun 30, 2015 7:42 pm

Relevant. Watch to the end, it's fairly short.

I saw all the movies I mentioned without paying a penny for them.


The availablitly of other ways to get movies have driven us to a point where there really isn't much reason to actually go to the theaters anymore unless it's a big action movie because that's one of the few genres where the experience is actually better on a large screen, with or without 3d gimmicks. Thus, Bay blows the absolute shit out of everything and gets rich in the process.
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Postby Defectron » Tue Jun 30, 2015 10:32 pm

This is just going to be a two hour long version of the ptrasaur scene from jurrassic world but with seagulls and more explosions.

Also after transformers 3 I decided to pretty much boycott seeing bays films in theater so I'll be skipping this. Fool me once shame you, but fool me four or more times shame on me!
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Postby Shamsiel-kun » Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:34 am

View Original PostDefectron wrote:This is just going to be a two hour long version of the ptrasaur scene from jurrassic world but with seagulls and more explosions.


Black CG seagulls that look like Alien rejects when they move (lots of pointy bits and really bad anatomy) and fire laser beams from their beaks, causing said explosions. The heroes consist of a beta-transitioning-to-alpha male, his eye-candy-only girlfriend, and a stereotypical black dude (who dies). They ride a yellow Camaro. In the last scene, the Camaro transforms into a giant yellow archeopteryx that tears the other birds apart with its beak and claws in a scene of gratuitous violence that is supposed to show it is a good guy.

Oh, and there will be at least one dong joke involving a cloaca that will cause controversy ("They don't call me Big Bird for nuthin', you know!").

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Postby TehDonutKing » Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:45 am

View Original PostShamsiel-kun wrote:Black CG seagulls that look like Alien rejects when they move (lots of pointy bits and really bad anatomy) and fire laser beams from their beaks, causing said explosions. The heroes consist of a beta-transitioning-to-alpha male, his eye-candy-only girlfriend, and a stereotypical black dude (who dies). They ride a yellow Camaro. In the last scene, the Camaro transforms into a giant yellow archeopteryx that tears the other birds apart with its beak and claws in a scene of gratuitous violence that is supposed to show it is a good guy.

Oh, and there will be at least one dong joke involving a cloaca that will cause controversy ("They don't call me Big Bird for nuthin', you know!").

I...kind of want to see this.
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Postby Shoujo Kakumei Asuka » Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:32 am

In a massive twist, he is not remaking The Birds at all, rather he is referring to the fragile, bird-like nature of the human spirit. Billed by another name for the shock-factor, this is actually Michael Bay's revision of Evangelion.

In all seriousness, I'm imagining something like Birdemic without the first half of the movie where nothing happens. It sounds closer to Michael Bay's "vision" than anything Hitchcock's ever produced.

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