Jurassic World

[Stillborn]

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Here's the JP tailored for your high standard, edgy tastes. The movie you deserve.

[Chuckman]

There’s nothing edgy about destroying capitalism, hon.

[Gendo'sPapa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn9mMeWcgoM

Far as I can tell based on trailer, plot is there's a mysterious/never-before-mentioned volcano on the island that's gonna blow so Bryce Dallas Howard puts on appropriate footwear and re-teams with kinda rapey Chris Pratt to go back and "save the dinosaurs". Which in dumb franchise logic means they and a bunch of disposable heavily armed grunts with guns will go there to blow something up (cause that solves things) and then the heavily armed grunts will turn out to have a secondary agenda to capture some of the dinosaurs and bring them to the mainland.... where they of course will break out and cause all sorts of havoc. Soooooo it's one of those not-a-remake-but-totally-reappropriating-everything-from-a-previous-film-in-the-series type "re-imaging" of The Lost World: Jurassic Park. Kinda like Jurassic World or The Force Awakens. Only this time without color because that's how we roll nowadays.

Oh, and since we only see Jeff Goldblum in a court room and he apparently only shot for a few days my guess he's only in the one scene.

[Ray]

There was mention of a volcanic Geo-Thermal plant in the supplementary material. If nothing else, the bond between Chris Pratts character and Blue the Raptor is probably going to give the story more of an emotional core than the last movie.

Besides, you don't go to a Jurassic Park movie for the human characters. You go for the DINOSAURS!

[Chuckman]

The island in the Lost World is volcanic. I'm pretty sure Nublar is not, but the movies make up whatever they need anyway.

[silvermoonlight]

The island in the Lost World is volcanic. I'm pretty sure Nublar is not, but the movies make up whatever they need anyway.

In the books I don't recall Nublar being mentioned as volcanic though I have heard that Costa Rica does have volcano's but the two islands in the book are not attached. In my view this storyline feels like a throw back to the (1975) film The Land That Time Forgot as that had this odd thing where the volcano's on the island would randomly blow up.

[Cybermat47]

An Allosaurus, finally!

[Stillborn]

The island in the Lost World is volcanic. I'm pretty sure Nublar is not, but the movies make up whatever they need anyway.

There is a volcano on Nublar

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[silvermoonlight]

There is a volcano on Nublar

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That interesting because there's one in the original Jurassic Park map lay out but its clearly been moved for the Jurassic World story line.

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[Ray]

An Allosaurus, finally!

Actually I think that's a Carnotaur.

[Chuckman]

That interesting because there's one in the original Jurassic Park map lay out but its clearly been moved for the Jurassic World story line.

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Ah. Volcanoes are only (tangentially) related to the plot in one of the books so I must have missed it.

[FreakyFilmFan4ever]

Saving all of the dinosaurs from an exploding island...

I mean, it’s “5-year-old boy’s imagination” cool. But it sounds way too simplistic for a Jurassic Park story. I’m already disappointed.

[Cybermat47]

Saving all of the dinosaurs from an exploding island...

I mean, it’s “5-year-old boy’s imagination” cool. But it sounds way too simplistic for a Jurassic Park story. I’m already disappointed.

I’ve heard that the saving the Dinosaurs plot is just the reason that they go to the island, like how financing was the reason they went in the first one.

That’s just a possibility, though, I can’t be 100% sure.

[Stillborn]

I don't expect much of the movie. I don't need the grand philosophical concepts touched, and Blue giving birth to Raptor Jesus and the birth of a new religion and what it all means. I want some cool dinosaur combat, Owen and Blue bonding and Rexy being gloriously awesome. And the fanfic fuel. ALL THE FUEL!

[Gendo'sPapa]

Jeff Goldblum is just a cameo. Actual Goldblum statement to Empire Podcast about his role in Jurassic Park 5:

"It's small. Who knows, they may cut me out entirely! But if I stay in I'll be a sprig of parsley or a little garnish, hopefully with some impact!"

So I figure he's just in the courtroom scene to give a little speech with a lot of oohs and ahhs. Maybe two minutes tops either at the start or very end of the movie.

Also, everything from the trailer is apparently only from the first 57 minutes of the movie so yeah, I'm positive the second half of the film is gonna be the final 15 minutes of The Lost World only with more dinosaurs.

https://www.avclub.com/an-extremely-petty-breakdown-of-everything-dumb-in-the-1821134843

[Chuckman]

It’d be hilarious if he’s testifying at the lawsuit over the events of the last film.

Anyway, fifty bucks says they kill the Rex in this one.

[Stillborn]

Actually I'm too scared to take this bet. Sequels proved a great love for killing iconic characters, because it makes them more "dramatic" and "groundbreakin" and "serious" (I'm looking at you Star Wars).

[silvermoonlight]

I personally think the volcano is a set up event because then all of the dinosaurs are going to be in pens and then the army can have there naff stereotype commander come in and steal all the dangerous ones like the T rex and raptors and other dangerous stuff and weaponize them only to have it go wrong in a mayor city and cause thousands of deaths.

Followed by Owen flying in with all the I can tame the dinosaurs rubbish and stop them all including the Rex and Claire's new boy friend will conveniently die and then they'll end up getting back together even though in my view they had zero chemistry in the first film and there relationship came off as unhealthy and one sided...roll end credits.

Bonus points for if Owen's character berates Claire's character though out the film about her boyfriend and being even more of an asshole than the first film to send the clear message that she should be with him and isn't allowed to have a life outside of him. Second bonus point if her boyfriend is some how made out to be weak or called a wuss because he's not Owen and doesn't do macho things.

[FrDougal9000]

Wait, the name of Chris Pratt's character was OWEN?! Good Lord, no wonder nobody could remember his name and just kept calling him Chris Pratt's character (or Smelly Twat, if they wanted to amuse themselves with some rhyming).

Alright, speaking as someone who found J-World to be an awful patchwork farce and figures this is going to be pretty much the same, I'm going to pitch an ending to the film, and I guarantee that it will better than whatever will actually happen (or will be more interesting, at any rate):

Claire finally has enough of being criticized for just existing and decides to ally herself with the dinosaurs in taking over the world. She climbs atop the T-Rex and orders the raptors to devour/rape Smelly Twat alive in a manner akin to what the MP-Evas did to Asuka in EoE. The island, now powered by the magical vengeance that allows Claire to command the dinosaurs, lifts off and travels around the world. Claire and the dinosaurs proceed to take over the world to the while Rime of the Ancient Mariner plays in the background, with many scenes of the characters being brutally torn apart. The dumb children and their awful parents are rammed by a Pachycephalosaurus, and Jimmy Fallon dies the same way that the babysitter from J-World died, because fuck him. And, in a move that may or may not go down well, the dinosaurs break out of the film and tear the audience of the movie theater to pieces. Their conquest of the world has begun.

[silvermoonlight]

Wait, the name of Chris Pratt's character was OWEN?! Good Lord, no wonder nobody could remember his name and just kept calling him Chris Pratt's character (or Smelly Twat, if they wanted to amuse themselves with some rhyming).

I confess I had to look that up, because I always refer to him as the sexist wanker never by his character name...great idea by the way him being eaten alive by a T-rex I would pay to see that since that should have happened in last movie with the scene where he was under the car with the Indominus Rex and he coated himself in petrol and somehow it couldn't smell him which was such stupid writing.

Nom, Nom, nom  SPOILER: Show