What's the worst Eva fanfic you've ever read?

[Squigsquasher]

As the title implies, what is the absolute worst Evangelion fanfic you have ever had the misfortune of defiling your eyes with?

For me, it's probably Father (I can't remember if this was by Adam Kadmon or someone else), introduced to me via Fanfic Firing Squad, my favourite source of pain. Let's list a few of the ways this fic is utter pants:
1: Asuka is pregnant.
2: Nobody knows whose it is.
3: Asuka is now a simpering moeblob.
4: Shinji is now some muscle-bound badass.
5: The pilots are now 16.
6: Shinji has a leather jacket and a MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE.
7: It's an LAS fic.
8: Shinji can toss adults around like he's Ira Gamagoori.
9: Misato, Ritsuko and Maya are now all apparantly baby-murdering psychopaths.
10: This fic takes itself completely seriously.

So yeah. This fic is utterly horrible.

Also on the list as a dishonourable mention is a fic I started writing (but fortunately never got beyond starting) which would have been a LKS. It was one of the worst ideas I have ever had and its half-started corpse is now sealed within a folder on my PC entitled "Toxic Waste Disposal Unit". I am NOT going to post it. It is that bad.

Anyway, your trauma trigger fics?

[amitakartok]

I know that story and remember FFF's hilarious take on it.

I have two stories to offer. First is an Adam Kadmon work; can't remember the title but it's about Ritsuko sexually abusing and depraving Shinji for her own amusement. Worse, Shinji doesn't seem to care and actually tells people who find out that it's none of their business. Even worse, Ritsuko gets away scot-free because Gendo judges her to be too important to be executed or imprisoned over something as trivial as rape and deliberate mental torture of a minor.

Another is possibly the most cruel story I've ever read. I mean, I've seen Asuka bashing before but this takes the cake and blows it clean out of the fucking atmosphere.

• It takes place in the ep26 AU... with the little caveat of Yui figuring that the best way to make Asuka incapable of hurting others is to have her drugged (with a drug Yui supplied from her pharmaceutical company), raped and subjected to daily depravities in order to emotionally desensitize her into a sociopathic slut incapable of meaningfully loving anyone and not caring who she sleeps with as long as it has two legs.
  
• It seems to be working.
  
• Asuka knows Yui is behind everything but can't do a thing, as she's living with the Ikaris and Yui threatened to throw her out if she refuses to go along with it.
  
• Worse, Rei (yes, the ep26 genki-Rei) got caught up in it and is subjected to the same things as Asuka even though Yui knows and admits that Rei was just an innocent in the wrong place at the wrong time. By the time of the story, she has no genkiness left and resembles her canon incarnation in emotional range. Let me repeat that: Rei has absolutely nothing to do with this insanity, yet she's forced to suffer anyway, just because.
  
• If that wasn't bad enough already, we also have two instances of netorare here. First, one of Asuka's torturers is Mana who steals Shinji away from Asuka and participates in the torture because Asuka is a rival. Second, another torturer loves Mana and tortures Asuka because he loves Mana but Mana loves Shinji and Asuka also loves Shinji, so he gets back at Shinji for stealing his girl by torturing Shinji's other girl. Makes sense? Of course it fucking doesn't.

[ElMariachi]

Mine is one I read very recently : Evangelion: The Break Out, a post-3.0 one-shot where everyone's characterization is butchered beyond recognition, with sense and logic going through the window ans the events of the movie apparently ignored when the author feels like it :

• Misato is an evil bitch going into Shinji's cell to taunt him and gloat.
  
• Kaworu came to rescue him(yes apparently he's alive again) but was captured by WILLE.(that's what Misato taunted Shinji about)
  
• Kaworu and Misato exchange some banter where the latter scream that she'll never let him free Shinji and the former answer that she'll see what he's able to do.
  
• Kaworu reunites with Shinji before blowing out an hole in the Wunder hull and both jump and Kaworu made them float toward NERV HQ just bellow(dafuq?), never mind the fact the Wunder was supposed to have hauled ass out of the zone at the end of Q(that what the whole reason for the trio to have to walk through the red desert)
  
• we learn in an offhand way that Rei Q escaped too... somehow, to go live her live free... somewhere(seriously I suspect the author to have remembered about her as an afterthought)
  
• Somehow no one is in the base except Asuka that followed them... somehow
  
• She screams that she'll kill Shinji with a devilish smirk before strapping a Choker on Shinji that'll kill him by squeezing his neck to death(guns are mainstream ya see)
  
• Kaworu takes off the choker and put it on Asuka, who dies from her neck snapping at the same moment Shinji and Kaworu confesses their love(how romantic)
  
• Several years pass and Shinji and Kaworu live happily with nature reclaiming the place(nevermind they are in a ruined metal facility floating in the middle of a core material wasteland) with both living from piano session and sex before somehow Shinji gained a copy of Kaworu's powers by going third base with him(nevermind that he should had died of thirst and hunger long before)
  
• Never mind the fact NERV HQ is supposed to have flied to another dimension in Q, that Gendo and Fuyu and all their NS and MP-Evas are nowhere to be seen and decided to not try anything to start the final phase of their plan, or that following the logic the Wunder was supposed to be stationed above the HQ during Kaworu and Asuka's "fight" and could had just carpet bombed the place to oblivion, or sent EVA-08 to crush them to paste, apparently they just called it a day and abandoned the two Impact Triggers back to NERV.
  

God it was so awful it hurt.

[Stillborn]

Ritsuko sexually abusing and depraving Shinji for her own amusement. Worse, Shinji doesn't seem to care and actually tells people who find out that it's none of their business. Even worse, Ritsuko gets away scot-free because Gendo judges her to be too important to be executed or imprisoned over something as trivial as rape and deliberate mental torture of a minor.

And your point being? That sounds completly believeable in Evaverse.

[amitakartok]

Only for you, Stillborn. Only for you.

[Bagheera]

Another is possibly the most cruel story I've ever read. I mean, I've seen Asuka bashing before but this takes the cake and blows it clean out of the fucking atmosphere.

• It takes place in the ep26 AU... with the little caveat of Yui figuring that the best way to make Asuka incapable of hurting others is to have her drugged (with a drug Yui supplied from her pharmaceutical company), raped and subjected to daily depravities in order to emotionally desensitize her into a sociopathic slut incapable of meaningfully loving anyone and not caring who she sleeps with as long as it has two legs.
  
• It seems to be working.
  
• Asuka knows Yui is behind everything but can't do a thing, as she's living with the Ikaris and Yui threatened to throw her out if she refuses to go along with it.
  
• Worse, Rei (yes, the ep26 genki-Rei) got caught up in it and is subjected to the same things as Asuka even though Yui knows and admits that Rei was just an innocent in the wrong place at the wrong time. By the time of the story, she has no genkiness left and resembles her canon incarnation in emotional range. Let me repeat that: Rei has absolutely nothing to do with this insanity, yet she's forced to suffer anyway, just because.
  
• If that wasn't bad enough already, we also have two instances of netorare here. First, one of Asuka's torturers is Mana who steals Shinji away from Asuka and participates in the torture because Asuka is a rival. Second, another torturer loves Mana and tortures Asuka because he loves Mana but Mana loves Shinji and Asuka also loves Shinji, so he gets back at Shinji for stealing his girl by torturing Shinji's other girl. Makes sense? Of course it fucking doesn't.

That's a good contender. The other one that comes to mind is shorter but arguably worse, and I've resolved never to mention the title again since it doesn't need the attention (last time this came up people wound up hunting it down and talking about it, and screw that. It needs to be forgotten post haste).

[Lavinius]

I forget the name but it was really disgusting and fucked up and was some kind of really bizzare crossover and I have no idea how I came across it. And ^ that one. Also Power Plays but in a different way.

[Bagheera]

I forget the name but it was really disgusting and fucked up and was some kind of really bizzare crossover and I have no idea how I came across it. And ^ that one. Also Power Plays but in a different way.

That's more to do with you than the work, though. I still don't understand why you forced that on yourself when it was so obviously not your bag.

[The Eva Monkey]

Hellstorm Evangelion was pretty dreadful.

[Lavinius]

That's more to do with you than the work, though. I still don't understand why you forced that on yourself when it was so obviously not your bag.

Except it wasn't.

[Squigsquasher]

Hellstorm Evangelion was pretty dreadful.

I gave Hellstorm Evangelion a pass because it was so bad it looped back round into good. A terrible fic, but a funny one.

[AngelNo13Bardiel]

I try not to read the really shitty ones. Sorry, I'm just super-careful like that.

That being said, I've certainly read my fair share of poorly-written, hastily-constructed-and/or-paced, "why-did-this-need-to-be-typed-down?" stories. I can't tell you specifics, though: I don't remember one of them a bit in detail. Most of them were probably of my particular persuasion, though that's hardly a surprise.

Long story short: I remember and catalog the good/great stories, then leave out all the rest.

The other one that comes to mind is shorter but arguably worse, and I've resolved never to mention the title again since it doesn't need the attention (last time this came up people wound up hunting it down and talking about it, and screw that. It needs to be forgotten post haste).

If that's the one I think you're alluding to, then yes, let's move along swiftly. The less said, the better off we'll all be.

[ElMariachi]

Without the names it's not really funny you know, if you don't want to talk about certain fics, okay, bt at least gives us other names, if not this topic will become boring very fast.

[Kendrix]

The worst EVA fic I've ever witnessed?


It's called ReTake, I think.

[KingXanaduu]

The worst EVA fic I've ever witnessed?


It's called ReTake, I think.

Okay, that doesn't even come CLOSE to the piles of trash that the other member's examples here. RE-TAKE is FAR ABOVE the steaming piles of crap of Kadmon fics.

Sure, it's flawed, but it's a hell of a lot more developed, paced, and actually quite heart-warming. :)

[Squigsquasher]

For the record, we're only talking about fanfics here, not doujin manga. There's a lot of crappy doujinshi, but I dunno, maybe for another thread.

[Mr. Tines]

we're only talking about fanfics here, not doujin manga.

There's only a smidgin of nuance distinguishing the two categories.

The "I can't hit the back button fast enough" award went to a gurotastic number with a title like The Object of my Passion; the "I cannot write but do it anyway" spot goes to a Misato/Hikari fic on one of the shoujo-ai sites.

[Dataprime]

Ritsuko sexually abusing and depraving Shinji for her own amusement. Worse, Shinji doesn't seem to care and actually tells people who find out that it's none of their business. Even worse, Ritsuko gets away scot-free because Gendo judges her to be too important to be executed or imprisoned over something as trivial as rape and deliberate mental torture of a minor.

WTF?

[Bagheera]

WTF?

It's not as bad as he's making it out to be. Not because of what he described, mind (which did happen), but rather because Asuka finds out about it and does her best to help the guy. Kadmon also carries it through to completion, taking it all the way through EoE, with the end result being a slightly more positive ending than EoEoE (albeit still bittersweet).

So yeah, horrible character assassination of Ritsuko, but in other respects it was actually pretty interesting.

[UrsusArctos]

So yeah, horrible character assassination of Ritsuko, but in other respects it was actually pretty interesting.

Worse than character assassination - remember, this is the same Ritsuko who blew off Misato's ear in Episode 02 for joking about "putting the moves" on poor Shinji. It's like he created a monster and put her in Ritsuko's skin. I just can't imagine Shinji saying "that's none of your business" either.