I died at World of Tanks. And then my soul laughed itself to shreds, travelled at the speed of light, and through highly improbable random selection of Buddhist reincarnation was completely reassembled and shoved back into my temporarily vacated husk just to write this post of adoration. It's that good.
*takes a bow*
Marvellous! Everything is proceeding according to the scenario! Short update this time...
Lordgendo was not pleased with Shiro Tokita.
"Shiro Tokita, you have failed me for the last time." he said, breathing heavily and raising his gloved hand. He formed a fist and pointed his finger at Tokita's throat.
Gendo was flummoxed - until Fuyutsuki went ahead and said the obvious.
"This isn't Star Wars and you're not Darth Vader, Ikari, so you can forget the force choke."
"Ahem, right." Gendo said. He settled down to his usual pose and glowered at Tokita behind his glasses. Tokita did not know what sort of fate awaited him, but he gulped.
"Your record has been...unsatisfactory." Gendo said. "Case in point." He pressed a button and an image popped up on the holo-projector. It consisted of nearly-naked pole dancers and african-american rappers with tons of bling going about in circles, bright sparkles, and then a song and dance routine that made no sense at all. The madness ended with the words "It's Gendo!"
Shiro Tokita was still salivating at the holographic pole dancers when Gendo turned off the display.
"Your idea of giving Ikari an entry video made no sense at all, and apart from 'It's Gendo', not one bit of it is suitable for Memetic Mutation!" Fuyutsuki said.
"Furthermore..." Gendo said, pulling up figures and powerpoint presentation slides "...your attempts to conduct excavation for the one hundred and fiftieth construction plan using musical instruments has been highly uneconomical and has shown absolutely no return." Gendo pointed at a descending red line on one of his graphs.
"Sir, I just lost my premier cellist...if you could find me a replacement for Shinji..." Tokita tried following up with some incoherent babbling, but he was cut off.
"A cello isn't made to dig, Tokita. It's a musical instrument for an orchestra. Even you should know that." Fuyutsuki said.
Tokita suddenly jumped up. "Oh! I know! Neon Genesis Evangelion : Battle Orchestra! That shall be my next product!"
"Too bad." Gendo said.
Tokita was about to babble something else but he was interrupted by two horrifying figures: Mari Makinami, looking more PO'd than ever before, and Captain Shikinami, covered in blue goop, her eye and eyepatch glowing.
"I received your report, Makinami." Gendo said. "The results were...disappointing."
"Couldn't help it, boss." Mari said. "They gooped her all up and I was outnumbered two-on-one by that wannabe werewolf Soryu!"
Fuyutsuki and Gendo looked at one another, and at Captain Shikinami, who was drooling and staring at Shiro Tokita. Tokita whimpered and nearly wet his pants in terror. Mari saw him and licked her lips, exposing her shark teeth.
"Fuyutsuki, summon Leliel." Gendo said.
Fuyutsuki pressed a button, and a bizzare sphere with black-and-white zebra stripes materialized between Mari, Shiki and Tokita. It hovered over a thick, black shadow of some sort.
"What is this?" Tokita asked. "Rover? I'm not Number Six!"
"Your analog mode of thought is incorrect." Leliel said in a robotic, garbled voice, making Tokita jump and yell.
Mari was about to protest at the thought of sacrificing Tokita to Leliel instead of turning him into Amity Island Human Curry, but Gendo spoke before she did.
"Leliel, you will finish off Shinji Ikari and his companions with the fanfiction plan. Use the Codename V for the purpose. Once he is 'converted', return him to base." Gendo said.
Fuyutsuki looked horrified. "But...isn't Codename V..."
"Precisely, Fuyutsuki. It is a worthwhile option at the time. Meanwhile, Tokita, your punishment is...the music session." Gendo said.
Mari cackled wildly and infected Shikinami drooled even more. Shiro Tokita couldn't understand for the life of him why a music session should be so horrible. Leliel said, "wheeeeeeee!" and vanished in the meanwhile.
Mari escorted Tokita to a room where a pale, red-eyed, grey-haired boy was standing in front of a whole bunch of Angels - all of them having been shrunk to human size or a little bit larger. The entire mob was grinning as they saw him. Kaworu Nagisa (who else?) said, "Welcome to our music session, Mr. Tokita. I trust you will find it enjoyable."
Mari whipped out her chef's apron and grinned.
Tokita said, "Well, I like music. Go ahead."
Kaworu said, "Arael? It's all yours." Kaworu stepped back as a glowing, bird-like Angel took a conductor's baton and began to wave it in the air.
"HAAAAAA-LE-LU-JAH!!!!" "HAAAAAA-LE-LU-JAH!!!! THE LORD GOD OMNIII-POTENT REIGN-ETH...!!!!"
Shiro Tokita's screams echoed throughout Nerv's command center.
Gendo said, "Fuyutsuki, if Leliel fails, we can always do as Hideaki Anno does and play unfitting music."
To be continued!