Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

Everything Evangelion Fanfiction related.

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Postby UrsusArctos » Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:55 am

I died at World of Tanks. And then my soul laughed itself to shreds, travelled at the speed of light, and through highly improbable random selection of Buddhist reincarnation was completely reassembled and shoved back into my temporarily vacated husk just to write this post of adoration. It's that good.


*takes a bow*

Marvellous! Everything is proceeding according to the scenario! Short update this time...

************

Lordgendo was not pleased with Shiro Tokita.

"Shiro Tokita, you have failed me for the last time." he said, breathing heavily and raising his gloved hand. He formed a fist and pointed his finger at Tokita's throat.

Nothing happened.

Gendo was flummoxed - until Fuyutsuki went ahead and said the obvious.

"This isn't Star Wars and you're not Darth Vader, Ikari, so you can forget the force choke."

"Ahem, right." Gendo said. He settled down to his usual pose and glowered at Tokita behind his glasses. Tokita did not know what sort of fate awaited him, but he gulped.

"Your record has been...unsatisfactory." Gendo said. "Case in point." He pressed a button and an image popped up on the holo-projector. It consisted of nearly-naked pole dancers and african-american rappers with tons of bling going about in circles, bright sparkles, and then a song and dance routine that made no sense at all. The madness ended with the words "It's Gendo!"

Shiro Tokita was still salivating at the holographic pole dancers when Gendo turned off the display.

"Your idea of giving Ikari an entry video made no sense at all, and apart from 'It's Gendo', not one bit of it is suitable for Memetic Mutation!" Fuyutsuki said.

"Furthermore..." Gendo said, pulling up figures and powerpoint presentation slides "...your attempts to conduct excavation for the one hundred and fiftieth construction plan using musical instruments has been highly uneconomical and has shown absolutely no return." Gendo pointed at a descending red line on one of his graphs.

"Sir, I just lost my premier cellist...if you could find me a replacement for Shinji..." Tokita tried following up with some incoherent babbling, but he was cut off.

"A cello isn't made to dig, Tokita. It's a musical instrument for an orchestra. Even you should know that." Fuyutsuki said.

Tokita suddenly jumped up. "Oh! I know! Neon Genesis Evangelion : Battle Orchestra! That shall be my next product!"

"Too bad." Gendo said.

Tokita was about to babble something else but he was interrupted by two horrifying figures: Mari Makinami, looking more PO'd than ever before, and Captain Shikinami, covered in blue goop, her eye and eyepatch glowing.

"I received your report, Makinami." Gendo said. "The results were...disappointing."

"Couldn't help it, boss." Mari said. "They gooped her all up and I was outnumbered two-on-one by that wannabe werewolf Soryu!"

Fuyutsuki and Gendo looked at one another, and at Captain Shikinami, who was drooling and staring at Shiro Tokita. Tokita whimpered and nearly wet his pants in terror. Mari saw him and licked her lips, exposing her shark teeth.

"Fuyutsuki, summon Leliel." Gendo said.

Fuyutsuki pressed a button, and a bizzare sphere with black-and-white zebra stripes materialized between Mari, Shiki and Tokita. It hovered over a thick, black shadow of some sort.

"What is this?" Tokita asked. "Rover? I'm not Number Six!"

"Your analog mode of thought is incorrect." Leliel said in a robotic, garbled voice, making Tokita jump and yell.

Mari was about to protest at the thought of sacrificing Tokita to Leliel instead of turning him into Amity Island Human Curry, but Gendo spoke before she did.

"Leliel, you will finish off Shinji Ikari and his companions with the fanfiction plan. Use the Codename V for the purpose. Once he is 'converted', return him to base." Gendo said.

Fuyutsuki looked horrified. "But...isn't Codename V..."

"Precisely, Fuyutsuki. It is a worthwhile option at the time. Meanwhile, Tokita, your punishment is...the music session." Gendo said.

Mari cackled wildly and infected Shikinami drooled even more. Shiro Tokita couldn't understand for the life of him why a music session should be so horrible. Leliel said, "wheeeeeeee!" and vanished in the meanwhile.

Mari escorted Tokita to a room where a pale, red-eyed, grey-haired boy was standing in front of a whole bunch of Angels - all of them having been shrunk to human size or a little bit larger. The entire mob was grinning as they saw him. Kaworu Nagisa (who else?) said, "Welcome to our music session, Mr. Tokita. I trust you will find it enjoyable."

Mari whipped out her chef's apron and grinned.

Tokita said, "Well, I like music. Go ahead."

Kaworu said, "Arael? It's all yours." Kaworu stepped back as a glowing, bird-like Angel took a conductor's baton and began to wave it in the air.

"HAAAAAA-LE-LU-JAH!!!!" "HAAAAAA-LE-LU-JAH!!!! THE LORD GOD OMNIII-POTENT REIGN-ETH...!!!!"

Shiro Tokita's screams echoed throughout Nerv's command center.

Gendo said, "Fuyutsuki, if Leliel fails, we can always do as Hideaki Anno does and play unfitting music."

To be continued!
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
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You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
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The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Postby UrsusArctos » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:29 pm

Meanwhile, the residents of the school decided it was time to leave and head out to meet the mysterious Lordgendo and offer him battle on his own terms. The Soryus, the Suzuharas, Hikari, Shinji, Pen-Pen and Rei began to move out to search for the mysterious Nerv pyramid. Kensuke started the engines on his Yak-43 VTOL and took a badly drunk Misato out in search of her friend, Ritsuko Akagi. Little Sakura was left with Kensuke's mom for the time being. Eva-02 and Eva-03 followed on robotic transporters. Bardiel (at least, most of him) continued to whimper and whine and beg to be set free again.

"Dr. Akagi is an expert who used to work for Lordgendo before she got sick of him." Kensuke explained over the radio. "She took her bridge bunnies and went somewhere out into the wasteland, with purposes unknown. If we meet her, we should have critical information on how to deal with Lordgendo."

Hikari wasn't sure if leaving the school was such a good idea. "Besides, what happens when the only sane characters in this place are out?"

Kensuke said, "No worries. I've activated all the defense systems. We have long-range missiles, short-range missiles, 130-millimeter caliber autocannon and 30-millimeter caliber six-barreled gatling guns. Whatever comes this way is in for a nasty surprise. Oh, and I've also planned to send up a balloon saying 'Lordgendo, we don't need no education and this school ain't occupied any more'."

Hikari rolled her eyes and Asuka said, "This is what happens when you leave serious business to a nerd."

The gang went further and further on into the wasteland. They walked for many miles and began to feel like Zuggy and his friends in the Very Evageeks Christmas Special, except that instead of trying to go back to 'England', they were looking for a mysterious pyramid somewhere far away. They walked on for an hour or so longer (during which nothing special happened) and then, without warning, a shadow emerged below them, and what looked like a little Shinji popped up. A giant striped black-and-white sphere turned up in the sky.

"W...what?" Shinji asked.

Pen-Pen said, "Hey, I know I'm really frickin' short, but am I getting shorter or are we sinking?"

Leliel said, "Correct answer, avian." in a robotic voice. In Shinji's voice, Leliel added, "Instead of a hell train ride, I've got a nice surprise for you."

Everybody yelled and screamed as they sank deep into the shadow.

They all emerged just a few feet above the ground in a strange city, and all landed on their butts, yelling as they fell. The shadow was nowhere to be seen. The city was completely deserted, and there was no sign of the Angel anywhere.

"Is this Nerv headquarters?" Asuka asked.

Toji said, "That thing didn't bring in our Evangelions! That's horrible!"

Kyoko said, "Maybe we should split up and go different ways if we want to meet someone in this weird city."

However, none of the gang needed to go their own ways to meet people in the strange city. Without any warning, an entire array of girls in unusually fancy sailor suits, complete with elaborate makeup and gloves, popped up right in front of the group, calling out their catchphrases. There was no doubt as to who they were!

For Love and Justice, the pretty sailor suited soldier Sailor Moon! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!

Agent of Love and Exams, the pretty sailor suited soldier Sailor Mercury! Douse yourself in water, and repent!

Agent of Love and Fire, the pretty sailor suited soldier Sailor Mars! In the name of Mars, I will chastise you!

Agent of Love and Courage, the pretty sailor suited soldier Sailor Jupiter! In the name of Jupiter, I will punish you!

Agent of Love and Beauty, the pretty sailor suited soldier Sailor Venus! In the name of Love, I will punish you!

Guarded by Uranus, planet of the skies. I'm the soldier of flight, Sailor Uranus!

Guarded by Neptune, planet of the deep blue sea. I'm the soldier of affinity, Sailor Neptune!

My guardian is the planet of silence. I'm the soldier of death and rebirth, Sailor Saturn!

Guarded by Pluto, planet of time. I am the soldier of revolution, Sailor Pluto!


Everyone stared in complete and absolute disbelief. The entire lot of Sailor Senshi from Sailor Moon had popped up in front of them!

Asuka was the first to react. She jumped up and down. "Eeeeeyaaaaaaaahh! Sailor Star Dust! Did you make Ursus write crossover fanfiction?!?"

Pen-Pen was the next to react. He pulled a Vichy French uniform out of hammerspace. "I am shocked, shocked that crossover fanfiction is happening in this fic! Sing the Marsellaise, Sam! Play it again!"

The mixed-up lines from Casablanca had no effect whatsoever on the Sailor Senshi (apart from making them laugh and giggle at Pen-Pen and his fake mustache). Toji said, "That won't be the solution to our problems. Their presence is the work of the Angel. Ladies, do you mind telling us what you want?"

Usagi said, "It's obvious! We want Shinji to be the new Tuxedo Mask!"

Shinji yelled in horror and Asuka turned red in the face as the Sailor Senshi crowded around Shinji, hoping to make him Tuxedo Mask!

It was at that moment that a strange object - a pair of triangular orange sunglasses that had been thrown like a boomerang - hit Sailor Pluto and Sailor Moon before returning to their owner. He was a young man with light blue hair, wearing a flaming red cape and carrying a huge no-dachi sword over his shoulder. He put on the glasses with a smile. "Soldier of Revolution, you call yourself? You pretty soldiers of love and peace won't do anything! If you are a wall that comes in our way, we will break through you and seize the future with our own hands! I am the great Kamina-sama, the tenacious demon leader of the Gurren-Dan of Jiha village! Who the hell do you think I am?!?!?"

As if to underscore that Kamina was the real thing and not the work of the Angel, a volcano popped up in the background and erupted.

How will this epic showdown inside Leliel's alternate reality proceed? Will the now-evil Pretty Soldiers of Love and Peace prevail and claim Shinji as a new Tuxedo Mask? Or will the mighty Kamina prevail and free them from this bizarre world inside the Angel? Find out on the next episode of Tengen Toppa Wark-Angelion!

Kamina said, "Oh oh oh oh oh oh! What the hell do you think this is???"
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Postby UrsusArctos » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:18 am

Okay, since I have no idea who is reading this or if anyone is even interested in having this fic continue, I'm going to offer you the following options -

1. The Anti-Spiral King would choose for this fic to end altogether and let you spiral races know the meaning of absolute despair.

2. The fearsome demon leader and man of raging billows Kamina will save the day by weaving a double helix through music.

3. The Sailor Senshi succeed in turning Shinji into Tuxedo Kamen - which will have the consequence of removing him from this fic permanently.
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Postby Squigsquasher » Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:49 pm

I suggest option number 4: The Sailor Senshi succeed in turning Shinji into Tuxedo Mask, and then reveal they are in fact double agents working to bring down LordGendo's empire from within. They then join our heroes, Shinji now equipped with whatever powers Tuxedo Mask has, and the combined forces of the main cast, the Sailor Senshi, Tuxedo Mask Shinji and The Man of Raging Billows, Fearsome Demon Leader Kamina rip their way out from Leliel with the power of GAR and continue in their quest.

Kick the available options to the curb and go beyond the impossible! That's the Dai-Gurren-Dan way!
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Postby Agentomega » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:58 pm

Hm... Of the given options, I like 2 the most wahaha.

That said, as Squiggy's suggestion is a mad fusion of 2 and 3, I'm inclined to like it as well XD

By the way, Arael as the conductor of the Orchestra. I see what you did there XD
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:06 pm

Option 4 if its allowed. Option 2 if its not. :smirk:
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Postby UrsusArctos » Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:50 am

Option 4 is not allowed, so I'll take that as Option 2. Mister Borodin, two pings on target.

The Sailor Senshi began to sing and dance around Shinji, singing Mamoru's song. Sparkles of light began to surround Shinji.

Shinji screamed in horror. "Help me! Misato! Kensuke! Toji! Rei! Pen-Pen! Asuka!!!"

Pen-Pen said, "We can't stand here and do nothing while they turn him into a masked mediocrity! My wark is the wark that blows away the Shoujo! AAAWWAWAAAA...."

Pen-Pen's mad rush was beaten away by the sparkles surrounding Shinji and the Sailor Senshi.

Kamina said, "Pen-Pen! Just who do you think you are? Your wark is the wark that drills through the heavens and you seize tomorrow with your own wings! If you want to stop a romantic song from taking effect...you need unlimited badass!"

At that, he made a dramatic posture and shouted, "All of you pretty suited sailor girls, clean the sparkly wax out of your sparkly earholes and listen REAL CLOSE to theme of the tenacious demon leader of the Dai-Gurren-Dan and man of raging billows who believes in himself and points to heaven! I will use the power of human determination, counter it with the power of romantic love and create a double helix that will blast us all out of here! OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH!!!! Who the hell do you think we are?"

Asuka said, in a very deep voice, "This is going to be a wild night!"

And then the musical contest began, with the Eva cast facing off the Sailor Senshi.

Ima futari wa deai
Toki wo koete yume wo miru...


do the impossible
see the invisible
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH

touch the untouchable
break the unbreakable
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH


Haikyo no naka de kimi wo mitsuketa
Furueru kata wa katakuna de...
Sekai wa nido mo kowarete shimai
Erabareta futari dake ga...
Yoru no yamima no zawameki ni
Obieru kimi wo dakishimeru yo


what you gonna do is what you wanna do
just break the rule, then you see the truth
this is the theme of "G" coming through baby!
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH


At this point, green energy began to emerge and counter the Sailor Senshi sparkles.


Yokotawaru matenrou fukinukeru kaze ni nosete
Kuchibue no rekuiemu wo...


power to the peeps, power for the dream
still missing piece scattering, so incomplete
we be the most incredible soldier from underground
see how easy, they all fall down


Itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatta jidai wa
Yasuraida yuutopia sa...


digging to the core to see the light
Let's get out of here babe, that's the way to survive
top of the head, I'm on the set
do the impossible, don't you wanna bet?
cuz, a lot of things changed, we be waiting in vain


Totemo fushigi sa konna kimochi wa
Mae ni dokoka de atta yo ne...
Kioku no ito wo taguriyosetara
Inishie no mori no miyako
Aoi mangetsu ni terasarete
Futari wa tsurai koi ni ochita



if you wanna get by, no pain no gain
wow! fakers wanna test me again
sorry, my rhyme's gonna snatch your brain
we gonna make it happen with the crazy rap skill
get ready to rumble, now is the time
if you don't know, now you know


Kimi wo tsurete nigeta yoru wa setsunaku tsumetaku
Nagareboshi kazoekirezu


Now things were getting REALLY heated...


2nd verse dedicates to the real peeps
what we got to say is so real thing
cuz, revolution ain't never gonna televise
kicking the mad flow, microphone phenotype


Itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatte mo kitto
Kimi no koto sagasu darou


open your third eye, seeing through the overground
I'm mabout to hit you with the scream from the underground
whole city is covered with the cyber flavor
"G" is in your area, one of the toughest enigma


Yokotawaru matenrou fukinukeru kaze ni nosete
Kuchibue no rekuiemu wo...


ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH



Itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatta jidai wa...


ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH


FIGHT DA POWAH!!!!

Kamina-sama shouted, "All of you who voted for option 4, who the hell do you think we are? I'm creating an option 5 right here, right now! Watch the work of the great Kamina-sama in the next instalment of Tengen Toppa Wark-angelion!!!"
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Postby Squigsquasher » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:29 am

Excellent, excellent! It lives! It LIVES!

Great work as always. Can't wait for the next part!

Incidentally, I would love to hear Kamina's Japanese voice actors inging Row Row Fight Tha Powah.
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Postby Agentomega » Mon Oct 21, 2013 1:33 pm

Kamina used Rap is a Man's Soul!

Critical hit! Super Effective! 4th Wall fainted! :lol:
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Postby driftking18594 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 2:48 pm

Kamina can do anything...even pull off Ryuko Matoi's outfit.

Also, is it just me, or does the universe need to cut Shiki some slack? :sniffle:

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Postby UrsusArctos » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:06 pm

View Original Postdriftking18594 wrote:Also, is it just me, or does the universe need to cut Shiki some slack? :sniffle:


I ain't cuttin' any of them Webuild characters any slack! This classic joke by a very distinguished forum member should stand as a reminder of why.

Agentomega wrote:Critical hit! Super Effective! 4th Wall fainted!


Kamina: "Whether it's the fourth wall, the fifth, the sixth, or even the thousandth, we will break through it and seize the future of this fanfic with our own hands! Fighting the power and going beyond the impossible, that is how the Gurren-dan rolls!"

ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH ROW ROW - FIGHT DA POWAH!!!!!!


At the last "Fight the power" the universe began to collapse and the energy tornado spiraled completely out of control.

Shinji yelled, "I'm being sucked into the air in a huge green energy tornado! Help!"

Pen-Pen said, "And so are we! Thanks, Kamina! See you later!"

"Don't mention it, buddy. Believe in the you that believes in you - that goes for everyone!" Kamina yelled.

The energy tornado picked up the Eva cast as an enormous earthquake started to tear down the city. Cracks appeared in the very 'sky' of the universe as it began to completely fall apart. Kamina grinned all along as Leliel began to vomit spiral energy, spitting the heroes of our fanfiction out of the alternate universe.

"But what about us?" asked Sailor Moon. She and her fans were left sorely disappointed by the inability to turn Shinji into Tuxedo Mask.

"Believe in the you that believes in you! What did I just say?" Kamina said.

"But we don't have a Tuxedo Mask any longer and we wanted Shinji!" they all protested as one.

Kamina grinned as he clutched a core drill. "Don't you ever worry. I know another Shinji who is perfect for being the romantic hero." He vanished in a flash of spiral energy.

Everyone landed up being barfed out of Leliel's shadow in a wave of green energy. They heard voices all around them.

"Poor Leliel. That was a little too much for him to handle."

"Ugh! Green snot! That guy's a weirdo!"

"Ally has completed purge of extraneous energy. Systems appear to be returning to normal."

"How 'bout we get down to finishing off dis mob, eh? Dese louses need to feel sowwy for messin' wid us!"

"Gendo Heika Banzai! By the grace of the mighty Lordgendo, our enemies are exposed!"

"See ya later, fellows. Kimochi warui..." Leliel said, and then hovered away, the shadow-and sphere now soccer-ball sized.

Everyone looked around and saw a whole lot of strange trees or rock formations or whatever around them. They had no idea who the strange voices were.

Hikari said, "This is a weird place. But who were those strange voices?"

Pen-Pen said, "Hikari. Don't ever look up!" He was covering his eyes with his wing.

Everyone looked up and yelled as one - All the Angels were right there!

"Now we know who spoke." Toji said. "You and your big mouth!"

They all expected to be blown up, blasted, sliced, stomped and annihilated in the most painful ways imaginable. What they didn't imagine was to see Arael waving a conductor's baton in the air.

"Gospel singing time! Hit it, kids! One, and a two, and a three!" Arael said.

"Singing? This can't be so bad!" Shinji said.

"HAAAAA-LE-LU-JAH! HAAAA-LE-LU-JAH! HA-LE-LU-JAH, HA-LE-LU-JAH, HA-LE-LU-JAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"

Rei said, "Who has a big mouth now?" in a perfectly deadpan voice.

It was Shinji's turn to regret opening his big mouth, because now everyone (except Rei and Pen-Pen) fell to the ground clutching their head. Asuka and Kyoko were the worst affected of the lot.

"Aaaaaargh!!! My head!!!" Kyoko yelled.

Asuka screamed. "It's getting into my mind! Stop it! STOP IT!"

Toji yelled, "It's like a jackhammer inside my brain! Owwww!!!!"

Pen-Pen and Rei covered their ears. Pen-Pen said, "Man, this is lousy singing..."

Gaghiel squirted water at Pen-Pen from his giant hovering fish tank, knocking Pen-Pen off his feet and down on the ground.

"THE LAWD GAWD OMIPOTENT REIGNETH, BIRD-BWAIN!!! REMEMBER DAT!!!"

Things were looking very bleak indeed for our heroes, but then an entirely new sort of music started out, and the Angels stopped singing. Everyone who had been knocked down got up, clutching their heads. Shinji went over to Asuka.

"Are you...all right?" Shinji asked.

"I've seen worse days...hey, who the hell is that?" Asuka asked, pointing.

There was a giant concert stage of some sort, with a whole bunch of lights and speakers attached and four people in 1980s costumes on board. They were Ritsuko Akagi, Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuga, and on the microphone, the great Shigeru Aoba!

"We're no strangers to loooovveeee...." Aoba sang, in a perfect imitation of Rick Astley's voice. It was so perfect, that he made a better Rick Astley than Astley himself!

It was the turn of the Angels to scream and yell. They began yelliing incoherently.

"Aaaaaah! It's a RickRoll!"

"Stop it! It's pure torture!"

"...You know the rules and so do Iiiii...."

"Shoot them! Blow them up!"

"Target confirmed. Reactor at 100 percent. Firing."

Death rays, optic blasts, cross-shaped explosions, living 'bombs', acid jets, and even boulders (hurled by the Angels who didn't have long-range attacks) struck the concert stage. But nothing had any effect, such was the power of the singing. Every blast bounced off or was harmlessly dissipated.

"A full commitment's what I'm thinking of..."

Zeruel screamed. "Nothing works! Run for da hills!"

Ramiel said, "Target immune to standard attacks. Proceeding to evacuate area. AaaaaaaAaaaaa!!!"

With the two nastiest Angels panicking and running away, it was only natural that the rest followed suit.

"You won't get this from any other guy!"

Aoba continued singing until all the Angels had either flown or run far into the distance. When he finished, the entire Eva cast gave him a standing ovation.

Pen-Pen grandly announced, "Internet 1, Angels 0!"

Stay tuned for more episodes of Tengen Toppa Wark-Angelion!
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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:13 am

Hell. Freaking. Yes.

I am very interested to know which "other Shinji" Kamina is talking about.
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Postby Agentomega » Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:17 pm

View Original Postdriftking18594 wrote:Kamina can do anything...even pull off Ryuko Matoi's outfit.


*nosebleed* I enjoyed that far more than expected. Stupid sexy Kamina.

View Original PostUrsusArctos wrote:Rickroll


Heh, talk about your Absolute Terror Field, am I right?

Squigsquasher wrote:I am very interested to know which "other Shinji" Kamina is talking about.


It's gotta be Matou Shinji. Yes, I could see [s]Araragi-kun[/s] Shinji as Mamoru/Tuxedo.

EDIT: Or possibly Kazama Shinji (FMP). More likely though, it's an Ikari Shinji of the multiverse. Ikusei Keikaku seems plausible. Yay speculation!
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Postby UrsusArctos » Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:06 am

"Where did you guys come from?" Asuka asked.

"We just happened to be in the area, and Kensuke radioed us in. How'd you manage to get out of that Angel?" Ritsuko asked.

"Uhmm...we had help...from unexpected quarters." Pen-Pen said.

At that moment, Kensuke and Misato landed on their VTOL. Kensuke was yelling at Misato, who still seemed rather drunk.

"No, no, no, you don't go loop-de-loop on the Yak-43UM! It's a shipboard VTOL aircraft so treat it with respect and leave it to the real pilot to do the piloting! And now we're almost out of gas and have to wait for the Eva transporters to arrive!" Kensuke shook his fist. Misato staggered out in a drunken heap and collapsed.

Maya said, "She...stinks." She held her nose. Shinji said, "Well...I think I'm of the same opinion."

"That's an excess of beer for you." Ritsuko said. "Load her in the back of the bus, Hyuga, when we're done transforming it." She turned to the rest of the gang. "Let's go along on our converting tour-bus and go ahead. Your transporters should be able to rendevous with us further on. Right now our location has probably been marked and Gendo's likely to send something new and unpleasant this way."

The soundstage converted into a tour-bus, and Hyuga took the wheel.

"Where'd you get the idea of being an 80's-style rock band?" Hikari asked.

"Nostalgia, mostly." Aoba said, strumming his guitar.

"Besides, we get to spread love and peace." Maya said.

"And I get to go away from my crazy ex-boyfriend." Ritsuko said, leaning out of the window wistfully.

They hadn't gone very far when they saw a giant dust cloud approaching them. It didn't look to be very natural.

Toji asked, "Could those be the Eva transporters?"

Pen-Pen said, "I have a bad feeling about this!"

Asuka wasn't the least impressed. She said, "You always have a bad feelin' about sumthin'!"

The cloud of dust surrounded them and it was so thick that they were forced to bring their bus to a halt. When the cloud of dust cleared, they saw a vehicle in front of them. It was a tank with a somewhat longish gun and sloped frontal armor, with World War Two German markings.

Kensuke jumped down and began to hop up and down. "Oooooohhhh!!! It's a Panzerkampfwagen V Ausfuerung G Panther medium tank! A Panther! Just look at that long-barreled 75mm L-seventy gun, that perfectly sloped armor, the 46 tons of steel and attitude! This was the very best tank design of the war..."

"Wait!" Kyoko said. "Who's driving it?"

In reply, an anthropomorphic black panther in a German uniform threw open the commander's hatch and snarled.

Shinji and Maya hugged each other and went, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!"

Everyone else (except drunk and snoring Misato and geeking-out Kensuke and Rei who was being...Rei) jumped up.

"I...I don't believe it! It's being driven by real panthers!" Toji said.

"Oooh, oooh, oooh! Awesome, awesome! A Jagdpanther tank destroyer, with an 88 millimeter seventy-one caliber gun..." Kensuke began to geek out even more, and the Jagdpanther's hatch was thrown open by another roaring panther.

Hyuga said, "We're in trouble."

"Panthers..." Asuka said. "...is it that Tin-Can's work again?"

Ritsuko said, "I'm not sure..."

Another vehicle turned up in front of them, this one a large, boxy-looking heavy tank. Kensuke began to hop up and down again. "It's the Panzer VI Ausf E, the Tiger! A genuine World War Two heavy tank! Guys, look at it! Fifty-seven tons of solid metal..."

"Uhm...if that's a Tiger..." Shinji began.

The hatch of the tank was thrown open and an anthropomorphic tiger roared. More screams followed.

The Tiger was followed by the King Tiger and Jagdtiger - and these two were crewed by Tigers as well! Kensuke was literally drooling over the King Tiger's 150 millimeters of sloped glacis armor and its 88mm main gun, and the Jagdtiger's monstrously thick 250 millimeter armor and 128mm fifty-five caliber super-powerful gun, and Shinji was feeling the irresistible urge to pee in his pants.

Another even larger tank than the King Tiger turned up, this one with yet another huge gun in a big turret.

"Ooooh!" Kensuke said. "The Panzer VII Loewe! I never dreamed I would see it!"

"Loewe?" Aoba asked. "I hope that means 'Love'?"

Asuka said, "Anta Baka? It means..."

A lion threw open the hatch and roared.

Ritsuko said, "Gendo must be planning to turn us into big cat food or something!"

"Trust your crazy ex-boyfriend to come up with something like this!" Asuka said.

And then an open-topped vehicle with a long 88-millimeter gun arrived, crewed by scowling rhinos.

Kensuke said, "Aaaahh! A Nashorn tank destroyer!"

"Nashorn...now I know what German for 'Rhinoceros' is." Pen-Pen said, looking at the scowling rhinos and their pointy horns.

Another tank destroyer - this one larger and fully enclosed - joined the line.

"That's huge and has pretty thick skin, so it must be..." Toji began.

An elephant threw open the hatch and trumpeted.

"...An elefant!" Kensuke said.

Hikari said, "It's like an entire zoo decided to join the Wehrmacht and come after us!"

The Elefant commander turned around in his turret and trumpeted in alarm. The Elefant tank destroyer hastily made way for an even larger tank than the seventy-ton monstrosities surrounding them. Its colossal 12.8 centimeter gun had a 75 millimeter coaxial gun, and the turret alone appeared to be monstrous in size. This beast was unlike anything they had ever seen.

Shinji and Maya were hugging each other and trembling. Aoba's teeth were chattering.

"Ooooooh! The most powerful tank ever built! One hundred and eighty-eight tons, with a twelve-point-eight centimeter main gun..."

Hyuga said, "So if that's an elephant, then is this one...a Tyrannosaurus Rex?"

Kensuke said, "No, it's..."

An anthropomorphic white mouse threw open the turret hatch with a loud "Squeak!"

Everyone stared in disbelief.

"...a Maus." Kensuke said, completing his sentence.

"If that's a mouse..." Shinji said, suddenly becoming aware of a colossal shadow falling upon them from a vehicle that seemed less like a tank and more like a massive mobile fortress. "...is that a rat?"

A voice boomed from within the monstrous moving fortress vehicle. "Correct, Shinji!"

On top of the armored colossus was a girl in a black German uniform. She had red hair and blue eyes, and smirked evilly. A brown rat handed her a cup of tea and a saucer.

"Since I'm in the mood to steal your geeky friend's thunder... this is a Landkreuzer P-1000 Ratte, two thousand three hundred tons of HE-spewing dee-vine intervention, with 320 millimeters of frontal armor, two 280 millimeter pocket battleship naval guns, two fifteen-centimeter auxilliary guns, six seventy-five millimter auxilliary guns and its own anti-aircraft gun suite! It's a far better Land Cruiser than my old T-Rident!"

"Mana Kirishima" Asuka hissed.

"Indeed." Mana said, sipping her tea. "And between turning into cat food, rodent food, or being trampled into dust...I think you're doomed."

Mana and her tank crews grinned evilly.

Who or what will save our intrepid crew from this tank terror? Will they bring along tank goodness of their own and dish it out, World of Tanks style? Will they be consumed by War Thunder? Stay tuned to the next episode of Tengen Toppa Wark-Angelion, now with special tanks for our readers!
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WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Postby Squigsquasher » Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:31 am

Oh my goodness, that was the most unbelievably awesome thing ever. Someone needs to draw this scene.

Out of interest, were the Maus and the Ratte ever actually built?
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Postby UrsusArctos » Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:43 am

Maus - yes, in the prototype stage. It was way too heavy and cumbersome to move (It's the largest and heaviest tank ever built, and the turret weighed more than a Tiger I) and would have been useless in a serious conflict. The Ratte was only ever on paper and would have sunk into the ground if it had been built.
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Postby Agentomega » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:22 pm

I'm just imagining their reaction to encountering the crew of a Wespe XD
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Postby UrsusArctos » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:09 pm

There's the Wespe, the Hummel and the Grille, and all of these are insectoid artillery. There's the Marder (Marten) tank destroyer, but I'm not very familiar with Martins and they don't seem to have as much comedy potential as the others. And you have the Sturmtiger super-heavy mortar tank too. (The 'Brummbar', since its name really means 'grouch' rather than 'grizzly bear', does not qualify as an 'animal') I might include them later, since as you mentioned the prospect of running into giant bumblebees and wasps is not a pleasant one. Imagine the stings on those!
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WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Postby Agentomega » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:28 pm

View Original PostUrsusArctos wrote:I might include them later, since as you mentioned the prospect of running into giant bumblebees and wasps is not a pleasant one. Imagine the stings on those!


:devil:

"Ah, I mean, I'm sorry for that suggestion guys," Agent said to the characters.

"Not really," he whispered to the audience.
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Postby driftking18594 » Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:07 pm

View Original PostUrsusArctos wrote:There's the Wespe, the Hummel and the Grille, and all of these are insectoid artillery. There's the Marder (Marten) tank destroyer, but I'm not very familiar with Martins and they don't seem to have as much comedy potential as the others. And you have the Sturmtiger super-heavy mortar tank too. (The 'Brummbar', since its name really means 'grouch' rather than 'grizzly bear', does not qualify as an 'animal') I might include them later, since as you mentioned the prospect of running into giant bumblebees and wasps is not a pleasant one. Imagine the stings on those!


Noooooooooooope.


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