Nerv: Dry Cleaning and Takeout

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tehprognoob
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Nerv: Dry Cleaning and Takeout

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Postby tehprognoob » Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:56 pm

Think Gendo has what it takes to support his family in America?
Think he can make great sushi?
Think Eva will workout without Evangelions, Angels, Angst, or evil old men who wish to take over the world?

NERV: Dry Cleaning and Takeout
~Fanfiction by tehprognoob

Stage I: God, the Plane Tickets Salesman
Stage II: Day of Memes
Stage III: Of Fish and Childhood Dreams
Stage IV: The Effect of Angry Girls upon Males Guilty of Offenses of a Certain Nature
Last edited by tehprognoob on Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:50 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Postby Chowwow » Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:49 am

Very cute, tehprognoob. Except for the little part in the first chapter depicting the quickie between Gendo and Yui; it was like reading a bit about your sister with her boyfriend doing th- GRAAHHHh!!!!!1FUCKFUCKFUCK!!! You've got a thing for bad sex, don't you?

Seriously, Eva that isn't so grim dark? I'm for it!

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Postby tehprognoob » Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:45 pm

Stage III: Of Fish and Childhood Dreams

Update.
My head.
Oh my head
WTF have I done?!
SPOILER: Show
The savior of all pigeonkind indeed = =

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Postby NemZ » Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:48 pm

so odd...
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
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Postby tehprognoob » Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:20 am

As I said, wtf did I just write...
But it was a stroke of (somewhat off) imagination, for which I was thankful (having been stuck for many weeks)

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Postby tehprognoob » Sat Nov 26, 2011 12:33 pm

ANNNNNDDDDD

UPDATE with stage IV
Hikari and Asuka make their appearance!

(FFN Link for superior formatting: [url]http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7201250/4/[/url])

SPOILER: Show
Silly FFN, why must my title be so short?

Stage IV

A/N: Before you get mad, it's all jokes.

And this was a bit darker than I'd intended. Sad humor, anyone?

Nerv: Dry Cleaning and Takeout
Stage IV: The Effect of Angry Girls upon Males Guilty of Offenses of a Certain Nature
In most scenarios where a vulnerable heroine is in dire need of rescue, the villains block all exits, and there is no way for her to fight back. A tower suffices this purpose very well, but in Detroit, there aren’t too many stone-walled, buttressed castles to be found. Thus, the villains of the day must make do with whatever the ailing economy can afford to spare them. In this case, the location is a dark, dank alleyway many blocks from regions of relative safety, in the underbelly of the city where crime festered like zits on a teenager’s face.
They were leering, savage beings, boys who were not yet men, men who were still boys, but certainly strong in both body and numbers. Their clothes reeked of alcohol and human stenches. One of them leaned towards the aforementioned damsel in distress.
“Shit, yo, that’s one hot piece of ass,” he slurred. “White as a slab of crack, and I want some, baby!”
“Ain’t she that cop’s daughter?” a tall boy with sharp, narrow eyes asked. “That cop that done shot my cousin?”
“She dead, man,” a fat boy said. “Tyreece’s brother killed that bitch. Blam! Blam! She just dropped! Yo, that was a hot shot! She had a bulletproof vest ‘n’ all that cop shit!”
“She—Did—Not.”
It was the first time the girl spoke. Her handbag trembled, her long red hair shook.
“What the fuck?” a boy exclaimed. The thugs took a step back.
“She didn’t put on her bulletproof vest,” the girl said again. “Get the hell out of my way, you lowlife, and you worms.”
Her eyes bore down on the gang, angrily daring them to challenge her. The staring contest continued for a few minutes, and then the boys realized that the girl had nothing but a small handbag for self-defense. Leers and switchblades popped out of fists, and somewhere, a pistol was cocked.
“Wha’cha gonna do, girl? Gonna come at us with that handbag? Gonna get shot like mommy?”
“Neither,” she said. Her eyes flicked upwards, to the squat buildings around her. “You’re going to regret this, you idiots.”
Somewhere up there, red eyes glowed.
XXXXX
It is said that testicles and the sizes of these organs indicate strength and manliness. The author hereby intends to disagree, for testicles are fairly weak things with a bad tendency to bring their owner otherworldly pain when attacked, whereas the vagina is clearly far more durable, flexible and tactically superior, being in a less intrusive spot within the body. With this in mind, it is not surprising that a pigtailed girl was standing over a pile of young men, all of whom were lying on the ground, shattered beyond repair. Their clothes smoldered.
“Asuka-chan,” she sang. “Don’t go to bad places without telling me, ‘kay?”
“Hi…Hikari,” Asuka Soryu said in a shaken voice. “Oh…thank you, I guess.”
Hikari yelped suddenly. Clouds drifted apart, revealing a bright full moon.
“Oh…you’re giving up who you are already, Asuka-chan?” she asked in the same sing-song voice. “Poor girl…haven’t you forgotten who we are?”
Her fist slammed into her palm. Dropping her handbag, Asuka did likewise.
“Don’t forget!” Hikari Hokari snarled. Bouncing on top of the pile of thugs, she took off into the air with a flourish and a spin. Asuka glanced up, a little spooked by her speed. She looked around, but nobody was there.
“Where are you looking? I’m up here, right up here!”
Asuka’s smile widened.
“Hikari!”
The girl’s eyes widened with a ferocious growl.
“Answer me, Asuka!” she roared, leaping off the building she was perched on and throwing off the coat she had on.
“The school of the Undefeated of the East!”
Asuka threw back her fists and slammed her hands together.
“The winds of the kings!”
Their fists clashed at a breathtaking speed, exchanging blows without pause.
“Zenshin!”
“Keiretsu!”
“Tempa Kyuoran!”
The earth rumbled as the two fists crashed together, and a wave of flame washed through the dank alleyway.
“LOOK! DETROIT IS BURNING RED!”
XXXXX
The smell of fish covered the little shop, making it unbearable to the olfactory organs. Shinji rubbed his sore arms, the final crate of tuna having been loaded into the refrigerator, and sat on an empty box. Tomorrow, he and Rei would begin going to the local public school. Gendo had made arrangements with astonishing speed and efficiency. Loans had come from unknown sources for him to set up shop and open up in less than a week. Somebody had been clearing the paperwork and obstacles at an ungodly speed. Although thankful, Shinji was not altogether too sure of the legitimacy of the unknown beneficiary.
That was what he was thinking half an hour or so ago. Now, his head was pounding, and something was holding him against a bed frame. He blanched when he noticed that he was stark naked, and his privates were covered with some sort of wire.
“I see you are awake,” someone said. Shinji strained to see, but the restraints held him back.
“It’s me, Rei,” the voice said. Shinji gagged.
“Rei—Rei, what the hell are you doing?”
She was dressed in a tight leather bikini, the bra making her small breasts look bigger. The bottom was incredibly tight and useless to hide a maiden’s modesty. She carried a switch.
“I have found what is commonly known as ‘the stash,’” she informed him. “As your sister, I am obligated to keep you on the correct path.”
She swirled the whip, and slashed it across his genitals.
“This is…”
He screamed again as she brought the whip around the other way
“Onee-chan’s punishment!”
XXXXX
The moon shone down on Asuka’s hair, giving it a ghostly look. Silently, she and Hikari walked down the street. Passing vagabonds paid them no heed as the two girls looked on ahead.
“Asuka,” Hikari began. “Aren’t you going to get over…move on?”
The redhead’s jaw clenched, loosened, and she shook her head.
“Not yet,” she muttered.
“Is that why you didn’t use what you know to defend yourself?” Hikari asked. “You could have been hurt pretty badly—”
“I promised myself that I wouldn’t touch it again,” Asuka cut her friend off. “What we did…in the alley…it was for friendship’s sake. I mean, it’s not like I did it just for you or anything…it’s for…um, old time’s sake.”
Hikari grabbed Asuka’s hand. A few drunks across the street hooted and whistled.
“But you worked so hard, and you were so good at it. Why would you give it all up?” she demanded. “Come on, you’re living alone, you don’t have a friend…aren’t you lonely?”
“I don’t need a friend!” she snapped, jerking her hand away. “I can live just fine by myself!”
“Asuka-chan…” Hikari said blankly. Her eyes moistened. “What…happened yo you?”
“You know what happened,” Asuka said coldly. “You know exactly what happened.”
Hikari nodded sadly.
“I guess the wounds are still fresh,” she said. “All the same, you really shouldn’t let it hit you so hard. You’re still Asuka Langley Soryu; you’re still the kind, gentle, happy girl I know.”
She cupped Asuka’s cheeks in her hands.
“Don’t make that girl go away, ‘kay?”
Asuka pushed Hikari away, still averting her eyes.
“It’s too late,” she said. “You should stop trying, Hikari-chan. You won’t make her come back.”
“So I should stop trying?” Hikari demanded. “Asuka, I can save you from an army of thugs, a mob of any size, even the military, if I had to, but I can’t save you from yourself.”
She grimaced.
“I suppose,” she said. “I’ll have to try…”
Asuka’s eyes widened in fear
“No, no you don’t—”
“ULTIMATE SECRET TECHNIQUE: BRIGHT SLAP!”
Trash cans flew as Asuka was smashed back several dozen yards, trailing smoke and arcs of light. A dilapidated building shuddered with the force of the girl’s body striking a wall. A ring of dust lifted spider webs, spiders and their dinner up into the air, hurling the surprised arachnids into oblivion. The wall was dented, and dust filled the air. Overhead, the moon’s light was darkened by the might of the hit.
Groaning, Asuka struggled to her feet.
“Don’t give me a lecture, too,” she said. “That technique in itself is bad enough.”
“You were never able to master it,” Hikari said sternly. “Because your heart wasn’t ready. It could not handle the mental stress involved in the heart of the move. You have yet to grow up.”
Asuka laughed bitterly.
“Right. Of course; you’re so much better than I am, aren’t you, Hikari-sama? You’re strong enough, you’re mature enough, and you can—”
“SECOND ROUND: BRIGHT BACKHAND!”
The street was cut open, concrete spilling out like guts. Asuka lay buried in a wall on the other side. The moon went dark. When it came back, Hikari was sitting on the stomped curb, cuddling Asuka in her arms.
“You don’t get it,” she said. “I do this because…”
Asuka’s trembling hand crept up Hikari’s shirt, and then, slowly, softly, caressed her cheek.
“It’s because I love you!”
A moment passed
Then, another
And another
A disheveled hippie, impoverished by a liberal-arts education that gave him no job, who was lying in a cardboard box, poked his head out to see what was causing this ruckus. Not seeing any evil corporations, wars and government conspiracies to protest, he went back to sleep.
Hikari’s body shielded a stunned Asuka from the chilly night wind as silent tears fell upon the girl’s cheek.
“Why are you crying?” she asked in an emotionless tone. “Are you…stupid? What’s there to…cry about?”
“Back there, back in the alleyway, you weren’t just going through the motions,” Hikari stated. “I felt your passion, your desire, your strength. That was not something for the sake of old times, and I know it.”
She held out her hand.
“You haven’t forgotten what it’s like to dream yet, Asuka. Don’t fall away. Come back to me…come back to us…okay?”
End Stage XIV

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Postby EveryoneGotTurnedIntoTang » Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:19 pm

Hey there, Tang from FF.net here. You remember me, right?

...right?

Anyways, great chapter, and I actually liked the dark approach. I was expecting Asuka to beat up those thugs like in the manga, and instead we have martial arts master Hikari helping her out.
Loved how you handled Asuka's characterization in this chapter. The stereotypical approach would be just to make her a tsundere, and I liked how you defied that and instead explored her more broken side of her personality.
Also, the SRW reference with Hikari's BRIGHT SLAP! was a huge bonus.
And Rei...your incarnation of Rei has the potential of surpassing ND!Rei's quirkiness.
Can't wait for when Shinji and Asuka meet up. Unless you're going for Hikari/Asuka? :lol:
This fic definitely deserves more than 15 reviews. :asuka_thumbsup:
Okay, so plot compression I can take. Maybeee the gratuitous fanservice too, though it's quite annoying and illogical (Why does Misato bring her phone into the shower?). But allowing Colonel Sanders to dress up as a cardboard copy of Lilith's legs? I'll never forgive you, Khara.

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Postby tehprognoob » Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:34 pm

Bright slap was Gundam 0079 :D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtfon4QtA9U

I think it's because it's thanksgiving that people aren't reading, though. Everyone's out with their families, not holed up in the house reading Eva fanfiction XD
<Not excluding myself, the guy holed up writing Eva fanfiction.

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Postby driftking18594 » Sun Nov 27, 2011 3:14 pm

It's good stuff. :asuka_thumbsup:

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Postby MAI 742 » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:31 am

This is another Fic I have to thank TvTropes for introducing me to.

It is most a-musing, but I was kind of hoping for less of a CombatBattleStory! Still, I'm not displeased with what you've done with this... this madness, this blasphemy! &c.

Keep it coming, lad, keeping it coming.
So spake th' Apostate Angel, though in pain, Vaunting aloud, but rackt with deep despare.

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Postby tehprognoob » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:26 pm

Stage V


SPOILER: Show
Nerv: Dry Cleaning and Takeout

Stage V: First Taste’s On the House

Pre-knowledge of: Rudimentary Spanish is requisite for reading this chapter

Rei was raised by a good woman, and as a rather schoolmarm-ish—well, she thought she was schoolmarm-ish—and proper young lady herself, she must keep everything neat and organized. It was with this mindset that she set about cleaning up the impromptu BDSM chamber she had erected in the spacious basement of the shop. Shinji lay flat on the rack she had tied him to, limp and spent from having his thoughts corrected for a good hour and a half.

The leather whip was meticulously rolled into a tight bun and stowed in its casing, after having been oiled to ensure that the leather did not crack. As a final test for her brother, Rei undid her suit casually, letting it fall onto the ground. She wore nothing underneath, as this was how the particular article of clothing was designed as a sexually arousing piece of underwear and thus should not be further padded. She padded over to Shinji and bent to pick up a random segment of rope that had fallen. His head followed her, but no more reactions came. Item one, check; she clapped her hands.

“You will now be aroused,” she informed him. He responded most satisfactorily; item two, check.

Now for the most difficult part

“End your arousal”

His body complied, though it was doubtful that the reactions were conscious actions on his part. However, this concluded Rei’s training. She sealed the paper away and stamped it.

XXXXX

Normally, Asuka headed straight home, unless she was inclined to stay and watch the school’s football team do something violent. Today, though, Hikari was waiting outside, ready to get Asuka to go have a little fun the moment she came out of the building. Not knowing much of the demographics of local eateries, Asuka opted for the one she thought would be the cheapest, a freshly opened take-out sushi shop two blocks from school grounds. Apart from a surprisingly smooth and charming young man and his sister transferring in from Japan—of all places!—nothing interesting had occurred. It was with this sense of boredom that she led Hikari in a silent march to the shop.

“Ay, don’ wait for me today, mamí!” a voice yelled from across the street, where he was sitting with a group of men. “I’m gonna hang with the barrio t’night, comprendes?”

, Kaji-san; make your own dinner, then!” Asuka shot back.

“Who was that?” Hikari asked, unable to comprehend why Asuka was living with a near-two-meter Asian-Hispanic hulk of a man almost twice her age.

“Ryoji Jose-Rodriguez Kaji, the guy I was sent to after…well, he’s my uncle,” Asuka answered.

Out of politeness, Hikari declined to point out the fact that Asuka was a Eurasian girl of petit build, with creamy white skin and long, straight, red hair, while the supposed uncle was massive, dark-skinned Hispanic man, but Asuka answered her anyways.

“Different fathers,” she said. “All sorts of mixtures in this place; don’t be surprised. Besides, I learn Spanish for free.”

She sounded oddly hollow about the subject. Hikari winced to think of how many memories of her mother Asuka has to remember by just thinking about this man, whose roof she lived under. Asuka pushed open the door to the shop, and stared in surprise. The shop was packed with laughing people, and the young man from before was shuttling trays of sushi back and forth from the kitchen to the dingy eating room.

“Didn’t they just open?” Hikari asked.

“Well, how am I supposed to know that they could do so well?” Asuka snapped, back to her usual self. The young man, whose name Asuka remembered to be Shinji Ikari, waltzed up to them with his tray.

“Good afternoon,” he said with a little bow. “Can I help you with anything?”

“Yes,” Asuka said. “You can find us somewhere to sit.”

He swept his arm in the direction of the back of the shop.

“There are more spaces out in the back,” he said. “Please feel free to call me whenever you feel like taking an order.”

“Cute,” Hikari commented when the boy was out of sight. “It’s a nice place.”

“Let’s go, Hikari,” Asuka said, dragging the other girl through the throngs of customers. They found an empty spot, and prepared to sit down, when Asuka bumped against someone.

“Ah, good afternoon, Asuka,” Kaworu said. “What a pleasant surprise.”

When she glared at him, his hand shot up to his chin, where there were still residues of white stuck to his face. Feigning a cough, he wiped his mouth clean.

“Well, what are you still standing here for?” she demanded. Hikari pulled on Asuka’s shirt.

“Asuka!” she admonished. Then, in a louder voice, “Hey, why don’t you sit down with us?”

“My pleasure,” he answered. Asuka turned her nose. The young man came back with dishes, which he set in front of them, and each received a small piece of sushi.

“First taste is on the house,” he said. “You’ll be coming back for more, soon enough!”

As he left, Kaworu chuckled.

“The boys say the same when they sell, well…” he looked at Hikari. “Their own wares”

Asuka snorted, angrily looking away from the boy. She picked up the sushi, and bit into it. Her countenance instantly changed. Electricity seemed to rush through her body. Her eyes glistened with the sensation.

“It’s…magical…” she whispered. “What is this, I don’t even…”

The air billowed as Hikari registered the taste of the sushi. Her senses screamed. Kaworu merely remarked, “Better than cocaine, definitely.”

The sound of a poorly tuned guitar bounced into the dining room. Asuka’s eyes widened. A man with an extraordinary beard stood on the counter, crappy, peeling guitar in hand.

“Wercome!” he yelled in heavily accented English. “To restaurant’s opening day, yes?”

“What is he saying?” Hikari demanded.

“I believe he is speaking in a language known as Engrish,” Kaworu informed her. “Decipher it as English.”

“I see,” she said. The man played another jarring note.

“I came to America, see? ‘Cause I wanted opporturity, for my famirry,” he sang. “There many opporturity here in America, so I make raundry shop and restaurant! Thank you for coming today, I has a speciar for you arr today!”

He whipped a platter out from behind him without disturbing the pile of sushi on top in any way.

“First taste’s on the house, as arways!” he proclaimed. The young man began dishing out the sushi, which themselves looked rather like cocaine packaged
in dark wrapping paper, in Kaworu’s eyes.

Proudly, Gendo surveyed the room as the customers partook of his sushi, the potent new recipe that he had gone through fire and brimstone for, that he had spent the better part of his life perfecting. It was magical. He knew it would be.

Gasps sounded all over the tables. Gendo’s hair veritably stood on its end as a shockwave of pure delicious set the room’s senses ablaze. He could almost feel it; their brand new sensation, their need, their desire for more, no matter what, and their addiction. There’s no way they wouldn’t be coming back for more after this.

As Kaworu said, better than cocaine.

End Stage V


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