What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?

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Re: What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?

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Postby silvermoonlight » Thu Apr 15, 2021 2:11 pm

Ghoulies (1985) (I prefer 2/3 but if your drunk this ones not so bad)
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
Mac and Me (1988)
Waterworld (1995)
Battlefield earth (2000)
Freddy Got Fingered (2001) Never EVER watch this.
Transformer 2/3/4/5 (2011-17)
Cats (2019)
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Postby IronEvangelion » Fri Apr 16, 2021 11:55 am

A Walk in the Sun (1945): Think of every good war movie you've ever seen. Movies like Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, the Rambo series, etc. There's always plenty of action and drama on screen, rarely any slow moments. Now, try to imagine a film that would be the complete antithesis of these films. It exists, and it's called A Walk in the Sun.

Theoretically a war film about some Texas troops participating in the invasion of Italy during WW2, in reality it's more like one of the soldiers set up an 8mm video camera and forgot to turn the damn thing off. The movie starts off with a three minute narration summarizing the backgrounds of the "important" squad members (yes this movie has a narrator to explain its nonexistent plot), then cuts to a poorly lit night scene on board a landing barge that lasts roughly TWELVE MINUTES, during which the soldiers gab about mostly inconsequential topics and one of them gets hit by shrapnel. Then they reach the beach and encounter no enemy resistance whatsoever, despite the fact that there is clearly a battle going on off-screen judging by the sounds of gunfire. Do these troops help at all? No, they find a deep depression in the sand, sit down, and gab for several minutes until they fall asleep.

Cut to morning and the soldiers wake up. One of them finally has the ambition to set up his machine gun, but does nothing with it. Everyone gabs for several minutes, then they pack up and start marching. Then they find a nice grove of trees, where they sit down and gab some more. Then more marching. While marching, they have to dive into a ditch to escape strafing aircraft, but otherwise nothing happens. Keep in mind we're nearly 48 minutes into a film that's just shy of 2 hours long, and none of our soldiers have fired a shot. They rest in the trench for a few minutes and gab, then get out and start marching again. At roughly the 55-minute mark, they finally encounter two Italian soldiers and prepare for battle. However, both Italians surrender without a shot being fired. Next comes a very long set of marching scenes, followed by yet another grove of trees where the soldiers once again sit down and gab.

This camping session is eventually interrupted by an Italian halftrack driving past the campsite. The soldiers hide and wait for it to make another pass, and then at the 1 hour and 22 minute mark, our soldiers finally fire their first shots of the film as the machine gunner opens up on the halftrack. After a 2-minute battle scene where they destroy the lone halftrack, the soldiers pack up and start marching again. At roughly 1 hour and 35 minutes, another battle scene begins... against a farmhouse occupied by a few Italian soldiers. THIS is the "big battle scene" of the movie, and the entirety of the remaining 22 minutes of runtime is devoted to them attacking and capturing the farmhouse, around half of which is spent hiding behind a stone wall and discussing how they're going to attack it. Then the movie ends with them marching off, presumably to find another grove of trees where they can resume their endless inane gab sessions.

In closing, I cannot even describe to you how dull this movie is. The only way to make this film tolerable is to watch it in fast forward, which is exactly what I did when re-watching it today so I could avoid losing another 2 hours of my life to this steaming pile. At 10x normal speed the film lasts about 15 minutes, which would have been its total runtime if it had been edited in a competent fashion. A Walk in the Sun just doesn't work as a war movie. It doesn't even work as a Kubrickian navel-gazing depressionfest type of war movie because nothing of significance is ever discussed and there are no themes or questions to ponder.
[Redacted]

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Re: What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?

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Postby Zusuchan » Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:04 am

IronEvangelion wrote:
Think of every good war movie you've ever seen. Movies like Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, the Rambo series, etc. There's always plenty of action and drama on screen, rarely any slow moments. Now, try to imagine a film that would be the complete antithesis of these films. It exists, and it's called A Walk in the Sun.

It's entirely possible to make a good war film that doesn't have plenty of action, because there are sides to war that go beyond the battles and the bullets. Case in point-Ivan's Childhood, one of the best films I have ever seen that doesn't feature a single battle throughout its slowly paced 94-minute runtime. Despite that, it's the best examination of the basic, horrifying effect that war has on human beings and how it hardens them and destroys parts of them. The main character is a basic examination of that-he's a 12-year old boy who's lost his mother, childhood and innocence to the horrors of war. Despite not taking part in any battle, each character presented by the director Tarkovsky is missing something, is somehow broken and will be broken forever because of the evil that is war, because of the inhuman grotesqueness it so consistently presents, because of the way it intrudes on simple lives and dismantles them, burns them utterly to the ground. War leaves broken people and broken worlds behind and that is what Tarkovsky shows so gracefully and lyrically.

I get that A Walk in the Sun really might be a bad film, but I just wanted to contest the notion that action is necessary for a good war film or that slow war films are not good.

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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:07 pm

See, I watch enough "bad" movies to see most other people's "Worst Movies" lists and be like "But those movies are okay, actually." I tend rank things on a horseshoe curve anyway. On one end of the horseshoe you have "So Good it's Good," and on the other end you have "So Bad it's Good." Right in the middle, the lowest point of the horseshoe, are the typical, boring, and unimaginative movies like "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" or half of Steven Segal's titles. (Especially his more recent ones.) These movies don't provide anything new, innovative, or even memorable. They are boring at best, and painfully embarrassing to watch at worst. I feel nothing during these movies other than unintentional existential dread.

BTW, you'll see Velocipastor on a lot off "So Bad it's Good" lists, but I'm here to tell you that it doesn't belong there. It's just straight-up good. It's one of the best meta comedies made in recent history, and it's soundtrack slaps. Everything about that movie is perfect.

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Postby hui43210 » Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:38 pm

Assuming we can include movies I've seen on MST3K, than a film called Monster A-go-go is easily the worst movie I ever seen. It was thrown together by a producer just so that they had a movie to tack on as a double feature. So it was a waste of time for everyone involved, and surpasses the so bad it's good status to just being a pile of garbage. Literally nothing happens. And then the movie ends by declaring that, nothing in fact happened and there never was a monster.... Probably because they didn't have a budget for one.

I also watched The Room from start to finish a couple of years ago. It's an absolute dumpster fire of a film for reasons most people are aware of by now. But there's something oddly enduring about this misguided attempt of a story. At the very least, I found the book about the movie to be legitimately entertaining and interesting. The film adaptation is alright, but the narrative is turned into a formulatic Hollywood story which I find tired and uninteresting. Overall, it's okay, but the book is better.
I mean, predictability is the central attraction and the narrative hook that we've all come to expect from the Evangelion franchise. How come Anno can't realize this? Twice? - FreakyFilmFan4ever

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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Sun Apr 18, 2021 8:12 am

^ The film adaptation of The Disaster Artist gave me some pretty bad flashbacks to actual film sets I've worked on. The independent filmmaking scene can be full of a lot of haughty attitudes and professional malpractice. I forget if it was an actual scene in the movie, or just the overall atmosphere and situations depicted on set, but half the time I was thinking, "Oh god, please no. I've been here before and it needs to stop!"

But, yeah. It's a pretty okay movie about a horribly bad one. Definitely recommend if you like The Room.

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Postby Archer » Fri Apr 23, 2021 6:34 pm

I’ll grant you that I haven’t actually watched too many movies, but my #1 waste of time was the Human Centipede.

Maybe it was because of the expectations built up around it as this super infamous gross movie, because I watched it with a friend in high school expecting something gross and edgy when in reality it was just... like... a really bad movie all around, and not even in an entertaining way. It really doesn’t live up to its reputation at all.

#2 waste of time was Jurassic World. I never even watched the original Jurassic Park movies, and I still feel like a part of my childhood was destroyed by that movie. I was also 100% certain that the twist at the end would be that their super-dinosaur contained spliced-in human DNA, explaining its super-intelligence, so the reveal that it actually just has velociraptor DNA was completely underwhelming.

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Re: What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?

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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Apr 24, 2021 4:38 am

View Original PostArcher wrote:#2 waste of time was Jurassic World. I never even watched the original Jurassic Park movies, and I still feel like a part of my childhood was destroyed by that movie. I was also 100% certain that the twist at the end would be that their super-dinosaur contained spliced-in human DNA, explaining its super-intelligence, so the reveal that it actually just has velociraptor DNA was completely underwhelming.


My biggest issue with the Jurassic worlds is they ignore the most fundamental rule that Jurassic park set out, these are really dangerous animals, you can not control them, by having scenarios like you can control them which are direct conflicts to the main canon plus unlikeable cookie cutter characters in both movies. Plus I heard loads of people cry out when they destroyed Isla Nublar in the volcano as it felt like a direct thing with the filmmakers pissing on their childhood.

Due to this I'm dreading the final movie as I think they will now cock their leg up and piss on all the old cast members in favour of making the new unlikeable, shallow badly written cast come out on top.
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Sequel As The Divine Light Breaks For download version please go to AO3

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Postby Archer » Sat Apr 24, 2021 9:53 am

So I’ve only read the original books, but what I liked about them was that (like most of Crichton’s work) It tried to ground its sci-fi elements in as much realism as possible. Meanwhile, the Jurassic World park makes no goddamn sense at all. Why the hell is it built on an active volcano? Why the hell is there a ride where guests are allowed to ride a trackless ball anywhere they want with dinosaurs? Why the hell do they think that the answer to retaining fan interest is to create a genetically modified dinosaur that kinda just looks like a big T-Rex anyways? None of it makes any sense, none of it’s grounded in reality... it’s just there to be dumb and look cool. What made the Jurassic Park book good was that the final failure of the park comes from understandable oversights. Meanwhile, in JW, you have the typical Hollywood trope of everything is stupid and everyone acts like an idiot BECAUSE conflict needs to happen, instead of said stupid behavior being understandable and logical from the characters’ POV.

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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Apr 24, 2021 10:29 am

View Original PostArcher wrote:None of it makes any sense, none of it’s grounded in reality... it’s just there to be dumb and look cool. What made the Jurassic Park book good was that the final failure of the park comes from understandable oversights. Meanwhile, in JW, you have the typical Hollywood trope of everything is stupid and everyone acts like an idiot BECAUSE conflict needs to happen, instead of said stupid behavior being understandable and logical from the characters’ POV.


This is why I was so shocked by people getting blind- sided by Jurassic World as I could see these things, and I was going don't you know there just playing on your nostalgia? Like can't you see that? As to me using nostalgia to push though a badly written shit movie should not get you money and going from set piece to set piece is not good writing it's utterly lazy in my view as it does not give the characters prober time to breath and grow as people.

The only upside of JW is by the time Rise of Skywalker landed people were no longer falling for this, my only hope is they don't fall for it in the final JW movie.
Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy.

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Sequel As The Divine Light Breaks For download version please go to AO3

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Postby Zusuchan » Sun Apr 25, 2021 6:12 am

silvermoonlight wrote:The only upside of JW is by the time Rise of Skywalker landed people were no longer falling for this, my only hope is they don't fall for it in the final JW movie.

In my experience, people don't want simple nostalgia bait-they want a mixture of nostalgia and something ostensibly new. I think the success of The Mandalorian is a good case in point. It very much plays on nostalgia, but also has different aesthetics from other SW works, meaning it gives the people the easy escapism they want while not being entirely creatively bankrupt.

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Postby Gus Hanson » Tue Apr 27, 2021 12:01 am

View Original Postsilvermoonlight wrote:Freddy Got Fingered (2001) Never EVER watch this.

Depends on whether you like dumb humor. I tolerated it for that reason.

Transformer 2/3/4/5 (2011-17)

With the exception of 5 which i never watched, i agree that the sequels get worse with each entry. This may be an unpopular opinion but i prefer Shia Labeouf over Marky Mark as the franchise lead.
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Postby Starfish & Coffee » Fri Jun 11, 2021 5:45 am

Movie 43, very puerile and the excessively vulgar humor never worked once. Seriously 99% of the jokes I can't repeat here.
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Postby Gus Hanson » Sun Oct 03, 2021 11:41 pm

Looking at it from the political angle, Battle Royale 2. This one is pure anti-American propaganda and spells it out that you have to be on the side of Wild Seven. Sure, the action is suspenseful but because of the bullshit rule concerning the new collars, we barely get to know most of the early dead teens unlike the first in which most of everyone got their moments.
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Postby Princess Asuka » Tue Oct 05, 2021 3:22 pm

Racing Stripes or any kid's movie that has to do with zoos like the Madagascar movies (except for the Penguins of Madagascar movie, the penguins are awesome) or Zootopia, The Zookeeper, or the CGI zoo movie that Disney made that's not Zootopia, (I forgot the name of it). Also, I hate Ghostbusters 2016 and the sequel trilogy for Star Wars too.
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