The Twin Drive Sigma Aquarion Show!

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The Twin Drive Sigma Aquarion Show!

Postby Twin Drive Sigma Aquarion » Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:25 pm

Because a few people said that I have untapped potential and it would make an awesome show, so here I go.

Image

Episode 1: Introductions and Junk Like That

Live from New York, it's Saturnight! What, you think I was going to say Saturday? It's night for peat sake! Come on folks.

Today we're going to be talking about humans. Humans are these entities that evolved from tail-less monkeys that said "bleh, I don't like being a cannibal, lets play in mud!" And the mud walked up to their skin and ate it, ate it like a fat guy punting a mouse in the End Zone, touch down Chicago Bears! Anyway, humanity grew out of his or her own hair on each full Moon because they were hungry like the wolf to prove that the Chupacabra liked swords instead of guns for combat purposes. The humans set themselves at war with the elfen laids, acquiring their name by how much they like to multiply, and succeeded in winning only for lusty nature to take over their vicious brains with the power of explosions.

It was soon after the destruction of the hair and elfen laids that the Chupacabra finally picked guns 'cause, you know, they're manlier and crap. He conquered the world for a long time until the Han Dynasty where the Chinese basically summoned a giant pencil to smack him into the Pacific Ocean, reducing his body into an ultra salty substance that made the water undrinkable so it would divide by the majority of the sum plus the range, median, and mode. Their decedents are known as the bureaucrats from the DMV because you have to wait in line for a driver's license. Real shame.

Humans decided to evolve their faces so they could do more expressions than Homr from Greece so they could decide whether or not someone was angry or not when you accidentally walked into the bathroom on them. The Romans adopted a Green Lantern ring and made it happen with no censor bars. Upon which, the Moon emitted ultra violent radiation that permanently had mud and hair fuse itself into a terrible sugary oil, forcing humans to bath like madman as the stars laughed their balls off, literally creating phenomenon called "shooting stars".

Fast forward to the era of the 1970s and The Who fought a battle with the Rolling Stones, dividing a religion the humans called Rock, also known as Rock and Roll. Why they call it that is a mystery, we assume they rock around the clock so the could falcon punch clocks in the face, especially if they were over zealous snobs. So many clocks had enough of it that they invented the internet, something else the humans could abuse for a while so they could recover their faces so that Batman doesn't give them a raunchy or raspy voice to hear over that Chris Nolan fell in love with eventually.

The humans loved their precious internet like their precious ring of Sauron and the knights of the orcs. The one named Al Gore promised them with lots of knowledge and stuff, saying he'll destroy a lava creature that is melting too many icebergs to count and we just could not have that because.... We're humans, that's why. After hunting Moby Dick and failing, we got our clubs out and smacked the ocean only for Godzilla to go "Fuuuuuuuu!" and shatter us into nuclear fire.

The remaining humans repopulated thanks to their elf powers and elected George Bush the millionth so he could paint himself yellow, run around, and call himself Banana Man, saving Horror City from the likes of the Croaker. At this point it is assumed that humans found frogs delicious but toads were not, I mean really that is just sad. Anyway, after Bush did so he ate a piece of glass and said "this is stupid" and gave his job to Barrack Obama. With that in mind, Obama took off his giant boots and threw them like giant hammers into the lava giant melting all our icebergs because we love ice because we are humans. For Mars!

Pluto was annoyed by this because every "planet" had a lava creature melting their ice, but scientists had to go "oh no, we don't count Pluto as a planet, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Pluto and it's moon got ticked off and joined forces, crashing into Earth's twinkie factories and leaving many without precious spongecake. However, this improved the sales of peanut butter flavored termites, real shame they had a wood taste to them. Mmmmmmm, wood, augh. Wait, what? Oh yeah, I'm in the middle of a show.

The mutants from beneath Chicago's sewers of death doom used their eyeballs to punch the streets giant potholes so people could get very angry and flip over. This was because Domino's and Pizza Hut married each other and said "know what? no more deep dish pizzas." Sure enough people raged. Combined with lack of spongecake, peanut butter termites, and anger and it causes people to ooze zit goo from their foreheads, creating caustic slime. These slimes tried to fight off the clocks who directed them to the internet. Upon doing so the zit goo went on a crusade to fight the humans using anger against them. After doing a quick Wikipedia random search they found the story of the elfens laids and how they told stories about trolls.

And that is where internet trolls come from, they're basically gooey zits spawned from the rage gained from Pluto being called a dwarf planet and Chicago mutants causing mischief because no one gave them deep dish pizza anymore.

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Postby Defectron » Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:12 pm

(Forces way onto stage)

Hmmm yes , these are some inriguing opinions you present here about subjects that are important and relevent to our world today. Now I think I know of a good subject for the second episode of your talk show.

Recently someone made a post about how they would like to go out with jpg images instead of real women. Unfortunately this comedy gold has been lost to the sands of time because such a hilarious topic was too much for anyone here to handle looking at without exploding.

But I know your not interested in jpg images of girls, your all about giant robots and possibly robot jpgs..

So which do you prefer .jpg images of robots or real life giant robots? Now I know some of the giant robots who use this forum may be offended by this sensitive subject matter since they are all about giant robot rights and power to the robot people, but I feel this is a subject that needs to be addressed. An increasing number of robofiliacs are going over to the jpg side while ignoring real life giant robots. What is your opinion on this pressing and important development in society?
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Postby Xard » Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:15 pm

View Original PostDefectron wrote:Recently someone made a post about how they would like to go out with jpg images instead of real women. Unfortunately this comedy gold has been lost to the sands of time because such a hilarious topic was too much for anyone here to handle looking at without exploding.


I was so disappoint by the way ZapX locked it way too early. I was just about finished with transcribing relevant section from Welcome to the NHK novel but NOOOOOOOO, it had been locked two minutes earlier :(
ran1: Oh gosh this sentence gave me an internet boner. You're so tsundere.
Mugwump: Goddamn it, Xard! Take me in your arms, you magnificent sex god bastard!
And don't forget to wear the Ran mask.
Eva Yojimbo: You really are the Otaku equivalent of a Catholic and Jew rolled up into one giant dakimakura of guilt.
Gob Hobblin: Sanctimonious, subtly racist, vaguely misogynist, somehow says something while at the same time saying...nothing, really, at all....

Nice, Xard. That's nice.

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Postby Twin Drive Sigma Aquarion » Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:54 pm

Def? I'm not a robotphiliac, I like humans. However, for the next show I am going to mention that .jpg stuff. :devil:

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Postby Allemann » Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:30 pm

It wasn't about jpgs but about anime woman.

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Postby Twin Drive Sigma Aquarion » Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:32 pm

Pretty sure that is what Def meant too, I just used his terms.

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Postby toe mash » Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:46 pm

View Original PostAllemann wrote:It wasn't about jpgs but about anime woman.

You...Do know what a .jpg is, right?

Please tell me you're being sarcastic

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Postby child of Lilith » Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:39 pm

I'm seriously looking forward to what might come out of this thread.
"Let the right one in. Let the old dreams die. Let the wrong ones go. They cannot do, what you want them to do."- Morrissey, Let the Right One Slip In

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Postby MugwumpHasNoLiver » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:16 pm

I can't be the only one who suddenly wants to be in a freaky threesome with Defectron and Twin Drive, right? I don't know how, but they somehow make me look subtle and restrained.
"Now, from Nature we obtain abundant information about ourselves, and precious little about others. About the woman you clasp in your arms, can you say with certainty that she does not feign pleasure? About the woman you mistreat, are you quite sure that from abuse she does not derive some obscure and lascivious satisfaction? Let us confine ourselves to simple evidence: through thoughtfulness, gentleness, concern for the feelings of others we saddle our own pleasure with restrictions, and make this sacrifice to obtain a doubtful result." -The Divine Marquis

"I agree Hans, but we have talked about those anal fisting analogies." -Werner Herzog

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Postby Merridian » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:19 pm

View Original Posttoe mash wrote:You...Do know what a .jpg is, right?

Please tell me you're being sarcastic
to be in love with anime women is far more complex than worshiping a picture; it has to do with the appeal of the idea behind the image as much as the simulacrum of the image itself. Also, jpegs are subject to degradation over time and have shit quality compared to .pngs anyway.

get your idolatry straight, yo

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Postby Xard » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:23 pm

real men favour figs anyway

oh snap! Xard says Xard says to himself in fake sugary tone

and I doubt TDSA will be able to surpass this anyway
ran1: Oh gosh this sentence gave me an internet boner. You're so tsundere.
Mugwump: Goddamn it, Xard! Take me in your arms, you magnificent sex god bastard!
And don't forget to wear the Ran mask.
Eva Yojimbo: You really are the Otaku equivalent of a Catholic and Jew rolled up into one giant dakimakura of guilt.
Gob Hobblin: Sanctimonious, subtly racist, vaguely misogynist, somehow says something while at the same time saying...nothing, really, at all....

Nice, Xard. That's nice.

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Postby Defectron » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:39 pm

I can't be the only one who suddenly wants to be in a freaky threesome with Defectron and Twin Drive, right? I don't know how, but they somehow make me look subtle and restrained.


Just hold that thought...

(Knocks Xard out out, dresses him up to look like me and throws him in the closet)

Whenever your ready I'll be in the closet.

(sneaks away)


to be in love with anime women is far more complex than worshiping a picture; it has to do with the appeal of the idea behind the image as much as the simulacrum of the image itself. Also, jpegs are subject to degradation over time and have shit quality compared to .pngs anyway.


Yes but lets not forget that Ritsuko posted jpg images in his thread. You see according to my scholarly psychoanlaysis, the jpg image format for 2D enthusiasts translates to the equivelent of large breast size. This is why jpg's are generally considered sexier where gif's translate to small breast size and png's to medium breast size. Not many people favour bitmaps or tiffs, because they regard them as being too fat. This is why to a 2d enthusiast, even pictures of little girls will appear to have c-cup breasts as long as they are in jpg format, this is why half of Japan appears to have lolicon, it's because the jpg image format is so widely used.
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Postby Xard » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:49 pm

View Original PostDefectron wrote:Just hold that thought...

(Knocks Xard out out, dresses him up to look like me and throws him in the closet)

Whenever your ready I'll be in the closet.

(sneaks away)


Goddamnit this loli only takes abuse from her honest to god onii-chan >=(


View Original PostDefectron wrote:This is why to a 2d enthusiast, even pictures of little girls will appear to have c-cup breasts as long as they are in jpg format, this is why half of Japan appears to have lolicon, it's because the jpg image format is so widely used.


THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING
ran1: Oh gosh this sentence gave me an internet boner. You're so tsundere.
Mugwump: Goddamn it, Xard! Take me in your arms, you magnificent sex god bastard!
And don't forget to wear the Ran mask.
Eva Yojimbo: You really are the Otaku equivalent of a Catholic and Jew rolled up into one giant dakimakura of guilt.
Gob Hobblin: Sanctimonious, subtly racist, vaguely misogynist, somehow says something while at the same time saying...nothing, really, at all....

Nice, Xard. That's nice.

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Postby Merridian » Mon Feb 21, 2011 6:15 pm

View Original PostDefectron wrote:Yes but lets not forget that Ritsuko posted jpg images in his thread. You see according to my scholarly psychoanlaysis, the jpg image format for 2D enthusiasts translates to the equivelent of large breast size. This is why jpg's are generally considered sexier where gif's translate to small breast size and png's to medium breast size. Not many people favour bitmaps or tiffs, because they regard them as being too fat. This is why to a 2d enthusiast, even pictures of little girls will appear to have c-cup breasts as long as they are in jpg format, this is why half of Japan appears to have lolicon, it's because the jpg image format is so widely used.
Your superflat theory of pandimensional breast perception runs into problems the moment you recognize that jpegs have artifact issues where pngs don't. The simulacrum of an anime woman relies on a convincing portrait of deliberate falsehood; toss in some pixilation and crappy errors and the deliberateness of that falsehood transgresses the boundary of acceptable fiction and ugly, marred reality. png format averts the whole issue. Also, they're a lot bigger and take up more space on your hard drive, which is something of a symbolic gesture in lieu of how much the user adores and loves this character.

You're also making the classic mistake of confusing the simulacrum itself with the concept for which it stands, which is the character, her relatability within the context of the grand nonnarative, and how these aspects interact with both the personal and collective aspects of the unconscious.

And as Xard has so brilliantly pointed out, much of this conflagration is bypassed the moment the transdimensional limit is breached. Figurines, juxtaposing the 2D into a 3D model, seem to be a higher, more divine, purer essence of the waifuistic ideal. Although they too are marred by their abstraction into a flawed 3D reality; they are more identifiable to the end user, but they lose the grace, mystery, and malleability that a 2D image belays. My research indicates that one must balance the two--the 2D image and the 3D model--in order to better and more fully develop the waifuistic ideal. They require different, but related, modes of understanding.

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Postby Twin Drive Sigma Aquarion » Mon Feb 21, 2011 6:42 pm

Episode 2: Fail At Epic Levels and Whatnot

Brought to you in part by spooooooooons! Yes, spoons! To help you eat soup and prevent pasta from entering your flap hole!

This episode is a special one centered around the idea that .jpgs and anime girls are hot/screwable. The answer? No. And they never will! Why? Ugh, I have to explain? :facepalm: Very well then.

The idea of pornography has been around since humans learned how to draw. Why? We like sex. If you look at our anatomy we're designed for two things and nothing else: Thinking and sex. Really, that's it. So it is no wonder you see such pictures of provocative figures in ancient cave man paintings. I mean really, who cares?

Now lets fast forward to the 1970s where VCRs were invented for house purposes, allowing you to see porn in your own home without stalking someone or going to a crowded porn theater with what you hoped was gum all over the floor and seats. Now fast forward the internet, where you can see real humans having sex, but with the added bonus of obscure fetishes all over the place, which not too many pornographic films had at the time.

This begs the question, why whack off to drawings anymore? The answer? There isn't a reasonable one! You have real humans now and the internet can show them to you! Here's the thing about picture drawings and anime girls: They're not real, they will never notice you, they are not really "alive", and they're sure as hell not going to touch you back. The ones in live action porn won't do it either, but at least you have a chance of seeing them in the real world. The only remote thing that could be considered an upside for .jpgs is that there's no "time" for them, but if it bothers you THAT much just go out with an anorexic or one over 55!

And then there's rule 34. Yeah, I question if every pornographic image and video has a version of it in infrared and/or ultraviolet lighting. I don't mean a lot, I mean ALL. This also goes for other lighting modes of biomasks used in Predator 2. There are also probably things that you simply can't make porn out of, I don't know what they are, but you never know.

Bottom line, hentai junk is no longer necessary, you can get the real thing with just as little if not less effort. So yeah, humans > drawings and fictional characters. Also, pedophilia is pure fail; lolicon is just pedophilia drawings, so it fails harder (if that is even possible).

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Postby Defectron » Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:36 pm

Your superflat theory of pandimensional breast perception runs into problems the moment you recognize that jpegs have artifact issues where pngs don't. The simulacrum of an anime woman relies on a convincing portrait of deliberate falsehood; toss in some pixilation and crappy errors and the deliberateness of that falsehood transgresses the boundary of acceptable fiction and ugly, marred reality. png format averts the whole issue. Also, they're a lot bigger and take up more space on your hard drive, which is something of a symbolic gesture in lieu of how much the user adores and loves this character.


No, think about it, what happens to large breasts when a woman gets old? They get saggy and when that happens they enter my phobia territory. Jpg's are the same, with the issues you mention, the breasts begin to sag over time. PNG's may not equal as large a size, but they won't sag as much either. Gif's are small breasts because of the formats they are the easiest to animate, in other words they can grow and develope. But if you don't keep them healthy they will not develope properly either.

It is true that some some are interested in more then breast size and want a healthy relationship with their imaginary girlfriends and for these people they have their figma. But just like men who look for real women, the majority are only out for breast size. This is why you never want to invite strange jpegs into your computer, if your roomate is a playa, you could end up with some questionable substances on your keyboard if he doesn't practice safe sex. So remember to always wear a condom and keep your computer antivirus up to date if you feel like pursuing a relationship with a jpeg of questionable morals.
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Postby GasmaskAvenger » Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:38 pm

pokes head out of the floor


wha'cha talking about, dudes?
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Postby Defectron » Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:40 pm

Were talking about how image formats are actually breast sizes for the 2D community. Now if your talking about sex, that's when we get into the terretory of avi files and mpeg formatsm mpeg movies are actually anal sex for the 2D community. When they feel horny they just slap some good old haruhi.avi on their laptops and BAM! Their pants are full of imaginary sex!
Last edited by Defectron on Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby GasmaskAvenger » Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:42 pm

ah hah


very interesting
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Postby MugwumpHasNoLiver » Tue Feb 22, 2011 6:07 am

Defectron, Twin Drive, you guys want to be a movie? I promise it's not a porno, and that I won't slip either of you roofies.
"Now, from Nature we obtain abundant information about ourselves, and precious little about others. About the woman you clasp in your arms, can you say with certainty that she does not feign pleasure? About the woman you mistreat, are you quite sure that from abuse she does not derive some obscure and lascivious satisfaction? Let us confine ourselves to simple evidence: through thoughtfulness, gentleness, concern for the feelings of others we saddle our own pleasure with restrictions, and make this sacrifice to obtain a doubtful result." -The Divine Marquis

"I agree Hans, but we have talked about those anal fisting analogies." -Werner Herzog


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