It's been just over a week and I still don't know what to think about what I've watched. It's been a long time since I've watched something that disturbed me so deeply, and I've been feeling incredibly melancholy (if not semi-depressed) ever since. I kind of feel like I had my own encounter with the 15th Angel.

Doing better today, thankfully — after I wrote a 2100-word introspective narrative to help me process everything. Not sure if I want to share that or not…

But here are a few of the things I've been thinking over the past several days.

Reconciliation and Resolution.

To me, in terms of storytelling… I really wish there could've been some reconciliation. I know some people appreciate the stark ambiguity of the ending, but… I don't. After ripping your audience to shreds, I think it's important to offer some healing. Asuka's final word — "Disgusting" — seriously undermines the possibility of healing in terms of her and Shinji's relationship. Which is pretty much all there is in the world at that point, because everyone else is still LCL.

If the message really is "Anywhere is paradise as long as you have the will to live," that needs to be shown, not just stated. I needed to see Asuka and Shinji reconcile, at least tentatively. At least show that after all they'd been through, they were beginning to understand each other.

Characters

Part of the reason it hit so hard was because the show did such a good job with its characters. By the end of the show, you know what makes them tick. What their weaknesses are. Their strengths. Their insecurities. I saw various parts of myself — and parts of people I know — in the various characters. I know I have a tendency toward escapism, evasiveness, and keeping myself closed off from others (Shinji). I tend toward quietness and social awkwardness (Rei). I had to work really hard to get rid of my cruel, sarcastic sense of humor (Asuka). I've spent most of my adult life feeling like I don't know what I'm doing and questioning if I did the right thing (Misato). And I'm a spy (Kaji) — j/k.

Seeing those traits revealed, and then seeing the characters descend further and further without ever overcoming them, was really disheartening. It was like watching people you know and love on a downward spiral toward self-destruction.

Asuka's Death

That was just wrong. I thought Joss Whedon was the master of the "destroy the character when they're finally happy and fulfilled" trope, but no. With that sequence alone, Hideaki Anno's got him beat, hands down.

Dead/Absent/Neglectful/Abusive Parents

This is big. Obviously, since all the main characters in the show deal with this. Neither Shinji nor Asuka have a healthy understanding of male/female relationships, in a large part because they don't have parents to show them how it's done. And their (and Misato's) problems stem in large part from abuse/abandonment/neglect by their parents.

This really hit home for me, and if I take nothing else away from the show, it's this: as much as it's within my power, be there for my kids.

Escapism

This is another that hit home. I tend to fall into the stereotypical introvert category of "I'd much rather stay at home with a good book or a movie or a video game than be around people."

And on the one hand, there's nothing wrong with that, if it's a preference. But on the other hand, if I let that preference for solitude dictate my choices to the extent that I'm neglecting real relationships, then I'm going to be less of a person for it.

The Ending

The show definitely had a more hopeful ending, but it was too abstract, and the happy "Congratulations" ending felt false and forced. Whereas EoE left me feeling emotionally eviscerated.

So in my head, at least, afterwards, more people came back from LCL. Asuka and Shinji reconciled (whether or not they became a couple is less important to me, because seriously… they're only 14). Misato came back; maybe Kaji did too. And I think Rei came back as well and got a chance at being fully human. It wasn't all happiness and joy, but it wasn't grimdark either. Kind of like real life.

I think I'd add something to what Yui told Shinji: "Anywhere can be paradise, as long as you have the will to live" — and an important part of the will to live involves caring about and being cared for by others.

I really enjoyed reading about your experience with the series! It's always nice to see new people watching Evangelion. It reminds me of the first time I sat through it
Despite this, I would recommend you rewatch episodes 25 and 26 (EoTV) at some point. Of course, EOE is the more memorable ending. However, there are a lot of cool things in the original anime conclusion as well. Several excellent themes that really enrich the story and EOE itself, in my opinion. So you might want to get the best of both worlds here.

Thanks for the reply! I wasn't sure if anybody was going to.

I can certainly see myself watching the series again. I did also read the manga — which I enjoyed as a good supplement to / alternate take on the series.

I'm less certain that I want to endure EoE again though…

AtomicRambler wrote:I'm less certain that I want to endure EoE again though…

I watched it twice in quick succession - dub then sub - 21 years ago, and apart from a few excerpts to check the subtitles I had were timed correctly for the rip of my BD copy, never again. At first because it would hurt too much; and later because I felt it wouldn't hurt like it should any more.

Don't worry mac, your thoughts are the same as most people when the anime is new to them. Sounds like to me you were around in the 00s part of the Internet discussing stuff in Western media and was taken aback when another country takes on these topics, so I don't blame you for the sudden shock and sadness.

From here I say you got two options: watch all 4 of the Rebuild movies and see if you consider that the true ending or not. Or you can reject those movies and admit defeat. Accept that this anime is a part of your life and that finding that high again is going to be hard.

Just know this: you're not alone dealing with your emotions with this show, no matter how old you are. The first time is always the experience you never forget.

Also wait for your kids to be college aged for them to see the show. Or maybe your age. You seem like a good dad, use your judgement.

I too am a latecomer who just finished the show and The End of Evangelion for the very first time.

Overall impression: I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. I actually loved it, for all its flaws (muddled plot, lack of resolution). The themes of escapism, social anxiety and connection really struck a chord with me. The characters are what makes this show great, which is suitable given its themes. It wasn’t as soul-crushing as it had been described (I was surprised with how few characters died in the TV series). But maybe that was a consequence of me unfortunately not going totally blind into it.

For the first few episodes, I thought it was pretty decent, with some novel ideas (like the Evas not being robots and the pilots actually feeling pain) with a protagonist with clear obstacles to overcome. Then Asuka, far and away my favourite character, came in. Man, was that a breath of fresh air. Shinji and Misato are phenomenal characters as well. The dynamic between Shinji and Asuka in particular is one of the greatest things I have ever seen, honestly. And the portrayal of their respective mental problems is quite phenomenal. Asuka’s breakdown was a phenomenal part of the series, obviously, albeit very sad.

I will say, though, that I just couldn’t connect with two important characters. First, Rei. I just found her utterly uncompelling, honestly, due to her lack of humanity. Second, Kaworu. When Shinji killed him, I thought three things: one, I don’t really care about this character who I met 20 minutes ago just because he said some nice things to Shinji (and made him confused about his sexuality to boot); two, if Shinji is going to have a final mental breakdown from killing someone, why didn’t the showrunners just make him kill Toji, at least then it would be a character that I actually care about and the showrunners would have more episodes to actually explain the external conflict of their show; three, what I took from it was that it showed how much Shinji really needs attention. And that was probably the point.

As for the end of the show, it really is just unfinished. I guess due to time or budget constraints. Resolving the internal conflict while abandoning the external conflict is not a good choice. Though I really cared about Shinji, Asuka and Misato and am a sucker for the introspective and abstract, so I still enjoyed those two episodes, despite the fact that it’s a frustrating conclusion.

The End of Evangelion, I loved too. Asuka’s comeback was balm for the soul, though her death was of course gut-wrenching. Shinji’s inaction was, of course, frustrating.

Though I loved the movie, I thought the external conflict was quite frustrating. Seele’s motivations and how it differentiated from Gendo’s I thought was unclear just by watching the show, but maybe I just missed the one piece of dialogue where they explained that aspect of the plot, so I understood what was happening on-screen, I just didn’t understand exactly why it happened like it did. I don’t know what it is with anime and just throwing a whole lot of exposition at you.

With that said, I was transfixed by the pre-Third Impact and Instrumentality parts. I just love abstract deep dives into characters’ psyches like that.

The final scene was a bit mysterious at first, but after reading a bit on forums I think I have got at least two cents to share. They show Misato’s cross with the rusty nail to establish that some time has passed. They then zoom out (with a hard cut) to show several grave markers, one of which is kicked down (Asuka’s, as it would turn out). I do think it would have helped establishing that Shinji had been there for a while if they had clearly shown Misato’s cross on one of the grave markers. Maybe they were being intentionally vague, that would be slightly annoying, though I can respect it. Regarding the strangling, a common explanation is that Shinji wants to check if Asuka was real. That might be true, but requires more nuance. After all, there are easier ways to find out.

My (possibly unoriginal) two cents is this: so Shinji has rejected Instrumentality, risking being hurt and rejected because he wants to see his friends. He is told that humans will tend towards rejection of Instrumentality. Fine. He returns. No one else is there. Some time passes. Still, not one of them is there. Why not? Because none of them feels like they have any reason to return. Even though humans tend towards individuality, the ones who specifically associate with him have all chosen Instrumentality. No doubt precisely because of him, in Shinji’s mind. He has taken a bet on individuality, lost and been given the greatest rejection possible. This has obviously been eating away at his mind for a while. Then he sees a vision of Rei. Is he going insane from loneliness now? Finally he sees Asuka, the girl who he most desired (Shinji really tried to pull a “you’re the only one for me, babe” on her) who emphatically rejected him even in Instrumentality. All this time spent brooding over his "friends" choosing not to come back to be with him and here is the very archetype of rejection right in front of him. So he acts on what has been on his mind for all this time and starts to strangles her, just as he did last he saw her. But Asuka has been shown Shinji’s mind in Instrumentality and been on her own psychological journey as well. So she elects to show compassion and understanding, which breaks through all the thoughts and mental barriers that have been haunting Shinji since Instrumentality and, by extension, his whole life. All while simultaneously being a huge damn step for Asuka’s character.

The last line I choose not to overthink too much, I think it relates to the hospital scene in particular (rounding out the movie nicely, reading about Anno’s instructions to the voice actress affirms this), which would be quite central to Asuka’s sentiments towards Shinji at that time.

I understand what you mean with that they tell but don’t show with regards to the resolution. But to me, it’s about breaking down their mental barriers. The ambiguity in itself shows that all options are open to them (think about the alternate school drama reality of the TV series’ final episode). They are now prepared to take the next step in their relationship, whatever that might be. I actually think that both the show’s and the movie’s endings are quite hopeful. Personally, I choose to look at it optimistically, mostly because I just want Asuka and Shinji to be happy, man.

But the ending does leave you wanting more (which is generally how you should end a story). So now I’ll have to keep re-watching the show again until I am quenched. I’m not going to watch the Rebuild series. Partly because I generally despise reboots and partly because I wasn’t particularly keen on some changes made.

Shadowman wrote:
Second, Kaworu. When Shinji killed him, I thought three things: one, I don’t really care about this character who I met 20 minutes ago just because he said some nice things to Shinji (and made him confused about his sexuality to boot); two, if Shinji is going to have a final mental breakdown from killing someone, why didn’t the showrunners just make him kill Toji, at least then it would be a character that I actually care about and the showrunners would have more episodes to actually explain the external conflict of their show; three, what I took from it was that it showed how much Shinji really needs attention. And that was probably the point.

On Shinji killing Kaworu, for me I think that the intention of that scene and the whole episode was to pose Shinji with the ultimate moral dilemma for his character. In that moment he is given his most difficult decision, he has finally found someone who can understand and empathize with him. Now he is tasked with killing him to save humanity. At this point he is tasked with choosing between loneliness and the destruction of everything. You can say that Kaworu wasn't the most well developed character but to me it's more about the relation Shinji had with the character as was the only one Shinji felt comfortable opening up to and I don't think that same idea would have been communicated if it was Toji. Still I understand your point in that they could have developed their relationship more, but I think that the idea and the emotions of the scene are what make it so powerful for me personally.