The news came that morning when Shinji was having breakfast with the other two Evangelémon Trainers. “There has been a terrible disaster. The Unova government’s attempt to perform a trial run of their own captured Legendary Pokémon, Reshiram, has resulted in it escaping and causing widespread destruction. Fortunately, the test occurred in Unova’s Desert Resort, so civilian casualties were minimal. However, Reshiram’s Trainer, Maria Vincennes, was killed.” The newscaster on the TV sounded rather bored as he said all this, as though he had seen things like this happen millions of times before. His sleepy expression didn’t help.
“And now,” said the newscaster, “for today’s Pokémon weather forecast.”
Why specifically a Pokémon weather forecast?Shinji thought. Unless you’re telling me it’s literally raining Meowths and Growlithes. . .
Before Shinji could find out, Misato turned off the TV. “I thought I might catch you watching that” she said. “It actually so happens that there was another Legendary Pokémon captured in Unova.”
“But they don’t have a Trainer for it now. . . do they?” asked Shinji.
“They don’t,” said Misato, “but we do. I want you all to come meet him.” Shinji, Asuka, and Rei all followed Misato once they were done eating breakfast. Shinji wasn’t sure who the new Trainer would be, but the immutable laws of anime characterization meant that it had to be one of the three other kids in his class who seemed to even have names: Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari.
As it turned out, the answer was Toji. He sat in the public reception room of NERV—the room where family visitors, plumbers, and unsolicited door-to-door salesmen would usually enter. The moment he saw Shinji enter the room, his expression soured somewhat.
“I thought I might see you here,” said Toji. “Just so you know, I’m still mad about what happened to Sakura.”
Shinji guessed that Sakura was the name of Toji’s sister. “How’s she doing?” he asked.
“She’s out of the hospital, no thanks to you.”
“If it weren’t for me, you’d be dead!” said Shinji. “Show a little respect.”
Toji sighed, as Asuka, Rei, and Misato followed Shinji into the room. “Now this is more like it,” said Toji, turning towards Asuka. “A real Trainer.”
Asuka winked at Toji and tossed her hair, acknowledging the compliment. Shinji, however, was less than enthusiastic. “I’m a perfectly good Trainer too, thank you very much!”
“I’d hate for us to start our meeting like this,” said Misato, sensing an argument brewing. “I think it would be a good idea for you all to go outside and introduce your Pokémon to Toji and his Pokémon.” Misato held the door open, as if indicating that her “suggestion” was really just a politely worded “demand”. The four Evangelémon Trainers got the hint, though, and went outside.
Shinji had already seen some of Toji’s Pokémon before, but he’d never seen his full team: an Arcanine, a Hitmonlee, a Dodrio, a Golduck, and a Venusaur. All of them seemed to get along well with his and Asuka’s Pokémon, thankfully enough, but there was one question still nagging in the back of Shinji’s mind that he just couldn’t put in words.
Luckily, he didn’t have to. “So,” said Asuka. “What Legendary Pokémon did you get assigned to?”
“Kyurem,” said Toji. “From Unova. They just captured it. It should be arriving here for deployment right about now.”
Meanwhile, miles away, on an airplane flying towards Pallet Town 3, Kyurem began to stir. The Dragon-type Legendary Pokémon had not been grown artificially, the way Mewtwo and Genesect had—instead it had been found frozen underground and been fitted with the same sort of control system. It had been easy enough attaching controls and an entry plug to Kyurem while it was asleep, but now it was awakening. And to make matters worse, the airplane carrying it was flying through something very unusual.
A strange glowing green mist surrounded the plane, something that the pilot and crew for some reason did not comment on. Kyurem, however, did. The huge Pokémon felt a slight prick at the back of its neck, and this agitated it considerably. Kyurem roared in anger, and thrashed about in the cargo hold of the plane.
An alarm went off inside the plane, as Kyurem strained against the bars of its cage. The three handlers who were attending to it called out their own Pokémon—an Emboar, a Darmanitan, and a Heatmor—to keep it from attacking. Their fire attacks, however, did little to Kyurem. The Legendary Pokémon was clearly in the throes of some terrible pain. It was going to be a long flight to Pallet Town 3.
Shinji and everybody else at NERV, of course, was oblivious to this. Watching the plane carrying Kyurem fly overhead, Shinji wondered why they were even bothering shipping it by air, in a world where teleporting Pokémon over computers was a thing. But he decided not to dwell on that.
Once the call came in that Kyurem had been secured, the other Evangelémon Trainers were invited to see the new Legendary Pokémon for themselves. Their reactions were predictable, to say the least—Asuka continued to belittle Toji, Rei said nothing, and Shinji, while he was privately excited about seeing another captive Legendary Pokémon besides Genesect, Groudon, and Mewtwo, simply nodded meekly. Toji was clearly disappointed in this reaction, since he grumbled with frustration to himself as they all got on the bus.
“Marow wak wak? (Is he always like this?)” Marowak asked, sitting beside Shinji.
The bus came to a stop, and the Trainers were led off, followed by Misato and Gendo.
Kyurem was certainly a sight to behold. It looked more like a gigantic ice carving than a living creature—not a solid piece of ice, the way Regice had been, but a strange mixture of the living and the inorganic. Two massive, icy wings flared out from its shoulders, but they were broken off halfway down their length, leaving the creature unable to fly. Its face was a hideous, jagged formation of ice and stone, all sharp teeth and piercing blue eyes. Every so often, Kyurem would strain against the metal clamps that held it in place, clearly trying to break free.
“Impressive, huh?” said Toji.
Shinji, Asuka, and Rei could only nod.
“It’s almost time for my first trial run. Wish me luck!” Toji sounded as cocky and overly confident as usual as he ascended the stairway on the side of the gantry next to Kyurem, before climbing into the Entry Plug on its back.
Suddenly, Toji’s voice rang out from the Entry Plug’s intercom. “OK, why does it smell so awful in here? Somebody get the air freshener, because I’m about to—“ The words were cut off by the loud squelching sound of Toji vomiting, much to the amusement of Shinji and Asuka.
“You’ll get used to it,” Misato said into her walkie-talkie. “Remember, this is only a test run. Just focus on controlling Kyurem.”
“OK,” said Toji. “So do I, like, tell it what attacks to use, the way I do in a normal Pokémon battle?” Misato didn’t answer. “All right, Kyurem, let’s see what you can do. Glaciate!” A blast of icy wind shot out of Kyurem’s mouth, immediately coating much of downtown Pallet Town 3 in a thick layer of snow and ice, bringing down several power lines, and turning a nearby pond into an impromptu ice skating rink for the townspeople.
Shinji was the first person to notice something wrong with Kyurem only a moment later. Something green was protruding from just behind the huge Dragon-type Pokémon’s head, and he was reasonably sure—which, being Shinji, meant that he still had many, many doubts—that it was not part of the Entry Plug, or was even supposed to be there at all. It looked like a plant. He decided to call Misato’s attention to it, and she peered at it through her binoculars.
“It’s a plant,” she said, exhibiting a keen sense of the obvious.
“Are you sure?” said Shinji. “I’m going to have Pidgeotto go take a closer look.”
“Pidge-pidgeooot! Pigeoot!(Been a long time since I’ve gotten to stretch these here wings!)” Pidgeot flew off toward’s Kurem, and circled around the green thing sticking out of its neck. But before she could fly back to Shinji, a giant vine burst out of Kyurem’s back and smacked her out of the air, sending it flying backwards.
“Does. . . does Kyurem know Vine Whip?” Shinji asked.
“Of course not, you idiot!” said Asuka.
“Then what was that?”
Before anyone could answer, another long vine grew out of Kyurem. And again it lashed out at Pidgeotto. “Pigeooot! (Y’all fixin’ to get your asses whooped!),” she screeched, before diving at the base of the vine again, only to be met by a third vine that missed her by even less. Pidgeot flew away from Kyurem, which now had three long whiplike vines extending from its back, and circled overhead, preparing to make another attack.
Unfortunately, each time Pidgeotto dove to attack, Kyurem sprouted another vine and tried to knock it out of the air. Needless to say, Pidgeotto was not the only one frustrated by this. Kyurem, which by now looked less like Kyurem and more like a giant walking piece of shrubbery, was also becoming increasingly agitated. It burst free from its metal restraints and lumbered off towards NERV Headquarters, its vines thrashing about in every direction as Pidgeotto continued to dodge them.
Eventually, the vines grew to be so many in number and were moving so fast that Pidgeotto couldn’t keep up with them anymore, and one of them smacked into her, knocking her to the ground.
“Pidgeotto! Are you all right?” Shinji shouted, even though there was no way the Bird Pokémon could have possibly heard him over the distance involved. Pidgeotto, however, didn’t need to hear it to decide what she needed to do. She flapped her wings and lifted off the ground again, and made her way back to Shinji and the other Evangelémon Trainers. “Pidge. . . otto. . .otto (Tell that there plant thing it can kiss my ass and go to hell!)” Pidgeotto collapsed at Shinji’s feet.
“We can deal with Pidgeotto later,” shouted Misato. “You go back to headquarters and get in Genesect.”
“Genesect? Why?” asked Shinji.
“Because I said so,” said Misato.
“Because it’ll help you build character,” said Gendo.
“No, I meant a real reason,” said Shinji.
“Because Kyurem has been possessed by another Legendary Pokémon—Celebi,” said Misato. She pulled up a picture on her PokéDex of a small green creature with a giant bulb-shaped head. “Celebi,” it said. “the Time Travel Pokémon. Celebi wanders across time as guardian of the forest. Wherever it appears, trees and grass flourish.”
“That explains what it’s doing to Kyurem, then,” said Shinji. “And it’s a Fairy-type, so it’s got to hurt even more.”
“Actually,” said Misato, “Celebi isn’t a Fairy-type. It’s a Grass/Psychic-type.”
“What are you talking about?” said Shinji. “That looks more like a fairy than half the fairy types I’ve ever seen! So you’re saying that’s not a fairy, but that. . .” He switched the Pokédex to the entry for Granbull, “is?”
“I don’t have time for this,” said Misato. “Just get in Genesect.”
Inside the entry plug, as Genesect walked towards Kyurem, Shinji reflected on his predicament. Fighting Legendary Pokémon on a day-to-day basis was bad enough, but it was even worse with the fact that Toji was inside this one. “Can’t we think about this for a minute,” he said. “Toji’s in there. What if I end up. . “
“I don’t care,” Gendo said over the intercom. “Just do it!”
“But what about Toji?”
“Just do it!”
Before Shinji could react, one of the vines that covered Kyurem lashed out and coiled itself around Genesect’s body. The huge purple cyborg Pokémon stumbled backwards, and inside the entry plug Shinji banged his head on the control panel. Genesect managed to break its fall with its arms before it crashed to the ground, and pushed itself back up to its feet.
The vines lashed out again, once again coiling around Genesect’s neck. With a single yank of its vines, Kyurem—or rather Celebi, controlling Kyurem’s body—snapped Genesect’s neck. The pain shot through Shinji’s body like a branding iron, making him feel as though his own neck had been broken.
“Well, so much for Gensect,” said Misato.
Genesect, however, was not finished. As an astonished Gendo, Misato, Asuka, and Rei looked on, the giant armored Pokémon’s eyes began to glow bright red, and it broke into a run. Moving far faster than it ought to have been capable of given its size, Genesect tackled Kyurem like a linebacker, pinning the vine-covered dragon to the ground with its metallic claws.
“Wha—what’s going on?” Shinji asked, too shocked to notice the pain anymore.
Gendo gave a smug, rather unnerving smile, and said, “I activated the dummy plug system. You’re no longer in control of Genesect. The entry plug system itself is. I did this because you’re clearly too incompetent and whiny to be trusted to do this sort of thing. Ugh, sometimes I wonder why I didn’t just make the dummy plugs standard and not bother with having the entry plugs controlled by humans at all. It seemed like a good idea at the time. . .”
“Oh, so you think I don’t deserve to be Genesect’s Trainer? Fine,” said Shinji. “But I’d like to see Genesect try and stop that thing itself.”
As luck—and situational irony—would have it, Genesect was doing exactly that. Despite having shown no previous indication of having a mouth, Genesect was now tearing Kyurem apart, its metal-reinforced insect-like jaws making short work of both the thrashing vines and Kyurem’s armored skin. As this was going on, Shinji had to stop himself from vomiting as he was given the privilege of witnessing the gruesome spectacle.
Finally, Kyurem’s movements stopped, and Genesect bit down one final time with a sickening crunch. There was the telltale blinding flash of white light that Shinji knew meant a Legendary Pokémon had been defeated. Ordinarily Shinji felt proud of himself—or at least, as proud as he could feel, considering that his life consisted of one disappointment after another—when he did this, but not this time. Now he was simply worried. About Toji, about Genesect, and about his own future.
Finally, Genesect stood up on two feet again, and Shinji could see the Sign of Arceus in the sky over Kyurem’s remains, while Toji was removed from the broken entry plug. As he watched, Shinji wondered, Did I really do that? Do I even want to know the answer? And more importantly, is there something about Genesect my father isn’t telling me?

Who’s That Pokémon?
The poison produced in this Pokémon’s sacks is carried through tubes in its arms to its knuckle claws.
Last answer:
It’s Kyurem!

Neon Genesis EvangeléMon Episode 15:

Just Another Boring Day

Kaji was feeling very proud of himself.

For one thing, he actually had a major part to play in this episode and wasn’t just a supporting bit player. For another, he was about to talk to someone very, very important. At least, he hoped he was. When he arrived at the place he was told to go to—a dilapidated, run-down old building on the outskirts of Pallet Town 3—he began to second-guess himself. The only person he could see was a woman sitting on the building’s doorstep, feeding a group of stray Meowth.

Surely the guys who gave me these directions wouldn’t have just done it to send me on a wild Farfetch’d chase, he thought to himself. Before he could finish his thought, the woman sitting on the doorstep got up and turned to face him. “Well, fancy seeing you here, Kaji. Now tell me, what have you been doing?”

“I was investigating the Devon Corporation, just like you—“ At that moment, Mawile decided to add its piece to the conversation by emerging from its Poké Ball and clamping its jaws down onto Kaji’s head, causing him to stumble about in confusion before finally wrenching the Steel-type Pokémon off.

“Dreadfully sorry, ma’am,” said Kaji. “Normally it only does that when there’s a pretty girl around.”

“And are you saying I’m not pretty?” the woman snapped, before slapping Kaji with her purse.

“No. . . no . . . nothing of the sort,” said Kaji, backing away from her nervously.

“Now tell me,” said the woman, “what did you learn about the Devon Corporation?”

“The Devon Corporation?” said Kaji. “I tried investigating them, but honestly I don’t know why I even bothered. They make PokéNavs, specialty Poké Balls, that sort of stuff. . . or they did before Second Impact, anyway.”

“Did you investigate their leader?” the woman asked. There was something about her expression that made Kaji uneasy.

“You mean that tech-bro who took over a few years back?” Kaji asked. “Yeah, I was able to talk to him. Guy’s really full of himself, though—it’s always electric cars this, spaceships that. Heavens to Arceus, he’s insufferable!”

“Enough of that,” said the woman. “Did you hear anything about the Marduk Institute, and how they select Evangelémon Trainers?”

Kaji shook his head. “Then it’s just as I thought,” the woman said. “Yet another fake. Tell me, Mr. Ryoji, do you know these people?” She held up a sheet of paper with three photographs on it—Gendo, Fuyutsuki, and a man with a visor over his eyes, who the paper said was named Keel Lorenz. “Well? Do you know them?”

“Yes,” said Kaji.

“Good,” said the woman. “As of now, your new task is to be investigating them.Stay away from the Marduk institute.”

Back at NERV, Misato was having troubles of her own. An old friend of hers was getting married, and she, Dr. Akagi, and (much to her displeasure) Kaji had been invited. The wedding was going to be an extravagant, high-class affair with a tropical theme— a dance troupe of Bellossom and a chorus line of Oricorio had already been trained for the occasion. Shinji had been hoping that he would be invited too, not because he enjoyed weddings, but because he was desperate to do at least something that didn’t involve training with Genesect or doing whatever else his father wanted him to do. But, of course, he was Shinji Ikari, and that meant he couldn’t have anything go his way.

Gendo had other plans. He—and Shinji with him, were going to be visiting the grave site of Yui Ikari. This was not something Gendo did very often, and it was something Shinji had not done for several years. And while he definitely missed his mother, he was not particularly looking forward to it.

The cemetery was one of the few places in Pallet Town 3 that hadn’t been destroyed in any of the Legendary Pokémon battles, but it certainly looked as though it had been. It was in disrepair, with the tombstones crumbling and covered in moss. The obligatory shrine stood on the crest of a nearby hill, once looking as though it had not seen use in several years. A group of Golbat flapped through the overcast sky, for seemingly no reason other than to provide the necessary spooky atmosphere.

Finally, Shinji, Marowak, and Gendo made it to a large tombstone marked with the name YUI IKARI.

“Well,” said Gendo, “it’s been four years since we were able to be here together. Four years since you set off as a Pokémon Trainer. Said you were going to show the world what you could do. You came back here only once after your mother died, I recall, when you promised her that you were going to become a League Champion.”

“Why. . . why are you telling me all this?” Shinji asked. Some nagging feeling in his head told him that this information about his mother would end up being more important to him than he had anticipated it being, but he wasn’t willing to entertain that notion right now. His life was plenty complicated as it was.

“Tell me, Shinji,” said Gendo. “What do you know about your mother?”

“Well. . . she was a Pokémon Trainer like you,” Shinji said. “Then again, that’s not saying much, since practically everyone is a Pokémon Trainer. She was the one who gave me Marowak, back when he was a Cubone. Or rather, I inherited him from her when she died. . .”

Gendo nodded. “I suppose you remember what she looked like? Or what her voice sounded like?”

“Why do you ask?” said Shinji.

“I don’t have any pictures of her. This tombstone is all that exists of her memory.”

“So she’s buried here, but you don’t have any photos of her from before she died? That doesn’t make sense,” said Shinji.

“No,” said Gendo. “She isn’t buried here. She isn’t buried anywhere.” Before Shinji could ask what Gendo meant by that, he pulled a Poké Ball out of his pocket and teleported away with his Alakazam, leaving a very confused Shinji standing in the cemetery.

It was dark when Shinji finally decided to walk back to Misato’s apartment, only to find that Asuka was already there. Needless to say, so was Primeape.

Shinji could tell Asuka was in a bad mood (Primeape, on the other hand, was always in a bad mood), but he tried his best to start a conversation with her. “So. . . uh, how was your day?”

Asuka didn’t answer. “Let me guess, Idiot Shinji. You went right to go visit your mother’s grave because you think it’ll help you be less of a coward. What, you think she’s watching over you somehow?”

“You take that back!” said Shinji, in a rare moment of assertiveness that even he was surprised by. “Nobody insults my mother except. . . well. . . except a lot of people. Like my father.”

“Forget it, Shinji,” said Asuka. “You just don’t want to admit that you’re a pathetic excuse for a Pokémon Trainer. The only reason you got as far as you did is because you had everything handed to you. What’s the matter, are you afraid to ”

Shinji could feel the tension growing in the air. Meanwhile, Primeape and Marowak had gotten into what could charitably be called an argument of their own, but really seemed more like an all-out brawl. Or at least, Primeape seemed to be determined to beat the living daylights out of Marowak.

“PrimeAAAPE! Aaape! Aaape! (So what 'cha gonna do now brotha'? What 'cha gonna do when Primeape-mania runs wild on youuuuuuuuu!)” Primeape balled up his fists and prepared to aim a punch at Marowak, who ducked just in time. Marowak got to its feet and brandished its bone, preparing to swing it at Primeape. Pokémon, of course, did not normally battle without being told to by their Trainers, but for Marowak this was less of a formal battle and more of “giving a violent bully a taste of his own Rare Candy.”

Primeape, however, seemed to be getting too much enjoying out of it. He threw another punch at Marowak, hitting him right in his skull helmet and causing him to stumble backwards. For a moment, both Shinji and Asuka stared at Marowak, wondering if they would be able to see what was underneath the skull on the outside of its head and if it was indeed, as so many had speculated, a baby Kangaskhan.

“Marowak! Marow! Wak! Marow! (Whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that for?)” Marowak stood up again, only for Primeape to punch him in the face and send him sprawling on the floor.

Asuka, watch what your Pokémon is doing for once!” Shinji snapped, again in an abnormal display of assertiveness.

Instead of answering, Asuka suddenly embraced Shinji and passionately kissed him. On the lips, at that. The unexpected act left Shinji sputtering and gasping, and, more to the point, confused about why Asuka had done it.

Asuka felt the same way. After calling for Primeape to follow her, she went into the bathroom and drank a tall glass of water to wash the taste out of her mouth. When she was finished, she yelled back out of the bathroom at Shinji, “You really need to brush your teeth more often, dummkopf!”

“Marow wak! Wak wak! (She’s right, you know),” Marowak grumbled.

Kaji, meanwhile, was finally ready to do something important in this episode. He had made his way into Terminal Dogma, not an inconsiderable feat in and of itself considering how well the place was guarded. As he approached the heavy metal door to the lowermost chamber, he could hear footsteps behind him, and turned around to see who it was.

“Misato? What are you doing here?” Kaji asked, trying—and, it must be said, failing miserably—to sound innocent and casual.

“Oh, nothing,” Misato said. “I imagined you might find your way here one of these days, one way or another. I imagine the Kanto government is going to be really proud of you for your work these past few days. . . or they would be, if you were able to tell them about any of this.”

Kaji gulped, and realized that Misato was accompanied by her Gyarados and Nidoqueen.

“Look,” he said. “I don’t want any trouble.”

“Oh, there won’t be any trouble,” said Misato, a knowing glint in her eyes. “As long as you keep making yourself useful to NERV, that is. You’re a good man, Kaji. I wouldn’t want you to get on the wrong side of this.”

“I could say the same to you, Misato,” said Kaji, patting her on the shoulder. . . only for Mawile to, once again, bite down on his head with its massive jaws.

“By the way, you never did tell me, what brings you down here?”

“Oh, Misato, there are things we do here that you wouldn’t believe,” said Kaji, still in the same flirtatious tone as before.

Misato was about to ask Kaji what she possibly thought she couldn’t believe, considering they both worked with Legendary Pokémon for a living. Finally, she decided to give it a shot. “What is it? They made an anime about us? And then they put it on Netflix with a terrible dub? Or did someone finallydeclare Gyarados to be a Dragon-type?”

Kaji laughed, but then looked at Misato and simply said, “No. It’s behind that door, And I’m going to show it to you now. Tropius, Razor Leaf!” Kaji shouted. Razor-sharp leaves shot out of Tropius’s back, slicing through the metal door despite the common-sense fact that leaves should not be able to cut through metal. The door fell down with a reverberating crash, and Kaji stepped through it.

What was on the other side made Misato do a double take.

It was a massive four-legged Pokémon, easily as large as Genesect or Mewtwo, but somehow even more imposing with its towering stature. Around its waist was a golden wheel with four spokes, with sparkling green jewels set in it. Thrust through the creature’s midsection was a massive red spear, coated in what Misato first thought was blood. But it was the wrong color to be blood—it was the same orange liquid that filled the Evangelémon Trainers’ entry plugs.

“I’ve seen this before,” Misato breathed.

Kaji was shocked. He wasn’t quite sure how he had expected Misato to react, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t it. “Where did you see it?” he asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“It was at the South Pole. The same place I first met Pen-Pen when he was just a Piplup. I’d been called there to investigate Second Impact, when we found. . .” Misato was clearly hoping to finish her sentence in a dramatic fashion, but unfortunately Kaji had decided to simply scan the creature on his own PokéDex to get it over with.

“Arceus,” the PokéDex said. “The Alpha Pokémon. It is said that it shaped the universe with its thousand arms.”

“OK,” said Misato. “I have a question. No, scratch that, I have allthe questions. First off, where are those ‘thousand arms’ the PokéDex was telling us about? And second of all, why was NERV keeping this a secret from me? If they had Arceus, of all things, locked up under here, I’m pretty sure I deserved to know that! And third of all—“

“I can’t answer any of those for you right now,” said Kaji.

“Third of all,” said Misato, “why hasn’t anyone here considered what the consequences of keeping the creator of the universe chained up like this might be? Surely someone is concerned about this?!”

“Trust me when I say that it’s for the greater good,” said Kaji. “Now come with me. I don’t want Gendo getting suspicious.”

Who’s That Pokémon?

This Pokémon terrorized people on moonless nights and causes them to have nightmares.

Last answer:

It’s Mawile!

Neon Genesis Evangelémon Episode 16:

Would You Like That On Darkrai?

Shinji had just finished another synchronization test with Genesect, just as he he had gotten used to doing practically every day at this point. He had finished with the highest synchronization rates of the three Evangelémon Trainers—once again, just as he had gotten used to practically every day by now. And Asuka was fuming under her breath about how she was supposed to be the best, and she was supposed to be the one getting the highest marks—once again, just as he had gotten used to every day by now.

The fact that everything was so mind-numbingly ordinary—or at least, mind-numbingly ordinary from the perspective of a boy who controlled a 200-foot-tall cyborg death machine—could only mean one thing, the laws of anime being what they were. It could only mean that things were about to become extraordinary in short order.

And indeed they were. At first, the general consensus was that it was an exceptionally cloudy day over Pallet Town 3, but that was quickly disproven by the fact that the weather outside was clear and sunny. The truth would have been found out much sooner, but as luck would have it, most people were too bust looking down at their various electronic devices to notice what was going on. When one of them finally did look up—and even then, only because a Pidgey had pooped on his head—the result was complete and utter chaos.

High over the rooftops of Pallet Town 3 floated an immense black sphere, circled around its widest point by a white ring. At the center of the white ring was a smaller white circle. In other words, it looked exactly like a gigantic black Poké Ball. Underneath the sphere was a dark emptiness—like a shadow, but somehow even darker.

Everybody in NERV, on the other hand, was watching the giant black Poké Ball closely. “Is that a Pokémon?” Misato asked, as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don’t think so,” said Dr. Akagi. “But. . . I mean. . . I don’t know what else it could be.” She did have a point, admittedly. After all, it was hard to think of any living creature in the world—other than humans, of course—that wasn’ta Pokémon, and even the meat and seafood didn’t really seem to have an obvious source.

“Well, whatever it is,” said Misato, “we’re going to need to get Genesect ready. Groudon and Mewtwo, too.”

This was more or less exactly what Shinji had been anticipating, so he didn’t have any questions for Gendo as he climbed into the entry plug. As he did, he saw that Asuka and Rei had also been called into the Evangelémon testing room, and guessed—correctly—that they had received the same orders as him.

“Shinji,” Dr. Akagi’s words echoed in the entry plug. “Your job is going to be to draw the intruder away from Pallet Town 3 and—“

You know what? Shinji thought, Screw that. You want me to fight that thing? Fine. But I’m going to do it MY way. Genesect charged at the black sphere, with Shinji clearly not caring whether Asuka and Rei were ready or not.

Unfortunately, before Shinji could even figure out what, exactly, “doing it his way” entailed, the giant black sphere split in half and shot out a beam of purplish light. The light surrounded Genesect, and for a fleeting moment, Shinji felt dazed and disoriented, before blacking out entirely. As Asuka, Rei, and the NERV staff looked on, the black sphere shook twice and then gave off a flash of light.

“What just happened?” Misato asked staring at the now-blank feed from Shinji’s entry plug.

“I think it. . . caught him,” said Dr. Akagi. “It looks like a giant black Poké Ball, and I think it’s acting like one too. Somehow it managed to suck Genesect into itself.”

“So what is it then?” demanded Misato. “We need to know. Like, yesterday. If you could If that can actually be arranged, I would very much appreciate it. As it stands, I’m recalling Groudon and Mewtwo.”

“Why?” asked Dr. Akagi.

“Because it’s obvious that there’s a rhythm to these things. Legendary Pokémon attacks, Rei and Asuka fail miserably, Shinji and Genesect do something badass, Pallet Town 3 is saved, Shinji feels depressed anyway. Rinse, lather, repeat.”

“I don’t care,” said Dr. Akagi. “What I docare about is telling you what’s going on here. The black sphere—your ‘giant black Poké Ball’—isn’t the Legendary Pokémon. The Pokémon is in the shadow underneath it.”

“Who’s that Pokémon?” said Misato.

“Darkrai,” said Dr. Akagi tersely.

“Dark rye?” Misato asked. “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t make sense. And I prefer my sandwiches on whole wheat bread anyway. . .”

“You know what, forget it,” said Dr. Akagi, settling back down in front of the viewing screen at the front of the control room. The video feed from the entry plug was still pitch black, and there was no sign of Genesect anywhere in Pallet Town 3. “I’m going to call the KSSDF now and have them blow that thing up. The target is huge, there’s no way we can miss it.”

“Well, what about Genesect and Shinji?” Misato asked.

“Hopefully, we’ll get them back. Hopefully.”

Meanwhile, Shinji had regained consciousness—or at least, what felt an awful lot like consciousness. He looked around. He was definitely not in the entry plug. Instead, he was on a train. A train that, for some reason, seemed to be moving despite having no operator, and had no passengers on board besides himself. Shinji just shrugged. He had seen weirder things.

“Shinji IKARI,” A deep, echoing voice called out to him. He couldn’t make out if it was a man or a woman, though the possibility that it wasn’t either hadn’t really crossed his mind. “I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.”

“Wha. . . huh. . . who said that?” Shinji asked.

“I GO BY MANY NAMES,” said the voice. “SOME PEOPLE CALL ME A BRINGER OF NIGHTMARES. SOME PEOPLE CALL ME A DEMON.

“Who are you?” Shinji asked, now quite a bit more frustrated.

“WHO I AM IS NOT IMPORTANT,” the voice declared. “KNOW THAT I AM HERE TO TELL YOU A TRUTH THAT WILL SET YOU FREE!”

“Free from what?” asked Shinji. “Honestly, I’ve had quite enough of people telling me things I’d rather not know, so just go ahead and say what you want to say. I honestly couldn’t give a crap how much time you take. Also, for the last time, who are you? I’d really like to know who I’m taking to, and why I’m on this train.

“I AM DARKRAI,” the voice shouted. “THE LORD OF DARKNESS, THE KEEPER OF NIGHTMARES, THE. . .”

“Dark rye?” Shinji asked. “Like the bread? I am feeling kind of hungry, so. . .”

“No, not like the bread!” The voice suddenly changed its tone, from ominous and deep to irritable and exasperated. “It’s supposed to be this creepy, scary name, but you humans just had to ruin it. For Arceus’s sake, is there anything you don’t mess up?”

Now, for the first time, Shinji could see what was speaking to him. It was a creature that looked like a floating black cloak, with a wisp of white smoky hair where its head ought to have been and a gaping red mouth.

“So. . . what exactly is going on here?” said Shinji. “Why am I on this train? What are you doing here?”

“Look,” said Darkrai. “just think of this as a therapy session. I can tell you need one, after everything you’ve been through. Especially regarding your relationship with your father.”

“Now wait just a minute,” said Shinji. “Do not bring my father into this! I might have problems, but my relationship with him isn’t one of them!”

“Oh, is it?” Darkrai’s face, if that was even what it was, remained expressionless, but Shinji felt as though he was able to detect an air of smugness on it as the Pitch Black Pokémon floated closer to him. “Have you really considered how you live your life? And what your relationship to your parents is like?”

“My mother is dead!” Shinji snapped. “I swore to her that I would become the greatest Pokémon Trainer, and now my father keeps telling my I’m a terrible Trainer. Even when I save the world on a regular basis. . .

“Well, why do you do that?” Darkrai asked.

“Because if I don’t, my father will basically disown me,” said Shinji.

“Is that really how you want to live?” Darkrai said. “Because it seems to me that you think getting praise from your father is the only way you know how to live. You

think that as long as you do what your father wants you to do, and obey him, he’s going to keep tolerating you a little while longer.”

“Well, yes,” said Shinji, still not entirely sure why he was having a conversation with a Legendary Pokémon.

Meanwhile, back in NERV HQ, Misato and Dr. Akagi were briefing Gendo on what had happened to Shinji. Gendo was not pleased. “The recovery of Genesect is our highest priority,” Gendo said. “We will be deploying the N2 bombers in exactly ten minutes.”

“What about Shinji? You know, your son?” Misato asked.

“If he gets out, he gets out. If he doesn’t, that’s just too bad.” Gendo tented his fingers and glared at Misato

“Gendo Ikari, I cannot believe what I am hearing,” said Misato. “Now I’m going to give you two choices. One, you call back the bombers. Or two, I take over. I do have a better plan, after all. I’m just going to need Rei for it.”

“All right,” said Gendo. “I’ll play your little game. What is it?”

Misato didn’t speak, but reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like a Poké Ball. It wasn’t an ordinary Poké Ball, though—it was purple instead of red, and had a large letter M on the top half. A Master Ball, Gendo thought to himself.

At the same time, Shinji had blacked out again. When he came to, he was no longer sitting on the train, but lying on a couch in what looked like a psychologist’s office. Darkrai was sitting—or, well, floating—in a chair across from him. A pair of cheesy motivational posters, one saying “BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS,” and the other saying “YOU MUSTN’T RUN AWAY” hung on the wall.

“So,” said Darkrai. “Tell me about your mother.”

“I already told you, my mother was a great Pokémon Trainer. Why do you keep asking me about her?”

Darkrai paused. “All right. New question. Shinji, have you ever considered not simply doing what makes your father happy, and instead living for yourself? There’s always a career in television, you know.”

“Uh. . . no,” said Shinji.

“Well,” said Darkrai, materializing a notebook and a pencil out of thin air and beginning to write on them, “it seems you have some serious problems in your relationship with him, then.”

“We established that already,” said Shinji. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“Not yet,” said Darkrai. “You still have a lot of issues to work through. It’s obvious that you have these problems, the question is, what do you plan on doing about them?”

“I. . . I don’t know!” Shinji suddenly shouted.

Before he could say anything else, the background around him began to fade away, and Darkrai vanished. Shinji called out to it, but there was no reply. Once again, he found himself falling unconscious.

When Shinji finally awoke, he was once again inside Genesect’s entry plug, and in the middle of the black void. “Darkrai? Where did you go?” he called out. There was still no answer. The entry plug’s clock indicated that no time had gone by since he had gotten trapped in the black sphere, which only made it even harder for him to wrap his head around what had just happened.

Meanwhile, on the edge of Pallet Town 3, Metwo walked towards the strange dark area, Rei inside its entry plug with the Master Ball in her hand. She had only minutes to accomplish her task—already, she could hear the sound of airplane engines overhead. Luckily, with the Master Ball, she needed only one shot. She could see the target.

Mewtwo’s hands were, of course, far too large to handle the Master Ball, but there was no problem with that--the same Poké Ball ejection system that Groudon had used when battling Kyogre had been fitted to Mewtwo’s entry plug as well. For the first time, instead of defeating a wild Legendary Pokémon in a battle, NERV would be capturing one in a Poké Ball.

There was a flash of red light, a rushing sound, and the requisite three clicks, and the Master Ball stood still. Next to it, Genesect sat on the ground, pushing itself to its feet, while inside a very confused Shinji wondered what he had just been through. The Sign of Arceus was in the air, but he clearly hadn’t defeated the Legendary Pokémon this time. Had NERV decided to drop their N2 bombs on it?

Then Shinji’s eyes shifted to the Master Ball lying at Genesect’s feet, and to Mewtwo standing far away. Wait a minute. Did Rei just. . . no, that wouldn’t make any sense. Not even in a story like this one.

Deciding not to dwell on the matter any further, Shinji returned to NERV Headquarters thoroughly confused about everything he had just witnessed. The therapy session with Darkrai had been weird enough, but at the very least it had made Shinji think about his relationship with his father in his new way. Of course, Shinji thought bitterly, Dad is probably going to feed me to his Hydreigon if I tell him anything about this.

That night at dinner, Shinji noticed that Rei still had the Master Ball clipped to her waist. He once again declined to ask her about it, but he did wonder what things were going to be like going forward. "Congratulations on defeating Darkrai," Gendo said. "I think it's only fair that I took you, Rei, and Asuka out to dinner as a reward."

"Thank you," said Shinji, as meekly and politely as he could. Don't mention what really happened, he thought to himself.

"Wait," said Asuka, "you mean dark rye, the bread? You battled bread?" She pointed at Shinji and laughed. "Take a look, everybody, it's Shinji Ikari, the great bread fighter! I hope the crust wasn't too tough!"

"For the last time," Shinji said, "no! Darkrai is a Pokémon! I thought you were a college graduate!"

Asuka smirked. "I know, I just like seeing the look on your face."





Who’s That Pokémon?

It generates a powerful freezing force inside itself, but legend says it was once split in half.

Last answer:

It’s Darkrai!

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This chapter deviates from the episode it's based on a lot more than the previous ones do, because I decided that the "couch in a psychologist's office" gag was just too funny not to use. Also, you'll notice I had Rei catching Darkrai (as per the bio I posted. . .gosh. . . eight years ago) instead of Shinji battling it.

The news came that morning when Shinji was having breakfast with the other two Evangelémon Trainers. “There has been a terrible disaster. The Unova government’s attempt to perform a trial run of their own captured Legendary Pokémon, Reshiram, has resulted in it escaping and causing widespread destruction. Fortunately, the test occurred in Unova’s Desert Resort, so civilian casualties were minimal. However, Reshiram’s Trainer, Maria Vincennes, was killed.” The newscaster on the TV sounded rather bored as he said all this, as though he had seen things like this happen millions of times before. His sleepy expression didn’t help.

“And now,” said the newscaster, “for today’s Pokémon weather forecast.”

Why specifically a Pokémon weather forecast?Shinji thought. Unless you’re telling me it’s literally raining Meowths and Growlithes. . .

Before Shinji could find out, Misato turned off the TV. “I thought I might catch you watching that” she said. “It actually so happens that there was another Legendary Pokémon captured in Unova.”

“But they don’t have a Trainer for it now. . . do they?” asked Shinji.

“They don’t,” said Misato, “but we do. I want you all to come meet him.” Shinji, Asuka, and Rei all followed Misato once they were done eating breakfast. Shinji wasn’t sure who the new Trainer would be, but the immutable laws of anime characterization meant that it had to be one of the three other kids in his class who seemed to even have names: Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari.

As it turned out, the answer was Toji. He sat in the public reception room of NERV—the room where family visitors, plumbers, and unsolicited door-to-door salesmen would usually enter. The moment he saw Shinji enter the room, his expression soured somewhat.

“I thought I might see you here,” said Toji. “Just so you know, I’m still mad about what happened to Sakura.”

Shinji guessed that Sakura was the name of Toji’s sister. “How’s she doing?” he asked.

“She’s out of the hospital, no thanks to you.”

“If it weren’t for me, you’d be dead!” said Shinji. “Show a little respect.”

Toji sighed, as Asuka, Rei, and Misato followed Shinji into the room. “Now this is more like it,” said Toji, turning towards Asuka. “A real Trainer.”

Asuka winked at Toji and tossed her hair, acknowledging the compliment. Shinji, however, was less than enthusiastic. “I’m a perfectly good Trainer too, thank you very much!”

“I’d hate for us to start our meeting like this,” said Misato, sensing an argument brewing. “I think it would be a good idea for you all to go outside and introduce your Pokémon to Toji and his Pokémon.” Misato held the door open, as if indicating that her “suggestion” was really just a politely worded “demand”. The four Evangelémon Trainers got the hint, though, and went outside.

Shinji had already seen some of Toji’s Pokémon before, but he’d never seen his full team: an Arcanine, a Hitmonlee, a Dodrio, a Golduck, and a Venusaur. All of them seemed to get along well with his and Asuka’s Pokémon, thankfully enough, but there was one question still nagging in the back of Shinji’s mind that he just couldn’t put in words.

Luckily, he didn’t have to. “So,” said Asuka. “What Legendary Pokémon did you get assigned to?”

“Kyurem,” said Toji. “From Unova. They just captured it. It should be arriving here for deployment right about now.”

Meanwhile, miles away, on an airplane flying towards Pallet Town 3, Kyurem began to stir. The Dragon-type Legendary Pokémon had not been grown artificially, the way Mewtwo and Genesect had—instead it had been found frozen underground and been fitted with the same sort of control system. It had been easy enough attaching controls and an entry plug to Kyurem while it was asleep, but now it was awakening. And to make matters worse, the airplane carrying it was flying through something very unusual.

A strange glowing green mist surrounded the plane, something that the pilot and crew for some reason did not comment on. Kyurem, however, did. The huge Pokémon felt a slight prick at the back of its neck, and this agitated it considerably. Kyurem roared in anger, and thrashed about in the cargo hold of the plane.

An alarm went off inside the plane, as Kyurem strained against the bars of its cage. The three handlers who were attending to it called out their own Pokémon—an Emboar, a Darmanitan, and a Heatmor—to keep it from attacking. Their fire attacks, however, did little to Kyurem. The Legendary Pokémon was clearly in the throes of some terrible pain. It was going to be a long flight to Pallet Town 3.

Shinji and everybody else at NERV, of course, was oblivious to this. Watching the plane carrying Kyurem fly overhead, Shinji wondered why they were even bothering shipping it by air, in a world where teleporting Pokémon over computers was a thing. But he decided not to dwell on that.

Once the call came in that Kyurem had been secured, the other Evangelémon Trainers were invited to see the new Legendary Pokémon for themselves. Their reactions were predictable, to say the least—Asuka continued to belittle Toji, Rei said nothing, and Shinji, while he was privately excited about seeing another captive Legendary Pokémon besides Genesect, Groudon, and Mewtwo, simply nodded meekly. Toji was clearly disappointed in this reaction, since he grumbled with frustration to himself as they all got on the bus.

“Marow wak wak? (Is he always like this?)” Marowak asked, sitting beside Shinji.

The bus came to a stop, and the Trainers were led off, followed by Misato and Gendo.

Kyurem was certainly a sight to behold. It looked more like a gigantic ice carving than a living creature—not a solid piece of ice, the way Regice had been, but a strange mixture of the living and the inorganic. Two massive, icy wings flared out from its shoulders, but they were broken off halfway down their length, leaving the creature unable to fly. Its face was a hideous, jagged formation of ice and stone, all sharp teeth and piercing blue eyes. Every so often, Kyurem would strain against the metal clamps that held it in place, clearly trying to break free.

“Impressive, huh?” said Toji.

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei could only nod.

“It’s almost time for my first trial run. Wish me luck!” Toji sounded as cocky and overly confident as usual as he ascended the stairway on the side of the gantry next to Kyurem, before climbing into the Entry Plug on its back.

Suddenly, Toji’s voice rang out from the Entry Plug’s intercom. “OK, why does it smell so awful in here? Somebody get the air freshener, because I’m about to—“ The words were cut off by the loud squelching sound of Toji vomiting, much to the amusement of Shinji and Asuka.

“You’ll get used to it,” Misato said into her walkie-talkie. “Remember, this is only a test run. Just focus on controlling Kyurem.”

“OK,” said Toji. “So do I, like, tell it what attacks to use, the way I do in a normal Pokémon battle?” Misato didn’t answer. “All right, Kyurem, let’s see what you can do. Glaciate!” A blast of icy wind shot out of Kyurem’s mouth, immediately coating much of downtown Pallet Town 3 in a thick layer of snow and ice, bringing down several power lines, and turning a nearby pond into an impromptu ice skating rink for the townspeople.

Shinji was the first person to notice something wrong with Kyurem only a moment later. Something green was protruding from just behind the huge Dragon-type Pokémon’s head, and he was reasonably sure—which, being Shinji, meant that he still had many, many doubts—that it was not part of the Entry Plug, or was even supposed to be there at all. It looked like a plant. He decided to call Misato’s attention to it, and she peered at it through her binoculars.

“It’s a plant,” she said, exhibiting a keen sense of the obvious.

“Are you sure?” said Shinji. “I’m going to have Pidgeotto go take a closer look.”

“Pidge-pidgeooot! Pigeoot!(Been a long time since I’ve gotten to stretch these here wings!)” Pidgeot flew off toward’s Kurem, and circled around the green thing sticking out of its neck. But before she could fly back to Shinji, a giant vine burst out of Kyurem’s back and smacked her out of the air, sending it flying backwards.

“Does. . . does Kyurem know Vine Whip?” Shinji asked.

“Of course not, you idiot!” said Asuka.

“Then what was that?”

Before anyone could answer, another long vine grew out of Kyurem. And again it lashed out at Pidgeotto. “Pigeooot! (Y’all fixin’ to get your asses whooped!),” she screeched, before diving at the base of the vine again, only to be met by a third vine that missed her by even less. Pidgeot flew away from Kyurem, which now had three long whiplike vines extending from its back, and circled overhead, preparing to make another attack.

Unfortunately, each time Pidgeotto dove to attack, Kyurem sprouted another vine and tried to knock it out of the air. Needless to say, Pidgeotto was not the only one frustrated by this. Kyurem, which by now looked less like Kyurem and more like a giant walking piece of shrubbery, was also becoming increasingly agitated. It burst free from its metal restraints and lumbered off towards NERV Headquarters, its vines thrashing about in every direction as Pidgeotto continued to dodge them.

Eventually, the vines grew to be so many in number and were moving so fast that Pidgeotto couldn’t keep up with them anymore, and one of them smacked into her, knocking her to the ground.

“Pidgeotto! Are you all right?” Shinji shouted, even though there was no way the Bird Pokémon could have possibly heard him over the distance involved. Pidgeotto, however, didn’t need to hear it to decide what she needed to do. She flapped her wings and lifted off the ground again, and made her way back to Shinji and the other Evangelémon Trainers. “Pidge. . . otto. . .otto (Tell that there plant thing it can kiss my ass and go to hell!)” Pidgeotto collapsed at Shinji’s feet.

“We can deal with Pidgeotto later,” shouted Misato. “You go back to headquarters and get in Genesect.”

“Genesect? Why?” asked Shinji.

“Because I said so,” said Misato.

“Because it’ll help you build character,” said Gendo.

“No, I meant a real reason,” said Shinji.

“Because Kyurem has been possessed by another Legendary Pokémon—Celebi,” said Misato. She pulled up a picture on her PokéDex of a small green creature with a giant bulb-shaped head. “Celebi,” it said. “the Time Travel Pokémon. Celebi wanders across time as guardian of the forest. Wherever it appears, trees and grass flourish.”

“That explains what it’s doing to Kyurem, then,” said Shinji. “And it’s a Fairy-type, so it’s got to hurt even more.”

“Actually,” said Misato, “Celebi isn’t a Fairy-type. It’s a Grass/Psychic-type.”

“What are you talking about?” said Shinji. “That looks more like a fairy than half the fairy types I’ve ever seen! So you’re saying that’s not a fairy, but that. . .” He switched the Pokédex to the entry for Granbull, “is?”

“I don’t have time for this,” said Misato. “Just get in Genesect.”

Inside the entry plug, as Genesect walked towards Kyurem, Shinji reflected on his predicament. Fighting Legendary Pokémon on a day-to-day basis was bad enough, but it was even worse with the fact that Toji was inside this one. “Can’t we think about this for a minute,” he said. “Toji’s in there. What if I end up. . “

“I don’t care,” Gendo said over the intercom. “Just do it!”

“But what about Toji?”

“Just do it!”

Before Shinji could react, one of the vines that covered Kyurem lashed out and coiled itself around Genesect’s body. The huge purple cyborg Pokémon stumbled backwards, and inside the entry plug Shinji banged his head on the control panel. Genesect managed to break its fall with its arms before it crashed to the ground, and pushed itself back up to its feet.

The vines lashed out again, once again coiling around Genesect’s neck. With a single yank of its vines, Kyurem—or rather Celebi, controlling Kyurem’s body—snapped Genesect’s neck. The pain shot through Shinji’s body like a branding iron, making him feel as though his own neck had been broken.

“Well, so much for Gensect,” said Misato.

Genesect, however, was not finished. As an astonished Gendo, Misato, Asuka, and Rei looked on, the giant armored Pokémon’s eyes began to glow bright red, and it broke into a run. Moving far faster than it ought to have been capable of given its size, Genesect tackled Kyurem like a linebacker, pinning the vine-covered dragon to the ground with its metallic claws.

“Wha—what’s going on?” Shinji asked, too shocked to notice the pain anymore.

Gendo gave a smug, rather unnerving smile, and said, “I activated the dummy plug system. You’re no longer in control of Genesect. The entry plug system itself is. I did this because you’re clearly too incompetent and whiny to be trusted to do this sort of thing. Ugh, sometimes I wonder why I didn’t just make the dummy plugs standard and not bother with having the entry plugs controlled by humans at all. It seemed like a good idea at the time. . .”

“Oh, so you think I don’t deserve to be Genesect’s Trainer? Fine,” said Shinji. “But I’d like to see Genesect try and stop that thing itself.”

As luck—and situational irony—would have it, Genesect was doing exactly that. Despite having shown no previous indication of having a mouth, Genesect was now tearing Kyurem apart, its metal-reinforced insect-like jaws making short work of both the thrashing vines and Kyurem’s armored skin. As this was going on, Shinji had to stop himself from vomiting as he was given the privilege of witnessing the gruesome spectacle.

Finally, Kyurem’s movements stopped, and Genesect bit down one final time with a sickening crunch. There was the telltale blinding flash of white light that Shinji knew meant a Legendary Pokémon had been defeated. Ordinarily Shinji felt proud of himself—or at least, as proud as he could feel, considering that his life consisted of one disappointment after another—when he did this, but not this time. Now he was simply worried. About Toji, about Genesect, and about his own future.

Finally, Genesect stood up on two feet again, and Shinji could see the Sign of Arceus in the sky over Kyurem’s remains, while Toji was removed from the broken entry plug. As he watched, Shinji wondered, Did I really do that? Do I even want to know the answer? And more importantly, is there something about Genesect my father isn’t telling me?

Who’s That Pokémon?
The poison produced in this Pokémon’s sacks is carried through tubes in its arms to its knuckle claws.

Last answer:
It’s Kyurem!

Neon Genesis Evangelémon Episode 18:

Remember the New Kid!

There was no news of what had happened to Toji for several days after the battle with Celebi. Whenever Shinji asked his father about it, he was usually answered with, in that order, an unpleasant glare and a terse command to get back to whatever he was doing. Shinji quickly learned that this meant he did not want to be asked about it, which in turn probably meant that he either did not know the answer (unlikely, considering how much his father did know) or he knew it, but had for whatever reason decided that Shinji was not prepared to hear about it. Shinji decided the second possibility was the most likely one, but decided it wasn’t worth pushing the question.

With Toji and Kyurem gone, NERV had found itself once again short an Evangelémon Trainer—and short a Legendary Pokémon as well. Such was the subject of conversation between Shinji, Asuka, and Rei at lunch that particular day (well, mostly Shinji and Asuka; Rei, as usual, said very little).

“What kind of idiot are you, Shinji? Do you seriously think they’ll pick Kensuke or Hikari next? Trust me, if they were going to be Legendary Pokémon Trainers, they’d tell you,” said Asuka.

“I wasn’t saying it would be them,” said Shinji. “For all we know, maybe they’re going to be bringing in another Trainer from another region.”

“As if,” said Asuka. “What other region’s government is going to want to deal with us after what happened last time?”

It just so happened, however, that Shinji was absolutely correct. Far away, in an underground bunker in Sinnoh, another battle was raging between two powerful Dragon-type Pokémon. . . or rather, one powerful Dragon-type Pokémon and another that had once been powerful but was now a shadow of its former self.

“All right, Palkia, Spacial Rend!” The voice came from a teenage girl with long brown hair and glasses, sitting in an entry plug attached to a giant pink dinosaur-like creature. It fired a vortex of shimmering energy out of its mouth. This girl’s name was Mari Makinami Illustrious, and she was an Evangelémon Trainer for the Sinnoh branch of NERV, with Palkia as her Legendary Pokémon.

“Do not incapacitate Rayquaza until the bunker has been evacuated!” said a voice in Mari’s intercom. “I repeat, do not—“

“I heard you the first time!” said Mari. “Let’s do this one more time! Hydro Pump!” A torrent of water went flying at the other Pokémon, a green, serpent-like creature, sending it crashing to the ground. There was a brilliant flash of white light, and the Sign of Arceus appeared where Rayquaza had been only moments before.

After Mari had climbed out of the entry plug, one of the Sinnohese NERV scientists pulled her aside to speak to her. “Congratulations on defeating Rayquaza after it escaped. It is kind of a shame, though—we were hoping to study it. But enough of that. You, Mari, are getting transferred!”

“Where?” she asked.

“Kanto!

It was the next day when Shinji first ran into her—and in a quite more literal sense than that phrase is usually used in. Although in this case, it was not so much “run into” as “fall directly on top of, with a parachute, thus affording Shinji an unobstructed view of her nether regions as he was walking home from school.”

Back at headquarters, the new girl was introduced to Shinji and the other Evangelémon Trainers as Mari Illustrious Makinami, with the statement that she would be joining them in the defense of Pallet Town 3. Just as Toji had, she brought out the rest of her Pokémon for the others to see. Shinji had never been to Sinnoh, so most of them were unfamiliar to him, and he decided to look up the first one he saw on his PokéDex.

“Toxicroak,” it said. “The Toxic Mouth Pokémon. Its knuckle claws secrete a potent poison that can be fatal with even one scratch.”

“Wow,” said Shinji, somehow impressed despite the fact that he battled creatures with even more incredible powers on a regular basis.

“Croooak! Croooak! (Quit your jibber jabber, fool! I ain’t got time for no small fry like you!),” Toxicroak croaked and brandished its claws at Shinji, causing him to stumble backwards.

The rest of Mari’s Pokémon—a Gastrodon, a Tyranitar, a Seviper, and a Liepard—didn’t look like pushovers either.

Unfortunately, no sooner had Asuka entered the room than her Zangoose burst from its Poké Ball and made a beeline for Seviper, the two Pokémon rapidly becoming entangled in a chaos of teeth and claws. Shinji and Rei could only look on in confusion, while Asuka and Mari seemed almost amused.

Zangoose and Seviper continued to stare each other down, with their respective Trainers trying desperately to recall them, when Maya said, “Let me handle this. Wigglytuff, Heal Bell!” Her Wigglytuff—which had been a Jigglypuff the last time Shinji saw it— began waving its arms from side to side, bathing Zangoose and Seviper in a soft blue glow and casuing them to fall asleep.

“Sorry about that,” said Mari. “Seviper and Zangoose don’t get along well at the best of times; I would have thought you knew that.”

“Are you calling me stupid!?” snapped Asuka.

“No,” said Mari, with a teasing tone in her voice. “Just saying that a Trainer as accomplished as you can still forget things.”

Shinji sighed. TWO Asukas? That just isn’t fair.

Having Mari around was a major change of pace for NERV. In addition to the obvious task of having to keep Zangoose and Seviper from tearing the place apart, there was also the fact that Asuka and Mari themselves were extremely competitive, and that carried over into their training. At the very least, Shinji thought bitterly, it gave Asuka something to think about besides picking on him.

It went on like this for several days, when the next Legendary Pokémon alert finally went out. By this point, Shinji was largely numb to the shock of such things. So when he was brought into the Evangelémon testing room and found that, in addition to Genesect, Mewtwo, and Groudon, it now contained Palkia as well, he simply gave a resigned sigh.

“Marow wak wak marow! (What’s his problem? It’s like every time we go through this, he seems so sad. . .)” said Marowak, watching as Shinji climbed into the entry plug.

“Croooak! Toxi-croooak (I pity the fool who’s too scared to man up and throw down.My mama didn’t raise no quitter!)” snapped Toxicroak, leaning close to Marowak until it was just inches away from his face. Marowak grimaced under his skull mask; it was fairly obvious that Toxicroak had not brushed his teeth recently.

“Wak wak, marowak! (Geez, try a breath mint! Have you wondered why they call you the Toxic Mouth Pokémon?)” replied Marowak.

Toxicroak was about to object, but Mari interfered and dragged him away, despite him continuing to shout at Marowak, “Croooak, croak, crooak, (Them’s fighting words, fool! This ain’t the last you’ll hear of me!)”

Shinji was, of course, oblivious to this altercation, as he braced himself for the sensation of the putrid orange liquid flowing over him. As he looked out the view port of the entry plug, he could see that Palkia was also in the process of being deployed. As Genesect pushed itself up to its feet on the deserted streets of Pallet Town 3—which were somehow in a perfect state of repair despite having been demolished several times over—he finally got a good look at the Legendary Pokémon that he was to be fighting this time.

A massive bipedal dragon, vaguely similar to Palkia but clad in black armor plating that crackled with electricity, it towered above the buildings and let out an aggressive roar. “What is it?” Shinji asked into his intercom.

“Zekrom,” Dr. Akagi answered. “The other Legendary Pokémon from the Unova Region, and the rival of Reshiram.”

“All right,” said Shinji. “You know the drill. Techno Blast!” Genesect lowered its head, and fired a blast of white light out of its cannon towards Zekrom. The huge black Dragon-type Pokémon stood motionless, as Genesect’s attack simply bounced off its armored skin.

Before Shinji could attack again, Palkia charged forwards, with surprising—or maybe not so surprising, given how quickly Genesect itself moved—speed, until it had rammed directly into Zekrom.

Shinji could could only watch in astonishment as Palkia attempted to hack and slice through the AP field Zekrom had erected around itself. Massive bolts of electricity shot through the air as Plakia struck blow after blow against Zekrom, sending Zekrom reeling backwards, unable to counterattack. I . . . don’t believe it, Shinji thought. That crazy girl is actually doing it! And here I was thinking I was the main character here.

Palkia followed it up with Dragon Pulse attack, striking Zekrom squarely in the face and causing the black Dragon-type Pokémon to double over in pain, before rearing up and firing back with a Bolt Strike, which narrowly missed Palkia. Suddenly, Palkia leaped into the air, flying so high that Shinji could hardly keep track of it, and landed on top of Zekrom.

Shinji was taken aback for a moment by the sight of Palkia clinging to Zekrom’s back. Are they. . . no, that would be ridiculous. Legendary Pokémon can’t breed with each other anyway. But Palkia aimed a Dragon Claw attack directly at the back of Zekrom’s head. Zekrom, which apparently had not been anticipating an attack from behind.

Meanwhile, in her own entry plug, Mari was actually having considerably more difficulty than Shinji seemed to think. “For Arceus’s sake, just die already! Don’t just stand there like that!” Palkia continued to rain blows against Zekrom, when suddenly Zekrom struck back. Throwing Palkia off its back, it sent a massive jolt of electricity through Palkia’s entire body, the discharge lighting up the sky for miles around.

“I. . . can’t. . . move!” Mari grunted. She checked to make sure the entry plug controls were properly wired into Palkia’s brain, and they were, but Palkia stood as still as a statue, its body crackling with electricity.

Back at NERV Headquarters, Maya turned to Dr. Akagi nervously. “Palkia’s been paralyzed. Should we recall Genesect?”

“No,” said Dr. Akagi in her usual terse tone. “But Shinji is going to need some backup. Get Mewtwo ready.”

By now, Shinji was simply bored. He reclined in the entry plug, absent-mindedly drumming his fingers as he waited for his turn to do something relevant in this episode. Unfortunately for him, it looked like that was not going to happen. He now saw Mewtwo emerging from the deployment tube outside of NERV headquarters, and it immediately began to make its way towards Zekrom.

“What. . . what should I be doing right now?” Shinji asked at last. “Why am I even still out here?”

“We don’t need you out there right now,” came Gendo’s reply. “Come back when you can be useful.” Shinji slumped in his seat, knowing that this had been an utter waste of a mission and, more to the point, he had just proven he was everything his father had always told him he was—a failure and a weakling.

Meanwhile, Mewtwo was launching its own attack on Zekrom. It fired a Shadow Ball, which Zekrom dodged with contemptuous ease. Zekrom retaliated with another Bolt Strike attack, hitting Mewtwo squarely in the chest and sending it hurtling backwards, but Mewto caught itself before it collapsed and pushed itself back up to its feet. Zekrom was ready for this; it slashed at Mewtwo with a Dragon Claw attack, sending the Psychic-type Pokémon sprawling flat on the ground.

Mewtwo tried to get back up to its feet, but Zekrom was already upon it. The black Dragon Pokémon pinned Mewtwo to the ground with one of its massive feet, and fired a point-blank Fusion Bold directly at its face. Metwo was unable to escape, and the entry plug on its back—the one that Rei was in—was completely crushed.

In NERV headquarters, the feed from Mewtwo’s entry plug suddenly went black, and there was a moment of silence. After a lengthy pause, Fuyutsuki called out of the room, in an uncharacteristically chipper tone, “We’re gonna need another Rei!”

Shinji, at that moment, was feeling depressed. Not just because he had been told that he was useless, though that certainly factored into it, but also because he felt like he had been singled out for doing a bad job when everyone else was doing even worse. He decided to go visit the only person who might listen to him vent—Kaji.

Kaji, at the moment, was watering his garden. A red and blue Bug Pokémon, a Masquerain, was fluttering next to him. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Oh, the usual. My father calling me a failure for something that’s not my own fault. I mean, why do I even bother doing this stuff for him?”

“What stuff?” said Kaji.

“Being a Legendary Pokémon Trainer!” Shinji said. “I break my back doing it, and this is the thanks I get?”

“Look,” said Kaji. “It’s not about thanks, and it’s not about being loved. What you’re doing is for the good of the world. You need to understand that. You can’t just give up because you don’t feel appreciated for it. People do appreciate what you’re doing.”

“If that’s the case,” said Shinji, “you’d think they’d give me a better PR team.”

“Look,” said Kaji. “I’m not a therapist.”

“I know you’re not a therapist. Darkrai is, though.” Kaji decided not to question this statement, bizarre though it was. “But you’re very understanding. So. . . you think I should just keep doing this stuff?”

“. . . Yeah,” said Kaji. “Good luck.”

“I’m gonna need it,” Shinji said to himself, as he headed back to NERV headquarters and climbed into Genesect’s entry plug again.

As he did, he didn’t notice Kaji walking into a phone booth and punching in a number. “Yeah, it’s me, Kaji. Those NERV guys. . . I’m getting more and more dirt on them every day. Just leave it to me. Oh, and you’d better pay me good for this intel I’m giving you.” Kaji was quite convinced this would become important later on in the story, but decided not to bring it up for the moment.

Gendo was, of course, surprised to hear Shinji actually asking to control Genesect for once, but he let him get back in the entry plug. Hopefully, Shinji thought, this time I’m actually going to get to do something. Of course, I don’t really have an option not to—not after what happened to Palkia and Mewtwo.

Before Shinji could command Genesect to attack, the giant purple cyborg Pokémon broke into a run, charging directly at Zekrom and ramming straight into it. Oh crap, not again, Shinji thought.

Genesect, however, seemed to have a mind of its own. It slammed into Zekrom with the force of a locomotive impacting a building, and knocked the Dragon-type Pokémon off its feet. Zekrom attempted to fight back with a Fusion Bolt, but Genesect generated an AP barrier that sent the attack flying straight back towards Zekrom. Zekrom bellowed in agony as the attack hit it, and slashed at the AP barrier with its Dragon Claw attack.

“Genesect, stop!” Shinji shouted. “You’re getting too close! It’s dangerous!” But Genesect was too absorbed in its berserk state. With one final Techno Blast attack, it sent Zekrom flying. Zekrom landed on its back and tried to push itself to its feet, but was too weak to stand. It gave no resistance when Genesect launched another Techno Blast, creating a massive explosion so bright that Shinji squinted his eyes. When the smoke cleared, Zekrom had vanished, and the Sign of Arceus hung in the air in its place.

Shinji awoke several hours later, in the NERV hospital, with Dr. Akagi’s Chansey tending to him. “What happened?” he asked.

“I’m not entirely sure,” said Dr. Akagi. “My guess is that Genesect entered a berserk state, and absorbed you into its entry plug. You returned to a human state after Genesect was calmed down.”

“Wait. . . so I turned into that orange goo?” said Shinji

Dr. Akagi nodded.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. It was Mari and Toxicroak. After Shinji filled them in on what had happened, Mari leaned in close and sniffed at Shinji. “You certainly smell like that stuff,” she said. “You know, that’s my favorite smell.”

“Croooak! (I pity the fool who gets turned into orange goo!)” said Toxicroak.

Shinji sighed. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.
Kaji, meanwhile, was still in the phone booth. He heard someone walking up behind him, but didn't pay any attention to them-- he was, after all, a supporting character, and he doubted t author was planning to remove him from the story in a dramatic fashion. He was wrong. But as the strange person got closer, Kaji turned to face them. "Oh? What took you so long?" he asked.

There was no answer, only a sudden blast of fire from a Houndoom's Flamethrower, followed by a man's voice speaking into a walkie-talkie and saying, "We got 'im." Kaji was burned to a crisp.


Who’s That Pokémon
This Legendary Bird Pokémon has the ability to control electricity. It is said that lightning is caused by the flapping of its wings

Last answer
It’s Toxicroak!

Neon Genesis Evangelemon Episode 19:

Shocking Memories

Asuka was having a bad day. Well, not exactly a bad day in the sense that anything bad was happening to her, but more of a bad state of mind. So, yeah, she was having a bad day. And as usual, it was Shinji’s fault. Always Shinji, she thought to herself. Shinji, who couldn’t even make it past the fourth Gym in Kanto, but somehow ended up as the Commander’s favorite. Shinji, who had only ever caught four Pokémon by himself—all of them weak Normal-types, no less--but was entrusted with the incredible power of Genesect.

It had gone on like this for weeks. Every day, she would take synchronization tests along with Shinji, Rei, and now Mari, and every time she would turn out to have the lowest synchronization rate of the four Trainers. To add insult to injury, Shinji had placed highest in the past several tests. Under ordinary circumstances, this was the sort of thing Asuka would have resolved by simply being even more irritable and grouchy than usual, but somehow she couldn’t even muster up the will to do that. She was simply depressed.

The next day, at the train station, Asuka tried to call Kaji at the phone booth. She of course, did not know that Kaji had recently been killed. She also did not know—though really, no one did—why phone booths were still a thing in a universe where it was possible to teleport living creatures by computer and create skyscraper-sized cyborgs. Needless to say, there was no reply forthcoming, and Asuka simply became more frustrated that she had just wasted money on the phone booth.

As she proceeded to kick the ground in frustration, she noticed Shinji and Rei talking to each other nearby. Or, more accurately, Shinji talking to Rei, since Rei obviously was not the type to do very much talking. “Of all the times. . . of all the times for those two to show up,” she grumbled to herself, inadvertently getting Shinji’s attention.

“Uhhh. . . what’s the matter?” Shinji asked.

“You,” Asuka said. “You and everyone else.”

In the elevator back up to NERV headquarters, Asuka, Rei, and Shinji were all silent. When one of them finally spoke, it was, oddly enough, Rei. “There is something you need to know about the Evangelémon program,” she said.

“What is it?” said Asuka “That it’s an ugly waste of time, and something I’m never going to be good at?”

“No,” said Rei. “It is that each of the Legendary Pokémon under NERV’s control contains a human soul. For you, Shinji, it is your mother. For you, Asuka, it is also your mother. And for me. . . well, honestly, I haven’t really figured that part out yet.”

Asuka was shocked by this, but Shinji seemed unmoved. “Yeah, I kind of figured that part out already. It’s kind of obvious when you think about it. I get stuck inside a tank of liquid, that’s inside a living creature, it acts on its own to protect me, and when I was battling Zekrom it actually re-created me. So yeah, my mother. I wonder who got that idea?”

“Probably some self-important anime writer who thought he was being clever but was really just being pretentious,” said Asuka. “It’s not very subtle. Now as for you,” she said to Rei. “I really wonder why you put up with it, being the Commander’s doll.”

What Rei did next surprised everybody, including Shinji. She slapped Asuka, and Asuka, unexpectedly, did not slap her back. Instead, she spent the rest of the elevator ride with her head against the wall, even more depressed than before.

The news that another Legendary Pokémon had been sighted over Pallet Town 3 lifted her mood only slightly. Figures, she thought, another boring victory for Mr. Goody-two-shoes Shinji, and nothing for—

“Asuka, we need you.” The announcement caused her to change her mood immediately, and she rushed down to the Evangelémon testing room as quickly as she could. The Legendary Pokémon in question was displayed on a large screen-- a huge yellow bird, hovering miles high in the sky, shrouded in lightning.

“Who’s that Pokémon?” Asuka asked.

“Zapdos,” said Misato.

“Wark, wark, waark, (It would look a lot better in orange. And with bigger feet)” said Pen-pen, who had decided to finally decided to put in an appearance after several episodes’ worth of absences.

“Zapdos is flying too high for Groudon, Genesect, Mewtwo, or Palkia to reach it,” Misato explained. “Therefore, I have equipped Mewtwo and Palkia with positron rifles to attack it from the ground. You, Asuka, will be serving as backup.”

Asuka was conflicted about this. On the one hand, she was quite satisfied to hear that Shinji would, for once, not be battling this particular Legendary Pokémon. On the other hand, she was still a backup—and to Rei and Mari, no less. Once she was safely strapped into the entry plug on Groudon’s back, Asuka decided to make it as clear as she could that she would not be playing second banana to anyone. Before anyone could stop her (as if anyone could), Groudon moved in front of Palkia and Mewtwo, effectively taking their position at the front of the attack formation.

Zapdos’s response was immediate. It sent a narrow beam of electricity down towards Groudon, aiming directly at the entry plug on its back. Asuka only saw a blinding flash of light, before blacking out as the beam penetrated her brain. She lay motionless in the entry plug, remembering. . .

She was ten years old, at her family home in Hoenn. “Mom! Mom! Take a look! I got my first Pokémon! I’m a Pokémon Trainer now!” Asuka ran in the door to the house, her new Torchic in her arms. What greeted her inside was a sight she would never forget. Her mother was dead, hanging from the ceiling with a rope tied tightly around her neck.

“Mom?” Asuka asked. There was no answer. Of course, it was fairly obvious that she was dead, but even an intelligent ten-year-old like Asuka lapsed into a state of denial upon being confronted with such a shocking scene. Torchic simply ruffled his feathers in her arms and scratched himself, as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening.

“Mom! Mom! You can’t be dead!” Asuka cried. And as she did, she noticed what was sitting in her mother’s arms. It was a doll—a very crude fabric doll that, at best, could be said to only vaguely resemble Asuka herself, but the implication was clear enough. At once Asuka’s mood changed from mere sadness to anger. Torchic did likewise, an angry scowl forming on its face.

Her mother simply hung there, lifeless, as Asuka and Torchic looked on helplessly.

Before Asuka could say anything, or even do anything, the memory ended, and a new one appeared.

She was at her mother’s funeral. It was a quiet, gloomy day. The only sound was the soft crying of the mourners, and the occasional rather incongruous singing of the Tailow in the background. There was only one person not crying: Asuka herself.

“She didn’t love me,” Asuka said, crouching down to talk to the Pokémon next to her, a Mankey. “Not the way she loved that doll. You know what that means, right, Mankey?”

Mankey clenched its fists and growled.

“Right. From now on, I don’t need anybody’s help. I’m going to be a great Pokémon Trainer all by myself. And I don’t need anyone telling me how to do it!”

Mankey shook its head—or rather its whole body, considering it was essentially a head with arms, legs, and a tail—in disbelief, but it still gave the same affirmative gesture as it had earlier.

Asuka looked up from talking to Mankey, and noticed that her father was standing with another woman. It was a woman she knew very well—her mother’s doctor. And they were kissing! Asuka felt the urge to somehow separate them—the idea that her mother could just be causally replaced was simply alien to her. Had her entire family forgotten she existed?

The memory changed yet again.

Asuka was standing in the middle of the Wyndon Stadium in Galar. It had been three years since that fateful day when she swore she would become a great Pokémon Trainer, and so far she had gone through the Leagues of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, Alola, and Kalos. Unfortunately for her self-esteem, she hadn’t finished anywhere above the top 16 in any of them. But Galar was going to be different. She could just feel it. She had made it to the semifinals, and she and her opponent—a teenage boy dressed in a football jersey—were both down to their last Pokémon.

“All right, Inteleon, time to finish it off with Snipe Shot!” The blue bipedal lizard-like Pokémon fired a massive jet of water from its fingertip, which missed Blaziken by mere inches. Blaziken leaped aside, and prepared to fire back.

“Blaziken, Blaze Kick!” Asuka shouted. The attack slammed directly into Inteleon, sending it flying backwards into the wall of the arena, and for a moment Asuka thought she might have won. Her hopes were dashed when she saw Inteleon rising to its feet and beginning to glow red.

“That was pretty impressive,” Inteleon’s Trainer said. “Now it’s time to face. . . Gigantamax Inteleon!” Asuka gulped. In the blink of an eye, Inteleon had grown over a hundred feet tall. “Inteleon, G-Max Hydrosnipe!”

Asuka didn’t even bother asking Blaziken to dodge. The battle was over. As her last Pokémon lay knocked out on the arena floor, she broke down in tears. She had come all this way, battled in all those tournaments, done all that, and it had all come to nothing.

Nothing. That was all she felt like.

With Asuka now out of commission, as it were, Groudon was no longer under NERV’s direct control. The huge Ground-type Pokémon began firing Hyper Beams in every direction, ultimately doing far more damage to Pallet Town 3 than it ever did to Zapdos.

Back in NERV Headquarters, the reactions to these events were mixed. The Pokémon, at the very least, seemed amused by it.

“Wark wark? Wark wark wark. (Hey dude. Pass the popcorn.)” said Pen-pen.

“Slassh (There is no popcorn)” said Sandslash.

“Kwark? Wark kwark? (Well then, how much do you want to bet Rei ends up saving the day this time?)” Pen-Pen said.

“Slasssh. Sand-slasssh! (I’ll bet you ten—no, a dozen Apricorns that Asuka doesn’t make it out of this alive.)” Sandslash replied.

“Wark! (And I bet YOU that Rei doesn’t make it out either.)” said Pen-pen

Gendo was quite a bit more concerned. “Dr. Akagi,” he said. “We’re going to need the Spear of Creation for this one. Tell Rei to retrieve it.”

“You know,” said Dr. Akagi, “it’s kind of odd that we have this super-weapon that can destroy Legendary Pokémon with one shot, but we haven’t really used it up until now. Is there any particular reason for that?”

Gendo drummed his fingers on his desk. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

The one thing that never seemed to cross anyone’s mind was how Mewtwo was supposed to throw the Spear of Creation, let alone carry it, what with the fact that the Spear was as tall as Mewtwo itself. Needless to say, Mewtwo cut a comical figure carrying the huge two-pronged spear as it made its way back towards the battle zone.

Zapdos, for its part, had the good courtesy to remain in the exact same spot the entire time, still clearly intent on paralyzing Asuka’s mind with its electric beam.

“All right,” said Gendo. “The plan is as follows. Once you throw the spear, Rei, Mari will use Palkia’s time-bending abilities to provide a form of guidance for it. This will make it not only likely but inevitable that it will strike Zapdos.”

Rei said nothing, and only nodded inside the entry plug.

From inside NERV Headquarters, Shinji—who had surprisingly little to do in this episode—could only watch as the Spear of Creation streaked up into the air like a massive red rocket, gliding along the path Palkia had laid forth for it. At the crest of its ascent, there was a flash of white light, followed by the telltale appearance of the Sign of Arceus in the sky, indicating that it had found its target.

Later that day, once Groudon, Palkia, and Mewtwo had been recovered and their Trainers returned to headquarters, Shinji decided to talk to Asuka, who looked even more depressed than usual.

“Asuka, I’m sorry—“ he said, but she cut him off.

“I don’t want to talk about it.

“I wasn’t going to say anything about me being a better Trainer than you,” said Shinji.

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” said Shinji.

“Fine, suit yourself,” Shinji said. He really didn’t understand Asuka.

Meanwhile, Pen-pen and Sandslash were both equally angry at one another for a very different reason. “Wark wark kwarkwark? (You owe me a dozen Apricorns! Rei survived!)”

“Sand-slassssh! (No, you owe me a dozen Apricorns. Asuka made it out!)” said Sandslash.

Who’s That Pokémon?
It was originally a virus from outer space, but was mutated when it fell to Earth on a meteor

Last answer:
It’s Zapdos!

Neon Genesis Evangelémon Episode 20:

De Good, De Bad, Deoxys!

Since the battle with Zapdos, things had not been going very well for anyone. Asuka had decided—in an atypically Shinji-like fashion—to run away from NERV, feeling that she no longer had any useful function to them. She had decided to stay with Mari for the time being. While she was still annoyed at Mari for always trying to one-up her, she got along with her a lot better than she did with Shinji or Rei.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Asuka groaned, stretching herself out on Mari’s bed. “I do everything the best I can, I try to be the greatest Pokémon Trainer in the world, and what do I get out of it? Nothing. I’m treated like garbage.”

“It’s OK,” said Mari. “I don’t treat you like garbage.” As if to add to Mari’s sentiment, Liepard hopped up on Mari’s bed and began licking Asuka’s face, drawing a ticklish laugh.

Gendo, meanwhile, was not having a very good day either. He had been called before the SEEL council, all of whom seemed to be rather displeased, to say the least.

“Commander Ikari,” said the representative from Johto. “As you are presumably well aware, you have been brought here because you committed a major infraction against us here at SEEL.“

“What infraction is that?” asked Gendo, trying his best to sound like nothing was wrong.

“Let’s dispense with the pleasantries,” said the representative from Alola. “You used the Spear of Creation to destroy Zapdos when we specifically told you not to touch it without our permission!”

“Where does it say that?” Gendo asked.

The representative from Johto picked up a sheet of paper and solemnly said, “The Spear of Creation is the property of NERV and may be used if any Legendary Pokémon—“

He paused, and turned to the representative sitting next to him, who was from Kanto. “Hand me the white-out,” he whispered.

After a moment, he re-started what he had been reading. “Ahem. The Spear of Creation is not to be touched by anyone, for any reason, except in the event of Third Impact. This was not Third Impact, was it?”

“No. It was not.”

“So then, why did you use the Spear of Creation?” asked the representative from Unova.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” said Gendo.

Before anyone could say anything else, a phone rang, and Gendo picked it up.

“Hello? This is Fuyutsuki. Another Legendary Pokémon has been sighted--Deoxys. We need you back here. Immediately.” Without a word, Gendo reached into his pocket and pulled out Alakazam’s Poké Ball, then teleported back to NERV headquarters with the Psychic Pokémon.

Once Gendo was gone, the leader of SEEL turned to his subordinates. “Sometimes,” he said, “I really worry about that guy.”

Back at NERV, Rei was once again being prepared for a mission with Mewtwo, this time with Mari as her backup. Deoxys had already made its way to Pallet Town 3, but for the moment Rei and Mari were under strict orders to not attack it until they had a clear idea of its abilities. Mari was not a fan of this plan. “It’s a Legendary Pokémon. Our job is to defeat it as fast as we can, not wait for it to attack first. What does he think we are, a couple of Wobbuffets?”

Before Rei could reply, Deoxys began to glow bright red. When the light subsided, its body had changed shape—its outline had become sleeker, more streamlined, and its coiled arms transformed into long, slender whips. It glared at Mewtwo and Palkia with its red eyes.

“Watch out!” shouted Mari. “It’s going into Attack Forme!”

Rei had no time to do anything. Deoxys’s tentacles circled around Mewtwo’s body and twisted around its neck, forcing themselves into the Pokémon’s mouth and down its throat. It was a scene reminiscent of a cheap pornographic straight-to-video anime, except somehow even more nauseating, as the glistening, rubbery tentacles coiled themselves around Mewtwo’s arms and legs, preventing it from movement, while inserting themselves into its various orifices in a manner that would most certainly be unsuitable for airing on daytime TV.

Meanwhile, inside the entry plug, Rei noticed that she was sharing the tight confines with somebody else. “Hello? Who. . . who is this?” she asked, even though she was fairly sure that if Gendo had been around he would have reprimanded her for talking out of turn. To her surprise, a voice answered.

“You already know who I am,” it said. Rei turned her head, and found herself face to face with a copy of herself, sitting in the entry plug with her. “I am Deoxys. And I. . . well. . . let’s say I have a few questions for you.”

“What kind of questions?” Rei asked.

“First off,” said Deoxys, or rather the copy of Rei that Deoxys was using to talk to Rei, “how do you feel right now?”

“Why do you ask?” said Rei. “Are you taking a survey?”

Deoxys paused. “No, no, no. I mean, what is your state of mind right now? What is your emotional state? What do you spend most of your time think about?”

“Mostly,” said Rei, “I just do whatever the Commander tells me to do. There’s really nothing more to it than that. And why do you need to know this?”

“Because I feel something, but I can’t really figure out what it is. So I’m asking you,” said Deoxys.

Rei sighed. “And why am I the one who had to answer that question for you? You’re a Pokémon, not a human being. How am I supposed to know what your feelings are even called. For all I know, humans don’t even have words for them. . . Oh, I get it. You think that because I’m the silent, mysterious one, I’m the one who knows everything about emotions and the mind and that stuff?”

Deoxys looked at Rei, surprised. “You really put a lot of effort into that comeback, didn’t you? Now, as I was saying, I feel. . . empty. Like, there’s a part of my mind, something I should be experiencing, that I’m not.”

Rei stared at her copy for a moment, utter silence engulfing the interior of the entry plug. After a few seconds, she spoke to Deoxys. “Are you lonely?” she asked, as if this was the most obvious question in the world. The other Rei nodded, then closed its eyes. As it did, a massive bulge began to form on Metwo’s back, causing the Psychic Pokémon to double over in pain like an old person suffering from a slipped disk. The bulge continued to grow until it was as tall as Mewtwo itself, a tall, fleshy column jutting thick and hard from its body.

In NERV Headquarters, the sight did not pass without comment.

“I can’t believe it! It’s hideous!” Maya said, clutching Wigglytuff to her chest.

“Make it go away, it’s disgusting!” said Dr. Akagi.

The two of them were not, however, looking at Mewtwo’s transformation, but at something equally disturbing that was right within their own headquarters. “What?” said Misato. “I thought you guys likedShuckle juice-covered pizza pockets.”

“We don’t,” said Dr. Akagi. “They’re gross. Just like. . . um. . . whatever that thing outside is.” With that, everyone turned to look at the viewing screen, and saw what had happened to Mewtwo.

“OK, that’s weird,” said Dr. Akagi, “but it’s not gross. Not like Shuckle juice-covered pizza pockets.”

The massive growth now protruding from Mewtwo’s back had now separated itself into several smaller, more recognizable, shapes. A Regigigas. A giant Kabutops. A Regice. A Latios. A Latias. A Heatan. All of the Pokémon that we’ve battled so far, Misato thought. Why’s it doing that?

Inside the entry plug, Rei was asking the same question. “What does this mean? Why are all these other Pokémon important to you?”

“They are the things I feel like I should be experiencing,” said Dexoys. “I feel empty without them. Otherwise, who am I and what am I to do?”

“As I said, that is called being lonely,” said Rei. “But you do not have to feel that way,”

“What is it?” asked Deoxys.

“You can come with me. If you come with me, you will not be lonely.”

Hearing this in NERV Headquarters, Gendo was decidedly displeased. “This is taking too long. We need to send in Shinji.”

Shinji, for his part, was actually excited for once when he heard this, since it had been quite some time since he had done anything of note. Needless to say, the sensation of climbing inside the Entry Plug was as unpleasant as ever, and he still wasn’t entirely used to the smell. But at least he was actually doing something for once, instead of being a useless bystander.

Deoxys, of course, had other plans. Shinji struck Deoxys with a point-blank Techno Blast attack, but the moment the attack hit Deoxys, it screamed in a voice that was unmistakably Rei’s.

“Rei? Are you all right?” Shinji asked. It was a stupid question on the face of it, since anyone could tell just by looking that Rei was not even remotely “all right”. But Deoxys decided to answer in its own way. As Shinji watched, both horrified and confused—but mostly confused—multiple tiny Rei faces started sprouting from his hands.

“It. . . hurts. . .” they all began saying in unison.

“What hurts?” Shinji asked, as if talking to his friend’s face on his own hand were the most natural thing in the world. “Tell me where it hurts.”

The tiny Rei faces said nothing. At the same time, massive, fleshy vein-like growths began erupting on Genesect’s body, even being visible through its metallic armor as they burst through its skin. Desperately, Shinji grappled at the controls of the entry plug, trying to override Genesect’s panicked reaction to this, but as he did, the growth’s spread to his own hands. The tiny Rei faces on his hands did not seem amused by this.

“Watch where you’re putting me!” one of them said.

“I can’t!” said Shinji. “I have to help Rei!”

“I am Rei,” said one of the tiny faces on his hand.

“No, you’re Deoxys and I have to defeat you in battle,” said Shinji. “The fact that you’re sprouting weird growths all over my hands shows that you can’t be Rei. If you were Rei, you would look like a whole person, not just a face.”

Meanwhile, in Rei’s entry plug, Rei was still speaking to Deoxys, who didin fact look like a whole person at this point, not that Shinji had any way of knowing this. “Come with me,” Rei said again, apparently hoping that if she repeated it enough she would get a different result at some point. The fake Rei still said nothing. With conversation clearly off the table, Rei reached into her plugsuit pocket and pulled out the one thing she had smuggled into the entry plug—one of NERV’s Master Balls, just like the one she had used to capture Darkrai.

“Come with me,” she said a final time.

This time, Deoxys did give her a response. “No,” it said.

Rei closed her eyes, pressed the button on the Master Ball, and thrust it towards the copy of herself she now shared her entry plug with. As she did, she spoke only two more words. “Mewtwo, Selfdestruct.”

The resulting explosion was visible for several miles away, destroying buildings, uprooting trees, and more importantly putting a serious damper on a nearby poetry festival. When the smoke had cleared, Mewtwo was lying on its back, knocked out, and Deoxys had vanished, leaving only the Sign of Arceus in the sky.

Shinji watched the event from Genesect’s entry plug with a mix of bewilderment and disappointment. He was seriously going to need to step up his game if he was going to start defeating Legendary Pokémon again. He certainly hadn’t expected to be upstaged by Rei, that much was for sure.

For the moment, though, the only thing that mattered to him was the fact that he was pretty sure he had just watched Rei die. Even though he lived in a world where humans could shrug off electric shocks and blasts of fire from super-powered animals as though they were nothing, all the signs were there. Pokémon didn’t die in battle. They just “fainted”, however illogical that was. But Rei’s entry plug had been destroyed in that explosion. There was no way she wasn’t dead.

Back at NERV Headquarters, in the Evangelémon testing room, Shinji watched as Mewtwo was undergoing recovery, while Dr. Akagi and the rest of NERV’s scientists looked over the remains of the entry plug. “Busted,” said Dr. Akagi bitterly. “You know what that means?”

“We’re going to need another Rei!” shouted Fuyutsuki.

“Wait a minute,” said Shinji. “Why does he say ‘we’re going to need another Rei!’?”

Dr. Akagi suddenly turned and glared at him. “Oh, you just had to ask, didn’t you. Just had to keep pushing it. Shinji, Misato, come with me.” Misato, Shinji, and Marowak reluctantly followed Dr. Akagi into a room behind the Evangelémon testing room, where none of them had never been. And as soon as Shinji entered, he could see why.

Most of the room was taken up by a large tank, filled with the same terrible-smelling orange liquid that filled the entry plug. And floating in that liquid were multiple naked clones of Rei.

“What’s going on here?” asked Shinji.

“You ever wonder why Rei keeps coming back after dying?” Dr. Akagi asked.

“Actually. . . I never really thought about it,” said Shinji.

“Wak wak marow, (Me either)” said Marowak.

“This is why. We keep a supply of Rei clones to ensure that the Evangelémon project runs smoothly. Unfortunately for you, I know all about what the real plan for the Evangelémon project is, and I intent to make sure that doesn’t happen. Espeon, Psybeam!”

Espeon’s attack blasted a hole in the tank of liquid, causing an explosion that destroyed all of the Rei clones inside it. Dr. Akagi seemed oddly nonplussed about having essentially just killed dozens of people. Instead she turned to Misato. “I only have one thing to ask of you,” she said.

“What’s that?” asked Misato, surveying the room, which was now flooded with putrid orange liquid and Rei clones.

“Make sure that Gendo Ikari never finds out about this.”

Who’s That Pokémon:
Its actual appearance is unknown. The only people who have seen what was under the rag this Pokémon wears die of fright afterwards

Last Answer:
It’s Deoxys!

Neon Genesis EvangeléMon Episode 21:

My Mother, The Pokémon

To say that things were going badly at NERV was an understatement. Actually, to say it was an understatement would be an even bigger understatement. Asuka had found out about Kaji’s death, and in a turn of events absolutely everyone could have predicted, did not take it well at all. It took two NERV agents just to find the abandoned apartment where she had hidden herself, and another two to stop her from slitting her own wrists in the bathtub. It took all four of them to convince her to come back to NERV.

When Asuka finally returned to NERV, she didn’t talk to anyone. Even when people said hello to her, and expressed concern, she was silent. This was unfortunate for Shinji, who was looking for an appropriate way to tell Asuka what he had learned about Rei’s origins. He had run into her on the edge of the crater that Mewtwo’s Self-destruct had created, with Primeape at her side. As usual, she seemed to be in a particularly bad mood.

“Ummm, Asuka?” Shinji said.

To his surprise, she responded. “What do you want?”

“I. . . I have something to tell you. Something about Rei. She’s not who you think he is. She’s. . .”

“Prime—AAAPE! (LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BROTHER! You wanna talk crap about Rei, you’re gonna get crap from me!)” Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by a punch to the face from Primeape, who clearly figured that this was not the time for anyone to be talking to Asuka.

“Marow wak wak marow! (No one talks to Shinji that way!) Marowak jumped out at Primeape, and struck it upside the head with a Bonemerang attack, sending the Pig Monkey Pokémon sprawling on its back. Primeape struck back with a Karate Chop, but Marowak managed to dodge it, before Shinji and Asuka both finally realized what was going on and called Marowak and Primeape back to them.

“Forget it,” said Asuka. “I don’t want to hear what you heard about Rei. Come on, Primeape. Let’s get out of here.”

Shinji turned to head back to NERV headquarters, but a sound distracted him. Making his way towards the source of the sound, he found himself face to face with a boy his own age, sitting at a grand piano in the middle of a crumbling abandoned building. Ordinarily, Shinji would have been surprised by this, but the sheer amount of bizarre things he had witnessed meant that by this point he was rather jaded. For someone who battled Legendary Pokémon on a daily basis, the sight of a boy playing the piano in a crumbling ruin wasn’t as shocking as it would otherwise have been.

Accompanying the boy was a Pokémon that Shinji at first took to be a Pikachu, but soon turned out to look more like a walking rag that someone had doodled a Pikachu on. Shinji scanned it with his PokéDex. “Mimikyu,” it said, “the Disguise Pokémon. Its actual appearance is unknown. A scholar who saw what was under its rag was overwhelmed by terror and died from the shock.” Yikes, Shinji thought. And they just let kids have those things as pets?

“What are you doing here?” asked Shinji.

“I might ask the same to you,” said the boy. “My name is Kaworu Nagisa, and I am a Trainer for NERV’s Evangelémon Program.”

“I wasn’t told that there were going to be any new Trainers arriving,” said Shinji. “We just had a new one a few weeks ago—this Mari girl.”

“That’s a shame,” said Kaworu. “In the meantime, how about a battle?”

Shinji’s mood improved slightly at this. “You mean right here? All right. Furret, I choose you!”

The ferret-like Pokémon burst out of its Poké Ball, a nervous look on its face. “Furr furr furret! (What are. . . who’s this new guy? What am I supposed to do?)”

“Good,” said Kaworu. “I choose Umbreon.” But instead of Kaworu producing a Poké Ball, the black cat-like Pokémon simply materialized out of thin air at Kaworu’s side. “Umbreon, Dark Pulse,” Kaworu said, in a surprisingly flat and deadpan tone.

“Furret! Iron Tail!” Shinji shouted. Furret’s tail glowed bright white, but before he could attack Umbreon with it, the Dark Pulse struck him, and he was knocked out in a single hit. As Shinji recalled Furret, he noticed that Umbreon had disappeared.

“Impressed?” said Kaworu. Shinji simply nodded. He had his suspicions about this boy, but he wasn’t quite convinced enough to tell anyone about them for fear that it would get him in trouble. Then again, if he didget in trouble, it would hardly be worse than anything else that had happened to him.

“Try your luck with this one now,” said Kaworu. “Go, Mismagius!” Once again, rather than emerging from a Poké Ball, Mismagius materialized next to Kaworu out of nowhere.

“All right,” said Shinji. A sensible Pokémon Trainer would have been intimidated, but Shinji was clearly too stupid to be sensible. “Sandslash, I choose you!”

“Slasssh! (Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. . .)” Sandslash raised itself onto its hind legs in front of Shinji, brandishing its long claws and still gripping its trademark twig in its mouth.

“Sandslash, you use Dig too!” Shinji shouted. Sandslash dug underground, and burst out of the soil, striking Mismagius squarely in what Shinji supposed would be its chest, and the Ghost Pokémon was sent flying backwards. However, it quickly levitated itself back into the air.

“Mismagius! Growl!” said Kaworu. Mismagius responded by making a sound that was not in any way, shape, or form like growling—it was more of a high-pitched shriek—but regardless, it made Sandslash feel decidedly uncomfortable. Before Shinji could order Sandslash to attack again, Kaworu gave another order. “Hypnosis!”

Mismagius’s eyes began to glow, and Sandslash immediately slumped on the ground, asleep. “Sandslash, wake up! Snap out of it!” shouted Shinji. Sandslash simply lay there, fast asleep, and Mismagius prepared to launch another attack at it. “Sandslash, please!” Shinji begged. As he did, Sandslash opened its eyes again, and slashed at Mismagius with a Metal Claw attack. The Ghost Pokémon collapsed to the ground, and vanished.

“That was a fine battle,” said Kaworu. “Would you going back to NERV with me?”

“Umm. . . OK?” said Shinji.

“Wak? (Is something wrong?)” Marowak asked, clearly suspicious of Kaworu.

Back at NERV headquarters, Shinji had found Kaworu to be a much more enjoyable companion than Asuka, Rei, or even Mari. However, the conversations they had sometimes took unexpected turns.

“Kaworu,” Shinji asked him that evening, once they had both had dinner, “what exactly made you decide to become a Trainer for NERV? It doesn’t seem logical. I certainly didn’t want to. Asuka and Rei didn’t really have much of a choice, and Mari. . . well, she’s weird. Come to think of it, there’s a lot of illogical stuff I have questions about.”

“I’m not surprised,” said Kaworu matter-of-factly. “It goes without saying that you think so many things about your life aren’t logical. And trust me, it’s just going to get even weirder.”

“What could be weirder than this?” said Shinji. “Next you’re going to tell me that everything that’s happening to me is just a crappy fan-fiction that some nerdy anime fan who lives with his mother is writing.”

“Well, yeah, I was going to get to that,” said Kaworu. “But there’s a lot more stuff you wouldn’t believe.”

Meanwhile, Gendo had been called to yet another meeting with SEEL. They were not happy, to say the least. “Gendo Ikari,” said the representative from Sinnoh, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“About what?” asked Gendo. “I’m doing exactly what you want me to do, as I recall. Defeating the Legendary Pokémon. . . that wasthe plan, wasn’t it?”

The members whispered among themselves, and finally the one who was from Sinnoh spoke to Gendo again. “Tell me, Gendo, what sort of idiots do you take us for? You’ve been working against us all this time, trying to set up Third Impact to go off on your terms, not ours. Do you really think we’re that dense?”

“Look,” said Gendo. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“And one more thing,” said the representative from Unova. “Those sunglasses are not cool.”

With that, Gendo climbed onto the back of his Hydriegon and took off back to NERV. He had something very important to attend to, and the less the people at SEEL meddled in it, the better. The door to the Evangelémon testing room was still open, just as he had left it, since Kaworu was going to start compatibility training with Groudon the following day. That much, at least, reassured him. But right now, his concern was with Genesect.

Dismounting from Hydreigon, Gendo made sure no one else was in the testing room. Once he did, he walked up to Genesect, and spoke to it. “Hey there, baby,” he said. “I know you don’t look like you did before, but you’re still my Yui. What do you say when this is all over we get a nice little cottage in the country? How does that sound, honey?”

Genesect’s eyes began to glow red, and it glared at Gendo in a manner that seemed to say Are you kidding me?

“It’s going to happen,” said Gendo. “I have what I need to make sure of that. It was delivered to me by Kaji, before those idiots at SEEL caught up to him. It’s the final piece we need to ensure that the Pokémon Instrumentality Project can be completed. It is the Egg of Mew.” Gendo raised his left hand, reveling that a pulsating pink creature—like an embryo or a fetus, with huge eyes—was embedded in his palm.

Gendo continued speaking to Genesect—or rather, to his wife Yui, whose soul was somehow contained inside the giant Pokémon. “You see,” he said, “there are two Legendary Pokémon that are at the root of all creation, who we have been studying here at NERV: Mew and Arceus. Mew is the ancestor of all Pokémon, and Arceus created humanity. With the Egg of Mew under my control, I will be able to initiate Third Impact, and my plan will be complete!”

The next day, Kaworu was due to start his training with Groudon. Instead of climbing into the entry plug, however, he simply held up his hand to it. The huge red Pokémon lowered its head until it was level with him, and its eyes began to glow. Before Misato, Dr. Akagi, or anyone else could stop him, Kaworu climbed onto Groudon’s back. Groudon blasted a hole into the floor of the testing room with a Hyper Beam, and climbed down into it.

“There’s been an emergency!” Misato called into her walkie-talkie. “Kaworu has somehow taken control of Groudon! Shinji, we need you and Genesect to go after them.”

“Isn’t Kaworu supposed to be controlling Genesect?” said Shinji, who had just been interrupted from practicing the cello. Quite why Shinji was practicing the cello, he wasn’t sure—he suspected it had something to do with building character.

“Not like this,” said Misato. “We need your help.” With that, Shinji found himself hustled off and shoved into Genesect’s entry plug. He followed Groudon as it made its way towards Terminal Dogma—admittedly, not a hard thing to do, given how big Groudon was—and there, a spectacular sight faced him.

Shinji had never been in Terminal Dogma before, but he recognized the creature held captive inside it for what it was, even if he was too astonished to say its name. Luckily, Kaworu did that for him.

“Arceus,” he said. “I’ve waited a long time for this moment.” The Mimikyu at Kaworu’s side seemed to nod in agreement, even though it looked more like it was just flopping its rag-covered head back and forth. He turned to look at Shinji, who was watching him from inside Genesect’s entry plug. “You realize, my friend, what this means?”

“Ummm. . . no, actually,” said Shinji.

“Did it honestly never occur to you why I can control Groudon? Why Umbreon and Mismagius simply appeared out of thin air, instead of coming out of Poké Balls? Why I can do this?” A piano suddenly manifested out of nowhere, and Kaworu began playing Ode to Joy on it, before suddenly witching to the more mood-appropriate Rite of Spring.

“Because you went to one of those elite cram schools, where they teach you ridiculous stuff?” Shinji asked. It seemed as good a guess as any.

Kaworu sighed. “No, you idiot. I am a Pokémon.I am a Legendary Pokémon. My real name isn’t Kaworu Nagisa. I am Giratina.” With that, Kaworu began to glow with a strange purplish light, and as he did, the silhouette of a massive serpent-like multi-legged creature with several pairs of wings protruding from its body rose up from behind him. “You see that?” said Kaworu. “That is my true form. Giratina, the Renegade Pokémon. And I have been sent here by SEEL to do one thing.”

“What’s that?” said Shinji, now very confused.

“I am to merge with Arceus, and initiate Third Impact. But, as your friend, I have discovered that you humans are. . . well . . . I won’t say you’re perfect. You capture Pokémon in little plastic balls and make us battle for entertainment, that’s a pretty big mark against you. But it would be pretty sad if we wiped you out in Third Impact.”

“So you’re going to refuse to do it?” Shinji asked. “Then why did you come all the way down here?”

“I want to ask you to do something,” said Kaworu.

“What?” said Shinji.

“Defeat me in battle. Except it won’t be a battle. I won’t even fight back,” said Kaworu.

“What Pokémon will you be using?” asked Shinji. “Mimikyu? Mismagius? Umbreon?”

“None of them,” said Kaworu. “Those Pokémon were never really mine. In fact, they did not even exist—they were illusions that I, as Giratina, created to enhance the illusion that I was human. Kind of a douche move, looking back on it, but what other option did I have? I didn’t think you’d want to be my friend if you saw me in my true form.”

“It doesn’t matter, Kaworu,” said Shinji. “OK, that’s not totally true. It kind of does. I mean, if you actually looked like Giratina, you probably wouldn’t be invited to many social gatherings, so that’s an issue. And it would be really awkward getting into buildings. But I’d still be your friend, so there’s that. . .”

Kaworu smiled. “I’m glad you feel that way.”

Shinji nodded, but said nothing. Without a word, he picked up Kaworu in Genesect’s claws.

“Don’t worry,” said Kaworu. “I’ll be seeing you again in the reboot!”

With a heavy, sinking feeling in his chest, Shinji ordered Genesect to perform an X-Scissor attack on Kaworu. There was the mandatory flash of white light, the Sign of Arceus appeared before him, but this time Shinji felt no triumph.

That night at dinner, Shinji didn’t eat. He knew that, despite all logic to the contrary, Pokémon didn’t technically die in battle, but this one sure seemed different.

Who’s That Pokémon:
It is said to have created the universe with its thousand arms. It was born before the universe itself existed

Last answer:
It’s Mimikyu!

The End of EvangeléMon

Shinji was depressed. Not the kind of depressed he normally was, which entailed him being simply sad and bitter all the time. Now he genuinely felt like his mind was falling apart, and nothing he did or said to anyone would matter anymore.

Not that anyone was actually trying to help him, though. When he voiced his concerns to Misato, she simply brushed them off, telling him that Giratina was “just a Pokémon.” Shinji, of course, didn’t see how that made it any better, since he already felt a close bond with his Pokémon as it was—closer than he felt with most people, as a matter of fact. Rei didn’t say much of anything at all.

Mari, however, ended up hitting a particular sore spot when she congratulated him on how “awesome” and “epic” his defeat of Giratina was. This turned out to upset not only Shinji, but Marowak as well. “Marow wak waka waka! (How can you be so insensitive! Shinji felt terrible doing that, I’ll have you know!)” Unfortunately, Mari’s Pokémon were not very sympathetic.

“Croooak! Toxi-croooak! (I pity the fool who feels guilty for winning a Pokémon battle fair and square!)” said Toxicroak, glaring at Marowak and unsheathing the blades on its wrists.

“Gastro! Gasssstro! Gasstrodon! (What’s gotten into Shinji? He won—shouldn’t he be happy about that?)” grumbled Gastrodon, staring down at Marowak with its three eyes. Marowak looked around in a panic. All of Mari’s Pokémon—except, ironically, Liepard, the so-called “Cruel Pokémon”, who was asleep on her mattress—seemed to be teasing and laughing at him, or at least confused about why he was upset.

Marowak hid behind Shinji as he backed out of Mari’s apartment, and began to whimper. But before he left, Shinji realized he had a question to ask her. “Mari,” he said. “Can you tell me where Asuka is?”

“She’s in the hospital. Why do you want to know that?”

“No reason,” said Shinji. “I just. . . want to talk to her. Oh, and you need to teach your Pokémon some more manners. I think they upset Marowak.”

When Shinji arrived in Asuka’s hospital room, she was already unconscious. She had been admitted to the hospital the previous day, after another abortive suicide attempt that the NERV staff had only barely managed to stop. She was no longer in any position to be a Legendary Pokémon Trainer, but there would be no point in sending her back to Hoenn. So for the time being, she would be staying in the hospital until she recovered, both physically and psychologically.

Like that would ever happen, thought Shinji.

Asuka lay on the hospital bed, barely breathing, with life-support machinery attached to her.. For a moment he wondered if she was dead, but then he quickly realized that if she was dead, she wouldn’t be hooked up to life-support machines. He shook her to wake her up, inadvertently causing her hospital gown to fall off.

Unfortunately, this exposed a certain part of her anatomy that Shinji, as a 14-year-old boy, had no business seeing, and this encouraged him to. . .

(At this point the narrator became overwhelmed by disgust and quit in protest, so we had to hire a new one. We apologize for the inconvenience)

Meanwhile, Gendo had been called before SEEL yet again. “This is unacceptable,” their leader, Keel Lorenz, said. “You said you would help us achieve Instrumentality. You said you would be our partner in the Pokémon Instrumentality Project. And you lied to us. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“It. . . it seemed like a good idea at the time,” said Gendo.

“Enough of that,” said Keel, just as Gendo teleported away with his Alakazam. Once Gendo was gone, Keel turned to the other SEEL members and addressed them. “NERV had been a thorn in our side long enough. This ends now! With the Kanto Strategic Self-Defense Force in our pockets and the Genesect clones at our disposal, nothing can stop us!”

The attack came later that day. The Kanto Strategic Self Defense Force had been eyeing NERV for several hours. Fortunately for them, security around the Geofront was more or less nonexistent, so the attack, as it were, needed less planning than breaking into a cardboard box. The soldiers and their Pokémon—mostly Ground, Poison, and Fighting-types—effortlessly broke into NERV headquarters, no doubt partly owing to the fact that no one there seemed to have a gun.

Misato was prepared for this, though. She was already taking an elevator down to the underground levels of the Geofront when she and Shinji were attacked by a KSSDF soldier. “Shinji!” she shouted “head down to the Evangelémon testing room, and get into your entry plugs! I’m going to see if I can hold off the attackers.” With that, she reached pulled out a Poké Ball. “Gyarados, I choose you!”

“Come on out, Electabuzz!” said the KSSDF solider who had ambushed them, because in a life-or-death ambush, having a formal Pokémon battle was obviouslythe best way to defeat your opponent.

“Gyarados, Hyper Beam!” shouted Misato.

“Electabuzz, Thundershock!” said the soldier. But Electabuzz didn’t aim its electricity at Gyarados—to Shinji’s horror, it aimed it at Misato, who took the full brunt of the paralyzing electric shock.

“Are you all right, Misato?” asked Shinji. As usual, it was a stupid question, since anyone with a brain could tell that Misato was not all right.

“I’m fine,” she said, in what was probably the most blatant lie in history. “Just. . . go get Genesect.”

Meanwhile, in Terminal Dogma, Dr. Akagi had just made her way down to the chamber where Arceus was kept. Gendo would be there, she knew. For all his grandiose plans, he was pathetically predictable. There was really only one thing left to do, and then here revenge against him would be complete. Well, one thing that consisted of a bunch of smaller things—it was quite a bit more complicated than that.

Gendo was there, all right. And to her surprise, so was Rei. “It’s over,” said Dr. Akagi. “Third Impact isn’t going to happen—your way, or SEEL’s way. Oh, don’t act so surprised. I know all about it.”

“Unfortunately,” said Gendo, “that’s where you’re wrong.” He produced two Poké Balls, and two Pokémon emerged from them. One looked like a giant cicada, while the other looked like the shed exoskeleton of an insect.

“Oh, so we’re going to play that game, huh?” said Dr. Akagi. “Persian! Espeon! Come on out!” The two feline Pokémon sprang to her side, awaiting orders to attack. “Persian, Tackle!” she shouted. Persian leaped towards the exoskeleton-like Pokémon, but the attack did nothing. “Perhaps I should have warned you,” said Gendo, a mocking tone in his voice. “This Pokémon you see before you is called Shedinja. Its Wonder Guard ability means that only Fire, Flying, Dark, Ghost and Rock-type attacks can damage it. Your Persian and Espeon do not know any attacks of those types. Now, Shedinja, Ninjask, X-scissor!”

The two Pokémon attacked at once, knocking both Persian and Espeon out in a single hit. Dr. Akagi was taken aback, and tried to walk away. “Leaving so soon?” said Gendo, pulling out another Poké Ball. Hydreigon reared up to its full height above Dr. Akagi, its three sets of snapping jaws lowering towards her. The last thing she heard before everything went silent was Gendo saying, “Hydreigon, Dragon Pulse.”

“Well, that took care of that,” said Gendo. “I don’t know why I never thought of that earlier.” With that, he escorted Rei towards the

“This is taking too long,” Keel said, watching the progress of the NERV invasion from SEEL headquarters. “Send in the Genesect clones.”

“We can’t risk that,” said the representative from Kalos. “Not while Genesect and Groudon are still in a potentially active state. Mewtwo is already disabled, and—“

“What about Mari and Palkia?” asked the representative from Sinnoh.

“Oh, them?” said Keel. “Already taken care of. Truth be told, I’m not really sure why the point of them is. It’s like they came from some alternate universe. Release the Genesect Clones!”

“As you wish,” said the representative from Kalos said.

The Genesect Clones, despite what they were called, did not look much like Genesect. Then again, Mewtwo didn’t look much like Mew either, so what passed for a “clone” in this universe was rather questionable. Regardless, they were fearsome creatures, with their pale exoskeletons and—unlike the original Genesect—huge wings. There were well over a dozen of them. And there was only one thing that could stop them from overrunning NERV. . . in theory at least.

In practice, Asuka was still in her depressed, comatose state, even though she had been moved into Groudon’s entry plug. The Genesect Clone had worked their way down into the Evangelémon testing room, but in doing so, they caused Groudon to revive from its state of torpor—and awakened Asuka as well. Needless to say, the sight of over a dozen hundred-foot-tall cyborgs was not exactly the sort of thing Asuka was hoping to see when she opened her eyes, but when she saw them, she felt emboldened in a way she hadn’t before.

See? You had it inside you the whole time!

“Wha. . . who said that?” Asuka asked, understandably confused about the voice that suddenly spoke in her head.

I did. I’m. . . well. . . it’s kind of complicated. I am. . . well. . . I used to be your mother. I guess I still am, but right now I’m part of Groudon. Kind of an awkward family reunion, I know. But the point is, I’m still here.

“Is this some kind of joke?” said Asuka. “In case you didn’t realize, this isn’t a very good time for jokes.”

No,said the voice. I’m telling the truth. Now what do you say we tech those things a lesson?

Suddenly Asuka’s mood switched from depressed and morose to optimistic and determined. Lashing out with Groudon’s claws and tail, and blasting away with Hyper Beam attacks, she viciously fought back against the Genesect Clones, sending them flying in every direction. It looked like things were actually going to have a happy ending after all.

Unfortunately, the Genesect Clones collectively decided to say, “Screw that.”

Despite having taken what was, by any standard, an insane amount of damage, they suddenly pushed themselves to their feet. Asuka looked around in confusion as the huge cyborg Pokémon launched themselves into the air and hurled themselves towards Groudon in a frenzied mass attack. Asuka tried to fight back, but the Genesect Clones all pounced on Groundon and pinned it to the ground, where they immediately proceeded to—

(At this point the new narrator also became overwhelmed by disgust and quit in protest, so we had to hire yet another one. This time, we do not apologize for the inconvenience).

Meanwhile, far below NERV—or rather, what was left of it—Gendo was beginning the final part of his ultimate plan. “Now, Rei,” he said. “Now is the time for your power and mine to become one!”

“My power?” said Rei.

“Yes, your power. You are not simply human. You are a vessel for the soul of Arceus itself, just as I contain the Egg of Mew in my hand. Merged together, we will create the most powerful Pokémon of all!”

Rei stared blankly at him for a moment, and then, in a quite uncharacteristic tone, replied, “I don’t think so. Look, I went along with you for the whole cloning business, and I was on board when you said you wanted to revive Arceus, but this? Not cool, old man. Not cool.”

She then gave him the finger.

Before Gendo could react, Rei removed two Master Balls from her pockets and pressed the buttons on them, revealing Darkrai and Deoxys. “Finish him,” Rei said, now in her usual monotone voice. Deoxys launched a Psycho Boost at Gendo, at the same time as Darkrai fired off a Dark Pulse. Gendo did nothing. He simply stood, riveted to the spot, as the two Legendary Pokémon’s attacks hit him. Third Impact was still going to happen. There was nothing anyone else could do about it.

Once Gendo had been dealt with, Rei climbed up the scaffold until she was level with the massive white form of Arceus. For a moment, she stood still, her eyes meeting with those of Arceus. The huge Pokémon lowered its head until it was level with her, with her reflection visible in its eyes. Finally, Rei placed her hand onto its chest, and, without further ado, walked directly into it. Shinji, at that very moment, was still in Genesect’s entry plug, looking on dumbfounded at what had been happening over the past few minutes alone. Not only had he just watched Asuka and Groudon be graphically mauled to death, but now he could see what he was fairly sure was a giant naked Rei rising out of Terminal Dogma. Scratch that, he was definitely seeing a giant naked Rei rising out of Terminal Dogma.

Before Shinji could think about the meaning of this any further, the Genesect Clones suddenly turned towards Genesect. Shinji’s mind raced furiously. “Genesect! Techno Blast! Hyper Beam! Something!” he shouted. But Genesect was immobile. The Genesect clones were advancing on it, and Shinji saw to his horror and confusion that one of them was holding what could only be the Spear of Creation. How in the world did they get their hands. . . I mean, claws. . . on that thing? Shouldn’t it still be in space? Shinji thought. Screw that, logic has clearly left the building.

And indeed it had. When Shinji opened his eyes again, he wasn't in Genesect's entry plug. He was in Misato's apartment, having an argument with Asuka.

". . . You can just take that attitude and shove it!" said Asuka. "I don't need to listen to a Trainer with only four badges!"

"You don't care about the problems I've had," Shinji said. "I worked myself to death for those four badges. You? You had support from the very beginning. Heck, you had TWO Starter Pokémon-- a Torchic and a Mankey. How am I supposed to compete with that?"

"You're just jealous," said Asuka. "Face it, Shinji. There's no one in the world who thinks you're hot stuff."

Shinji paused, as the scene phased around him. "Is that really true? Do people really think I suck that much?" Before he could answer his own question, the scene changed.

Now, he was seeing a much younger version of himself, battling Lt. Surge for the Thunder Badge in Vermillion City.

"Raichu is unable to battle! Cubone is the winner!" cried the announcer.

"All right, Cubone!" the younger Shinji shouted, high-fiving Cubone. Cubone ran up to Shinji and hugged him. Shinji could remember this battle well-- before becoming an Evangelémon Trainer and seriously re-evaluating his perspective on his life, it was probably his proudest moment. Shinji looked closely as his younger self accepted the Thunder Badge.

You know, he thought, maybe life doesn't suck all that much after all. At least, if I can still feel--

Once again, the scene began to change, and again Shinji did not find himself inside the entry plug. Instead he was on a beach. Marowak was next to him. As for the beach, it could only charitably be called a beach. There was no ocean, only an infinite expanse of the same putrid orange liquid that filled the entry plug. "Hello?" called Shinji, hoping this wasn't just another weird hallucination. "Asuka? Misato? Rei?"

He could technically see Rei, or rather the giant naked version of her that Third Impact had generated, but she was clearly in no position to talk, since she was lying on her side in the orange ocean. But someone did reply. "I'm over here, you idiot!"

It was Asuka. And Primeape, as his luck would have it.

"What's going on?" asked Shinji.

"I don't know," said Asuka.

"I think it had something to do with Third Impact," said Shinji.

"Well, no shit," said Asuka.

"So what do you want to do now?" said Shinji, looking out over the beach.

"Make out, I guess."

As Shinji and Asuka proceeded to do exactly that, Marowak and Primeape looked on with a mixture of amusement and disgust. "Wak? Marow-wak? (You know what? Humans sure are weird)" said Marowak.





The lights in the movie theater flickered on. Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu got up from their seats. “Wow,” said Ash. “That was some movie. Though. . . I’m not really sure I understood how it ended. Did any of you have a favorite part?”

“I know what my favorite part was,” said Brock in a suggestive manner.

“BROCK!” shouted Misty.

“So. . . uhh. . . what now? Is there a sequel? Are we ever going to find out what happened with Mari?” said Ash.

“Yeah, that did seem pretty weird,” said Misty. “It’s like they added her in from some alternative timeline.”

“Speaking of alternative timelines, what about the Rebuild movies?” Ash asked.

“Eh, I think Digimon is doing them,” said Brock.

What none of them noticed was the conversation going on between Pikachu and Togepi at their feet.

“Pika! Pikapikapika chu! (Is the Instrumentality Project ready? There have been too many delays)” said Pikachu

“Toki! Toki! Priiii! (It’s progressing exactly on schedule. Third Impact should happen any day now)”

“Pika-chu! (Just as planned)” said Pikachu, tenting its paws below its chin

Who's that Pokémon?
This movie director promised us a fourth Neon Genesis Evangelion movie, but still hasn't released it eight years later!


It's Hideaki Anno!
Last answer: It's Arceus!

And so the tale that I have been working on for the past eight years finally comes to an end. It's over. Yeah, it took my a lot longer than I imagined, but I actually powered through and completed this thing. And I'm pretty darn proud of myself for that. Fans of Pokémon, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and weird crossovers in general, this one is for you. I don't really have anything else to say.

Please read and reply!

Nice ending to the story also congratulations on finishing

Thanks! What did you think of it?

El Squibbonator wrote:Thanks! What did you think of it?

Wonderful wholesome story which was fun in spaces also an interesting cross over and not one I would have considered.