Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby UrsusArctos » Wed Aug 12, 2020 2:30 am

Toji's mom ran up to the scene. "Sayaka! Akira! What's going on?"

Sayaka continued banging the saucepan against Akira's head. "Owww...I haven't...ooofff...done anything...urgggh...wrong!"

"Toko! This...this...pig...cheated on me!" Sayaka yelled.

"What makes you say that, Saya nee-chan?"

"HE does!" Sayaka said, pointing at Kaworu Nagisa.

Toko blinked. "He looks just like a teenage Akira!"

Misato stared. "Wait...who..." And then it clicked, and she took the saucepan from her mother and began swinging it at her father. "You cheated on my mom!!!" she yelled, leaving Akira to say, "Misato darling...ooooof....how big you've grown...owwwww....just let me explain...eeeoooo!"

Kaworu walked up, smiling as ever. "Kaworu. Nagisa Kaworu. Pleased to meet you."

Sayaka and Misato stormed up to Kaworu and yelled together, "WHO'S YOUR MAMA?!?!"

Kaworu smiled wider and said, "I'm my own mama!"

Both Sayaka and Misato stared at Kaworu, jaws hanging open.

Hikari said, "This is confusing."

Kensuke said, "No kidding."

Toko (Toji's mom - yeah, Toji's named after his mom) said, "Wait. Leave the saucepan out of this and unconfuse us. How did you get to be your own mother?"

Kaworu said, "Well, I was sent by my people, the First Ancestral Race, in a giant white body, and I crash-landed in Antarctica about four and a half billion years ago, but we got sloppy with planetary mechanics and sent another one of us to the protoplanet that crashed into the Earth and formed the Moon. And naturally, I got to be the one to sleep it off with a giant fork stuck in my back, even when it was freezing, while my colleague had it nice and steamy under Hakone! And then dad here unstuck the giant fork and tried one of his little genetic experiments, and his DNA mixed up with my old body and made it go explodey right when I was waking up and waking my kids up, and the next thing I knew I was one of my own kids with him as the dad."

Toko said, "I get it."

Hikari, Kensuke, Toji, Sayaka and Misato said, "We don't."

Kaworu simply smiled, "That makes me a clone of your father and your half-brother, Misato! And no, dad didn't cheat on you."

Akira said, "See, dearest?"

Misato said, "Huh, I didn't think I'd have a kid brother who looked like my dad...wait a moment, what are you doing here, mom and dad?"

Akira said, "I don't know, it's all in the script - if there is a script for this."

Sayaka said, "At least I won't have to pretend to be a boy for you in this fic, because the guy writing it has no stomach for anything lewd unless it's a parody..."

Toji and Kensuke cringed and held their hands up in front of their faces, Akira groaned, Misato turned red in the face, Hikari looked like she was about to blow up, but Toko said, "Nee-chan, leave the dirty details out. You're disgusting the kids."

Sayaka stopped and deflated. "Toko-chan, you're the best adopted little sister anyone could ask for! All these years and you're still saving me from my own embarrassing mouth...so wait, I guess I've actually got to apologize to you!"

Akira rubbed his sore head. "Accepted. I guess I'm hard to apologize to...at least I didn't start crying this time..."

Misato turned around and said, "Uh-oh, here comes trouble!"
-----------------------------
(More to come, as always!)
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby UrsusArctos » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:18 pm

Gendo faced the shadowy figure. "You are certain you can save me?" Gendo asked. Seeing his father in law had been rather...traumatizing for Gendo.

The man before him wore a red suit, a black pointed hood, and a creepy white mask. He said, "Of course. As sure as my name is Nemesis Ra Kozo Gargotsuki, you'll be safe."

Gendo said, "I don't trust you."

Gargotsuki said, "Tough luck. Nobody does. Even your little Kozo-boy walked out when he saw the odds."

Gendo grunted. "Name your price."

Gargotsuki laughed diabolically.

(More on its way...soon!)
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby UrsusArctos » Tue Aug 18, 2020 1:44 am

Ragyo Kiryuin and Nui Harime appeared and advanced menacingly upon Honnoji Academy.

"You fashionless frauds are going to learn a lesson!" Nui Harime said, laughing in her own creepy way.

Ragyo Kiryuin said, "And you, my daughter, are going to pay the price for your planned betrayal! Do you think you could possibly get away from me and my powers?"

Satsuki said, "I'm going to deal with you, Kiryuin Ragyo, if it means my...urrrrrrgh!"

Satsuki and the Four Devas were wrapped up in Ragyo's life fiber. Ragyo laughed. "By the way, your secret sister, Matoi Ryuko, is all tied up in my mansion of doom and dread!"

Satsuki said, "Sister, eh? That's the kind of cheap reveal that...urgghhhh!"

Sailor Moon said, "Not fair! You're not getting away with hurting your own daughters like this! You're a horrible mom!"

Ragyo and Nui laughed uproariously. "Look who's talking! We'll have a little fun, won't we, Nui?" Ragyo said.

"Yes, Ragyo-sama." Nui said.

Both Nui and Ragyo let loose a storm of filaments that bound around the Sailor Senshi (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto aside) and infiltrated their heads, turning them into zombies of sorts.

Satsuki used her metal-infused toenails to cut her way out of her bonds and free the four Devas, while the now-possessed Senshi took to fighting them.

"Boring." Misato said.

"Predictable." Ritsuko said.

Hikari said, "Why is this fic starting to get boring?"

Maya said, "Because there's too many of us and too little to do!"

Mana Kirishima looked at the advancing mob of Evas and said, "Let these guys go with their own shenanigans! I'm tired of waiting!"

With a loud whooosh and a tornado-like cloud of dust, the Yak-43UM landed with Kensuke inside it. He yelled, "Oye, Toji, I need someone to handle all the weapons on this thing!"

Toji said, "Can't. I'm gonna go with my mom to beat up those Frankenstein-Eva-thingies!"

Hikari said, "I'll do it!" And before anyone else could stop her, she jumped right into the back seat of the Yak-43, throwing out all of Misato's empty beer cans as she did. "Now you've got a copilot!"

Misato yelled, "GO HIKARI!"

Shinji said, "Wait, how long has it been since that was a thread on the Animenations forum...?"

Asuka said, "Anta baka? Don't ask!"

The pilot-pigs hopped into their VTOLs and took off, and Mana Kirishima and her army of German tanks rolled out as an army of Eva 44As, 44Bs, and a great big 4444C headed their way. Evas 00, 01, 02 and 03 started up.

Michiru and an orchestra of Kaworu clones began to play Can-Can music.

True enough, the first things to turn up were a lineup of 44Bs doing the Can-Can and shooting lightning from generators.

The Asari Trio of Zeruel, Sachiel and Shamshel stood right in their way.

"Lets get them louses!" Zeruel said, charging in and beating them up in the manner of a bar brawl.

Gaghiel splashed water all over a 44B, shorting out its generator.

The Israfel twins took turns bashing in the tops of another 44B. The Orange and Gray Israfels took turns in saying "Don't...Dare...Hurt...Us!"

Matarael jumped on top of a 4444C and began crying. "What a sad day! I'm crying!"

The four 4444C "heads" said, together, "Get off our positron rifle, Spider-Angel! You're ruining it!"

"I can't help it, I'm so saaaad..." Matarael let loose an even bigger flood of acid tears that melted down more of the rifle.

"We should've brought an umbrella." The dejected 4444C "heads" said.

Ramiel blew up a 4444C with its own beam cannon, and a voice from somewhere yelled, "CRITICAL HIT", took the resulting positron rifle hit on its A.T. Field, and a voice said, "Positron Rifle rolls too low, Ramiel is unhurt!"

Sahaquiel began dropping bits of itself on the 44Bs, making them Can-Can all the faster. "Gendo Heika Banzai! In the name of the great Lordgendo, you will all DANCE even faster!"

Arael began to sing, sending 44Bs heading elsewhere in a hurry.

Armisael floated up to a 44A that had turned up ahead of its flight. "Hi Honey, wouldn't you give a lonely girl a smooch?" Armisael asked.

The lashed-together "heads" of the 44A said, "No thanks!" .

And the 44A fled with Armisael hovering after it in hot pursuit. "Wait! Don't leave me alone!" Armisael yelled.

Meanwhile the Nerv VTOLs ineffectually rained rockets on them and the tanks and the Ratte fired away, taking down random 44Bs as they did.

Mana issued diabolical orders from within the Ratte. "Rats, Tigers, Panthers, Rhinos, Elephants, Mice...shoot them between the legs!"

The Rats crewing the Ratte let loose a loud, "Teeeheeheeheeheeheehee!" when they heard that.

"To all the teenage boys reading this fic, you're welcome." Mana said.

The four Evas had to stop and step back as the lightning from the 44Bs and their generators struck the ground in front of them.

"What do we do now?" Shinji asked.

"Say, we do what Ben Franklin did, see?" Rei 1 said, flying a giant kite from her Eva and sending it aloft. The lightning from the 44Bs harmlessly struck the kite.

Eva-00 pulled out a giant Tommy Gun and began shooting the 44Bs right between the legs.

"Myeah! This is how you do it, see?" Rei 1 said, grinning.

Yui whipped out a giant, 12-string bass guitar and aimed it squarely at the 4444C. "Reach for the sky. This fic ain't big enough for the two of us..." Yui began.

"Ummm, mom, we're not cowboys..." Shinji said.

"Aww, shucks, son, 'cause it looks like we are!" Yui said.

"...and that's not a gun..." Shinji said.

"Darn right it ain't. Now, DRAW!" Yui said.

Eva-01 whipped out the drawing of an old-fashioned six-shooter but the 4444C blasted the drawing with the positron rifle, leaving it smoking.

"Dangnabbit, you...!" Yui charged at the mashup Eva with the giant bass guitar and began bashing in all the four "heads", sending the 4444C running.

"Come back!" Yui yelled, chasing after the 4444C and bashing its heads.

Meanwhile, in Eva-03, Toko said, "Let's go Arnie on that lot!"

Toji said, "Huh?"

Eva-03 whipped out a minigun and began firing at the approaching Evas. "Hasta la vista, babies!"

Toji said, "No way, my mom's enjoying this too much..."

The 44As began to swarm overhead, flying about while rockets exploded all around them. Kensuke's Yak-43UM did a barrel roll as Hikari launched several missiles, blowing multiple 44As out of the sky.

"Heading into twilight, spreading out our wings tonight..." sang Hikari.

"Slavoy, Slavoy Narodnaya...!" sang Kensuke

Toji said, "My mom's going Arnie, Shinji's mom is going El Kabong, Hikari's going Top Gun, Kensuke's going Soviet Russian, and for once I don't have a thing to say or do!"

Asuka and Kyoko looked at the swarms of 44As overhead. Kensuke and Hikari were having fun, but the Nerv VTOLs were getting rammed out of the sky like Matadors struck by angry Bulls, and Pilot-pigs staggered out of the wrecked hulks before collapsing in heaps.

"Looks like the flying pigs met something even more ridiculous. Time to help them out!" Kyoko said.

"Sure. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Asuka asked.

"I sure am!" Kyoko said.

"Flying Frankenstein monster Evas, your lives are gonna be FUBAR!" Asuka said.

"Meatheaded mashups, meet the most maneuverable fighters of the Imperial Japanese Navy!" Kyoko said.

And then, together, in the manner of a Super Sentai show, they said, "Zero-gata Kanjo Sentoki Hikotai, Shutsugeki!!!"

At that, Eva-02 launched a set of missiles from its shoulder pylons that turned into a swarm of remote-controlled Mitsubishi Zeros that got into a giant dogfight against the 44As, sending them out of the sky with 20mm cannon fire aimed at the pylons, or sending them crashing into each other in giant multi-Eva heaps.

The flying Evas promptly stuck bull horns near where their "heads" would've been and tried to charge the fighters down, but the Zeros were way too maneuverable and too precise with their shooting for that to be of any use.

Hyuga said, "World War Two tanks and mobile fortresses, Zero fighters, Russian Kensuke, movie references, and general mayhem...who says this fic's getting boring?"

Maya said, "I did, 'cause I've still got nothing to do."

Aoba said, "I guess we've got to join the creepy little chamber orchestra..."

Ritsuko said, "Patience, Shigeru."

Shamshel whipped the rear end of the last 44B while Sandalphon squeezed it in a baby-bear hug, and it shut down. With that, the entire flying horde of Evas lay crumpled and shattered.

Nui Harime grumbled, "The fic focused on all of their action and not on the awesome and fashionable things we did with the girls!"

Ragyo Kiryuin grumbled too. "The writer of this fanfic has bad taste. And don't say I'm grumbling, I'm making a proclamation!"

Mana looked at Satsuki, who was out cold, and the Four Devas, who were groaning and moaning on the ground once again. "Wait, do we have to fight this lot too?"

Ritsuko said, "Nope, I think you guys can all call it a job well done...I think we need a change of tactics for these ladies."

The Angels, the VTOLs and the Ratte and its tanks headed off, leaving only the Eva cast and a few others.

"What do you mean?" Ragyo asked.

She was answered by the arrival of a giant red space battleship. The boarding ramp of the ship dropped and a figure on a sports motorcycle came zooming down. He was dressed in a tuxedo made of biker leather, wore a helmet and Kamina-style orange glasses, and carried a shotgun, T2-style.

He zoomed down, shot up all the life fiber threads controlling the Sailor Senshi with his shotgun, and then screeched to a halt in front of Ragyo and Nui.

"How rude..." Ragyo began, but was cut off when he removed his helmet and glasses. It was Amuro Ray from Gundam, no less.

Nui said, "Aren't you supposed to be in that dowdy boxy robot in that ugly spacesuit of yours?"

"Not any longer." Amuro Ray said. "I'm giving up my career as a Gundam pilot for something a little more constructive - as Tuxedo Kamina Rider!"

(Watch this space for more, and there shall be more fanservice, as always!) :)
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Tue Aug 18, 2020 11:32 pm

Yui-sama hitting everything Haruko style would absolutely be a sight to see :lol: Amusing update as always~
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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby UrsusArctos » Wed Aug 19, 2020 8:48 am

View Original PostSailor Star Dust wrote:Yui-sama hitting everything Haruko style would absolutely be a sight to see :lol: Amusing update as always~


Tuxedo Kamina Rider scowled. "Even the resident Sailor Moon fan is more interested in Yui-sama than I? How sad."

Ragyo and Nui laughed diabolically. Ragyo grinned and said, "Now what? You've come in wearing that ridiculous getup and shot my controlling life fiber threads. What stops me from just...stringing them up all over again?"

"My pep talk." Tuxedo Kamina Rider said.

Ragyo nearly doubled over cackling, while Nui laughed and pounded the ground.

Back at the Barbarossa's boarding ramp, Pen-Pen, Haruka and Setsuna got off, leaving only Char Aznable and the alive-and-well Lara Sune.

"Amuro's found his own sort of contentment. I think it's time we go back home." Lara Sune said.

Char embraced her. "Yes. Let's leave Amuro to find his own peace here - now that we're back together and in this big honking starship, we have our own universe to explore." he said.

And off they went.

--------------
Ragyo wiped tears from her eyes and Nui dusted herself off.

Ragyo said, "Do what you want!"

Nui said, "La vie est drole!"

Ragyo said, "And it's buffoons like this who make it so amusing..."

Amuro stood still, hands on his hips. "Usagi! Ami! Makoto! Minako! Rei! Snap out of it, the lot of you!"

The senshi stood to attention.

Amuro glowered at them from behind his orange gar-glasses. "You're all meant to be pretty sailor-suited soldiers of justice, but what's gotten into you? Over the course of this fanfic, you have attempted to kidnap Shinji and turn him into Tuxedo Kamen, gone hopelessly out of character as bad girls and now you've just given in to Ragyo's life-fiber shenanigans and beat up Satsuki and the Four Devas! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Usagi said, "It seems like a fanfic written by a person who may or may not be a bear isn't a very good place for us to be..."

"NONSENSE! It's because you're all lazy! You're all too lazy to see or do the obvious!" Amuro yelled.

"W...we are?" Rei asked.

"Drill through the heavens and seize your future for yourselves! You are who you are, and neither fanfic authors nor fangirls decide who you are, or what you want to be. Your purity is actually meant to be a source of strength, right? Either show what you're made of or find another job - reincarnation or no reincarnation, the average fangirl could do better than you so-called 'princesses'! Now get to it!" Amuro yelled.

Nui tossed a bunch of life-fiber control threads at the Sailor Senshi, but this time the threads plonked flat instead of going into their brains.

Ragyo scowled. "Nui, you're being an amateur! This is how a pro does it..."

Ragyo tried the same trick, only to have it fall flat.

"What's the matter, Kiryuin? Your sew-and-sew nonsense go all awry? Okay, Sailor Moon, say whatever you want and get it over with." Amuro said.

Satsuki groaned and picked herself off the ground. "Finally." she said.

Jakuzure moaned. "Satsuki-chan, I would pass the popcorn...if I had any."

"Outrageous! You sew innocent people's brains up with your alien life fibers, you're absolutely horrible to your own daughters, and you're a fashion fraud too! In the name of the moon, we'll punish you!" Sailor Moon said.

Rei Hino snapped her fingers. Nothing happened. She snapped them again. Nothing.

Ami tried to summon water but failed miserably.

Ragyo and Nui let loose a new wave of diabolical laughter."

Ragyo said, "Well, the two of us will have to settle this in most unladylike ways possible." Ragyo rolled up the sleeves of her gown and flexed her wiry muscles.

"How did that happen?" Usagi asked.

"How does it matter how that happened?" Amuro asked.

"But..." Usagi said.

"You're all Sailor Senshi, and you've got an arch-villainness and her henchwoman right in front of you. Villainesses and henchwomen are what you specialize in defeating! So defeat them by any means necessary. Improvise!" Amuro said.

Minako snapped her fingers, ran offstage, and returned with a pair of tanks slung over her back, along with a giant sprayer. The tanks were labeled "Sulfur Dioxide/Hydrogen Sulfide industrial grade malodorant mixture."

Minako had the biggest ^___^ smile on her face and went, "Sailor Venus Special Stinking Atmosphere Attack! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!"

A thick cloud of noxious vapor emerged from the nozzle of her sprayer and enveloped Ragyo and Nui.

Ragyo coughed and choked. "Can't breathe...foul..."

Nui held her nose and went, "It stinks, stinks, stinks..."

"Normally, I'd summon all that Sulfur from the Atmosphere of Venus, but this'll have to do!" Minako said, grinning.

Rei Hino ran out and came back with a different-looking tank and sprayer slung along her back. The nozzle had a little blue flame in front of it.

"I'll make the atmosphere hot and fresh for you two!" Rei Hino said, grinning.

Ragyo looked out from the noxious cloud and said, "That's..."

"Rei-Hino-Red-Hot Flamethrower Special!" Rei Hino said, sending a dense blast of flame that ignited the Sulfur-gas cloud in a blue WHUMP. Ragyo and Nui screamed as the flames hit them. When the attack was over, both of them were charred and smoking, and Nui's pigtails and the tips of Ragyo's hair were still on fire.

"My...pigtails..." Nui said, watching as little burnt bits of hair fluttered to ground.

"My gown...all burnt..." Ragyo said.

Ami Mizuno turned up with two hoses, one a fire hose, the other connected to a liquid nitrogen tank.
"Need to chill out?" she asked. Before either of the villainesses could reply, Ami turned on the hose, blasting them with jets of water, and then used the liquid nitrogen to freeze the two in place.

"Brrr...brrrr...brrr...cold..." went Nui.

"I'm...an...iceberg...how...unfashionable." Went Ragyo.

"And remember, kids, that's how you put two villainesses on ice with the power of SCIENCE! Use the Ami Mizuno Liquid Nitrogen and Fire-Hose combo! And like the Mythbusters say, Don't Try This At Home!" Ami said.

Makoto turned up with an electric zap-gun and powerpack. "And now to show you how to thaw out villainesses with the power of SCIENCE! The Makoto Kino high-voltage Nikola Tesla lightning-gun zapper!"

Lightning shot out of the gizmo and struck Ragyo and Nui, making them flash like lightbulbs in their icy wetness as their skeletons showed. Ragyo and Nui screamed.

"I could show that old creep Palpatine a thing or two about making skeletons glow." Makoto said.

The heat of the lightning thawed out Ragyo and Nui, both of whom now had their hair standing on end and had little sparks going about them. Makoto finished off by whacking a huge wood plank against both their rear ends.

WHACK! "Owwwww!" Ragyo said.

WHACK! "EEeeeeoooo!" Nui said.

"I think I need to see a doctor..." Ragyo said.

Hotaru Tomoe, in a nurse uniform, tossed a set of hula hoops around Ragyo and Nui. She had a little smile on her face as she spoke. "There! Lord-of-the-Rings Saturnian Hoola Hoop binders in place...and the Doctor will see you now!"

Hotaru tossed Ragyo and Nui onto two operating tables with surprising strength. Usagi stood before them, dressed up in a creepy black overcoat.

"How come we're now in an operating room? I'm the one who's supposed to do things like this, not..." Nui said.

"And why are you dressed up like Black Jack...? Oh no..." Ragyo's eyes went wide as she realized what was about to happen to her.

"That's right! I'm gonna perform a heart-surgery on your fiber-infused heart!" Usagi said, drawing the curtains. Ragyo and Nui screeched and shrieked for a while, and when the curtains were drawn back they revealed Ragyo and Nui in hospital gowns.

Nui said, "I'm a normal girl now...how embarrassing!"

Ragyo said, "And I've been de-fiberized and put into this unfashionable hospital gown...will my misery never end?"

Nui said, "La vie n'est pas drole..."

Minako said, "C'est la vie!" with a big ^_____^

Satsuki marched up, in a Zenigata-style overcoat. "Ragyo, your misery at my hands is just beginning." she said.

Amuro Ray said, "Gentlewomen, we have a universe of our own to save. Let's get to it!"

And with the Sailor Moon and Kill la Kill characters having finished their own business, this fic enters its endgame, with only the Eva characters left.

-------------
The rest of the Eva cast got aboard Ritsuko's tour bus.

Shinji asked, "Where did Pen-Pen go?"

Hikari said, "I don't know...wasn't he with you?"

Norio Ikari said, "Hmm, we can't delay our business for our penguin friend, sadly."

Ritsuko said, "I see a giant pyramid over there with a sign that says 'Lordgendo's Nerv Pyramid of Doom'. Huh, it never used to have a signboard before..."

Maya said, "Talk about being 'Captain Obvious'..."

Norio said, "Let's go straight up to it and call that coward out."

A minute later, Norio stood before the pyramid and yelled, "IIIIKKKKAAAAARRRRRRIIII, YOU COWAAAARRRRRRD!!! COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!!!"

Rather than Gendo coming out, a giant triangular flying machine turned off its active camouflage and revealed itself hovering in the air above the Pyramid. A holographic projector activated, and the image of a man in a red double-breasted suit, with a black pointed hood and a white mask with a creepy painted face on it faced them all.

"Come to my parlor, said the spider to the fly." said the man, in what sounded just like Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki's voice.

"Wait, that's Fuyutsuki's voice..." Aoba said.

"Where'd he go? He's not around either!" Hyuga said.

Akira said, "I've got a bad feeling about this..."

Sayaka said, "Don't you go all Luke Skywalker on us..."

The figure in the hood laughed diabolically. "Kozo Fuyutsuki has run away like the cowardly old professor he is. I am Nemesis Ra Kozo Gargotsuki, the once and future Dark Lord!"

"...and don't you go all 'Dark Lord' on us, you're being cliche!" Sayaka yelled.

"Cliche isn't bad if it's well-executed. And now for the most longwinded name of a superweapon in fiction..." the figure took a deep breath from behind the mask. "...Nemesis Ra Kozo Gargotsuki Thrice Upon A Time Illusory Reality Tower of Babel Maximum Annihilation Weapon, FIRE!"

Gargotsuki snapped his fingers, and there was a flash of white light as the world dissolved too quickly for anyone to even react.

Gargotsuki said, "You're in the Endgame now!"

-------
What's going on? Will this fic finally have an ending? Who is Nemesis Ra Kozo? What happened to Pen-Pen, Fuyutsuki and the others? All this and more, in Tengen-Toppa-WARK-angelion's FINAL: Thrice Upon A Time! And of course, there'll be more fanservice!
Last edited by UrsusArctos on Wed Aug 19, 2020 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:57 pm

Oh no, hahaha~ I'm looking forward to your fic's finale. The silliness thus far was cute fun, so thanks for writing ^_^ Minako wrecking absolute havoc was hilarious. I can't recall if there were any seiyuu jokes considering Amuro = Mamo-chan himself and Usagi/Misato you know who in terms of seiyuu~ But he certainly was giving Tuxedo Mask speeches by the end, there :grin:
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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby UrsusArctos » Sat Aug 22, 2020 12:41 pm

Thrice Upon A Time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a boy named Shinji Ikari. He lived in an ordinary house with his dad and mom and his bobblehead Pen-Pen doll.

He would be woken up by his angry and always-early classmate Asuka, who would sometimes bonk him with a rubber mallet.

His mom would make coffee and breakfast in the morning, and talk to his dad, who would read the newspaper while going "Yes, Yui." while Asuka forced Shinji to brush, shower and eat breakfast in a huge rush.

Bonk! "Hurry up in the shower and don't do anything pervy in there!" Bonk! "Don't dare come out of the shower without your bathrobe properly tied!" Bonk! "Hurry up with your food!". And then poor Shinji would have to grab his schoolbag and jog to school with Asuka chasing him and making sure he didn't ever slow down.

"See you later, Yui obasan!" Asuka said.

"See you, Asuka dear! My, I'm glad Shinji has such a good friend..." Yui said.

"Yes, Yui." Gendo said, reading the newspaper.

"You need to put down that boring old newspaper and head to Castle Pyramid straight away, you know the Dark Lord Gargotsuki doesn't like people coming in late..." Yui said.

"Yes, Yui." Gendo said, still reading the newspaper.

On the way, Shinji usually would crash into a transfer student named Rei, who always came running to school with a slice of toast in her mouth.

"Sorry!" Rei would say, running to school as fast as she could. And Asuka would bonk Shinji on the head again with her rubber mallet saying, "Don't even dream of peeking at her underpants!"

At school, Shinji would run into Toji and Kensuke. Kensuke would be drooling about some new fighter or tank or the other and Toji would be talking about sports.

Asuka would run into Hikari and both of them would sigh and talk about how they were the only sane people in their classroom.

Then their homeroom teacher, Miss Misato Katsuragi, would turn up, and half the boys in the class would secretly doodle naughty images of her in their schoolbooks. Shinji didn't, because he found something strangely familiar about Miss Misato and had the odd feeling that something about their world wasn't right.

And then came the other mysterious transfer student, a smiling bishonen called Kaworu Nagisa. All the girls in the class, except Hikari and Asuka and Rei, salivated over Kaworu.

Misato had a strange familiar feeling about Kaworu and Shinji thought that Misato and Kaworu sort of looked related.

After class, Kaworu came up to Shinji and said, "Music is the joy of mankind. Why don't you grab your cello and join us in the music club, we've got a new music teacher who's very good!"

Shinji said, "Okay." When Shinji looked out of one of the school windows, he saw Misato with her manly boyfriend, Kaji. Both Misato and Kaji were surprised to see a hot red sports car come zooming in and screeching to a halt in the parking lot.

"Hey! That's my stunt!" Misato yelled.

"Cool it, Mi-chan..." Kaji said.

At that, a tall woman who looked like a handsome young man stepped out, helping out a beautiful young lady with sea-green hair.

"...my, they're a pretty couple!" Kaji said, before going "huh?". Misato was looking at Haruka (who else?) with hearts in her eyes.

(more to come as I edit this...)
[Became a moderator on December 31st, 2007. Became an administrator on September 7th, 2013.]
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WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster

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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sat Aug 22, 2020 8:01 pm

Very cute and funny so far, I can't wait for the conclusion~
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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby UrsusArctos » Sun Aug 23, 2020 1:44 pm

(EDIT: Edited out a little goof...and yes, I want this to be my sign-off for all Fanfiction.)

Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion : The End of WARK-angelion
-----------------------

As Shinji picked up his cello and went to music class, he went past the cosplay club. The boys and girls there were dressed in strange-looking costumes, and strangely familiar ones too.

Kaworu stepped in for a moment. "Arael, do you mind joining us? We need your lovely singing voice."

A smallish girl wearing a bright headlamp and a costume with brightly glowing Angel wings said, "Hallelujah, mama! Here I come!"

Shinji didn't know what he'd just heard but the light was too bright for his eyes, "Do you mind turning the light off? It's like it's shining into my brains!"

Arael turned it off with a "Whoops, sorry! Bad habit of mine!"

The other kids called out to Kaworu, and Shinji heard even weirder stuff.

A girl in a costume that made her look like a red uterine system said in a very sultry voice, "Mamma, honey, are you sure you won't join us?"

A macho-looking guy in a costume that made him look kind of like a jersey cow with a skull mask and toilet paper arms and a big red spot in the middle said, "Yo, mamma, dis is where da good stuff's at!"

A wimpy-looking guy in a costume that looked like it was a bondage suit covered in blueberry-flavored icing said, "Mama, just don't bring anybody in who wants to eat me! You sure he won't eat me, right?"

Another kid (Shinji wasn't sure if they were a he or a she) in a costume that made them look like an amoeba with a giant eye said, "O-kasama banzai! By your grace, the cosplay club of the angels-turned-to-lilin is ready to get into action!"

A big girl in a costume that made her look like she was made of blue salt crystals said in a weirdly emotionless voice, "Progenitor, your presence in this region of space is confirmed to be 100 percent optimal for sibling lifeforms."

Kaworu smiled and said, "Go ahead with your plans, children. Your mother has work to do and will see you all soon. Now, down the corridor we go!"

Shinji said, " 'Mother?' Did Ursus just give you Swyer Syndrome like BobBQ did, or make you Fem-Kaworu like Reichu during her Revelations?"

BrikHaus popped open a manhole cover and stuck his head in. "Just like it says in my signature, the longer a thread goes on in EMF, the probability of Fem-Kaworu being mentioned approaches one."

Kaworu said, "Don't be rude, Brik-kun. Also, update your sig, this forum's been EGF for 13 years now!"

Shinji said, "Wow, SSD aside, I wonder who's left who understands these jokes?"

Kaworu said, "Depends on who's reading them! To answer your previous question, Shinji, apparently I'm just a very pretty boy, but I happen to be my own mother."

Shinji said, "I know we're in some sort of fairytale fanfic but even by fairytale and fanfic logic that makes no sense, and this fic missed the chance to add Revolutionary Girl Utena to its list of references."

Kaworu said, "Utena has trouble enough at Ohtori academy, and besides, dealing with Anno means that adding on any more Ikuhara than the Sailor Moon stuff that's already here would be a little too much...ah, here we are!"

"Shinji, darling, let's play together." Michiru said, and, as elegant as ever, she began to teach him a piece that she called "I, Shinji" for reasons that Shinji found mysterious.

"Funny, it's almost like this should be background music to whatever I'm doing." Shinji said, as he played on his cello, Kaworu joined in on a piano and Arael sung along in her soprano voice.

Kaworu whispered, "I think you should feel lucky, Michiru has the hots for you."

"Really? It's funny, I think I have a crush on her too. Wonder why? Is it her voice or her playing?" Shinji whispered.

Kaworu said, "I think she likes your voice. You just need to speak in a slightly huskier tone and she'll be all for you."

Shinji said, "Funny, I feel like jumping into a sports car and driving away like her boyfriend...what am I thinking? I'm going totally out of character! And Asuka will eat me alive!"

Kaworu said, "Don't worry, Shinji, Asuka'll understand this after I talk to her. After all, some folks think I'm made for her."

Shinji said, "Shippers gonna ship!"

------------

While all these pleasantries were going on, deep within his Pyramid of Doom, the Dark Lord Gargotsuki played Shogi with the resurrected body of the great Admiral Yang Wenli.

Yang said, "This isn't fair. You know I'm terrible at chess and all its variations, Shogi included. How do you expect a proper game if it's so easy for me to lose?"

Gargotsuki said, "That's the point, Admiral. I know you'll lose, and I want to have the pleasure of beating you."

Yang said, "But I'm so bad at this or any game with rules so often that it's not even fair. And how is it pleasurable or even entertaining if I keep getting beaten so easily all the time?"

Gargotsuki said, "Dear Admiral, unfairness is precisely what I enjoy the most. You're a genius but you're at the mercy of my game."

Yang sipped his brandy-infused tea and looked glumly at his Shogi board, while Gargotsuki chuckled evilly.

Gendo watched the Gargotsuki-Yang conversation with the weird feeling that he should turn to a 'Fuyutsuki' and make some kind of comment about things, but there seemed to be no Fuyutsuki about.

Below the evil command deck of doom, Shiro Tokita directed a number of robots in creepy masks that marched about and did mysterious scientific things.

"You need to dig 10 tunnels with cellos if you're to achieve the productivity rate the Lord Gargotsuki School of Economics demands!"

Akira Katsuragi and his wife Sayaka were laboring on something called the S2 Engine project that Gargotsuki wanted done badly. But Gendo had no idea what Gargotsuki had in mind. He had no idea why he was working for him.

--------------

Shinji finished playing his little piece and said, "Wow, I feel different. Almost like I'm learning to criticize and question the foundations of my very existence."

A man on a Godzilla-shaped bicycle cycled past, munching on a cheeseburger. "As sure as I am chee of the cheeseburgers, deconstruction's the way to go. Take it from the EGF Hate Machine!"

Shinji ignored chee's surreal presence and said, "I'm a character from an anime, in a fanfic, but I can make a difference."

Haruka stood next to Michiru, holding her tight. "Sure. This could've been you, and not me. The funny things that happen when you have the same people voicing different characters, you know?"

Setsuna appeared and said, "There are as many possibilities as there are people."

Michiru said, "And we all make music, or write stories, or form art together."

Yang Wenli's voice came over the school's speakers. "It's like that old story used to explain both Buddhist and Taoist philosophy in China, dated to the late BC or early centuries AD. There was a man named Chang Chou who dreamed he was a butterfly, and then woke up. He didn't know if he was Chang Chou who had dreamed of being a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming of being Chang Chou."

Gargotsuki's voice came over next. "Get back to the game and lose on schedule, Yang! Philosophy is for bums!"

Norio Ikari walked in, dressed like coach from Gunbuster."Wrong, Mr. Gargotsuki. Philosophy is for everyone. It's liberating!" he said, turning the speakers off before Gargotsuki could make any rude comments.

Shinji said, "Grandpa, how come you're here?"

Norio said, "Shinji, my boy, I've got someone to introduce to you."

Noriko Takaya walked into the room, followed by Toji, who collapsed in a chair. "She...beat...me..." he said, out of breath, pointing.

Norio said, "Suzuhara, you needed a lesson from her. Takaya, tell me what matters!"

Noriko said, "Hard work and guts!"

"Not to mention a little common sense too." Norio said.

A small mound of earth emerged from one corner, and the Lagann emerged. 14-year-old Simon popped out. "Life's like drilling, or evolution, just keep going one little bit at a time and don't look back."

Shinji said, "So I can slowly change things for myself, one thing at a time, and make myself a new, happy life."

Hotaru Tomoe turned up in a black jumpsuit and carrying her great big scythe. "Enough evolution, and you get a revolution."

Pen-Pen entered with a transporter-style effect and said, "Believe in the Penguin - or the you - that believes in you!"

Shinji said, "Pen-Pen! You're real!"

"Of course I'm real, you nitwit! I'm an anime character and a fanfic character just like you!" Pen-Pen said.

Yui turned up too. "Shinji, dearest, it's time now."
-----------------

The school fell apart, showing all the Eva cast.

Rei 1, 2 and 3 were all together, with Rei 1 and Rei 3 smiling and Rei 2 being as expressionless as ever. Asuka was with Kyoko, who was in turn busy roughing up Adrian Langley and yelling at Asuka's Stepmother, Toji with Touko, Kensuke with his grumpy dad Kazuhiro, and Hikari with her sisters Nozomi and Kodama.

Maya, Hyuga, Aoba and Kaji all stood together, and Ritsuko and her grumpy mom Naoko looked their way. Naoko said, "Looks like that jerk Ikari and his new boss are gonna get what's coming to them."

Misato, Sayaka, Akira and Kaworu were all there too.

Akira said, "Now that we've been brought here, I think I should sneak away..."

Reichu emerged out of a cardboard box and grabbed Akira in a bear hug. "AKIRA MY LOVE! I've got my fanfic back in the works and you're coming with me!"

Sayaka, indignant, yelled, "Akira's MY love! Give him back, Reichu!!"

Shinji said, "All right, let's do this!"

Gargotsuki said, "Shikinami, Mari, get to work!"

"We quit." Mari said.

Gargotsuki jumped. "Quit? Your contracts with Gendo and me are for life!"

"Let's say we have a labor dispute over the terms of the contracts, shall we?" Shikinami said.

"So we's going on strike!" Mari said.

Kaworu said, "Well, you're welcome to join me and create a new future with my kids, if you want."

"Sure thing, boss." Mari said to Kaworu, grinning and exposing her shark-like teeth.

"Offer accepted." Shikinami said.

Gargotsuki coolly said, "No matter, I have something more reliable at my disposal." He snapped his fingers. "Robot Eva Mark 9! Get to work!"

At that point, an Eva that looked like a headless orange Eva-00 and carrying a giant creepy scythe turned up behind them, along with Gargotsuki. "Eva Mark 9, finish them off!" Gargotsuki said.

The headless Eva stepped forward and swung its scythe, but Hotaru raised her scythe in response. Both scythes hit each other. For a moment, both Hotaru and Mark 9 stood as if frozen, and then the Mark 9's scythe disintegrated.

The headless Eva stared at the crumbly remains of its weapon, changed color to red-and-black and grew a creepy head with multiple rows of eyes. It fired an optic blast at Hotaru, who reflected it back at the Eva with her scythe. Mark 9 stood there for a moment and then crumbled into dust too.

"There! That heap of junk's been dusted, Thanos-style." Hotaru said.

"That's our job done." Haruka said. Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru and Setsuna got togther to leave.

Gargotsuki grumbled, "If you need something done, do it yourself...have your precious fanservice moments, I'll be back!"

"Wait, wait, wait! SSDSSDSSDSSDSSD!" said a voice, and Sailor Star Dust, dressed up as a senshi and accompanied by the bird Wendy, cats Timmy, Butters and Kitty and dogs Cujo and Zelda, appeared in a flash of light.

"Come on, is this really your last time in this fic?" SSD asked.

"It is. Our time here's up." Setsuna said.

"We'll return in other Sailor Moon stuff, fanfic and canon. You'll see us again." Hotaru said.

"In a new era." Haruka and Michiru said together. Haruka and Michiru embraced and kissed each other as the transporter effect took the Sailor Senshi out of the fic.

"Aawwwwwwwwww soooo romantic...all this fic now needs is the sacred art of erotic asphyxiation!" SSD said.

Asuka put her hands around Shinji's neck and squeezed. "Like this?" Asuka asked.

Shinji said, "Awful...idea...ugh..."

SSD formed hearts in her eyes and went "Yes, YES, YES!!! SSDSSDSSDSSDSSD!!!" she and her pets vanished out of the fic in a flash of light.

--------

"Now that you've finished giving your resident Sailor Moon fan some fanservice, here comes some fan disservice." It was Gargotsuki speaking. "Eva Mark X Abhorrent Antediluvian Apkallu Abomination, get to work!" he said, snapping his fingers.

Another Eva turned up, a white Eva with a black X on its face, a reversed Seele crest on its forehead, and a crest on top of its head that looked like something out of Ultraman. The black X opened up to reveal an eldritch four-part mouth with a core in an eye-shape area behind it..

Gargotsuki laughed diabolically. "Behold my nightmarish Eva Mark X!"

At that moment the Lagann disappeared underground again, and the Excelion March from Gunbuster began to play and a mech that looked like a cross between an Evangelion, Gurren Lagann and the Gunbuster emerged from the Sea of Dirac with spiral energy around it.

Shinji stared. "What's that?" he asked.

Pen-Pen said, "This is the Tengen Toppa Bustergelion! What the hell do you think it is?"

Norio said, "And it's up to you now!"

Yui said, "We're getting onboard and joining Simon and Noriko!"

Shinji said, "Another giant robot fight...hey!" Yui grabbed Shinji and ran headlong for the Tengen Toppa Bustergelion.

Inside the giant robot, Shinji asked, "So I've gotten into the robot again. Do we have another giant robot fight with hot-blooded yelling, attacks being called out, beastly behavior, beam spam and a Macross Missile Massacre?"

Yui said, "I think we're going for something a little different - a music play-off!"

Simon said, "Track after track, we're going to drill that guy down!"

Noriko said, "With hard work and guts, we're going to beat that punk!"

BrikHaus popped his head out of another manhole. "What about you play Eminem's Slim Shady? After all, I started this stuff in 200 proof...!"

Pen-Pen yelled, "Brik, SUCK IT!"

BrikHaus said, "Hey, those were MY rude words too! I'm the resident forum jerk, remember? Yo, urineanalysis, give a doc credit where it's due!"

Pen-Pen yelled, "Analyze your own urine, bladder-mouth! You ain't getting no credit until you update your AwesomelyShitty blog with a list of the top anime of this decade! Now take my Penguin Phallipus into thy mouth, KNAVE!" He jumped on the manhole cover and slammed it shut on BrikHaus.

--------

With that foul-mouthed exchange concluded, the final rock-off began.

Gargotsuki's Mark X began the assault with a "Misere me" sung out of its eldritch mouth, and the Bustergelion responded with a version of "Hey Jude" that was so passionate and soulful and beautiful that even the Gargotsuki bots lit their lighters and waved it in the air before blowing up due to defects in their programming logic.

Shiro Tokita saw it and said, "Alright, this job ain't payin' for me any longer! Away I go!" And ran away with his papers in a briefcase to unknown parts.

"Cowardly fool and useless minions. No matter." Gargotsuki said. He then set the Mark X to turn into a one-Eva trash metal band, spouting vile abuse from its eldritch mouth.

The Bustergelion crew countered with the most soothing possible rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine" possible, so perfect that Lennon's ghost himself might have directed it. Even the deafening screaming of the Mark X turned strangely silent.

Gargotsuki snarled. "Beaten by the Beatles twice in a row? What an embarrassment! I'm going to change my tracks!"

The Mark X began to play evil music from Nazi Germany.

Aboard the Bustergelion, Noriko said, "Time to dance like a Cossack! Play Kalinka, and then Katyusha and then cannons from the end of the 1812 overture!"

And while the Bustergelion broke into a perfect Cossack dance, the Mark X's vile fascistic music was drowned out by the Bustergelion's classical Russian overture, and the Bustergelion punched and kicked the Mark X to the sound of the 1812 Overture's cannons.

"Now the kid gloves really are off, Eva!" Gargotsuki said, "Combine my Nadia and Eva 3.0 themes and attack!"

A full orchestra of smaller Evas sprouted from the Mark X's armor and it began to play God's Message, the Wrath of God in all its Fury, and the Tower of Babel music from Nadia, zapping Bustergelion with lightning and energy beams as it did.

Noriko yelled, "Busssteeeeerrrrr....enerrrgyyy....shielldddd!!!"

Bustergelion was hammered and pounded but the attacks harmlessly dissipated against the Bustergelion's energy shield.

Shinji screamed, "This is scary! The music is scary!"

Noriko said, "Shinji, what are you doing? Stay brave!"

Simon said, "Don't give in, it's like a drill! Keep going!"

Yui said, "Anywhere can be heaven as long as you've got the will to make it so! Shinji, think of music to beat him!"

Shinji said, "Uh...Stairway to Heaven? Smoke on the water? Iron Man?"

The other three yelled, "All three of those, together!"

And so it was that the Tengen Toppa Bustergelion blasted the Eva Mark X with a mixture of Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath, pounding the Mark X with a wave of energy that transcended the space-time continuum. And then they went to Break on Through (To the Other Side), and finished with Riders on the Storm, Light My Fire, and The End zapping the Mark X with lightning and fire.

The Mark X, overwhelmed, disintegrated.

"That was all it took?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, sweetie, that was all it took." Yui said. "To those of you who were expecting more awesomeness, well...real badassitude is about meaning, not spectacle!"

Gargotsuki shook his fist. "Curses! Nemesis Ra Kozo Gargotsuki doesn't go down so easily! I'll be back yet! And when I do..."

He was interrupted by Fuyutsuki's voice, "Do you have to make THAT FACE? He's ruined my good looks!"

Everyone turned around to where Fuyutsuki, Yang Wenli and Ornette were gathered around what looked like a robotic version of Fuyutsuki with a huge, creepy, pervy, leering smile.

"Sure thing." Ornette said. "I've also programmed him to say a whole lot of rude things, because I think it's funny. And it adds character."

Yang Wenli shook his head as Ornette opened the bot's mouth and emptied a bottle of Caol Ila whisky down it. "That looks like a waste of some very good whisky!"

"I agree. Admiral, I think I'll probably need a very strong cup of your tea with brandy soon..." Fuyutsuki said, mopping his forehead with a handkerchief.

Gargotsuki said, "What is this perverted piece of...?"

Ornette pressed a button. He said, "There we go!"

Fuyutsuki-bot activated and the leer on its face became even more perverse, if possible. In a scratchy mechanical voice it said, "Sup, bitches? I'm back to make sure you have a miserable time."

"How uncultured." Fuyutsuki muttered.

The bot walked right up to Gargotsuki and before he could do anything, kicked him in the groin.

Gargotsuki howled and hopped in pain, and the bot reached into his pants and pulled up his underpants in a wedgie, followed by a spanking to the rear.

"Owwww! Oooooh! Help! Help! I surrender!" Gargotsuki yelled, but the bot wouldn't take no for an answer.

And so it was that the Dark Lord, Nemesis Ra Kozo Gargotsuki, fled across the landscape screaming in pain as the Fuyu-bot chased him, kicking him, spanking his rear and giving him wedgies.

----------------------------------

Admiral Yang headed off to his own universe to set things straight, and Noriko and Simon headed home, and any guests that I might have forgotten went back home too. That left just the Eva cast, and Gendo.

Naoko Akagi kicked Gendo hard in the rear.

"Owwwwww!" Gendo yelled.

"That's for calling me an old hag behind my back!" Naoko said.

Naoko brought her fist down upon Gendo's head.

"Uuugggghh!!!" Gendo groaned.

"That's for being a terrible boyfriend to my daughter, you filthy little jerk!" Naoko said.

"I'd add a few of my own, mom, but if all of us had to add our punches and kicks I think it would all be rather monotonous, even if he's a jackass who richly deserves ever thumping he gets." Ritsuko said.

"Rrrrrrookubungggggiiii. You'll pay for this." Norio Ikari growled as he advanced upon Gendo, who was shivering like a leaf.

"What should I do to him, daughterrrrr?" Norio asked Yui.

Yui looked at the pale, shivering Gendo and said, "I can forgive Gendo for being a less-than-ideal husband, but it's his hurting Shinji that I can't forgive. Shinji?"

Shinji glared at Gendo. "You left me in that dirty village digging holes with a cello for Shiro Tokita, and you never bothered to call or check in on me..."

Gendo said, "I'm sorry."

Shinji said, "...what kind of a father does that make you?"

Gendo said, "The worst anime dad of them all. I left you alone because I thought I was a right bastard who'd hurt you just by being around you."

Shinji said, "You know that's nonsense, don't you? That you ran away from me and made things so much worse for me because you were a coward."

Pen-Pen hopped up and down, making with his wings like he was a boxer. "Sock it to him, kid!"

Gendo said, "Yes, I'm a coward and a fool. Hurt me as much as you want, Shinji. I deserve to be beaten up, thrown in jail."

Shinji said, "Beating you up or locking you up won't fix anything. I'm gonna do something that hurts you worse than meaningless violence."

Everyone said, "Ohhh?"

Shinji walked over to Gendo, hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

Shinji said, "Dump me all you want, but you're my dad and I love you."

Gendo flushed red. Everyone was speechless.

"You're right. That hurt more...I'm sorry, Shinji! I love you too! I always have!" Gendo began to cry for the first time in a long time, and hugged his son back.

"Shinji, my boy, you're the best grandson I could hope for. And you, Rokubungi, will have plenty to answer for to a whole lot of people - humans, angels, whatever - but you're going to have to repay things with kindness after being such a horrible person."

Yui said, "It'll be hard, dear, but we'll work things through. And you don't need to ask me, silly - I love you."

Norio said, "Hmm, maybe I could play baseball with my grandson. I know my son-in-law never had the talent for it..."

Shinji said, "You and I and dad could all play ball together. It's a first!"

Kaworu said, "I and my kids are fine with being in Lilin form. Now if there's anything we could do to help..."

Pen-Pen got away from cuddling Hikari for a moment. "Wark! There's always a penguin with ideas here if you need one!"

Norio said, "That's going to be a long conversation, and I think I and Professor Fuyutsuki are going to have a lot to discuss. It's going to be interesting to live with a family again. Daughter, grandson, we have a lot of catching-up to do!"

Rei 1 walked to Yui with her 'daughters'. "Say, I think we might all be able to live together as a big happy family, see? It's gonna be funny for a while, see, but I think we can get along, see?"

Yui said, "Yes, we'll all get along, and we'll make things good!"

-------------------

And so it was that all the Eva cast - Lilin and Angel alike, got together and built themselves a flourishing new town out in the wilderness, with which they began to rebuild the rest of Earth. In very un-Eva like but fairytale ending, Gendo got together with Shinji and his father in law. The three Reis became a part of the Ikari family.

Mana got all the animal-human hybrids together, and they lived a fine life in the new town, slowly turning the new town into a city.

Asuka, Kyoko, Langley and stepmother all got to live together - in peace, surprisingly. Pen-Pen moved in with the Horakis. Kensuke got to unleash his grumpy dad's buried geeky side and they had fun together. Kaworu and his(her?) kids got to enjoy Lilin life. Shikinami and Mari got new lives as vegan cooks.

Misato, Sayaka, Akira and (occasionally) Kaworu got together as a family and led a normal domestic life - that was, whenever some or all of them weren't being taken away by Reichu!

Shinji got to play baseball with his dad, his grandpa, his mom and his three Rei sisters, and when combined with Toji, Toko, Asuka and Kyoko they made a pretty good team.

-

And everyone mentioned in this fic lived happily ever after (villains excepted, maybe).

The End.

Goodbye, all of Evangelion fanfiction.
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Sailor Star Dust
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Re: Tengen Toppa WARK-angelion

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sun Aug 23, 2020 3:55 pm

Jeez, referencing all the old IRC stuff was a blast from the past :lol:

Quite a silly and fun ending, haha. Nice to see the Ikari family somewhat normal after everything. Thanks for all the fun and silly fics over the years, they were a great source of entertainment ^_^
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