I much appreciate the comments about Misato's state of mind in Ch.15. Very useful for helping me see a side of the writing that's not initially obvious to me. The "microcosm" bit is especially interesting.

Channeling much of my Aspyness into Kaworu feels like the most natural thing in the world. I'm sure I was pouring my despair into Kaworu for many years on end -- making up head canons about him, and such -- before I actually realized what I was really doing. Damn you, anime characters, forcing me into greater self-awareness and stuff! The reason this makes perfect sense is that... Well, there's a very pervasive sense throughout life that you ("you" as in "unspecified person"; I hate English) somehow ended up on the wrong planet -- hence the name of the large online Aspy community -- and despite your complete and utter disadvantage, you're expected to conform to the locals, or suffer. Pretending to be "normal" is terrible and exhausting, but not having any tools for surviving in a world that wasn't made for you might be even worse. It's a catch-22.

The Angels in general to me function as a potent metaphor for autism. They can't communicate well, and almost nobody tries to work with them in any way, so (almost) all they have are non-verbal means of expression such as violence. They're on a world that was not made for them, and for this they are punished. Kaworu is the Aspy of the lot, as he is obviously the highest-functioning, represented by his ability to "pass" -- he looks and talks just enough like us to not be automatically hassled for it, but he's clearly still far from normal. He's still the Other, and always will be. (I'm not sure what the Impacts would be in this metaphor... A change in the status quo that would benefit the disadvantaged, perhaps. Those who already have the advantage love to treat any change, even one for universal good, as the worst thing ever.)

In any case, Eva being a setting that provides its own justification for aliens that aren't really aliens, and are instead just another version of us, makes it quite ideal for exploring neurodiversity.

I'm glad Kaworu's attempts to navigate new social situations weren't (too) cringy! His human qualities starting to shine through is a relief, as well. Everything is going according to plan...

>what exactly he needs Misato for - which I only understood so easily because of your posts in the MP-Eva-Soul-thread

Now I wonder how many story elements have been "spoiled" by my recent frenetic posting in Discussion... But that's fine, I suppose. Particular aspects of the story have been planned well in advance, but many others have not, so there remain many surprises even I can't spoil.

>Kaworu has that effect on people

It makes perfect sense, in its own fucked-up way. Kaworu is a Jesus figure, and a Space Mom on top of (or perhaps, more accurately, "deep under") that. I suppose this just might be Adam's natural disposition. "As long as you allow me to get close enough, I will provide you with unconditional love." (ARE KAWORU NAGISA AND STEVEN UNIVERSE THE SAME PERSON? IT'S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU'D THINK!!!) Shinji's relationships with parental figures are all screwed up in some way. Same with Misato. Kaworu might be a natural draw to anybody who needs God-Mom Love in their life. But for the same reasons that Shinji and Misato want and need God-Mom, they'd get very quickly confused about their sentiments toward God-Mom. They've had no reliable adults close at hand to properly model physical affection and intimate relationships. "God-Mom held my hand?? OH CRAP, ME SO SEXUALLY CONFUSED NOW!!!"

Starting with the chapter notes this time, I can say that I didn't feel like Misato was pushed anywhere. Having just read Chapter 5 of Crying Man yesterday, I thankfully understand a lot of references and hints in here, regarding Misato and her conflicting emotions towards her father/Kaworu, who are, basically, the same person right now anyways, as far as she is concerned. So knowing where you are coming from, it is far easier to see where you are going, which might colour my impression, but even with a critical second look, nothing in here seems to be a sudden turn or shift in her emotions towards Kaworu or unnatural to her character.

About nothing being terribly new ... well, no, but now that we know what is at stake, and have a little background information, it is time to see how it all plays out. That much of it happens inside characters heads, without actually going anywhere (well, that's debatable - Kaworu's last line kicks certain plot developments into overdrive, I'd wager, among other things) doesn't feel out of place since the goal was to explore that to begin with. One could argue that Misato deciding to pick out clothes for Kaworu is an unnecessary distraction, but her being unnecessarily distracted by ... non-professional concerns is also a staple of the story.

Other than that, this time around I truly don't have much to say, strangely enough. Maybe I am still exhausted from trying to figure out the Lake Scene and enjoy the opportunity to relax. I liked it, for a few reasons. Other than direct plot implications and the lovely relationshipbuilding, it gave me a lot to think about concerning writing choices. At more than one point I had the thought: "Yes! I need that in my story! How do I steal it?", as you somehow have a knack for making things concrete that float around in my head as vague ideas.

I also highly enjoy the details you include. For example, pointing out that renewed movement makes your nerves register a touch again is a detail I very much would include in my own writing (with a similar choice of words, even), as that is exactly the kind of thing I like to include to make the reader remember their physicality, thus bringing them deeper into the story - but I would never have thought of that specific thing. Which is of course the reason to include it in the first place: Nobody actively thinks about stuff like that, it is just completely obvious whenever you touch or hold hands, so obvious in fact that it careens right off into mental oblivion. So when you include it, people go "Wow, that's right, I never noticed, but it was there all along! You are so smart! Why am I so stupid?" - at least that's what I thought.

Eh, not sure where I was going with all that - there is just a lot of stuff in there that's clever and well done, including (but not limited to) plot details, character motivation and character interaction, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, as it seems so familiar yet new at the same time, since your perspective is very different from mine, but you seem to have the same focus - if that makes any sense. It was just an all around pleasurable experience.

Reg. the microcosm: I will try to point out more of those things, but it is really only coincidence when I notice them at all, so, no guarantees sadly.

Reg. Aspyness: Yeah, and it is so obvious in hindsight (especially since my sister is an Aspy as well, and she told me much the same things about feeling like an alien - hell, one of her online handles includes Alien as a component) that I am truly baffled how I could have missed it. I guess I placed too much emphasis on him actually being an ancient, alien entity to make the connection, which is also why I failed to see him as just another struggling human.

Reg. Fish out of Water: They were only cringy in the sense that the innate awkwardness of the situation came through.

Reg. Spoilers: Personally, I like having knowledge of how the in-universe rules function in advance. I'd much rather think about how you will implement your ideas than sit here in confusion and feel stupid because I don't get your hints. I like a certain amount of predictability in the stories I read, as that will be there on the second reading anyway.

Kaworu's effect on people: I truly envy your ability to make connections I completely miss. Mind borrowing me that mind for a few days? Everything seems to make much more sense from your perspective.

Edit: Since "Unconditional Love" by definition includes the willingness to kill or be killed, as demonstrated directly by Kaworu himself, his draw seems to be even broader. He is an embodiment of both Eros and Thanatos, thus quite literally everything anybody can ever dream at base level. He is the ultimate escape and ultimate release at the same time.

To stick to the religious context for a litte: Nuns literally become the wives of Jesus - the obvious purpose being that they can have sex with him, since sex is only allowed in marriage (saving yourself for Jesus, sanctifying the act itself). Since Jesus is part of the Holy Trinity, he is the "father" of all mankind as well -> Electra complex. Religious language use is also quite revealing in itself: They feel the touch of God/Jesus. While obviously referring to something spiritual, I think the use of a term invoking physicality is not entirely by accident, as physicality is shunned in most other contexts. Consider also the idea of orgasm as a "petit mort", a small death, mixing up Thanatos and Eros quite directly, where Death, departing this world for paradise, means becoming one with God again, which is framed in a decidedly sexual context. It's of course a stricly western idea, but confusing Eros for Thanatos (and the other way around: Vilification of sex as something evil, as every time you "lose" something by engaging in the act, with the logical conclusion that it leads to death), seems to be a universal human experience.

So I'd wager that even people with healthy backgrounds would feel some kind of sexual attraction towards Kaworu, as the escape he offers (with escape itself being a kind of hidden death wish) activates Thanatos, which in turn spills over into Eros.

Well, the first few paragraphs really put a smile on my face, as they really started to feel a little like a rom-com - after which Kaworu's horrible past came up and I got the feeling your tagline was misleading on purpose, as that was far from wacky. :P I liked how you brought in callbacks to the series (Reis medication, which now serves a purpose) and how you introduced Destrudo - it seems like almost a physical force, something I wouldn't have done, as I'd fear the ever more complex ruleset I'd have to keep in mind, but my confidence in your theory-crafting abilities is high, and it IS kinda implied that the Rei clones were destroyed by Destrudo. The whole thing seems extremely well thought out, so, color me intrigued to learn more. Oh, and "Psychic Shielding" - that one is entirely new.

Misato talking differently and Kaworu hiding something is new. I felt a little awkward reading it - not because it was badly done, but because it seemed very personal, and I almost felt like I was intruding on something I shouldn't witness. So, good job. I commented already on the value of fleshing out characters last chapter, and I was a little (but positively) surprised that you had even more in store. For me, both of them really come together as characters. Most human. Special mention to this sentence: "his red eyes dart away like frightened birds", which I especially liked.

And then the mood lightens again and I got your tagline. . I can only emphathize with Misato's curiosity and her childish (and not so childish) imagination. I truly do not envy her mixed feelings. Blushing because her information was useful, eh? And next chapter, the cards are on the table, the first major turning point of the story.

Regarding the chapter notes: Stop chastizing yourself for doing the right thing! Now is exactly the time to let them talk. You get it out of the way now, and later, when the action goes down, you don't have to explain anything anymore. Whenever something comes up which makes the reader think "Where did that come from?", they hopefully just remember these chapters and find their answer. And it is not like nothing is happening, either. There is a lot going on. True, you could make it a little shorter if you wanted to, maybe even combine the last two chapters - but who gave you the idea that talkative chapters are a big no-no? You are giving exposition in a natural form, they are not going in circles or talking nonsense. It is plot critical to get Misato to a certain point - so making that transition as natural and smooth as possible is paramount. Shortening this means you have to give the exposition elsewhere where it doesn't fit so well, or neglect their relationship, which is pretty much the focal point of this story. This is a character study, after all.

That said, I get what you mean. There is always a desire to be briefer, more precise, cut away the deadwood. Things you could ommit: The technical description of Kaworu's medication/healing rate/what he was allowed to learn. You did that already, more or less. Talking about SEELE's plan, except very briefly to say that it doesn't matter at all. The second description of Kaworus troubles with his chopsticks. Things like Destrudo or Psychic Shielding, unless they are essential later on. Cut down on the description of Misato's mixed feelings. Merge the last two chapters and go back to a more bare-bones style of the beginning.

But so far, there was a gentle transition in style, with these last chapters approaching Crying Man. And it makes sense. The characters are opening up. Their focus widens, that's why there are descriptions of their surroundings, or why Misato imagines Kaworu doing magic tricks. They are not narrowly focused on their rational goals or their singular, brooding thoughts, they are experiencing things. Making everything more streamlined narrows their thoughts, it closes them up again. I mentioned a chapter or so back that Kaworu finally starts to feel human - that was solely the result of a "pointless" chapter, as it didn't move the plot forward one bit, if I remember correctly.

You are now 57k words in, and I think next chapter or the one after that will be the midway point, as Misato will agree to Kaworu's plan. I'm guessing that their sexual encounter happens in the next few chapters. That should be the high-point of this more open style. After that, I'd do a hard cut to a more bare-bones style. I guess there will be a lot of mixed feelings, shame and misunderstanding, which all lead to closing up. The perfect time to go bare-bones again. Also, they only have a few days left, and they probably realize that they indulged in a fantasy - a fantasy everybody got a little lost in, including the author, as apparent in the style. I bet as the pace picks up and things start happening, too fast for the characters to cope with, and everything goes down in flames, people will wish that you spend a little more time giving your characters something to enjoy.

Uh ... I've got no clue what your naming scheme is. But you have to deliver anyway, thank's to Kaworu's last words. Wait, it's not "Trust" -> "Hope" -> "Love" -> "All good things", is it?

>Oh well, this turned out far longer than anticipated, and is a little redundant in parts.

Hey, that's my line!

Thank you for the detailed and extremely insightful comments, as always! From your reaction, much of my intent with these chapters does seem to be coming through, which is nice. Very rewarding.

As you've seen, I'm incredibly neurotic about my personal writing process, and I seem to get the most neurotic around turning points in my stories. A steady forward progression is mostly manageable, but turning points are the absolute worst, since they have to transform the preexisting status quo flawlessly into a new one. In this particular case, my mind is in a bit of a panic, because it's telling me "this change will be completely unbelievable unless you make sure Misato knows [huge list of information not yet conveyed to her, nor necessarily to audience]!". And at the same time, this shift can't be based purely on cold, hard facts, because of the need to push their relationship further and... *checks Derantor's last post* ...wait, you did that thing again where you already said everything I could possibly put here!

For now, what I'll probably do is only worry about relatively minor editing, just to help smooth things out. (Major reworking can wait for later.) There are definitely a number of things in there that don't have to be, whether because they're mere repeats of what's been said before, are trivial/useless tidbits that don't even add value to the interaction, or are me just repeating myself because so much text was being shuffled around that I made myself cross-eyed. The suggestions you made are exactly what I'm looking for, so if anything else along those lines comes to mind, please let me know.

Regarding destrudo: I'm not sure if it's a physical force, per se -- but, as a psychological force, it can (according to NGE rules) substantiate through the A.T. Field. Or, uh... *looks at Rei clones that are linked to a digitized personality and don't have actual souls*... Well, all that really matters is that destrudo is an actual thing, and it provides many wonderful opportunities for body horror.

"Psychic shielding" is actually a concept that appeared previously, but it wasn't specifically called out by name. It'll probably pop out at you whenever you do a re-read. (Note to self: should probably update the version on AO3 with my offline edits at some point...)

No comment from me on the speculation for obvious reasons , though... gosh, I thought I would always be the one speculating about other's stories, never the one being speculated about! It's a feeling I'm definitely not used to, and it's quite nice. Makes me feel as warm, gooey, and silly as the weirdos I'm writing about.

>a fantasy everybody got a little lost in, including the author, as apparent in the style.

I think I might know what you mean by "including the author", but now you have me curious and I want to be sure. :-3

>As you've seen, I'm incredibly neurotic about my personal writing process
As am I. Add to that a completely counter productive focus on aesthetics (What, this paragraph ends with only one word in the last line before the break? This is inacceptable!) and ... yeah. I'm glad that my suggestions were useful, and I think I'll follow my original plan and throw together a PDF with annotations. Might take a little while, though, as real life could interfere any moment now.

>Makes me feel as warm, gooey, and silly as the weirdos I'm writing about.
Yeah, that's one of the greatest things about writing, as it tells you that the audience is really engaged.

Regarding the "Including the author part": I meant it quite literally, in that you are not exactly sure how to proceed, or if it is the right thing to go in the direction you are going - as are the characters, so, you calm yourself by writing more, as it is always easier to add than to substract. You feel the need to do this, just like the characters feel the need to do something they are not sure about, so they add distractions. Lifting this up another level, I, as the audience, enjoy the peace and quiet, and the "fluffy" distraction (and can definitely see that other readers might be asking themselves "Eh ... what's the point? I want my gory Eva action!", that's where the doubt part comes in). I like to see characters I care about happy, even if it is just false happiness, and I guess you are the same, and the characters themselves obviously care about their own happiness. So, everybody wants a little more of something, possibly even the same things, but not necessarily progress in the plot itself, instead getting absorbed in the moment. (That's of course a great thing, as it makes every fall to come much more painful without needing to add anything especially painful in itself.)

"The guy definitely has an ax to grind."
Axe, innit? Also, maybe you could incorporate Misato's suprise at Kaworu's sudden hatred, which goes so against his normally "detached but understanding" demeanor.

It's still slightly unclear how Misato reads intent into Kaworu's words when he talks about Akira lifting the curse, since that conclusion goes against what she wants to believe. I'd propose a slight change to Misato's reaction and Kaworu's explanation.

Misato's heart explodes in her chest: "'What father did' ...? So he really was responsible??"
“Nothing would have happened if without Father's intervention”, her brother says with unnerving nonchalance. "[...] Our powers must be unlocked with express consent from a tribune. [...]"

The consent part makes it clear enough that Akira chose of his own free will, and that way, Misato has a little time to shift her anger from: "That bastard was too stubborn to consider the consequences of his actions!" to "That absolute lunatic WANTED to fuck everything up!"

>Axe, innit? Also, maybe you could incorporate Misato's suprise at Kaworu's sudden hatred, which goes so against his normally "detached but understanding" demeanor.

"Ax" and "axe" are both valid, though you're right, "axe" is more aesthetically pleasing...

Kaworu having nothing nice to say about somebody isn't new -- just look at all his spiteful comments toward Seele. ("FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!" - Kaworu, paraphrased.) Lilith pops out, I suppose, because Misato has just been introduced to the very CONCEPT of Lilith. At that point in the conversation, Kaworu has barely even touched upon the fact that Lilith wasn't supposed to be on Earth. All of the details pertaining to the conflict got stripped out in revisions, so now Misato has no basis on which to properly contextualize her brother's bitterness. Not to mention, she's still a Lilin Supremacist at heart and it's really hard for her to think of anything that doesn't look Lilin as a fully sapient being with a complex emotional life. She's making incredible progress given the crunched time frame and all, but, damn, does she have a long way to go.

(Kaworu will have to get her to drink the Anti-Lilith Kool-Aid at some point... That ought to be fun. Reveal NOW that his dread enemy is also Rei -- toward whom Misato must have at least some affection -- or risk Misato finding out later and leave any possible emotional complications that would result entirely to chance...?)*


>It's still slightly unclear how Misato reads intent into Kaworu's words when he talks about Akira lifting the curse, since that conclusion goes against what she wants to believe. I'd propose a slight change to Misato's reaction and Kaworu's explanation.

I agree that that part could use a bit more "oomph". I'll give myself a little distance from the material and come back later -- the solution should pop out much more. (Not saying that your suggestion is wrong, of course, just that things often make more sense after a break. )

>Because I'm lazy, I'd probably name the next chapter "Beauty", and the one after that "Love". "All Good Things" always reminds me of the finale of TNG.
Why "Beauty", out of curiosity? (Since you've seen the draft for 19... I started 18(+19) under the title "Love", only to change it to "Truth" when that presented as a more defining theme. With the chapter split in two, most of the "Truth" stuff is sequestered in the first half, leaving the "Love" stuff in the second half.)

Now that you mention it, my brain probably did get "All Good Things" from the TNG finale... Once again, I blundered into something that might actually be appropriate: "all good things" sounds very nice, and it's something most people would want, including the two protags -- but it's also short for "all good things must come to an end", which gives it a rather sinister connotation. Hmmm. Will have to contemplate this matter further.

>Kaworu having nothing nice to say about somebody isn't new
Oh yeah, didn't meant to imply that it was, sloppy formulation on my part. Reg. the rest: Ah, ok, I see the angle you're coming from. Yeah, makes sense. I still think she'd be a little surprised by him being so patronizing to her ("What, you were fooled? pffff!") - and she is, given her "Axe to grind" comment, I'd just add a half-sentence like "Her eyebrows raise slightly." But really, nitpicks.

>Kaworu will have to get her to drink the Anti-Lilith Kool-Aid at some point... That ought to be fun.
Definitely. I think it won't be too hard to convince Misato that Rei is not what she seems - all that "I am so detached and meek and emotionless" behaviour? Just a mask, hiding the true depth of her villainy, for she is Lilith, destroyer of worlds.

>Not saying that your suggestion is wrong, of course
Oh no, it is just a suggestion anyways. I truly don't want to write your story for you. As I hinted at, being so closely involved I start to get into stubborn perfectionist mode. <.< I need a little distance as well, to be honest, too cought up in "writer" mode, not enough "reader" mode, mixing up my reactions and character reactions.

>Why beauty
Just for the Truth and Beauty pair of myth. Fits doubly well, as there is no beauty in truth, and Truth ended with a fight. Also, there's quite a lot of beautiful (or rather, sweet) stuff in Chapter 19. And it leaves Love free for the eventual snuggling that I still expect somewhere in the near future. ^^

On a completely unrelated note, maybe spawned by your free association comment: "All good things" had me imagining Jean Luc being stranded in the Eva-verse, trying desperately to maintain his composure as Misato and Kaworu get down to buisiness. Love, on the other hand, gave me this genius horrible idea for an Omake:

FuMBLe: Married ... With Children!
*Intro song plays*
~Love and-ah marriage, love and-ah marriage - go together like a horse and carriage, THIS, I tell you Brooooother, you can't have one without the ooo-ther!~
Background visuals: Misato in a wifebeater on the couch, scratching her crotch and chugging a beer. Kaworu, wearing an apron and sporting a blow-dry hairstyle, is bickering and points at her with some kitchen implement. The daughter would be played by Shamshel (with Lipstick and a Miniskirt), Kensuke could be the lecherous son. Hilarity and dysfunction ensues!

*runs away to hide*