I will be using this thread for my crack shipping and other fanfic ideas, and will try to write an alternate version of the original series, with one story mirroring every original episode (bar finding a R2 DVD of original eps 11-14).


[s]Synopsis: In this series, we follow the good Doctor Ritsuko Akagi describing a variety of cases that happen at NERC (NEurotic Rehabilitation Center) during her observation of patient CHI-03, a young 14 yo male by the name of Shinji Ikari. NERC is a secure containment facility located near Tokyo-3, the futuristic new research campus of the University of Tokyo. Or not.

Dramatis Personae:
Ritsuko Akagi: l33t doctor at NERC. Not inept.[/s]


This series is definitely not safe for mind, although I will try to keep it safe for work (more or less) - or at least, safe on-your-way-to-work. If any semblance of continuity appears to be absent, consider that automatic realignment of continuity has occurred by magic (or maybe I'm just writing these things out of order and I don't care). [s]Anyway, I hope to troll you guys and girls good.[/s]


So, first, we get the crack-ship from the crack-ship thread (LEMON!!!):


Ep. 18: When entering, remember to knock. Softly, not too hard.
(Crack ship: Yui-sama x Toji's entry plug)

Everyone knows how Toji is. Like, completely oblivious to Hikari's interest in him. However, he has shown some interest in Rei and Asuka every now and then. Looking under skirts, just happens to be Asuka (slap-slap-kiss relationship blah blah), peeking at Rei etc etc.
So, after some serious boozing session at a cosplay cafe one day, Toji, dressed in a black Eva-03 costume, decides to man up and put the moves on the girls. First, he decides to show how much of a MAN he is by beating the shit out of the other drunks at the pub. Misato, one of them, gets hit by a flying table and breaks an arm. Even the cops prove no match for GAR Toji, all attempts to reason with him proving futile, and soon he starts his search for sexytime targets.

First, he encounters Asuka. Asuka, normally so headstrong, is totally intimidated by Toji's MANlyness, and only escapes his aggressive advances by locking herself in a mobile toilet, torn clothes and all. Toji attempts to force it open by toppling it. Unfortunately it lands on the side with the door, and Toji is not strong enough to lift it. However, Asuka is now trapped in the toilet. She manages to phone Shinji and warn him of Toji's rampage, but shakes so much she drops her mobile phone in the toilet bowl. Communication cut off.

Then, Toji encounters Rei. Rei is easier to deal with. Toji MANly overpowers the poor girl and starts molesting her. Rei, not knowing how to react to such behaviour, first lets him do his thing. Then Toji wips out his MANweapon. He lovingly refers to it as his Entry Plug. Rei, scared, manages to crawl away from him, but his relentless assault continues and he tries to MANly force himself down on her. Rei finally pulls the trigger and slaps him, HARD. Toji is stunned. Rei escapes into another mobile toilet and frantically phones Shinji as Toji MANly topples over this toilet too, making it land door down again. Communication cut off, again.

Shinji is worried and scared, 'cause he has to confront his friend Toji, who is so massively overintoxicated that he can't be reasoned with. First, Shinji asks his dad for help. Gendo delegates to Yui-sama, Shinji's mom. Now this Yui-sama, she is a strong woman. And she is also rather fed up with her loser of a husband two-timing her with Ritsuko. Apparently coming on to him aggressively isn't enough to make him truly faithful. And now there's this boy, Toji, who thinks he's such a hunk, such a MAN. So she comes up with this cunning plan, to take revenge on her husbando and at the same time show this Toji, this sexual deviant who likes to rape little girls, what a REAL, adult woman is like (and maybe teach Shinji, her Shinji, how adults deal with such things, yeah).

So Toji Teh MAN encounters Yui-sama, and puts the moves on her, forcing her down like a real MAN. Oh yeah. But, but what is this? Yui-sama takes the lead. Before he knows it, Toji looses his shirt, then his trousers, shoes, socks, and finally, underpants. Yui-sama tears into him, ferociously letting loose her repressed sexual desires, breaking down defence after defence, teaching him well, showing him why the girl on top is the best. Repeatedly. They go at it for hours. Then, Toji screams like a little girl, as a terrifying snap resounds through the area. Yui-sama finally lifts herself off Toji, looking at his miserably broken Entry Plug in contempt. It bleeds fluid all over the place. She howls loudly: "IS THAT ALL YOU CAN TAKE, LITTLE BOY?!? IS THAT ALL?!?"

Epilogue:

Toji lies in hospital, with a severely mashed leg, permanently cockblocked and blueballed, minus his Eva-03 custome. Hikari sits next to his bed, face in her hands, crying. She'll never bear his child now.

Elsewhere, Misato looks over at Shinji, who has a permanent blank expression and sits in a corner, facing the wall. She then glances over at Ritsuko, and asks: "How is the Commander?".
Ritsuko, without looking up from the very thick report she is reading, answers: "I have prescribed him the same drug as I prescribed everyone else but us. Once he awakes, he will have forgotten all details about the last week. It is the only way to ensure no further trauma is induced by the memories...of...that...event." The last few words come out strained. Ritsuko looks very tired.
"According to the psychiatrist, Shinji will likely never recover. It is a combination of amnesia and PTSS caused by a terrible shock. He witnessed...that...event..." Misato gasps at this point, steadying herself against the desk, before concluding: "from very close by. Too close by." Misato puts her face in her hands, breathing jaggedly. "Can I have that pill too? I can't deal with this..."
Ritsuko takes out a little bottle, filled with pills, and takes out one, before handing it to Misato. "Unfortunately, the pill is purple, just like EVA-01. Try not to think about it while you swallow it. As for Shinji, I've modified the Reiquarium to produce a replacement..."
"The Rei...what?" Misato asks.
"Never mind, you won't remember that when you wake up..." Ritsuko watches how Misato sits down, puts the purple pill in her mouth, tries not to think too much about the little green patches and the miniature horn sticking out of the pill, and gulps it down with a large helping of water, then promptly falls asleep. Ritsuko looks at the report again, and mumbles "Who would have thought putting a human soul in an Eva could have such results, truly one of the kinkiest things I've ever witnessed. Too bad about NERV's personel, Human Resources really should put more thought into who they hire. Really, those people have no imagination at all." Sighing, she puts the heavy report, titled "Thesis: Female sexuality in hypertrophied humans", in one of her desk's drawers, the one labeled "unimportant stuff", and locks it.

FIN


Next up: "The secret life of the Ree".

Call me stupid, but it didn't hit me the whole bar setup was the reenactment until Yui came into the picture. I was expecting Unit 01 and the entry plug and stuff to happen

I'm a little worried but curious how the rest pans out now

ThanatosII wrote:Call me stupid, but it didn't hit me the whole bar setup was the reenactment until Yui came into the picture. I was expecting Unit 01 and the entry plug and stuff to happen

I'm a little worried but curious how the rest pans out now

Yeah, it was just something I wrote in a spur for the crack shipping thread, it's not particularly good (and a lemon to boot... maybe I should have put up a warning ). It's been a while since I wrote fanfic.

As for the rest, I have to drastically cut down on my initial plan after watching the first five episodes of Eva again for the first time in a long time (I'm more of an Eva manga fan). The pace of the original series is too slow and I just don't see how I can shoehorn things into it without somehow completely fucking it up. So I'll just go with small stories here and there, meaning crackfic AU, or things that were implied in the original series but never explored, or just ideas I read about here on the forums brought to life...

Shamsiel-kun wrote:So I'll just go with small stories here and there, meaning crackfic AU, or things that were implied in the original series but never explored, or just ideas I read about here on the forums brought to life...

That sounds much better IMO! In the back of my mind, I was thinking how quickly it could become boring if you forced yourself to write a piece for every single episode.
So, I'd say go for the spontaneous approach for sure!

NERV's Great Post-Instrumentality Summer Dinner Party by the Orange Sea

Menu:

Appetizers:
- The Nervie(TM), a tasty personal Nerv appetizer
- Proto-Eva Spine, a crunchy and somewhat bony snack
- Steamed Entry Plug, a meaty steamed surprise in a hard casing
- Rei the First, professionally strangulated by the great Naoko

Salads:
- Misato's Appartment, a messy but exotic beer-laced salad
- Those tasty Melons, a melon based delicacy from the House of Kaji
- The Double Trouble, spinach with sliced Israfel

Main dishes:
- Deep Fried Mass Production Eva, marinated in Angel blood.
- Chopped and Diced Eva-02 Blood Sausage
- The PenSquared, barbequed genetically enhanced Penguin
- Blood-soaked Zeruel, with chocolate N2 engine
- Mushroom Samba Bardiel
- Baked Crazy Looking Rei Face

Pasta:
- Armisael, with Blood Red Bolognese sauce
- The Sandalphon Sahaquiel Special

Fish:
- Salty Gaghiel, with a side helping of drowned navy personel
- The Reiquarium, sensual albino fish that strangely have the shape of young girls baked in fresh LCL

Desserts:
- The Adam and Eva
- The Smoking Hot Boy Angel Tabris
- The Ramiel, perfectly crafted geometrical ice cream ball with drill-shaped cookie

Cocktails:
- The Contact Experiment
- The El Cee El
- The Arael, a psychedelic cocktail that will blow your mind

***

"Asuka, your menus are disturbing."
"I'm just trying to take care of us!"