Squigsquasher wrote:"If I win, you have to stop butchering my life's work and bring this silly fanfic to an end!"

"And if we win?" asks Misato.

"If you win, then I promise I'll write a happy ending for the last Rebuild movie! A fair deal, no?"

We've officially lost the game. Final will not have a happy end, not after Q

As for the team, I have no idea. I guess NL's team composition would be all right. And the maid outfits! We need to have them wear the maid outfits!
Or maybe cat girl maid outfits...

I vote for Nuke-dono's idea.

Also, we can just say that Anno lied if it turns out 4.0 is ultra-horrifying. We can still win this!

You finally come to a decision over the positions of you and your comrades.

"Asuka, Misato, you go as Fielders, you two are dynamite in a team. Kaworu, you can be the Bowler, I have great confidence in your bowling ability. And Rei, you go Wicket-Keeper, your nerves of steel will help you greatly"

Your friends nod. "Sounds good" says Kaworu "Let us begin the match!"

You turn to Anno and his 4 Reitrons.

"We're ready when you are, Anno!" you call to him.

The beardy man grins, evilly. "Excellent!" he gestures to his minions.

"My creations, it is time!"

With a snap of his fingers, 5 Evangelion units are dropped into the crater, landing just beside the 4 Reitrons and Anno. 4 are conventional Mass Production Evangelions, albeit with accents on their paintwork the colour of their Pilot's hair. However, Anno's Evangelion has an almost human, suspiciously Christ-like face, a crown of thorns, 12 folded up wings, towering pylons, and a beard.

Your rivals ascend the elevators dropped with the units and enter the biological monstrosities.

"Oh, and one more thing" booms Anno's voice from the speakers of the Annovangelion "Wear these"

From out of the pylons of his Eva are flung 5 maid outfits, perfectly cut for you and your friends.

You hold up the dress in disbelief. "We can't wear these!" you protest.

Anno shrugs, his Eva shrugging with him. "Don't blame me, blame the readers. Not my idea. Now put the outfits on and get in the fookin' robots!"

"Alright, alright!" snaps Asuka "No need to get so impatient! What are you, stupid?"

"And as for YOU" thunders Anno "Any more of that lip and I'll kill you off in FINAL!"

Asuka scowls, and reluctantly starts to change into the outfit.

Eventually all 5 of you are wearing the ridiculous maid costumes and are inside your Evangelions (or Jet Alone, in Misato's case).

"This outfit looks sooooo stupid!" whines Asuka "I hate stockings!"

"Hmm, I don't know" says Kaworu "I find the dress particularly liberating. My legs have never felt better"

You can't help but agree. Although you would never admit it, the maid outfit is something of a guilty pleasure.

"Never been one for cosplay myself" says Misato "Unless it's a Space Battleship Yamato cosplay, in which case count me in!"

"Personally, I prefer the bondage outfit provided by the great Shinji-sama" croons Rei "It even had pockets to store celery"

Anno audibly knocks his head against the side of his Entry Plug.

"Adam on a bike, what have you done to my beloved series?" laments the creator.

"Enough filler" interjects he blonde Reitron "We must decide who is batting first"

Who should bat first?

1: Shinji and friends,
Or 2: The Anno Brigade?

2!

22

2!

Let him have the first move, THEN CRUSH HIM INTO A PULP AND SCATTER THE REMAINS!

EVAfacepalm wrote:Let him have the first move, THEN CRUSH HIM INTO A PULP AND SCATTER THE REMAINS!

What he said. ;)

2 find out what they can do first.

2! 2!

"Tell you what" you call out to Anno "You can bat first. It's only fair, seeing as you created us"

Anno's Eva nods. "Sounds good! Reitrons! Take postitions!"

The Reitrons amble off to the side, out of the way whilst Anno readies his bat.

You lurch forward in Unit 01, heading to your position as a Fielder, whilst Asuka and Misato take up fielding positions across the crater, Rei stands behind the wicket, and Kaworu prepares to bowl.

"Just a minute..." you say "Who's going to be the umpire?"

"I've already arranged that" comes Ritsuko's voice over the comms unit "I've set the MAGI to SPorts Nerd Format, so they can umpire the match via the cameras we've installed in the crater"

"Heh, we always could rely on you, Ritsy! Thanks a bunch!" responds Misato, cheerily.

"Unfortunately" sighs Ritsuko "My mother never was much of a cricket person; she always preferred tennis. So, the reliability might not be spot on"

*BEEP* "What's this about cricket? I was in the middle of a game of Minesweeper" *BOOP* grumbles Naoko Akagi/the MAGI, her 3 personality components actually agreeing on something for once *BEEP* "This had better be good" *BOOP*

"Oh, shut up, ma!" you hear Ritsuko snap, giving the MAGI an audible technical knock.

You hear some electronic gibberish, some highly processed and barely intelligible synthesized cursing, and finally the whirring of the MAGI booting up the cricket umpire program.

*BEEP* "Bloody kids, mutter mutter...my own daughter...Sigh...Initiating Sports Nerd BIOS..." *BOOP* groans Naoko/MAGI.

"Anyway!" cuts in Anno "Now that the matter of the umpire has been sorted, can we begin the game?"

Kaworu nods. "Of course. Get ready!"

He runs forward in Unit 06 and delivers a devastating overarm throw, with a burst of angelic music as he lets go of the ball.

Anno's Beam Bat powers up with a shuuum and with one fluid motion he gives the ball a tremendous whack.

The ball sails through the air. It appears to be coming in your general direction.

You run a set of calculations through your mind. The probable landing position is slightly closer to you than Asuka, but Asuka is a faster runner and a better pilot when a Deus Ex Machina isn't saving your effeminate behind. What is the best course of action here?

1: Run for the ball,
2: Leave it to Asuka,
Or 3: Try and redirect the ball into your hands with Unit 01's AT Field?

Go for 3.

3! We're the boss here.

Three for the badassery. Who cares if it's cheating?

3!

3.)

Not using an EVA's AT Field is like a tank not using its main gun.

3! It's science and magic at the same time.

You decide to attempt to draw the ball into your hands with the power of Unit 01's AT Field. Sure, it's cheating, but who cares? The future of the CYOA is at stake.

You concentrate with all your might into attracting the ball. You ready your hands to receive the ball, tensing up in preparation.

The invisible power of the AT Field ever so slightly corrects the ball's course towards you. It looks like you could catch it.

Unfortunately, you have somewhat miscalculated the trajectory of the ball and the force required to successfully catch it. The ball sails through the air, completely misses your hands, and impacts with Unit 01's groin.

A single tear forms in your eye, and a sudden coldness manifests in your loins, slowly transforming into a dull ache, a sharp pain, and eventually complete, nerve-flensing agony.

"...OUCH..." you whimper.

Then you completely give in to the intense pain, clutch your crotch, and fall over as your knees buckle.

The purple-clad giant hits the floor with a resounding clang. You immediately start rolling around on the floor, wailing in misery.

"Sorry" comes a feminine voice from deep within the Evangelion's core "I should have seen that coming"

"...Mummy..." you sob, your testicles feeling like they've got a swarm of ant-lions gnawing on them "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH..."

"Shinji!" cry Asuka, Misato, Rei, Anno, the Reitrons and Kaworu simultaneously

Rei rushes to your side in Unit 00, the cyclopian biomechanoid clasping Unit 01 by the shoulders and shaking you.

"Shinji-kun! Are you alright?" she shouts, incredibly distressed.

"...What do you think?..." you wheeze, still struggling to breathe.

Anno drops his bat, which hits the floor with a funny pang noise. "Oh dear. I didn't mean to do that...shall I call an ambulance?" he sighs.

"No need" comes Ritsuko's voice down the comm-link "I'm pleased to say that he wasn't highly synced enough with Unit 01 to actually sustain damage to the testes, so he will be able to raise further children"

Rei looks you in the eye (or rather, Rei uses Unit 00 to look Unit 01 in the eye) and puts a hand on your robot's shoulder.

"Shinji-kun...are you still fit to play?" she asks you.

How do you respond?

1: "No chance...I need a lie down...",
Or 2: "The show must go on...Alright, I'll keep playing!"?

22222

2!

Two. Party on.