Justacrazyguy wrote:4

Combo breaker...

Nuclear Lunchbox wrote: Combo breaker...

You decide to listen to what the crazy bearded man has to say. Resisting is just going to lose your head, and Asuka would go absolutely mental at the brain matter splatted all over her pillow.

"G-go on..." you shiver.

Gendo retracts his shotgun. "Seeing as you managed to get my sweet little Rei pregnant, there is only one thing I can do..."

You whimper, and draw the covers over your head, expecting the end. Is this really how CYOA: Shinji's Silly Misadventures is going to end?

"...Is force you to marry her!"

Suddenly, Asuka and Rei sit bolt upright.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?" they both scream simultaneously.

"You heard me! Shinji, you WILL marry Rei, or else I'll turn your head into chunky salsa!" the beardy nit roars.

"B-b-b-b-but I can't m-m-marry her without her permission...That's illegal!" you protest.

Then you feel a warm hand on your shoulder.

"Shinji-sama, it's OK. I want to be with you, and I certainly don't want your head turned to red mush. I am more than content with getting married" says Rei, gently.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this...Please, I'll take the bullet if it means you get what you-"

Then Rei leans in and kisses you.

The two of you spend what seems like an hour locked in a passionate kiss, although it's probably closer to 20 seconds.

The entire audience lets out a collective "Aaawwwww..."

Then Gendo prods you in the head with his shotgun.

"Less snogging, more obedience!" he shouts "Now get out of bed and follow me down to the registry office!"

"Now hang on" says Rei, sounding upset "If I'm marrying Shinji, I want us to have a proper wedding!"

"Nobody asked you!" snaps Gendo.

"I'm the whole reason you are threatening Shinji with a shotgun, no?" retorts Rei.

"...Yes?" says Gendo, suspicious.

"In that case, let your dear little Rei have her way and give her a nice wedding!" Rei shouts, with a hint of smugness.

"Yeah" growls a feminine voice "You'd better give them a damn good wedding..."

Misato is pointing her favourite handgun right at Gendo's forehead, and she looks utterly pissed.

"Ahem...Captain Katsuragi, please, calm down, there is no need for violence...or at least, no need for violence against me-my loathsome son is another matter..." Gendo says, trying to weasel himself out of a tight spot.

"Hang on" says Asuka "Wouldn't it make more sense to get him to back down over the whole marriage thing altogether?"

"Well, yes, except A: The author wants a soppy happy ending, and B: You heard what Rei said, she wants a goddamn wedding!" shouts Misato "Now let her have her wedding, or I'll turn your brain pan into coloured Rain, Gendo!"

Gendo's knees start knocking together. A sweat forms on his brow, and he struggles to hold his gun properly.

"Fine, fine! She can have her bloody wedding! Honestly, women, always so fucking needy!" cries Gendo, on the edge of his stress threshold.

Misato growls. "Good. Now let her tell you where she wants the wedding!"

Rei turns to you. "Shinji...where would YOU like to have the wedding?" she asks, sweetly.

1: The local church,
2: The school,
3: Terminal Dogma,
Or 4: The local Shinto shrine?

I say 2. so they can get all there friends and no one has to worry about what kind of wedding it'll be.

Note I say HAS to, rather than wont... since there's always someone.

2!

3! It's Impact time!

Come on, every good Eva story ends with an Impact, why shouldn't this one? I can totally picture the official saying "you can kiss the bride" and then having Lilith fly down from her cross to kiss Shinji.

3 FOR THE END!

How else will we get Rei's family there? Lilith is technically Rei's mother. Also, Kaworu is Shinji's best man, period.
Now, I know you're going for romantic, but as one final gag, the ISH throws Shinji a bachelor party.

Three. That's the way to go.

By the gods, three!

33

3 for maximum cognitive dissonance!

I agree that the imperial harem needs to throw a bachelor party, but Rei needs a bachelorette party too.

Hmm, who is always shipped with Rei besides Shinji...

Would it be weird if the best man was the dancer at the bride's bachelorette party?

EVAfacepalm wrote:Hmm, who is always shipped with Rei besides Shinji...

Would it be weird if the best man was the dancer at the bride's bachelorette party?

Based on Nuke's reaction I say we have a consensus!

The wedding will be held in Terminal Dogma, and Kaworu will be Shinji's best man.

For the bachelor and bachelorette parties Shinji will go out for one last night with the ISH and Rei will stay home with Hikari, Asuka, and Misato to *ahem* enjoy Kaworu's angelic physique.

^

This! This will be hilarious!

Also, since the demon sisters are part of the ISH there must be a caviar joke

Just watch the first half of episode 12 of PSG if you don't get that Squig, it's mostly a clip show so there are few spoilers if you stop after seeing the gag I mentioned.

EVAfacepalm wrote:Also, since the demon sisters are part of the ISH there must be a caviar joke

Just watch the first half of episode 12 of PSG if you don't get that Squig, it's mostly a clip show so there are few spoilers if you stop after seeing the gag I mentioned.

Dammit. I was trying to forget that scene.

SHOTGUN WEDDING!

Anyway, like everyone has been saying, we need to end with a bang. Terminal Dogma it is.

You think. Where would be a good place for a wedding?

Then you think of somewhere: Terminal Dogma! After all, where better for the wedding of the reincarnation of Lilith?

You lean next to Rei's ear. "How about Terminal Dogma?" you whisper.

She smiles. "I like the sound of that" she replies.

Then she turns to Gendo. "Commander, we will be having our wedding in Terminal Dogma"

Gendo spits out a mouthful of imaginary tea.

"T-T-T-Terminal Dogma!??! You must be joking!" splutters your father "If you go down there, you could start 3rd Impact!"

"Don't be silly!" giggles Rei "The author said he wanted a happy ending, and with my baby due in 9 months, we couldn't have a happy ending if we had 3rd Impact at the wedding, could we? Daft Gendo!"

Gendo growls into his beard. "Don't remind me about that baby...Oh my poor little Rei, touched by that walking sack of tears!"

"Anyway" you say, feeling a lot less stressed "We need to organize the bachelor and bachelorette parties too!"

You father frowns. "Don't push your luck, sunshine..." he grumbles.

He shuts up, however, when Misato prods him with her pistol.

"On second thoughts" he whimpers "Feel free...I'm not stopping you..."

"Excellent!" you say "Now, to business!"

You hop out of bed, completely forgetting that you're still wearing Asuka's plugsuit.

Your father takes one look at your slender, somewhat feminine, plugsuit-clad frame, and his face goes bright red. He scowls, and jets of flame spurt from his ears.

"My son...My only son...A CROSSDRESSER!?!?!" he bellows.

Before you can explain yourself, he grabs you by the neck and starts trying to throttle you.

"You pathetic excuse for a son, I wish Yui had aborted you! I'm going have you hung, and drawn, and quartered, and whipped and boiled, and then...I'll chop you up into little bits! And then, when you're all chopped up, I'll take all the little bits...and I'll jump on them! And I'll keep jumping on them until I get blisters! And then I'll think of something even more unpleasant to do to you! And then-"

*THWONK*

Gendo is once again knocked out cold. Asuka is standing behind him, clutching a frying pan.

"That's enough of that, thank you very much! Hooray for kitchen utensils!" she declares triumphantly, brandishing her deadly pan.

Misato breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness for that! I'd hate to have to use my gun and get the walls all covered with brain matter!"

You pick yourself up off the floor. "So, anyway, that bachelor party..."

"Ah yes!" says Misato "Where do you think you should have it?"

1: The Rusty Spork bar and diner,
2: Yoko's parts store,
3: The local disco (Even after the apocalypse, these...things still exist)
Or 4: The Golden Rhino gentlemen's club?

There are 2 references in this post, 1 to a famous sci-fi book, another to a Dreamcast game. Can YOU spot them?