[CYOA] Shinji's Silly Misadventures!

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Postby MAGI_01 » Wed Mar 27, 2013 4:52 pm

4 hehehe
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Postby Agentomega » Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:02 pm

FUS RO DAH!
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Postby EVAfacepalm » Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:03 pm

4! We don't need your pansy internet memes and AT Field powers!
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby Justacrazyguy » Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:31 pm

444
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Postby TomasJC » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:29 am

View Original PostSquigsquasher wrote:grey-haired albino bishonen space Jesus


BWAHAHAHAHA PURE GENIUS

...But in all seriousness I pick 4- let Shinji go in guns blazing and fight the greatest battle in the history of mankind.
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Postby notalive » Thu Mar 28, 2013 6:19 am

Four for the win! I'm not sure if it will end well, though (for the umbrella at least).

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Postby Squigsquasher » Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:26 am

View Original Postnotalive wrote:Four for the win! I'm not sure if it will end well, though (for the umbrella at least).


Oh god, why did you have to remind me of that scene...

That still makes me cry...Poor Squiddy...
Last edited by Squigsquasher on Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby notalive » Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:47 am

View Original PostSquigsquasher wrote:Oh god, why did you have to remind me of that scene...

That still makes me cry...Poor Squiddy...

You've asked for it by introducing the umbrella :lol:

But yeah, that scene is pretty heart-crushing. I'M SORRY! :sniffle:

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Postby Nuclear Lunchbox » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:56 pm

View Original Postnotalive wrote:But yeah, that scene is pretty heart-crushing. I'M SORRY! :sniffle:

:crybaby: :boohoo: :bawl: :spout: Yeah, you should be... *sniff*

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Postby EVAfacepalm » Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:53 am

Well, 4 wins. Bring on the Shinji beating up an old man with an umbrella!
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby Squigsquasher » Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:15 pm

It shall be so!

"There's only one way to stop this from escalating any further..." you mutter to yourself.

You look to your right and see a conveniently place umbrella in a basket. You take the item and prepare to confront the elderly wannabe superhero.

You raise the umbrella, lock your sights on Kozoman, and with a heroic bellow, charge towards him.

"You keep your hands off of Yoko, you creepy man!" you roar as you prepare to knock him down with your umbrella.

Unfortunately he is a bit too quick for you and swings his sledgehammer, knocking you to the ground.

Fortunately, your repeated batterings from Asuka have totally inured you to physical trauma, and as a result only 2 ribs are fractured.

"Shinji! You dare raise arms against me!? But never mind! Join me, and I will make your face the GREATEST in Kori-Wait, sorry, wrong script..."

You roll your eyes at Fuyutsuki's inability to even get his lines right.

"Anyway, join me, and shed the guise of Shinji Ikari, and become...PUPPY BOY!" Kozoman cires, reaching into hammerspace and brandishing the ludicrous costume he has made for you (for those who have forgotten, it's a furry one piece girl's swimsuit with a tail attached, a pair of fluffy shoes, paw gloves, and a dog ear headband).

"Umm...Are you on drugs?" you ask, now thoroughly perplexed as to what exactly the hell is wrong with the pink-clad man standing before you.

"Me? The great Kozoman, defender of justice, and destroyer of sinners? Never! Well, except for my painkillers, obviously..." he replies, with rather forced sounding vigour.

"If you will not join me, then I, Kozoman, will smite you, before cleansing this entire congregation! Tremble before my wrath, little boy, for I-"

Kozoman's insane rambling is cut off when you viciously jab your umbrella into his crotch.

He keels over, clutching his injured scrotum in pain.

"OOH! That really hurt...Ow, ow, ow..."

You get back up, and take a glass and one of the bottles of Aida-Suzahara Breweries' Premium Special Mixture.

"Here, Fuyutsuki-san, try this. You've gone for too long without a drink" you say to the collapsed old man, pouring a glass and offering him a drink.

He takes it and sips from it. He then slowly gets back up.

"Thanks...I feel better already..." he gasps, the drink evidently working wonders.

Fuyutsuki gets back on his feet, and the party continues as normal.

A few minutes later, Touji and Hikari walk over to you, looking happy, but slightly concerned.

"Hey Shinji! You alright?" asks Touji.

"Yeah, not too bad. I think I broke a few ribs, but I'll live. Why do you sound so worried?"

Kensuke scratches his head. "We noticed you bought some of our Premium Mix..."

"...Yes?"

Touji folds his arms. "We had to shut down the alcohol business after a bad batch. It doesn't affect every bottle, but some of the Premium Mix bottles have had...interesting side effects" He stops to clear his throat. "Drowsiness, flu-like symptoms, hallucinations, mood swings, umm...sexual urges..."

You shiver slightly. "Oh dear. That sounds...bad. But it doesn't affect every bottle you say?"

"Yeah" replies Kensuke "We might be lucky, but there is a chance that we could end up with a colossal clusterfuck on our hands..."

"Hey, cutie, where are you going? I wanna have some "fun" if you know what I mean!" Yoko butts in, grabbing Kensuke by the ear and dragging him away.

"This is simultaneously an excellent development and also very bad news!" calls out Kensuke, who is sweating all over.

"Sorry, did you say something? Let's go have a bath!" giggles Yoko, taking Kensuke with her to the bathroom.

You shudder. This is very, very bad news. Asuka suffering from mood swings, hallucinations AND sexual urges could be absolutely terrifying at best, and completely apocalyptic at worst.

You are then interrupted from your train of thought by Hikari. "Hey, why don't we put a film on?" she asks you, smiling.

You are about to reply when the tang of ozone fills the air.

Suddenly, a miniature electrical storm appears in the middle of the room. 6 figures coalesce in the centre, and eventually the ball of lightning fades away, revealing the figures.

The figures all look exceptionally like you, but with a few differences. 2 of them have red glowing lenses replacing one of their eyes. 1 has its lower right arm replaced with a minigun. 2 have partially exposed metallic ribcages, and 1 has an external metallic spine. All of them have slightly scorched, worn clothing, and all have a bit of skin missing, revealing cold, shiny metal skeletons.

The partygoers look on in horror at the 6 robotic replicas of you. Then you hear a cry from the bathroom.

The bathroom door flies open, and Kensuke and Yoko, their modesty preserved only by a towel, run out. "You robotic pervert, how dare you interfere with our sexy time!" shouts Yoko, thoroughly miffed. They are followed by a 7th figure, this one with a set of spidery robotic arms sprouting from its back.

"Sorry" it sheepishly grates, in a distorted metallic voice "Navigation was never my strong point...Heh heh..."

The other androids roll their eyes, before glaring at the partygoers.

"We are the Shinjinators!" roars one of the robots, its joints clicking "And we are here to find and exterminate those who complained about the original ending! Do you hear us? EXTERMINATE!"

"Oh please" sighs Kaji "Are you supposed to be Terminator references or Dalek ripoffs?"

"SILENCE!" bellows the minigun Shinjinator, meancingly pointing its weapon at Kaji.

"Now" continues the lead Shinjinator "Who here didn't like the original ending?"

You need to think fast. 1 false move, and the entire party could be torn apart by bullets and insane robotic Shinjis. You need to find a way to stop the nutty androids before someone gets hurt.

What do you do?

1: Spontaneously hug one of the Shinjinators,
2: Try to reason with them,
3: Use your umbrella again and try and defeat them in combat,
Or 4: Distract them whilst Kaworu or Yoko subdues them?
Here lies Squigsquasher.
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Postby Nuclear Lunchbox » Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:17 pm

One. Everybody knows that Shinji loves hugs.

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Postby EVAfacepalm » Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:46 pm

1. However, to stop the rest of them you must have several people hug them! I suggest getting Asuka, Rei, Misato, Kaworu, and whatever other characters are shipped with Shinji that I don't know about to join in and subdue the rest.
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby MAGI_01 » Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:46 pm

View Original PostNuclear Lunchbox wrote:One. Everybody knows that Shinji loves hugs.


This.

One it is.
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Postby Justacrazyguy » Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:16 pm

11
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Postby Agentomega » Fri Mar 29, 2013 6:50 pm

1 is superior excellence!
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Postby notalive » Fri Mar 29, 2013 7:45 pm

There shall be hugs! I suggest we focus on the fellow with the external spine, as he seems particularly fluffy.

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Postby EVAfacepalm » Sat Mar 30, 2013 1:09 pm

Nah, we should hug minigun Shinji. Distract him and then Yoko can use her rifle. That is... if she's not too enamored with Kensuke. In which case, we just need to say that Kensuke was the one who put graffiti on Gainax's office because of the ending.
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby Squigsquasher » Sat Mar 30, 2013 2:12 pm

You look the minigun-toting Shinjinator directly in the eyes. You smile, run towards it, and give it a great big hug.

You hear a mechanical stuttering noise, as it struggles to comprehend someone actually showing it affection.

"Now, Yoko!" you whisper.

Yoko pulls out her rifle and shoots the Shinjinator right between the eyes.

Unfortunately, this has absolutely no effect, and the bullet bounces harmlessly off.

"OK, plan B" you shout "Everybody hug them!"

Everybody goes along, and warmly embraces one of the robotic killing machines.

There is a brief pause, followed by a fizzling noise and much rattling, and then silence.

Then, the Shinjinator in your arms becomes a lot less tense, and a lot warmer.

"...Thanks...Nobody's done that to us in a long time..." one of the mechanical murderers sighs.

Misato smiles, and winks at the robot she is cradling. "Don't worry. We're going to find you nice new homes. You'll look after them, won't you Ritsuko?"

Ritsuko nods. "Of course I will!" she replies.

"Excellent. Now that's all sorted out, let's get on with the party!" you declare.

And so the party continues. The Shinjinators, now calmed down and considerably less psychotic, are joining in with the various activities, and seem to be enjoying themselves. One of the Len Shinjis seems to be particularly good at Super Smash Bros, even with Princess Peach. Meanwhile, Ritsuko and Maya are taking a look at Spine Shinji and Minigun Shinji, whilst the other Lens Shinji, a Ribcage Shinji and Robo-arm Shinji are having a drink with Rei and Asuka. The other Ribcage Shinji appears to have put on Kozoman's Puppy Boy outfit, and is having a laugh with the elderly superhero.

Meanwhile, Yoko is "having a bath" with Kensuke, judging by the ecstatic squeaking coming from the bathroom. You hope poor Kensuke can handle such activities without dying of blood loss from his nose.

Kaworu stands beside you again. "Well, that was sorted extremely efficiently. Good thinking on your part, Shinj-kun"

"Oh, stop it, you!" you reply, chuckling. "At least nobody else can interrupt the party..."

Then, for some reason, 5 elderly figures leap out from behind the sofa. 1 of them, who you recognize as Keel Lorenz, is wearing a weird visor thing, 1 of them has a pointy nose, and the rest are somewhat nondescript (read: I can't be bothered describing them).

Kaji dramatically turns round on the spot and points at them. "The Instrumentality Committee! What are they doing here!?!?!"

"NOBODY expects the Instrumentality Committee!" declares Keel Lorenz, sounding completely unhinged "For surprise is our element, and our element is surprise!"

"Oh for fuck's sake" mutters Rei "This story has become quite ludicrous. Please vacate the premises, elderly apocalypse conspirators"

"NO! squeaks the pointy-nosed Committee member. "You will assist us in bringing about Third Impact, or else..."

The mutton-chops clad man pulls a Limp Bizkit LP from his coat...

"THIS GOES IN THE RECORD PLAYER!!!" screeches Mutton Chops.

For a few seconds, the party is completely silent. Then, the whole apartment erupts into panic.

"NOOOOOOO! NOT THAT RECORD!!!!!!!" screams Touji.

"Please, I am imploring you, please do NOT place that vinyl upon the record player turntable. I will offer you my body if you do not play that hideous music...Oh screw this emotionless thing, please don't do it! I'll do anything!" sobs Rei.

"You wouldn't...Not that..." shudders Asuka.

The Shinjinators start rattling and shaking, their limbs and eyes twitching uncontrollably.

"I'm scared! Please stop them!" cries Maya, burying her face in Ritsuko's bosom.

"There there" Ritsuko coos, stroking Maya's head, trying to calm her down "I'm sure they won't succeed...I hope..."

"Oh dear god...Of all the things in the universe...Why THAT?" shouts Misato. "You've gone too far, Lorenz!" Kaji declares.

Even Kaworu is terrified. "Shinji-kun...You MUST stop them from playing that record, at any cost" he struggles to say, shivering "You MUST NOT LET THEM PLAY THAT RECORD"

"What am I going to do? I'm not hugging those wrinkled corpses! They might burst on me!" you reply, shaking.

What do you do?

1: Try singing Black Rock Shooter to summon the titular heroine,
2: Fight fire with fire, and get Kozoman to subdue them, creepy old man versus creepy old men,
3: Try and get the Shinjinators to stop them,
4: Attempt to reason with the Committee,
Or 5: Start singing Trololo?
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

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Postby Justacrazyguy » Sat Mar 30, 2013 2:46 pm

1111
Nearly all teenage boys are dumbfucks-Xard

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