I believe you should think of some kind of plot which will keep you entertained during writing, as grocery shopping must have been pretty boring in that regard. Hopefully the party will be amazingly funny.

After suffering from a bout of Writer's Block, I have finally pulled my head out of my arse and got round to writing the update. Took into account everyone's wishes, and crafted an update out of it.

You begin to feel strangely tired. All this action has got through to you. In just 3 days you've been punched in the face, made passionate love, looted a school of all its wood, built a pirate ship, taken over a massive battleship with said pirate ship, found buried treasure, bought food for a party, and been kicked in the arse.

You stretch and yawn.

"Ahhhh...I need a nap" you mumble. You head off to your room, casually avoiding the massive heap of cans on the floor.

You enter your room, and flop out on your bed. you smile, yawn, begin to take a nap.

Then you hear a knock on the door.

"Hello? Who's there?" you groggily ask "Because if it's Asuka, for the last time, no, I will not give you my Gyarados for a Combee. Mainly because my Game Boy connector is broken"

The door slides open, and Rei pops her deathly pale head around the corner.

"Oh, it's you, Rei. What brings you here?"

Rei simply smiles at you deviously.

She enters the room, strutting in sultrily. And next to her is a reluctant looking Asuka.

"Umm...Hello! What did you come here for?" you ask sheepishly.

Rei giggles. "Asuka has a question to ask you" she says.

Asuka steps forward. "Shinji..."

"Yes? It's not about your Metapod is it? Because as I've already told you, he can only use String Shot and Tackle if he's evolved from Caterpie"

"No...It's not about that...Shinji, about what happened in the vegetable aisle.."

"Look, it's alright, you don't need to apologize! You had every right to get angry!"

"No, Shinji...You and Rei were doing something with a stick of celery..." she says, bashfully.

"Oh! Umm, well, if you want me to explain...I suppose-"

"No, Shinji..." Asuka says, mischievously, her face blushed bright red with embarrassment, but with a cheeky expression "I want you...to demonstrate...on me"

You sit absolutely stock still, completely shocked. Your jaw hits the ground with a resounding clang.

Asuka makes an embarrassed, extremely stereotypically "moe" giggle. "Only, Rei said she wanted to be involved..."

Your eyes go into blank white circles, as is traditional in Japanese cartoons to denote shock.

Then Rei speaks up.

"I, however, insisted that if we do participate in such erotic interactions, that a stick of celery alone will not suffice" she states.

"What, you want to include the baby oil and the egg whisk as well?" you whimper.

"That goes without saying...But what I think we will really need...Are these"

From hammerspace, the partial albino pulls out a bag of freshly bought radishes.

A gigantic anime sweat drop appears on the side of your head.

"Wh..Wh...WHAT!??!" you scream in complete bewilderment.

"We do not have time to explain. Asuka, I believe it is time for a tripartite oral exchange of affection" Rei intones. Asuka smirks menacingly.

"I was waiting for you to say that, Ayanami-chan" she says, wickedly.

Then the 2 of them lean in and begin a deep, 3 way kiss.

"MmmMMMMF!" you struggle to breathe as your tongue is massaged by the tongues of Rei and Asuka. "MMMMMMMFFF!!!"

"It's OK, Shinji" you hear a sweet, kind voice in your head say "Just relax"

You do as the voice says, and begin to enjoy the 3 player game of tonsil hockey.

Then the 2 girls break off.

"...Why have you stopped?" you ask, puzzled.

Rei and Asuka smirk, and as if on cue, their outfits slide off.

You feel a trickle of hot blood seep from your nostril. Curse these generic Japanese visual effects and my overly fragile nasal membranes you think to yourself.

"Now" Rei says, naughtily "Let the vegetable-based fun and generally lewd activity begin"

The now extremely flushed Asuka somehow manages to remove all your clothing in 1 fluid movement, and the next several hours consist of activities with Rei and Asuka that are far too inappropriate to detail here, but can be summed up with this little gem.

You wake up later with Rei and Asuka clinging to your sides like a pair of amorous limpets.

"...So...Asuka...Rei...How was it?" you ask, as humble as ever.

Asuka stares at you for a few seconds. "Shinji...A stupid pervert you may be...but you know what you're doing with your Schwartz..." she says, breathily.

"Indeed" whispers Rei "Also, your skills with edible plant matter are exceptional..."

"Umm...that's nice...Hey, wait a minute, isn't the party in an hour? 'Cause we haven't prepared for the party, and-"

Asuka and Rei suddenly sit bolt upright. "Oh shittlesticks and fuckdoodle" they both curse, rather flatly. The 3 of you then scramble to put your clothes back on and rush out of your room...

To find that the stuff for the party has already been prepared.

Misato enters the lounge. "Aha! There you are. You seemed occupied, so I sorted the whole thing out!" she beams, happily. "Aren't I just the best surrogate mother ever?"

You tactfully remain silent.

"Anyway, the guests should be arriving soon. What shall we do to pass the time until they arrive?" she asks, cheerily.

1: Get out the aforementioned Sega Saturn and play a game of some description,
2: Ask Misato if she is familiar with the alternative uses of celery,
3: Attempt to summon the devil,
Or 4: Do the dance from the credits of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (is it the credits that has the silly dance? I can't remember...)?

Sorry if this was a little too lewd. I got carried away...

II

2 for some more laughs!

3. Since we've already had a crossover with TTGL, I'm thinking we start bringing in another Gainax work. Who better to invite to a party than Scanty and Kneesocks?

EVAfacepalm wrote:3. Since we've already had a crossover with TTGL, I'm thinking we start bringing in another Gainax work. Who better to invite to a party than Scanty and Kneesocks?

Yes, this shall be perfect. Also 2.

OK, so I started watching Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt so that I'd have some idea as to what to write if that is the final result...




ZERMG. PERNTERS!

...Whoa. This show is...random. It also makes my own attempts at ecchi seem incredibly tame.

Watched the first 2 episodes, pretty funny so far. When do Scanty and Kneesock pop up?

Episode 5. By the way, PSG is the only anime that I prefer to watch in English instead of traditional Japanese.

They show up in the 6th episode. Also, if you do not make their pronunciation of 'r' go on for at least an entire line, then people will call betrayal.

Nuclear Lunchbox, I just checked on the wiki since it's been a while since I watched the whole thing. Was there like an air-date mix-up?

EVAfacepalm wrote:Nuclear Lunchbox, I just checked on the wiki since it's been a while since I watched the whole thing. Was there like an air-date mix-up?

Nah, it looks like I just remembered incorrectly.

Oh, and I'm just going to leave this here.

222

Nuclear Lunchbox wrote:Yes, this shall be perfect. Also 2.

Just checking, are you suggesting I do both?

2. You misunderstood my intentions with Satan.
Also to be perfectly, shamefully honest... it didn't feel lewd enough. Which I suppose indicates that it was indeed a bit too lewd.

Squigsquasher wrote:Just checking, are you suggesting I do both?

You bet I am! ;) Scanty and Kneesocks, plus drunken celery-waving Misato? Win.

2 please!

Well, it looks like 2 wins. For some extra fun though, perhaps have Misato not understand the double entendre and simply think you want cooking tips?

The name of that evil Haruhi dance is the "Hare Hare Yukai".
Also, because it seems appropriate:

OK, 2 won, and I want to advance this as soon as possible, without having to watch several more episodes of PSG, as hilarious as it is. Don't worry though, Scanty and Kneesocks will make an appearance later in the CYOA!

You turn to face Misato, and smirk.

"Misato..." you say, suavely "Have you ever heard of the...alternative...uses of celery?"

You wink suggestively.

Misato looks at you for a few seconds, looking perplexed.

"I wouldn't know...I don't know much about cooking...wait a minute..."

Then, something in her booze-addled brain clicks into place audibly.

A sudden look of enlightenment and great amusement appears on her face, which promptly goes bright pink. She then proceeds to burst out laughing.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! So THAT'S what you were occupied with! Oh, Shinji, you stud! Even Kaji never managed to get me AND Ritsuko into bed with him! A shame, really..."

You suddenly feel strangely intimidated. "Umm, Misato, are you OK?"

Misato suddenly lunges forwards, right up in your face, with a demented smile.

"Shinji, you MUST show me the ways of the celery! You simply must!" she squeals, beginning to shake you by the shoulders.

"Eheheheheh, well, Rei knows more about that kind of thing than me..."

"Do not put yourself down, Shinji-sama, your expertise with fibrous vegetables is truly remarkable" Rei says, in an attempt to reassure you. If she was reassuring you that there is something very, very strange about her, she succeeded.

Misato ignores you. "SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!!!!!!" she squeaks, like an overexcited child at a fairground, bouncing up and down.

Then the door clicks open, and Ritsuko pops her head in.

"Ah, Misato, still trying to seduce little boys? That's my girl...Heh heh" chuckles the blonde-haired scientist.

"Oooh, what are they doing, Senpai? Let me see, let me see!" comes a squeaky voice from behind Ritsuko.

Misato suddenly looks very embarrassed and sidles away from you.

"Umm, Maya, heh heh, there's nothing to see here! Well, aside from the party stuff obviously...I'm definitely not asking Shinji to show me the "alternative" uses of celery! Definitely not!"

Ritsuko and Maya walk into your apartment. Well, more accurately, Ritsuko walks in, with Maya clinging to her like an over-affectionate koala.

"So, someone told me they'd be cigarettes. Where are the cigarettes?" Ritsuko asks, sounding a little bit nicotine starved.

Misato dashes over to the table and takes something out of a basket. "Here, Ritsu-chan!" she giggles, offering the scientist a packet of cigarettes.

"Thanks, Misato, I don't know what I'd do without you!" Dr. Akagi thanks Misato. "Maya, please, climb out of my shirt"

Maya whimpers and obediently extracts herself from the head scientist's shirt.

Then the doorbell starts ringing. "Hey, I think we have some more guests" says Asuka.

She walks over to the door and opens it. Outside are Touji, Kensuke, Kaworu, Mari, Hikari, Yoko, Kaji and the Bridge Bunnies.

"Hey there! Welcome to the party! Please hang your coats up on the rail, and enjoy yourself!" Asuka says cheerily.

Eventually everyone is inside and the party is in full swing. Touji and Hikari are enjoying a slow, romantic dance, Yoko is chatting with Kensuke, who seems a lot more confident, Hyuga and Aoba are playing Super Road Squabbler 2, Maya and Ritsuko seem to be getting awfully cozy, Kaji and Misato are sharing a drink, some of the generic Bridge Bunnies are having a drink, and Rei, Asuka and Mari are enjoying the food.

It all seems to be going rather well.

"Hello, Shinji-kun. You have thrown a truly enjoyable party, I must admit" you hear a soothing, silky voice say "But you seem to not be doing very much"

You turn around in surprise, and see that Kaworu has somehow got right behind you.

"Uhh, Kaworu! How are you doing?" you sheepishly splutter.

"Not too bad. Sorry about that whole making you kill me thing by the way, highly unpleasant" Kaworu says, somewhat flamboyantly and yet incredibly sexily.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that too. Oh, Kaworu, it's good to have you back..." you mumble, giving the grey-haired albino bishonen space Jesus an affectionate hug.

Kaworu simply smiles and hugs you in return. "It's great to be back, Shinji-kun" he whispers, softly.

Suddenly, the door flies open, and a familiar character appears.

Fuyutsuki, in his superhero getup, only this time brandishing a sledgehammer, is standing triumphantly in the doorway. To make matters worse, he is hovering, is bathed in pink light, and appears to have a pink halo.

"Tremble, mortal sinners! I, Kozoman, have ascended, and hath come to smite the impure amongst you! Who will be the first to witness my holy wrath?"

Ritsuko facepalms. "Fuyutsuki, this is the last time I let you borrow the special effects generator!" she scolds.

She takes out a remote controller and pushes a button marked "SHUT DOWN".

Kozoman promptly returns to the ground, and his halo and aura of light disappears.

"Aww...I was enjoying that..." he whines. "Anyway, you, the girl with the red hair and the scandalous outfit! Come forward, and repent or DIE!" he bellows, pointing at Yoko, and twirling his sledgehammer.

"Oh dear" sighs Kaworu "We ought to do something, or this will not end well"

"Don't worry, Yoko knows what she's doing, she hasn't got to worry about a guy with 5 replacement vertebrae" you reply.

"That is my point" says Kaworu "Miss Yoko is armed with her rifle, and I would rather not have blood spilled in the middle of the party, even if it does belong to a creepy old man who thinks he's a superhero"

Kaworu has a point. How do you deal with the problem Kozoman is creating?

1: Get Kaworu to use his Angel powers,
2: Attempt to Fus Ro Dah Kozoman into submission,
3: Do a barrel roll to confuse him,
Or 4: Valiantly charge at Kozoman armed only with an umbrella that happens to be to hand?

I shall stick with the old maxim: FOUR IS BEST.