EvaGeeks: YOU CAN'T FOOL ME

Yeah. You read right. This is for everything that doesn't have anything to do with Eva.

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Postby Fazmotron » Fri Apr 02, 2010 9:15 am

Information has been flooding in these past two hours, its like the inteligence deportment has come alive with drugs or something, I don't know.
Anyway, here's the latest:

LoganPayne: Actually a small apish child who enjoys the thrill of bed wetting.
Chee: Actually Spanish.
Eva Yojimbo: Actually a PHD professor currently working a Latrobe university in the experimental analytical discussion department. Born in 1976 to a loving couple, Charlie and Melissa, this bouncing baby boy was much more elastic than normal children, and if dropped could bounce several feet off the ground, allowing him to be caught out using the rule one hand one bounce. Unfortunately this elasticity condition lead him to be teased very viciously in his first few years of life by jealous parents.
Melissa Jimbo wrote: I mean, I loved him a lot, but the other parents just thought he was weird, so I decided to make them all jealous of his special abilities by entering him in the local basketball tournament, as the ball.

At the age of 4, Yojimbo started showing signs of an incredible mental capacity, writing his first book entitled “The things we know”, which was later adapted to screen by director John Boorman. At the age of 7 Yojimbo became the first seven year old to stuff 156 cotton balls in his mouth without dying for longer than a minute, setting a record which was beaten 3 days later by his twin half-brother Jeffrey. Jeffrey and Yojimbo always had a vehement sibling rivalry, with Jeffrey always managing to 1-up Yojimbo at every accomplishment he made. This was until, at age 9, Yojimbo violently murdered his brother Jeffrey in what he claims was “self defence”. Jeffrey’s body was found with several drill holes in his chest, strapped to a table in the backyard of his family home. Yojimbo was later convicted of murder and sentenced to 3 weeks of community service.
Charlie Jimbo wrote:I mean, it was hard on all of us, including our dozen cats, it was just really really really, really really kinda hard, y’know.

At age 13 Yojimbo started high school, and immediately became the local bully. Being more elastic than all the other children the saying “I am rubber, you are glue, etc.” carried added meaning. Eventually Yojimbo was expelled from 4 public schools and 3 military academies before finding his way to Endolphin High, where he met his high school sweet heart Joanne.
Joanne Shobler wrote:I mean, I knew he was different, I could tell the first time I saw him walking towards me with that ridiculous fake limp of his. But he was just so weird that I couldn’t resist the urge to touch his face with my nipples.

Eventually Yojimbo graduated high school, and became home coming queen because he threatened the vote counters.
After high school Yojimbo worked in electrics for several years, before the outbreak of mutant metal eating termites devoured every piece of metal in his home town. He realised that he had to leave and find a new place to live, and leave behind the love of his life, Barry, his fellow workmate he met shortly after Joanne ran away to the Ukraine.
Barry Orblemepenstien wrote:I mean, it hurt sure, especially when he punched me in the cervix, but I knew he just wanted to do what he wanted to do, and I knew that nothing I could say was going to stop him from getting right out of this here hole in the ground.

After several years of working, Yojimbo finally managed to climb out of the hole that his home town was sitting in, and made his way to Californee. He had heard stories as a young boy about how beautiful it was, and how the sunlight glistened of the large piles of biohazardous waste that was dumped in the town centre for no apparent reason.
Mayor of Californee wrote:I mean, I know it wasn’t the best place to put it, but you know, you have to put it somewhere.

So after making the incredible journey across mountains and roadways on him magic flying talking dog, Yojimbo finally made it to Californee at age 27, just in time to see it destroyed by the horrible Millennium bug.
Y2K Bug wrote: I mean, I know it’s a big hassle for everyone and all, but I just really like destroying cities when a new millennium rolls around. I mean, cmon, you gotta celebrate somehow.

So after Yojimbo’s dreams were shattered, figuratively and literally, because the Millennium bug is also telepathic, Yojimbo decided to reside in Florence for a little while and raise a family.
Florence Jimbo wrote: I mean, you can definitely call it residing, cause he was in me pretty much all the time. I was really sore.

After several years of hedonistic sex, Florence fell pregnant, and Yojimbo decided to marry her. The wedding was beautiful, I should know, I was there. The speech Yojimbo gave at the end of the evening, although a tad long, blew my mind for the bits I was awake for. Immediately after the wedding Yojimbo skipped town and left his beautiful wife to rot, along with their son, Burble Jimbo, named after his first words.
After several years of cross country running, which earned him several medals and a chance to compete in the Olympics, which he very rudely turned down by vomiting all over the president of the Olympics, Yojimbo decided to get a proper education, enrolling in several classes at Harvard, including Advanced theoretical physics, and quantum entanglement theory. After failing miserably he then decided to forge the necessary documentation in order to teach at primary schools on a part time basis. When he was caught stealing children and selling them to the Koreans, he decided to forge a doctorate in talking really loud, like in caps ‘n’ shit yo, and made his move to Latrobe. After several years of teaching talking really loud, like in caps ‘n’ shit yo, he moved on to the experimental analytical discussion department where he now resided today, because he is too cheap to afford his own place.
What does the future hold for Yojimbo? I don’t know, go ask someone else.
Someone Else wrote: I mean, I know it’s a silly name but I had no choice in the matter really, my parents were the buffoons who chose “Someone” as my first name. They probably forgot that their last name was Else or some shit, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anyway, because they’re dead now. Thanks for bringing it up, jackass.
Last edited by Fazmotron on Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Merridian » Fri Apr 02, 2010 9:27 am

:lol: chee gets two words, Jimbo gets a million--complete with quote boxes. Looks accurate to me!

this whole thread is awesome

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Postby BrikHaus » Fri Apr 02, 2010 9:49 am

The thing about Mugwump is that he actually has a liver.
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:29 am

:hitthetable: I love this thread. :huggles: Hope to see something about the #egf-rpg regulars in this.
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Postby Defectron » Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:47 am

The thing about Mugwump is that he actually has a liver.


I knew it!

Although I'm fairly sure that Synapsid is actually a kind of animal that could be either a mammal or a mammal-like reptile


You sure? Synapsid always seemed more like a plant to me. Maybe Synapsids a plant that turns people into shinko. He's like those invasion from the body snatchers pods, cept when you put one under a persons bed instead of making an emotionless clone to replace the host it makes a shinko to replace the host, a shinko with sharp teeth and claws that will rend flesh..... They are the legion waiting to consume you!

Defectron: Actually a gelatinous tentacled monstrosity from the planet Xwrkt


Your with that Dib kid aren't you? Don't listen to what he says, there is no alien invasion planned here on evageeks! (hides tentacles). And no I'm not the one who was harvesting the Shinko pods for the invasion, it was that guy over there who did it!

BrikHaus: Not actually a brick house.


Damn, if he's not actually a brick house were going to be in trouble the next time the big bad wolf comes by the forums.

Pepperoni Pizza: He is actually a pepperoni pizza dude, he's also that guy over there.
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Postby drinian » Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:55 am

First I find out that you're all little girls, and now this.

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Postby Joseph the PRPD » Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:07 am

Well we all know that Xard is secretly a little girl that loves to hang out on /a/.
Last edited by Joseph the PRPD on Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Fazmotron » Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:09 am

View Original PostSailor Star Dust wrote:Hope to see something about the #egf-rpg regulars in this.

Are you nuts? That would require my invaluable inteligence agents making contact with the rpg chan. Last time I saw someone go in there, they came out....different. Not good different.

Anyway, I'm sure some information will filter through the ranks and reach me eventually.
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Postby The Eva Monkey » Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:40 am

View Original Postdrinian wrote:First I find out that you're all little girls, and now this.

I don't know about the rest of these fuckers, but at least you know I really am a dude.
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Postby tomrule123 » Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:47 am

AND I'M NOT PART OF THIS LIST?! I AM SHOCKED!

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Postby Captain_Morgan » Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:48 pm

Everyone on the forum is actually well-adjusted and content with their life.

Or we're all in the imagination of some autistic kid with a snow globe.

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:03 pm

But Faz, RP and cosplaying need not be the same.

View Original PostCaptain_Morgan wrote:Everyone on the forum is actually well-adjusted and content with their life.

Or we're all in the imagination of some autistic kid with a snow globe.


Pretty much yeah. :smirk:

I hope more is coming soon at any rate. This is teh best thread EVAR.
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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:03 pm

View Original PostFazmotron wrote:Anyway, I'm sure some information will filter through the ranks and reach me eventually.

I've seen little elves for the past couple of days. Are those your agents? Or should I be more concerned about the big dude with sunglasses standing over my shoulder?

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Postby Defectron » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:21 pm

I've seen little elves for the past couple of days. Are those your agents?


Faz is Santa Claus!

Just don't be like the tim Allen santa, we don't need anyone going around singing "I'm Nice! Nice! Baby!" . On the other hand Hal is also Santa. You know what this means, we need a Santa fight to determine who is the real one. Or you could both just beat up tim allen and call it even.

Everyone on the forum is actually well-adjusted and content with their life.


I wont be content until I meet some aliens, time travelers espers and sliders.

AND I'M NOT PART OF THIS LIST?! I AM SHOCKED!


Who were you again?

First I find out that you're all little girls, and now this.


I'm not little! (grows giant and goes on a rampage)
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Postby Joseph the PRPD » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:26 pm

I've secretly believed that secretly FreakyFilmFan4Ever was secretly actually Sarah Jessica Parker... secretly.
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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:40 pm

View Original PostJoseph the PRPD wrote:I've secretly believed that secretly FreakyFilmFan4Ever was secretly actually Sarah Jessica Parker... secretly.

Even after accusations that I was someone else? Jeez, man.

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Postby Joseph the PRPD » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:44 pm

View Original PostFreakyFilmFan4ever wrote:Even after accusations that I was someone else? Jeez, man.

That doesn't really sound like an accusation but you may have secret hobbies behind film. P:
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Postby Sachi » Fri Apr 02, 2010 6:28 pm

View Original Posttomrule123 wrote:AND I'M NOT PART OF THIS LIST?! I AM SHOCKED!

You must be new here; welcome to the forums.
- Sachi

I host an unofficial EGF discord server. The usual suspects are here. https://discord.gg/Djzkh8Q

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Postby THE Hal E. Burton 9000 » Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:36 pm

View Original PostCaptain_Morgan wrote:Everyone on the forum is actually well-adjusted and content with their life.

Or we're all in the imagination of some autistic kid with a snow globe.
um, no on the latter

this place is way more interesting than St. Elsewhere, though I admit the "because such-and-such's life sucks right now and I need attention" threads have almost been like an episode of that show
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Postby EvaCub » Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:53 pm

View Original PostJoseph the PRPD wrote:I've secretly believed that secretly FreakyFilmFan4Ever was secretly actually Sarah Jessica Parker... secretly.


I was thinking Robin willams
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