Another good chapter.

Mr. Tines wrote:I'm grinning widely.

This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: huge success.

SSD wrote:Also, I take it A/S will find me, Eric, and Luc (#egf-rpg regulars too) fagging it up (RPing) in Fandom?

Don't set your expectations too high...

This might be nerd masturbation, but I'm enjoying it in an odd-fashion so far. Oh, and your story's good too.

This is priceless. Big Boss Reichu needs moar eyepatch.

This is so great. Poor Shinji must be terrified of the EvaGeeks. I can't believe I was worked in there too. I bet the Big Boss Reichu will ride a chariot pulled by armor-less Evas.

UrsusArctos wrote:

SSD wrote:Also, I take it A/S will find me, Eric, and Luc (#egf-rpg regulars too) fagging it up (RPing) in Fandom?

Don't set your expectations too high...

No one fags up the rp's as much as I do, because I got tentacles and fanged vaginas coming out of places , and also flying fish with parasite toungs and hell I even had otakukin sephiroth try to reip Asuka. If anyone fags that place up more then me, then that person is one bad motherfucker! Just like samuel L Jackson!

This is so great. Poor Shinji must be terrified of the EvaGeeks. I can't believe I was worked in there too. I bet the Big Boss Reichu will ride a chariot pulled by armor-less Evas.

Yeah it should be like that thing Xerxes rode on in 300 but with more bondage evas.

I just picture him walking into the cosplay group like o.o O.O wtf, clones!

UrsusArctos wrote:Fade downed the mix in one gulp and breathed fire as the contents ignited.

Waz dat sum Chekhov's Gun?

The grateful geeks of Off-Topic took them to the great Christmas Rock off, a movie screening showing the epic Rock battle between the mighty 200 Proof and great Fade and the ing reminders. The movie ended with a psychedelic display of alcohol and lolipops, and soon afterwards, many of the geeks began to jam off with their various musical instruments. Musical revelry abounded.

Shinji and Asuka staggered away in the middle of the rock off, feeling quite dazed. They came across Toji arm-wrestling against a really cool-looking dude with awesome orange sunglasses, Hikari cheering, and Kensuke videotaping the whole match. Shinji and Asuka were delighted. "Toji! Kensuke!" Toji was wrestled to the ground in a moment, but he greeted them with delight when he met them. He, Kensuke, and Hikari had been dragged into this strange universe by the same mysterious phenomenon. Toji introduced him to the dude with sunglasses. His name was Kamina, and he believed in believing in that part of himself that believed in him. He said that he would gladly become Shinji's companion, and teach him the secrets of the world. Asuka rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, the rock off had ended, and a terrible fight had broken out among the people rocking off. A strange man, daubed in red paint and yelling various obscenities, was busy causing a fuss among the other geeks. Shinji inquired about why there should be any insults at all, but he got no answer.

Hikari said, "This is terrible. I wish I could stop this fellow."
Kamina said, "Hikari, believe in the you that believes in you."
Hikari had an idea! She asked Asuka to grab the punk from behind while she grabbed a large bicycle pump. The obscenity-yelling geek was pinned down while Hikari filled him with air. Asuka let go, and the geek went flying far, far away, gas escaping from his mouth.

All the geeks present cheered. The Eva cast had vanquished yet another evil from the land of EvaGeeks!

Kamina said, "I have heard of your nookie, Shinji! We shall go and find this medieval character and recover this nookie from him, and return you to your world! The great Kamina-sama gives you his word! GIGA DORIIIIRUUU BUREEEKAAAA!!!"

Uttering this great war-cry, Kamina, the Eva cast, and the geeks, marched out of Off-Topic and towards Fandom, where love for all things Eva was the strongest and the geeks were mightiest of heart and spirit.

Meanwhile, the evil V was watching from the depths of his Shadow Gallery. He smiled evilly under his Guy Fawkes mask. " I shall treat the geeks to a sight unlike anything they have ever seen before!"

He pressed buttons and flipped switches on a great mysterious contraption of his. Finally, he called his assistant.
"You shall find the great analyzers, Eva Yojimbo and Xard, and engage them in a debate from which they shall never be able to come out! Do as your master commands you!"

V's cloaked and hooded assistant bowed deeply and departed.

V laughed evilly. "They shall never get to capture the nookie now! Mwahahahaa!"

Sure enough, on their way, the new Geek Army came across a great battle. Eva Yojimbo and Xard were sitting behind a wall of sandbags, shooting away with a battery of guns. On the other side, behind another wall of sandbags, was a mysterious cloaked figure, shooting back. The blasts of the guns and exploding shells rocked the earth. Yojimbo kept shouting, "You're being pretentious! This is the greatest work of art ever!" The mysterious one replied, "I'm a genius! My genius benefits the entire land!"

Shinji asked, "What now?"
Asuka said, "Anta Baka? We deal with him!"
Kensuke said, "Yes! Offense is the best defense!"
Kamina said, "There's one mantra everyone must learn in a situation like this. All of you, repeat after me...ORE WO DARE DA TO OMOTTE YAGARU???"

The geeks charged at once, and Eva Yojimbo and Xard stopped shooting to watch. They braved the shellfire, although many were struck down. Kamina and the pilots headed the charge. A glowing wave of energy built up around them, and crashed against the wave of sandbags, toppling them over. The figure in black levitated and tried to fly away, but was struck down in a wave of GAR. The Geek Army had scored its first victory.

"This...is...SPARTA!" Yojimbo yelled, and he and Xard delighted joined in as they marched upon Fandom.

They stopped short in their triumphal march when they came across the RP subforum.

Asuka said, "Kimochi warui."
She was the only one of them who could speak.

Tines: Good to know.

And

This is awesome!

Keep up the awesome work, kuma!

Again great job. Kamina was unexpected. One only knows the bizzareness that awaitness in the Role Playing Section. Hopefully they will find themselves stuck in a CYOA.

Also who is the red painted obscenity yeller?

I was confused by that myself.

I was confused by that myself.

I thought it was V for a moment, but wait V never was associated with red paint, who was that?

They stopped short in their triumphal march when they came across the RP subforum

Oh shit! they have no idea of the horrors that await them

(Pinhead voice): Your suffering shall be legendery even in hell!

Anyway here's some of the more questionable stuff that's gone down in the rp I'm participating in. Keep in mind this is a completely serious rp, all the below items were played out totally seriously



Tom Cruise went crazy during third impact and reimagined himself as some sort of scientology monster whose face looks like a fanged crotch that spits out giant parasitic maggots. He tried to Kiss Asuka.

When I interrogate a zombie cultist I force him to eat his own body parts.

Kiel comes back as a little girl to avoid the heat for causing third impact, this doesn't work though as I capture him/her dip his/her legs in tempura batter and fry em up while she's still alive.

Maya Ibuki is an evil overlord who is conquering earth

I have lesbian tentacle girl sex with evil maya

Otakukin Sephiroth trys to rape Asuka

Ritsuko rapes Shinji

Shinji rapes Rei

A clone of Asuka rapes Shinji

I brought Issei Mataloun from the Neon Hellstrom Evangelion fic into the rp as an npc, later on he's also going to rape Shinji.

Issei got raped by eels as punishment for screwing up his mission

A male Asuka clone is going to get Asuka pregnant with a mutant Asuka baby

Mana dies, but later she comes back as some sort of freaky cyborg, there's a good chance she will also participate in a raping of some sort.

I kill Santa Claus by accident ruining Christmas for post third impact earth.

The cenobites from the halloween special are in the rp, they work for evil maya.

Gasmasks character stabs a monster panda to death with a broken vibrator, this vibrator was broken thanks to my characters...uhhh fangs...

Throughout the rp I have tendency to electrocute Shinji and Asuka, when I first meet Shinji I deck him Kamina style.

You...your RP is meant to be serious? Wow...just....

UrsusArctos wrote:the epic Rock battle between the mighty 200 Proof and great Fade and the ing reminders.

*wanders into thread*

Wow, thanks for the nod. :) Guess I need to go back and read this thing from the beginning.

You...your RP is meant to be serious? Wow...just.... facepalm

When you get to my level, you can write serious stories about pandas being raped by ronald mcdonald, not that I would be interested in writing about that, that's just fucking creepy!

Sammaeloo wrote:Also who is the red painted obscenity yeller?

That was supposed to be Soljer, in a nod to Brik's Rebuild of the Christmas Special (hence the red paint and swearing). Because he just got himself banned for something utterly despicable, I decided not to parody him more explicitly or mention him by name.

something utterly despicable

Woah, sounds like there's quite a story behind that. I'll have to ask what happened later on irc.

The Fandom area was terrifying to behold. In turn, one person after another did even more horrifying things than in the Off-topic forum.

Worst of all? They did it dressed as the Eva cast!

Shinji, Asuka, Toji, Kensuke and Hikari saw a whole lot of bizarre Otaku, all dressed as them, doing terrible things to one another. Some of them held up guns and enacted strange dramas with one another. Kaji boinked Misato and Asuka boinked Shinji relentlessly, Gendo kept driving his hand into Rei, and Third Impact kept happening, turning them to tang before they all reset and the grand cycle of boinking and drama played itself out. All the time, "Komm Susser Tod" was playing somewhere in the background.

"Gott in Himmel! This is going from bad to worse each time!" Asuka said.

Shinji said, "They...they're...having us do each other."

Toji said, "And it's like they're stuck in a time warp or something..."

Kamina said, "Hey! Look here!"

They came across yet another strange place- one where an Asian gentleman with long hair and wearing an extremely expensive blue suit sat at a computer, downing bottle after bottle of Caol Ila whisky. He picked up a guitar, strummed it, and a dozen fresh bottles of whisky materialized.

Standing next to him was a leering, perverted, robotic version of Fuyutsuki who kept uttering various obscenities. On demand, he handed over the other people in the location loli-dolls of the Eva cast, or dollar bills with his likeness on them, which he pulled out after unzipping his pants.

Among the other people in the channel were a mixed martial arts champion, a guy with a guitar and Iron Maiden posters cosplaying as a maid, and a mysterious guy in a paperplate mask who was typing into a computer, creating entire arrays of tentacle monsters and zombies. Laughing away insanely was a guy paining a girl with long, green hair.

Kamina said, "Wow, this is quite a place...oh-ho!"
Kamina and the Eva cast stepped into a private channel, where a big blond man with lots of guns sat across a table from a second Asian person with a pet pug and bear. The two of them gave the intruders a cold, sidelong glance, before launching into an amazing, heated discussion at the speed of light about S.T.A.L.K.E.R., Team Fortress 2, Call of Duty 4, Red Orchestra, Blue Drop, Gunslinger Girl, Tenant of Room 404, Arume, and a gazillion other things. Weapons and armed vehicles of every design and form imaginable materialized around them in milliseconds, shooting in all directions. The air was filled with lead in no time.

"Help! Run!" Hikari yelled, as tracer bullets glittered overhead.

Shinji, Toji and Asuka had to carry away a salivating, lovestruck Kensuke as tank shells and rockets flew through the air.

Kamina said, "A true man doesn't run when the fighting gets heated..."

The bear hurled a kitchen sink at him, and he went flying out of the private channel.

Everyone had to catch their breath once they were out. This place was insane, and dangerous, more so than ever before! The madness made even the most hardened geeks shudder in great fear. It was time to take the initiative. Kamina had little Gurren-Laganns twittering around his head after the sink hit him, so they would have to do their fighting without him.

"Let us see. These Role-Playing clowns are supposed to be taking our place..." Asuka said.

"That's not a comforting thought." Shinji said.

"I have an idea." Hikari said. " We can break the cycle by taking our places."

Toji nodded his head. Kensuke whimpered. "Those guns, man! All those guns!"

Asuka and Shinji approached the big Hispanic-looking guy and the young, curly-haired woman who were role-playing as them.

Shinji asked, "Uh, mind if we step in?"

The curly-haired woman said, "Sure!"

"Asuka, I..." Shinji began.

"Oh no! We're not meant to boink each other, okay? We're friends! Just friends! I don't care what pervert decided we were made out for each other, but I won't marry you!"

The world shook under the force of a massive earthquake when these words were spoken. Wolves howled, and volcanoes erupted. Deer fled from their homes as whole forests were engulfed in flames. Darkness filled the sky.

And, lo and behold, the denizens of the Role Playing Area were freed!

Sailor Star Dust and Eric Blair almost fell weeping at the feet of Shinji and Asuka. They had been saved by the characters they loved! It was glorious! It was astounding!

One by one, the other RP fans came forwards and introduced themselves: Legendary, Lucretius, majlund, Anti-Goth, esselfortium, Sachi and GoatMan, along with honsou, Xeroko, Chee, Zeppo and Defectron. Right next to the evil Fuyu-bot was the grand master, Ornette, and his Churuya-obsessed companion was ZapX.

The grandest applause came from the great administrators themselves- there was old Mister Tines, absolutely delighted with Asuka. There was a man who resembled Old Sensei, and his name was Obsessive Maths Freak. There was a man in a hat carrying a stuffed monkey- the mighty Eva Monkey, who created the forums! And there was the Big Boss, Reichu, herself.

Reichu raised her hand for silence, and proclaimed, "Thanks to you, we can have a merry Christmas! Let there be great fun and merriment in the land of EvaGeeks! And may naked Evas and feathered dinosaurs rule the land!"

Truly, it was a time of bliss.

UrsusArctos wrote:Standing next to him was a leering, perverted, robotic version of Fuyutsuki who kept uttering various obscenities. On demand, he handed over the other people in the location loli-dolls of the Eva cast, or dollar bills with his likeness on them, which he pulled out after unzipping his pants.

I figured thats where they came from.