During my first viewing, I kept fast-forwarding through different scenes, because I just didn't know what to make of it. My mind was being completely f ucked. I had to go through different studio labels to get to the opening scene, then I had to see Shinji jerk off on Asuka. Then I had to see a depressed Misato, Rei breaking Gendo's glasses, and the entire Nerv headquarters getting demolished by SEELE. The violence was so disturbing, and jarring, that I simply had to tune out of it, just keep myself from going alittle bit insane. Then came Asuka's final fight. I spoiled that whole thing for myself, before I actually saw the film, and I was still rooting for her. But I knew the results, and that she would be killed. And when that happened, I became an emotional wreak, and Shinji's scream only added to that effect.
The first part of "EoE" has got to be the most disturbing, emotional, and violent thing that I have ever seen in my life. And the second part didn't get any better. Again, I get to hear that earth shattering scream from Shinji, and some more hell breaks loose. Third impact was starting, and not only was I seeing the apocalypse, I was feeling it in every bone in my body. Then the lance of loginus shows up, and Shinji's Evangelion(aka Yui Ikari) was taken hostage by those "Evas In Drag" looking things, and Shinji's Eva actually looked like Jesus..........hanging from the cross. Easily the most beautiful, and disturbing image at that point. Then Rei finally merges with the body of Lillith, and she basically becomes a Ghostbusters version of herself. She not only gets prettier, but taller at the same time. She gets so tall, that she could reach the heavens, and looks directly at Shinji. And for once, I didn't mind Shinji screaming like a bitch, because I was doing it at the same time. Shinji and I related to one another during that scene, because it was EXTREMELY f ucked up. Then the Lance of Loginus has sexual intercourse with Unit O1/Yui Ikar(I wonder how Yui must of felt
), and they form into the tree of life. I forgot what any of that meant, but it was basically about to put Shinji in instrumentality, and put the fate of the world in his hands. To be honest, I was wondering what type of jackass would want to put the fate of the world in the hands of a mentally f ucked up kid, and THEN attempt to convince him that he shouldn't end the world(lol). After that, I lost my train of though, fast-forward through the sandbox scene, because my mind was just gone at that point. But then I decided to go back, and look at the sandbox scene. So what I interpreted was that the mountains looked like tits, the lights were the nipples, the swing resembled Yui's happyness to see her son again, and then it resembled her sadness, after witnessing him destroy the sand castle, that looked exactly like Nerv headquarters. At that point, my mind was made of stool. I could not make out anything that I was seeing, nor help the fact that I had to fast-forward through half of what I was seeing. Then I finally get to see a couple of montages of Shinji yelling, and whinning about how the three women in his life were liars, and are always out to hurt him. He then walks into a room(David Lynch moment), and tells Asuka that he wants to be next to her. Which turns into a big argument, that leads to Shinji strangling her............okay. After that, I just went with the flow. I didn't try to fast-forward, or rewind anything. I just let myself go, and see where this sh!t was going to take me. And to my surprise, it took me everywhere. It took me to a state of fear, peace, sadness, depression, happyness, joy, relief, pain, and to the stars.
There is not a single film that has taken me to that many places in just a couple of minutes. And to top it all off, those emotions came right back to me during the final scene. The infamouse "One more final: I need You." After Shinji rejects instrumentality, and gives humanity the choice to either come back, or stay where ever the *beep* they are, I thought things were going to get better. I thought there was going to be a very up-lifting ending, to end all up-lifting endings. And remember, I forgot that I spoiled the film for myself, before actually viewing it. So when the final scene came, I was blown away by it's beauty, and sheer ugliness. I saw a lot of red, blue, black, and grey looking colors. I saw Shinji, and Asuka lying next to each other, which made me wonder if they were the so-called "Adam and Eve" of this "New Beginning." Well if they are, then their story ain't going to start off nice and pretty. Shinji wakes, and sees Rei standing in the same exact spot that he saw her at during the beginning of the first episode. I think this scene made me realize that Anno planned on this the entire time. That this is the ending that he wanted to make, and give to the world. It's like everything you see in "EoE", was meant to happen. Then Shinji attempts to strangle Asuka once again. At that moment of brutality, I was wondering how nihlistic could this get. But all of a sudden, Asuka stops Shinji, by caressing his cheek with a gentle touch. Not only was I surprised by that, but I was mostly suprised by their change of character. It's Shinji who's acting in a violent way, while Asuka is trying to be the "peaceful one."
Then Shinji cries. But it's not the usual cry that we've heard from Shinji. No, this was a cry of complete, and utter pain. He came back to reality, and started to feel what reality truly is. It is pain, death, and sh!t. There is definitely a glimpse of hope at the end, and the ending goes as far to imply that things will definitely get better for both of these characters. But then Asuka says the most controversial line of them all, "How disgusting." That line has different translations, different meanings, theories, and interpretations. But one thing is for sure, it has left many viewers, including me, with a hollow place within our hearts. It's such a brutal, and depressing line, that fits with everything else that we've seen. But I didn't want to hear it. I wanted Asuka to give Shinji some more comfort, instead of saying that he's disgusting. So you could only imagine how depressed I was after that.
My jaw was droped, my eyes were full of tears, and my entire life had been changed in an instant. After that first viewing, I gave "EoE" an 8/10. And that rating has changed to a 10/10, after my second viewing. "Evangelion" has not only changed my life, but it has changed my entire view on life in general, and how I view animes in general. After seeing "Evangelion", I realized why I dislike a lot of animes. Because they all failed to aim this high, and to reach a level of artistic expression, that not only transcends it's genre, but the entire medium.
