[Fic] Ayanami: Vengeance (New Version of Chapter 40 Online!)

[Ryjin]

Oh that blond guy was supposed to be Keanu Reeves eh? Didn't notice that!

[GasmaskAvenger]

pretty much, since he's still got the surfer dude talk in his voice


so basically, the Sean Connery character's name is Shawn, the Keanu Reeves character's name is Gerald and of course there's Rachel


as for a new post in the RP...not until tomorrow. I need to spread the Theatrical Version of Halloween 2 to the world

[Ryjin]

Can't wait to see the GasMask cut of dat shit's. Anyways sometime tomorrow (i.e. later in the day) or the day after (i.e. tomorrow) I'll put up some tips on how to add a little bit more depth to dialogue, not that you're doing bad in this department but a little extra punch never hurt no buddy. As for what you got I'm liking the extra narrative detail you added describing how Shinji and Rei felt and what not it's still a little rough around the edges put none the less it's a big improvement and added a lot to the talk they had and the more you do it the batter it's going to get.

[GasmaskAvenger]

The Gasmask Cut of H2 probably won't be done until an undisclosed time (Still got to do my fan made EoE Renewal DVD and finish the video collaboration)

anyways, looking forward to the tips. Trying my best to make it as detailed as possible


so, what'cha think of Mari (temporarily) moving in with Rei?

[Ryjin]

One word, four letters; HAWT!

Alright man, I'm heading out. Later.

[GasmaskAvenger]

haven't started chapter 10 yet, but I will once I can

[DevRei17]

Awesome chapter!!!
It's kinda weird that Shinji of all people is calming someone down.
I don't understand, how could Rei not want to watch Pulp Fiction?!
It's a classic!

[GasmaskAvenger]

I don't understand, how could Rei not want to watch Pulp Fiction?!
It's a classic!

Even if she did, she would have left anyways and not get to finish it, plus she wasn't interested in investing in watching it at the time

That doesn't mean she doesn't like it, she probably had seen it prior to the actual story

[DevRei17]

I don't understand, how could Rei not want to watch Pulp Fiction?!
It's a classic!

Even if she did, she would have left anyways and not get to finish it, plus she wasn't interested in investing in watching it at the time

That doesn't mean she doesn't like it, she probably had seen it prior to the actual story

True.

[GasmaskAvenger]

well...all I can say is that much of Chapter 10 and 11 will mainly consist of the events of Episodes 3, while a chapter or two after that will deal with Rei and Mari's dealing with Shinji running away (Trust me...it'll be a lot like "The Hangover Goes to Tokyo-3", except rather than several dudes looking for their lost buddy after a decadent night, it'll consist of Mari and a still-recovering Rei trying to find and get Shinji back to Nerv HQ), then...after that...Rei's back in action and not being straddled by injuries she received in the Sachiel fight

[Ryjin]

Don't forget to add, "only it doesn't suck", to that "just like" list

[GasmaskAvenger]

also, i'll forewarn you that i'm going to do a slight alteration of sorts to the "Why Don't You Try Smiling?" scene, while Rei is completely capable of smiling here and might still be mentally affected by the Sachiel fight, i'll be making it even more of a heartwarming moment than it already was

[Ryjin]

You know I was half expecting Rei's response to that to be, "Well why don't you try not being a such pussy first."

Edit:
Alright now on to dialogue which by far is on of the toughest topics to cover since opinion is so divided on how to handle it, some people think that you should use as little dialogue as possible in your work while others like me like to have as much of it as we can cram in and in all reality it’s just one of those things that’s so open to subjection that there’s no right answers and they both have there pros and cons but I’ll try what I can to open the door for you on this topic.

Ok let’s start out with a couple of basic tips that will help you build up a good foundation to work with. First off when someone is talking to you or just happen to hear a conversation going on you need to really listen to how they talk and their idioms like what words the stress and why they stress those words as well as the type of word they tend to use and the order in which they use them and kinda build up a mental library that you can reference when you’re trying find the right idiom to give your characters. Next it’s helpful to try and get into your characters head and try to think like they do as you write for them since this helps the writing come out far more naturally which of course is a lot easier said then done and on top of that there’s really no “just do this and it’ll work” approached to this but I’ll try my best to help get your foot in the door of getting you noggin I your characters noodles. As for best way I can break this down is to explain a little psychology first on aspect of how ones personality works; you see we really don’t have just one personality but rather what we see as “us” is a collage of different personality sub-types of which a few happen to be the most dominate which in turn we see as our true self and the lesser sub-types tend to come about as you interact with different people such as the fact you’re going to act differently around your boss then you would your friend or you mom or your girlfriend and so forth just as you act differently when you’re happy or sad or in love or in rage. This is your door into other peoples heads, what you need to is find what sub-type of your own personality matches the most with the character you’re writing for and think of what you would say in that situation and how you would say it and then kinda go back over your metal library and try to think of someone who you’ve come across who also had a personality that matched who you’re writing and interject some of their idioms into it to add some extra flavor to it. Yeah I know those first two tips aren’t the easiest to do and will take a while before you can rally use them but by trying to work them into your normal routine your work will benefit in the long run and that being said the last two tips I’m give out here are going to be just a bit more manageable and sort term and can be used to help out your dialogue right away since they’re as simple as just going over back over it and saying out loud and asking your self how natural does it sound, if you were watching a movie or reading this in another novel what would you think, Would you go along with it or think it sounded hammy and or stiff and then just tweaking it until it sounds go to your ear and the last bit of basic advice I can give is as basic as it gets; practice, practice, practice! I now it sound corny but writing is like any art and will only get better if you do, well maybe it’s just a bit more then just doing it since you not only have to keep at it but at the same time be self critical and keep open to your mistakes and try and fix them as you move on to your next work.

All right I’m going to hold it off here for now since like I said this is a big subject tot cover and if I try and go over it all at once I’ll just swamp you with to much info and I’ll swamp myself trying to organize it all at once and besides all I’ll be going over is just theoretical stuff like when to use pauses (i.e. the parts you go “….”), styles of word stressing and pronunciation (when you try to get across how a character says a word) and maybe a little on handling slang and accents (which in turn ties into the styles of stressing and pronunciation but to give you a hint youtube is your friend since you can find videos of how people sound and talk across all walks of life, in fact it’s a good source to build up your mental library to boot!) and how to handle bridges between dialogue (whay of spicing up the and he said, and she said bull shit)but I’m still going to more on this subject but in the mean time as your homework I want to hear any questions you have on dialogue you got and I’ll see what I can do answer.

[Ja Ayanami]

Holy hell. I didn't know this was posted on here too. I have been reading it on FanFiction the whole time. Awesomeness.

[DevRei17]

Holy hell. I didn't know this was posted on here too. I have been reading it on FanFiction the whole time. Awesomeness.

Agreed.

[GasmaskAvenger]

in case you are all wondering "Where the hell is chapter 10?", rest assured I will start working on it in about 2 hours

I might have to squeeze all of the events of Episode 3 into this chapter (Of course with my own twists, turns and takes on it)

[Ryjin]

Cool beans, oh and check out my post before this one.

[GasmaskAvenger]

already did so


i'm pretty much free to do whatever I want now

[Ryjin]

Welcome back, though I'm going to loggin in a little bit; got to be up early tomorrow.

[GasmaskAvenger]

Chapter 10: Cathartic Command



The next morning had arrived.

Its approx. 5:58 AM.

Rei, completely asleep on the bed, had waken up. Despite the temporary disabilities she has to deal with, which is akin to a war veteran who had returned from the war, expect minus an arm and a eye, though thankfully, for Rei, she still technically has both and aren't rendered useless, they just need to heal up before they can start working again.

Before Rei can get back to doing things the normal way.

Before Rei can pilot Unit 00 again.

Her temporary room mate, Mari Illustrious Makinami, the Fifth Child, on the other hand is still asleep. Despite being the pilot of Evangelion Unit 05, she's often given underground security duties, something while she's fine with, doesn't really suit her interests of doing actual heavy duty.

Recently, the two girls have received yet another fellow pilot, Shinji Ikari.

The son of Yui and Gendo Ikari. While he gets along well with his mother, his feelings towards father, despite caring for him, never gets to communicate with him and with that being persistent for over the course of several years, had grown sour.

However, Shinji's life had been saved several days prior by the combined forces of Rei and Unit 00, despite Rei suffering bad injuries prior to him and the erratically operative Unit 01 coming out in an attempt to finish the work Rei had done on the Third Angel.

In regards to Rei, who had, despite savagely doing so, neutralized the Third Angel with the injuries, is about to return to school, injuries and all.


Although she had make herself breakfast the best she could with one arm, she still needed Mari to help her get dressed, so she walked towards Mari, who is still sleeping on the couch, leaned down towards her and quickly lunged her slightly chilly fingers onto Mari's warm body, but as soon as she grabbed Mari, she made a silly face and jokingly screamed in a goofy fashion, instantly waking up Mari in fright.

As she woke up, she cocked her head towards Rei, twisted her face into a look of irritation and annoyance and scoffed at Rei, telling her "Why the bloody hell did you do that?"

Rei then exploded into laughter, yoking up and replied "Heh, you need me to help me get ready. That's why you moved in...right?"

Mari's eyes, currently not darting behind any glasses, due to her removing her glasses the night before, widened her eyes, rolled them for a little bit and boomed out "Oh. That's right! We gotta get ready. Thanks for waking me up" and gave Rei a friendly hug that, ironically enough, was a bit too hard of a squeeze for Rei.

"Ugh...Mari. Can you..*gasp* let go?", Rei exhaled as she tried to attempt Mari to let go, in which she immediately did

"Heh. Was I too hard?", Mari smirked while replying in a very cheeky tone

"Yeah. Don't squeeze too hard when you hug next time, kay?", Rei replied, stil feeling the effects of Mari's strong grasp.

"Heh, okay.", Mari giggled "Well, we gotta get you ready for school. Everyone's been wondering where you been."

"Good. As you say...we don't want to be running late.", Rei chimed in as she then stood up

After Mari woke herself up a bit and got her glasses on, she and Rei gone through Rei's clothes and pulled out both school uniforms

"Its Friday. I finally get wear my old school uniform!", Rei yelled in joy and raised her good arm.

"So that's the uniform you're going to wear today, eh? I don't think it'll fit you as well as..." Mari informed

However, Rei cut her off and barked "No. Don't even start that with me. It's my clothes and I want to wear my old school uniform, kay."

Mari shrugged, edged her shoulders out then sunk them back in and helped Rei clean up and get dressed into her old school uniform. The one she wore back in her old school back in her home town.

After about nearly an hour of just getting ready (Had Rei not been injured in her first fight, not only it wouldn't take her so long to get ready but Mari wouldn't need to be there and help her around the house), Rei was ready. Despite still having the cast around her healing arm and the bandage around her eye, she's feeling good to be back in her old uniform.

"Eh. It looks alright, but the school uniform all the other girls wear suits you so much more.", Mari replied in a deadpan tone.

Rei gave Mari a fairly unamused glare and asked her "Are you ready, then? We gotta go."

Mari then grinned, struck a pose and joyfully replied "Gimme one second and we can go"

Rei simply nodded and Mari suddenly grabbed her uniform, ran into the bathroom and can back out a mere 45 seconds later.

"Gee...that was fast", Rei bemusely replied with her eyes opened wide in disbelief.

"Well...lets get a move on, then", Mari groaned as she lightly shoved Rei.

Rei simply nodded. Both girls grabbed their belongings, put their shoes on and left.



About 30 minutes of walking, Rei and Mari finally made it to their class. Despite being about 1 minute late, they managed to get in. However, everyone was stunned to see Rei with her cast and the bandage around her eye.

"My goodness. What happened to you? You look like an absolute wreck!", the normally apathetic class rep Hikari concernly asked

"I...had a bad accident", Rei calmly replied

"No wonder why you haven't been here in the last few days. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Here...take this", Hikari replied in a soft, caring tone. Something Rei never heard and much of her fellow classmates rarely heard altogether.

She then gave Rei a bag and then sat back down. "Well...thanks", Rei replied in a quiet tone as she sat down on her seat.

As she sat down, Rei then looked around the room and spotted Shinji sitting in another chair. As she stared at him, she grinned as it was indeed true that he's one of her classmates.

"Okay...you all need to take your laptops out now. Today's lesson will be done via your laptops", the teacher informed them all.

However, Rei didn't have a laptop around her, yet Hikari, who was standing by her, informed her "Here, Ayanami. This is your laptop. Its intended for school only, so don't take it home, okay."

Rei simply took the laptop and calmly replied "Thanks.", in which after she received it, Hikari returned to her seat.

With only being able to use one hand, Rei attempted to use her laptop, only to realize the sheer difficulty of doing things with one hand. Far more so than earlier.


As time passed by in class, Rei's attention drifted from class to...other things as everyone else in the class was using their laptops.


Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, is simply doing his own thing on the laptop, in which he then receives a surprising message.

"So...you're new here?", the message asks

He then types in "Yes." and sends it.

Another message pops up, asking "What do you do on your spare time?"

He replies "I am the pilot of an Evangelion" and sends it...only for this message to cause quite a commotion.

With the exception of Hikari, Rei and Mari, all of the girls in class stand out of their set and ask a vast variety of questions, some even Shinji didn't even catch.

Much of this persists, only for the class bell to ring in which all of the students then exit the room, only to bombard Shinji with even more questions than before.

As Rei put her laptop away, Mari informs her "Let's get out of here as quickly and calmly as possible before the shit really hits the fan" and they both get up and leave.

However, Rei stops and asks "What about Shinji? Let's get him to come with us. I like to talk about some more things with him."

Mari, however, replies "He can take care of himself", in which she grabs Rei by her good hand and darts, forcing Rei to keep herself on track of following along.

Although they got out of class and school smoothly, things didn't really sail well for their coworker Shinji.



A loud grunt and the sound of a fist contacting a face was heard.

Toji had punched Shinji over the fact that his sister was injured during the fight with the Third Angel back on Monday.

"Wh....Why did you do that?", Shinji panicked

"Oh, don't mind him. He's just pissed that your giant robot messed up his sister...even though word is that she claims that the big orange thing saved her life", Kensuke innocently informed Shinji

However, Shinji quickly yelped out "That was Ayanami, not me!"

Toji then turned his head and replied in confusion "Aya....Ayanami was in that thingamajig?"

"Uhh....uhh yes.", Shinji immediately responded with a nervous croak

Toji's face then twisted from being all angry to being very...ashamed of himself

"The girl that saved my sis' life...risked herself out there and is now in a cast and such. Such a toughie, though", Toji exhaled with a slight sound of sorrow in his voice, simply because not only he attacked the wrong person, but also his anger was, in fact, meant for a girl. A girl who had went through hell to stop the angel and that Toji completely refuses to attack a girl.

And speak of the devl, Rei herself walked into view, saw Shinji, ran towards him and wimpered out "Wha...what happened to you?"

"Ugh...ugh...I was just...rough housing with Toji there", Shinji fibbed.

Rei then spotted Toji, who nervously scratched his back and chuckled "Heh, yeah. Me and Shinji were just...playing around. Sure, we were a little rough, but other than that, it was all good, clean fun"

Kensuke and Shinji all nodded in response, even phoning in smiles that masked the sheer nervousness they had by lying to the girl who's still recovering from her injuries

Rei then cocks her head and tells Shinji "Anyways, your folks called. They need you back at HQ. Another angel is on its way."

Surprised and taken a bit aback by this news, Shinji cries out "But can't Mari take on the angel? I don't think I can stop it"

Rei then calmly grabs Shinji by the shirt and tells him "You can do it. I know you can. Do it for me, okay?"

Shinji, who then blushes a little, replies "Okay, Ayanami. I'll do it. Let's go", in which the two kids then run away while Toji and Kensuke wave at them.

After Rei and Shinji leave, Toji tells Kensuke "You know what? I can sense something...brewing between Rei and the new kid."

"Well, yeah. Now if I could just get something going with Mari...", Kensuke replied

However, Toji cuts in and replies back "But why won't you take the effort to ask her out?"

Blushing, Kensuke replies in an embarrassed tone "But...i'm too scared to ask her. I don't want her to reject me."

Toji then puts his hand on one of Kensuke's shoulders and tells him "Buddy...I told you this before. If you don't ask, you'll never know if she likes you or not. In fact..i'll tell you this...as bitchy as she is...I like the class rep. She's cute."

Kensuke's eyes widen and confusingly yells out "WHAT?!?"



Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, a phallic, crab like being is floating its way through the city, heading towards Nerv HQ. This thing is Shamshel. The Forth Angel. The first angel Shinji Ikari and Unit 01 will properly engage combat with,



Back at Nerv HQ, Shinji is now inside Unit 01, plug suit and all.

"Are you doing fine, my child?" Yui asks him

"Yes.", Shinji calmly and quietly responds

Misato then walks into view as Unit 01 is then shot into the surface. After Unit 01 pops out of the ground, she orders 'Unit 01. Move out!!", in which Shinji commands it to do so.

Inside the command center, it is revealed that Rei is present in there, watching alongside with Yui, Ritsuko and Misato. Mari, on the other hand, is once again back underground, just in case the angel decides to go under than above.

Ritsuko turns her head, sees Rei and asks her "What are you doing here? You don't have authorization to be around here. Leave this area immediately!"

However, Yui cuts Ritsuko off and adds in "Oh, don't worry. Rei's okay. She can watch and see if my son does well."

Misato, being on the same page as Mrs. Ikari, replies "Yeah. Stay here and watch over Shinji with us, Rei. A little extra company doesn't hurt"

"Thanks, Ms. Katsuragi and Mrs. Ikari. Just a little concerned about Shinji. I hope he does alright", Rei replies in a worried yet calm tone

"He'll be fine. With the training he received, he shall do well now", Yui replied in a positive tone. However, she then whispered "Only if Unit 01 works like it should, since it doesn't have...what it needs to actually do any shit"

"Yeah...Shinji will be alright. Trust us", Misato added in with ever more enthusiasm than Yui did



Around the forest area near the streets of Tokyo-3, Toji and Kensuke are looking at the streets.

"I've been waiting to see this! A real battle between two titans!", Kensuke screamed in absolute joy

"Gee...I hope this was the right idea.", Toji mutters in a less positive tone.

"Oh come on, Toji. This is going to be great!", Kensuke boasts.

As they watch, Unit 01 gets close to the angel and attempts to fight it, only for it to miss and get whipped by the angel's electro-phaser whips, unplugging it from its power source and sending it flying near towards Kensuke and Toji.

However, by sheer luck, it manages to land where Toji and Kensuke are in between its legs.

Unit 01 then scans the two frightened boys, in which their personal info are then displayed on the screens of the command center back at Nerv HQ

"Those are our classmates!", Rei yells in surprise

"What the hell are they doing out there?!?", Ritsuko barks

Yui then orders Shinji "Put them into the plug, then resume combat with the angel"

Misato then replies in a defiant "But...but he can't. Make him evacuate immediately"

Yui moans "Ugh. Alright. Its your call...but if he refuses, its fine with me."

Interestingly enough, Misato ignores what Mrs. Ikari said and orders Shinji "Get your classmates into the plug and get the hell out of there"

Shinji then gets Toji and Kensuke into the plug. However, after they enter, Maya then yells "Unit 01's synch rate is going down"

"That's because he left foreign bodies into the plug!!", Ritsuko barks in irritation

"Get the hell out of there now!!", Misato growls at Shinji.

However, he then chants to himself "I musn't run away. I musn't run away.", makes Unit 01 extract its Progressive Knife, make it wield in and screams out "I Musn't Run Away!!", as he charges at the angel. He then stabs it at its core, despite the timer of Unit 01's activation running thin

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....Unit 01's power is down...the target...has been neutralized", Maya informs everyone

"That's my boy.", Yui remarks to herself in satisfaction

"That stupid...stupid boy...disobeyed my orders!", Misato booms out in sheer anger

"Come on, now. Didn't I say that would happen? After all, Ms. Katsuragi, he's my son", Yui informed Misato in a satisfied tone

However, Misato stomps away and says "Still...he disobeyed my goddamn orders!! That bastard of a child!!" and mumbles as she walks away.

Rei then says "You...you did it, Shinji. You did it" as she smiles as she's relieved in her worries of Shinji possibly suffering the same fate she did never came to be.


Unit 01 had eliminated the angel and yet, the angel received no other damage at all, making it a perfect candidate for examination. Both the angel's corpse and Unit 01 stand there, quietly, in the night.




Rei, sitting in the break room, is reading a film magazine. Despite it mostly being about local films, she's reading articles regarding international films. Films made in different countries that suit her interests.

However, she then feels someone sitting next to her and the voice of said person asks Rei "Hey. Mind if we..ahem...introduce each other?"

Rei then looks up and sees a short haired woman in the standard issue female Nerv uniform. Its none other than Maya Ibuki that has decided to want to talk to Rei at this very moment

"Ummm...sure", Rei responds, not really sure why Maya, of all people, want to talk to her.

They then shake hands, in which while Rei reaches out one hand, Maya puts out both and shakes 'em both while holding Rei's good hand. The one that isn't in a cast along with its arm.

As Maya shakes Rei's hand, Rei suddenly feels a massive temperature difference between Maya's hands. While her left hand feels normal, something feels...extremely icy and cold about her right hand. It feels...odd.

"Why is your right hand so cold?", Rei confusingly asks Maya

"Rei...the thing is that it's been like that since birth. My folks told me that my right hand doesn't really get that good of a flow of my body temperature. In fact, it always stays cold and numb all the time. In fact, i'm surprised I haven't gotten frostbite on it all these years." Maya informed Rei with sheer honesty.

However, Maya realizes that she has to leave and informs Rei "Well...I gotta go. Nice meeting you, though."

"Same here", Rei replies

As she walks away, Maya informs "Trust me, Rei. We'll be talking to each other again...a lot", and disappears.

Despite being confused by what just happened, Rei attempts to resume reading her magazine, only for Mari to pop up and ask her "So...you're ready to go back home?"

"Yeah. Let's go", Rei replies and the two girls start to walk.

As they walk, Mari asks Rei "So...how did Shinji do?"

Rei responds "He did good, despite ignoring Misato's demands, but his mom was sure as hell satisfied. Just glad he didn't get hurt, though"

"That's good, but what the hell was up with that Maya? What did she ask you?", Mari asked Rei in a minorly concerned tone.

"Well...not that much. Even though her right hand felt unusually cold, she was nice. A little weird, but nice", Rei replied in which she and Mari then resumed their focus on leaving Nerv HQ and returning to that apartment room.

Despite what she told Mari, Rei, in her honestly, felt something...strange about Maya.

Something...uncomfortable to the point it confused her beyond comprehension