Lemon Discussion Thread [try to keep it SFW~ish]

[Shamsiel-kun]

You do realise that that way lies that well known Twilight fanfic with the serial numbers filed off.

I'm not reading 50 Shades of Gray as fanfic research. Besides, it seems that the BDSM practices described therein are all highly unsafe and not researched properly (dixit a BBC article about firemen complaining about the unsafe BDSM sex 50 Shades readers indulge in, resulting in said firemen needing to free the persons from brain-bleach-requiring scenes).

Tangentially related, one of the best "how to write" guides I've seen was posted to a.s.s sometime in the mid-90s, just as the web was starting to be a thing, and I've never been able to find it since -- it was styled as a guide for writing erotica so that it wasn't just "tab A in slot B", but that was just a specific application of the generally applicable advice.

If Google Groups wasn't stuffed with porn spam that somehow got retroactively posted everywhere, I'd try finding it...

[Guy Nacks]

The only reason 50 Shades is even a thing is because it just so happened to be written by someone who was a TV executive and probably had contacts in the publishing industry.

[Lurkis]

http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurkis/works

I'm not a writer and it's very cliche, but it was still my best shot from awhile ago.

[ChaddyManPrime]

^
That's my favorite on there! Please continue it.

[Lurkis]

^
That's my favorite on there! Please continue it.

I hadn't realized anyone on here has read it before o.o; I might just have to continue it now haha

[ChaddyManPrime]

^
I left as many kudos as I could, I think I gave a anon review asking for you to continue it too.

[MisterHalt]

http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurkis/works

I'm not a writer and it's very cliche, but it was still my best shot from awhile ago.

I really liked it. I know that a lemon is usually supposed to be focused on the sexy stuff, but I prefer lemons to have some plot in them, and yours scratched that itch nicely. I hope you do continue it.

[Guy Nacks]

http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurkis/works

I'm not a writer and it's very cliche, but it was still my best shot from awhile ago.

It's a legitimately good first effort, though I do have some suggestions if you decide to continue.

SPOILER: Show

It looks as though you're setting up a future lemon scene to occur between Rei and Shinji, potentially with Asuka getting involved as well. I would make Rei's sexual interactions with other people significantly different in terms of how she goes about foreplay and intercourse. Make her have kinks or fetishes or work something interesting into her sexual oeuvre that makes her markedly different than Asuka so the lemon scenes don't become overly repetitive. Same goes with Asuka as well to an extent.

The main problem with lemons is that eventually they run out of steam too soon because too many sex acts or situations are integrated into the story too soon and it becomes boring and routine. Like in a real physical relationship with a significant other, there has to be enough variety in how the parties involved end up having sex so that our interest doesn't diminish. Also, probably most importantly, character development and making each main person in your story feel like they're fully rounded. That doesn't necessarily have to mean that the plot has to have multiple angel action scenes shoved in for no reason, but a healthy proportion of lemon scenes to action scenes to other plot scenes is best.

I know that a lemon is usually supposed to be focused on the sexy stuff, but I prefer lemons to have some plot in them

This.

[Lurkis]

^ I appreciate the advice :') I'll take it to heart when I write the next chapter.

[Rommel]

http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurkis/works

I'm not a writer and it's very cliche, but it was still my best shot from awhile ago.

Not bad, but it does have a bit of purple prose thrown in at random places. I wonder why I never read thia before.

[ChaddyManPrime]

I haven't seen one like this in quite a while... it made happy

[url]https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11241254/1/Swallow-Your-Fears[/url]

[Guy Nacks]

I haven't seen one like this in quite a while... it made me cum buckets.

[url]https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11241254/1/Swallow-Your-Fears[/url]

First of all, FTFY.

Second of all, I think this fic got a little too ridiculous too quicky for my tastes. I kept animatedly shrugging my shoulders thinking "WAT?" at several points during the fic. I mean, if your main use of this is for fap material, I guess it should work, but, eh. I kinda would like to see it continue though.

Also, General Thread Question: Do you think a guy spraying his fuck partner with cum everywhere has the same connotation as an animal marking his territory?

[ChaddyManPrime]

As I've said before...I can't fap to literature.

[NemZ]

It's going somewhere, and out seems generally a more thoughtful assumption than in. Whether it's possessive and degrading, a welcome gift, or merely a messy nuisance is entirely up to how it's presented.

[amitakartok]

Do you think a guy spraying his fuck partner with cum everywhere has the same connotation as an animal marking his territory?

Precisely my thought on the matter.

Also, idea: futanari Asuka jacks off while listening to Shinji and Mana having sex next door, angsting that he'd never love a freak of nature like her. When she has a tirade about it to Mana however, Mana invites her into a threesome. Turns out Mana and Shinji have been experimenting with pegging for a while...

Alternatively, Asuka pours her heart out to Kodama instead, who offers to be Asuka's partner in showing why being a futanari isn't necessarily a bad thing... Hey, if shota-on-adult-woman is a thing, why not futa-teen-on-older-girl?

[amitakartok]

Something less controversial and angsty. When he joins NERV, Shinji is quartered not at Misato's... but at Mari's. The rationale is that it's easier on the pilots' guard detail if they're living in the same place, which is why Asuka too will live there eventually.

Yes, NERV is aware that they're putting three hormonal teenagers of differing genders together, with no adult supervision whatsoever. No, they don't care. Why, you ask? Because female pilots are compulsorily outfitted with an IUD; hormonal means like a contraceptive implant were considered but ultimately decided against, as altering the body's hormonal balance might affect brain chemistry and thus, synchronization ability. Misato understandably doesn't like this living arrangement but NERV's official stance is that they don't give a damn what the pilots do in their free time.

So, Mari is the one who gets to pop Shinji's cherry, so to speak, making a move on him on the very first night. Even so, it takes Shinji a while to get used to the fact that Mari, who used to live alone, sleeps naked and accordingly spends mornings and most of the weekend days prancing around the apartment in the nude (complete with gainaxing as she walks, of course). Asuka would be involved as well, mostly because she gets jealous at them and doesn't want to be left out.

[ChaddyManPrime]

^
Leave the Futa stuff to Henry please.

I like it, Asushinari is something I can get behind.

[amitakartok]

I don't really like the way Henry writes futa. Too slutty.

Regarding this latest threesome proposal, expect at least one chapter ending with the three sleeping in the same bed, Mari in the middle and lying on her back, Shinji and Asuka snuggling up to her sides while suckling on her breasts like a pair of babies.

And yes, they do have sex in places other than home - and in ways other than missionary. Case in point: when Toji accosts Shinji because of Sakura's injuries in the first battle, Mari is the one who gets Toji to back off then tells Shinji that she expects a reward for helping him. Shinji expects something serious but as it turns out, her idea of a reward was cunnilingus. After Shamshel, she ambushes him under the NERV locker room's shower and calls in the favor there, so that he can't weasel his way out by claiming that it's unhygienic.

[ChaddyManPrime]

^
I wouldn't over generalize it as too slutty, in fact some are very mild.

[amitakartok]

It is too slutty for me. I have a problem with lemon writers who portray their characters as sex-crazed animals who go into heat at the slightest provocation. That's one of my great gripes about lemons - the obsession with non-con being the other. Then there's the fact that the average writer/doujin artist seem to go out of his way to portray futa as repulsively as possible.

If it's too much to ask for quality material, why shouldn't I make it myself instead of continuing to whine about it? That's how I think about it.


Anyway... anyone thinks a Yui/Gendo/Kyoko threesome would be hot?

More specifically, Kyoko and Asuka are neighbors and family friends of the Ikaris, visiting for an afternoon; Shinji, Rei and Asuka are kindergarten-age. The threesome takes place while the kids are busy playing next door - and yes, they do lock the bedroom door to prevent the kids from walking in.

It's not even a one-time thing, just the latest in something that's been going on for a while now. As for how it started, Yui was the one who proposed it because Kyoko, having been a widow/divorced (left ambiguous) for several years, had no way to sate her urges and Yui doesn't mind sharing Gendo with a friend (and Gendo, being utterly smitten with Yui, couldn't say no to her). It could be implied that Yui might be bisexual; if so, there could also be a Yui/Kyoko lesbian scene under the shower, after the kids have been put to bed.