FML general thread [8]

[child of Lilith]

I found out today my grandma (the one that fell down the stairs and climbed back up to the bedroom) might be dying of a bloodclot . . .

I'm sorry to hear that, Ray. Hopefully she'll be ok.

[Sicarius VI]

I found out today my grandma (the one that fell down the stairs and climbed back up to the bedroom) might be dying of a bloodclot . . .

That's awful... sorry to hear about that Ray, hope your grandma makes it.

[Sachi]

I'm about an incident away from quitting my job on the spot. I'm so fucking depressed that I sleep for thirteen hours straight between my shifts, go straight back into work for the remaining time of the day, and then I'm expected to always be happy and bubbly as a shift leader. I hate myself. I hate my life. I just want to go back to sleep. I just want to die.

[NemZ]

Sachi I'm sure you can do and be more, but try and have a plan to move towards something more appealing before you quit. If you just cut ties with your job it sounds like you're in real danger of sinking even deeper into social isolation. There's gotta be somebody you can talk to about this stuff who can help you see all the resources and options you really do have but just can't see in your current funk.

[Sachi]

Yeah, I'm not nearly impulsive enough to simply quit. I'm really close to just putting in my two weeks just in case though. I let work take over my life too much, at the expense of school even, and each semester it holds me back it seems like the endgame of my education slips further away. I really not sure if it would be smarter to go back to working part-time however, since I have bills to pay; at least at the rate I make now, I've been able to build some savings. And anyways, I don't think I could get any other job besides food, and that's all the same bullshit no matter where one goes.

Then again, I've always told myself that coffee would be my next big adventure in the workforce.

[KingXanaduu]

Coffee's good. You learn the secrets of Starbucks....then, you rule the world. XD

Also though, have you thought about working medical, like CNA? Only a minimal amount of training is needed.

[NemZ]

As a certified caffeine addict I approve this plan.

[Ray]

Grandma didn't make it. . .

I think i'm going to take a break from the forum for a while. . . just so I have time to process everything.

[Xxx_Generic Name_Xxx]

Grandma didn't make it. . .

I think i'm going to take a break from the forum for a while. . . just so I have time to process everything.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss and that's how laifu works,you are born then you will die and in middle in this laifu you see dear people that are close to your heart die.

[pwhodges]

Grandma didn't make it. . .

Stay strong and look after yourself; you will come to terms with the inevitable in time, but of course the closer you are the harder it is.

[Stan]

Sachi, as other members pointed it out, it's best to have plans and goals. When you have something to strive towards, it helps ease the burden of everyday life - because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

What I do is write my short and long term goals down, on a whiteboard on my wall no less. It sometimes works to work your way backwards, that is, write your end goal and then systematically write out each step you need to take to get there. These steps are your short term goals. One thing I learned in my life is that change doesn't happen unless you try to make it happen.

It might be a good idea to find a free weekend, get a blank piece of paper, and write out everything you have vs. what you want. And then make a plan for how to get from "what I have" to "what I want". Finally, you have to act on it. Actively pursue and take actions towards meeting each short term goal. Purpose is often a cure for depression.

[Shamsiel-kun]

So far for my good night's sleep tonight, woke up to two loud bangs (probably exploding tires) twenty minutes ago together with half the neighbourhood because some asshole put a car on fire on a parking lot near my home.

The fire brigade is putting out the fire now, but the wind direction is such that the stinky smoke floats straight towards my building :x Still, I'm not right in the path of the very black smoke.

I sure hope this was accidental and not a pyromaniac, because Dutch police sometimes has a lot of trouble to catch those and I don't feel like waking up to more bangs for the coming few years.

Edit: Confirmed by police to be arson, five cars destroyed in total in three nearby spots. Joy.
Edit2: And another one this night, two cars destroyed, one badly damaged. This in a city where besides traffic accidents and (it seems) a high proportion of illegal weed cultivation nothing happens.

[SawItAtAge10]

Hello everyone.

So, I know I haven't really contributed much this side of the forums, but I gotta get some of this stuff off my chest.

Now, I have gone somewhat in the past about my turbulent childhood (via how I got into NGE ironically enough). This is pretty fucked up...

Version 1 (what I precieved as reality from Dec. 2000 - Dec. 2015):

My mom was outrageously religious. Good example of this: I bought a tape of Eva one time and she had me smash it with a hammar (Feb 2002). Anyway, things in life were "okay" for a while, weird but okay. Her religiosity got crazier in gradual steps. Meanwhile my dad went in and out of manic bouts where'd he burn off for a few months at a time. In all of this, my oldest brother started hanging around these guys who dressed in all black, wore trenchcoats, etc. (This was around Columbine). Anyway, it was through one of these mutual friends that my 10 year old eyes were awakened to the world of Japan, good anime (Eva being the first "series" one), and RPGs. Everything was okay for a while...Then in the summer of 2000 my two older brothers got into a fight with my mom and moved away to my grandmas. Things were strained, but we had the sense of being somewhat okay still. I learned later the fight was the result of my mom announcing she got a new job one town over and we would be moving there, no questions asked in the middle of the school year. This wouldn't be big deal except the 3 years we lived there was the longest we'd ever lived in a place due to my parents being unstable.

So all of that sucked, but it only got worse. In the winter of 2000, my oldest brother is arrested and I learn (exclusively by indirect means) that it was because he'd molested our younger sister. Now, to our friends, my other brother, and me, THIS MADE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE.

What did make sense was:

the nature of being in a small town that targeted "different,"

my other brother (who was 12 at the time) being scared by a sheriff, with zero representation, after his comment (2 or 3 days after Columbine) "That would make an interesting movie" being turned into "I'm gonna shoot everyone in the school" in violent game of he said/she said with him on the losing end.

My vindictive mother feeling defeated by my oldest brother who'd gotten into goth culture, was dating a wiccan, was still watching that evil anime with its satanic influence, etc.

The fact that my mom had gone further over the deep end, my brother said his arrest was based on a signed confession via coercion, everything else leading up to that time really, really gave the impression that she had my 8 yr old sister lie to the cops just so she could stay on top.

Initially, my oldest brother got probation (eventyally prison for 10 years for something else but made worse because of this prior conviction) and moved 500 miles away to live with our aunt. My other brother was at my grandma's and I had to stay with my parents and sister as we moved away from every friend and loved one I ever had up to that point.

In all of that, my mom got crazier. She joined the whole anti Harry Potter bandwagon and its ensuing madness. She also went full 1984 as she'd go through my backpack and room and look for "satanic naterials". Pokemon was evil because of evolution. Dragons were bad because of Satan. Demons could possess you if you listen to certain music. In addition, I was being buried alive by impending Apocalypse propaganda (think Left Behind) as well as a pervasive fear of burning in hell forever. Going to church, hypocritically smiling and saying "I'm good" when people asked how I was doing depressed me. I think my faith officially died in like 2001 or so. I did want to die due to the feeling of having no future (the "Apocalypse") but was afraid to do so because of Hell.

I grew to hate my mom, my dad, my sister, and Christianity.

I have grown up somewhat bitter and resentful because of this scenario (to say nothing that I didn't make a single friend in three miserable years I lived in awesome town we just had to move to, people were/are disgustingly vicious there).

Admittedly I think I have some PTSD from all of this.

Version 2 (Dec. 2015 - The Present)

So my brother gets out of prison and after being sad about losing touch with him (I cut off the rest of my family when all the hurt/anger/hatred had finally reached its boiling point in 2011 and my mom couldn't give me clear answers regarding any of this) I am able to get into contact with him. Through the course of a very long conversation vwhere I'm trying to reconnect and probe for answers, he admits to me that he touched her.

A week later, I changed my number and we haven't spoken since (nor will we ever again).

Now, I'm trapped with all of these twisted feelings of hate and sadness. I was the only one to defend him for the longest time and I was honestly convinced I was fighting the good fight.

It's been months, but fuck I don't even know where to start when dealing with this, which I haven't done a very good job of, like at all...

In my view, his confession doesn't get my mom off the hook. If anything I was made to suffer more as things only got worse because this situation pushed her over the edge. I just had no idea that all this had been caused by two types of evil rather than just the one.

[ChaddyManPrime]

There are a ton of prostitutes on POF, that is all.

I'm also noticing a pattern with all the women I meet. they've either been raped abused or cheated upon. It's getting really disturbing how I keep finding them or they find me. I'm not kidding when I say that it is every woman.

[MAGI_01]

Getting really tired of constantly being labeled the bad guy of the house and constantly being under fire.

Let see yesterday I tried to advise my nephew on how to properly load and start our new washer. Apparently making sure clothes don't get ruined nor the machine itself makes me an asshole.

Today, work all day and come home to a very short list of things to do. No big deal, got them all done and settled in for the evening to only get told I have to go to the store. Um excuse me, but I've been home nearly three hours and thought I had nothing else to do today, plus a message could have been left on my phone so I could have done it after work. Nope, apparently my running late this morning totally means my phone does not work. So now, have to get dressed again, and venture out during the worst traffic time of the day to buy 2-3 things that could have been done hours ago if only I would have been told earlier about it and apparently my getting annoyed about it makes me once again, an asshole because I'm tired and going to the store 4-5 times a week is not my idea of fun. In fact, I despise grocery shopping because of how often I have to go to that hell hole.

Really hoping my promotion and relocation order comes down soon. I'm really starting to get tired of this crap.

[soul.assassin]

As I have warned, my country is slowly sliding down the slope, in the form of a wave of gundowns on anyone known or suspected to be a druggie.

Nothing else... Fuck it, a friend of a friend was shot dead four times in the head by one of those fucking right-wing motorcycle cowboys.

[Shamsiel-kun]

^

Eek. My condolences.

---

Note to self: When sanding parts for a vac-form model kit, do not sand through skin on fingers of hand holding part. This hurts.

[Ray]

I'm back, we had the funeral a while ago. . . she made arrangements to have herself cremated to save us money.

I'm still depressed, but I feel I got some closure. . .I know she's in a better place now.

[Rosenakahara]

Lack of a Girlfriend in fucking forever is really starting to get to me, look I dont even care about sex, I've had that, it was ok, I just want someone in the flesh to be close with, to cuddle with and make jokes, I need some fucking human/human contact and recently all that's being going through my mind is how I dont have that.
I like to pretend I'm above that or something sometimes but i'm not, I need social interaction but I'm terrible about it and I dont know what to do.

I'm not wording this well, this is all just very panicked ramblings of a lonely woman, sorry about that.

[Ray]

There are benefits to being alone. You can set your own hours and schedule without having to worry about making time for both work and a Significant other, you have extra cash to buy better food, you can enjoy your hobby without fear of being judged or the anxiety of them always looking over your soldier.