You wake up and finish off your morning wood in the bathroom, only to pass a kidney stone while doing so. You're surprised you are still able to do the former. You hate your life. Your breakfast consists of bacon and bacon-flavored vodka, at least 12 shots are necessary in order to subsume the guilt over the knowledge that your life's work will damn humanity to an (non-)existential hell of solipsistic eternal mind-rape. You take another 12 shots because you begin to love the taste of bacon-flavored vodka. You like bacon. You hear a knock at the door. It's the Vietnamese landlord with the wandering eye and the beer gut hanging from his open shirt, which displays his thick, matted disgusting chest hair. He asks you for the rent. Do you:
A. Tell him your boss is an asshole who docked your pay because he found you doodling crude pornographic images of his dead wife in Microsoft Paint
B. Tell him to please button his shirt because he looks like a goddamn orangutan with a comb-over
C. You passionately lick yourself in the hopes that your display of faked insanity will scare him off
D. Offer him some bacon vodka because everyone should have bacon vodka because its liquid that tastes like bacon and gets you drunk and soon you are swimming in a sea of bacon flavor
[CYOA]Kozo Fuyutsuki
Moderator: Board Staff
- Sammaeloo
- Bridge Bunny
- Age: 34
- Posts: 1623
- Joined: May 30, 2009
- Location: In the cuboard next to th
- Gender: Male
C. Please!....C!
Seize the day.....by the throat....
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
- Age: 38
- Posts: 23063
- Joined: Aug 13, 2006
- Location: 私の中いる自分の心
- Gender: Female
- Orphan Of Darkness
- Israfel
- Age: 38
- Posts: 452
- Joined: Jun 12, 2009
- Location: Here now!
- Contact:
I will go D! Drunk logic is BEST logic!
EvanGelion:GLIA @A fanfiction project in progress. ~Updated-Mar 15th/2011~ |DeviantArt
-
"Make good use of this money, Rei. I
-
"Make good use of this money, Rei. I
A amuses me.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
- trueno_twentyone
- Matarael
- Posts: 552
- Joined: Jul 22, 2009
- Contact:
You tell him that you cannot pay your rent today, because your boss is a gigantic prick who docked your pay because he caught you drawing crude pornographic images of his dead wife in Microsoft Paint. The landlord does not know what Microsoft Paint is and accuses you of trying to confuse him with big words and sorcery. Mostly sorcery. You tell him that you are not a sorcerer, but he points to your microwave as proof that you are. You tell him that it's a microwave, and that many people have one, but he shakes his head and states that if God wanted us to cook our food using small empty television sets, he would have allowed us all to do so. You sigh and take another shot of bacon vodka. You feel crushing disappointment at how difficult it is for you to get drunk. The land-lord's horrifying man-cow of a wife appears and berates him in Vietnamese. This often happens, and if previous experience is of any indication, this will lead to passionate hate-sex in your doorway. You slip past them before you feel the need to scoop your eyes out with a spoon. You make your way to your car. You catch a few young punks in the act of vandalizing your car. Do you:
A.) Call the cops
B.) Beat their faces in with a tire-iron
C.) Call the cops and beat their faces in with a tire-iron
D.) Call the cops and aid them in beating the punks' faces in, assisting in an act of wanton police brutality
A.) Call the cops
B.) Beat their faces in with a tire-iron
C.) Call the cops and beat their faces in with a tire-iron
D.) Call the cops and aid them in beating the punks' faces in, assisting in an act of wanton police brutality
- Themaninblack
- Potential Pilot
- Posts: 1769
- Joined: Nov 19, 2006
- Location: IL
- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
- Age: 38
- Posts: 23063
- Joined: Aug 13, 2006
- Location: 私の中いる自分の心
- Gender: Female
- esselfortium
- Angel
- Posts: 3392
- Joined: Aug 21, 2009
C. I can't believe you guys aren't voting for tire iron-related choices when they are given to you! 
Edit: Wait, are tire irons implied in choice D? I'm okay with that if so.
Edit: Wait, are tire irons implied in choice D? I'm okay with that if so.
Last edited by esselfortium on Wed Sep 23, 2009 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- UrsusArctos
- The Beginning and The End
- Posts: 10501
- Joined: Jun 28, 2007
D.
(Was Board Staff from Dec 31, 2007 - Oct 17, 2015 and Oct 20, 2020 - Aug 1, 2021)
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster
Not knowing that Monk is bi is like not knowing the Pope is Catholic - ZapX
You're either really bad at interpreting jokes or really good at pretending you are and I have no idea which.-Monk Ed
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!(<-link to lunacy)...Taste me, if you can bear it. (Warning: Language NSFW)
The main point of idiocy is for the smart to have their lulz. Without human idiocy, trolling would not exist, and that's uncool, since a large part of my entertainment consists of mocking the absurdity and dumbassery of the world, especially the Internet.-MaggotMaster
- Rock-Slash
- Ramiel
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Apr 25, 2009
D.
Always gotta have police brutality.
Always gotta have police brutality.
"Why do you foolish Lilin assume you can control me? 'Cause you can't control me!" - My take on the relationship between SEELE and Kaworu
"[Eva] is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little." - Hideaki Anno
"[Eva] is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little." - Hideaki Anno
C, let the police get their kicks on their own time, we have places to be.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
- Orphan Of Darkness
- Israfel
- Age: 38
- Posts: 452
- Joined: Jun 12, 2009
- Location: Here now!
- Contact:
C. Its time for KOZOJUSTICE
EvanGelion:GLIA @A fanfiction project in progress. ~Updated-Mar 15th/2011~ |DeviantArt
-
"Make good use of this money, Rei. I
-
"Make good use of this money, Rei. I
Orphan Of Darkness wrote:Its time for KOZOJUSTICE
...
I beg of you, Chee...
Please have him actually say this at some point.
"Why do you foolish Lilin assume you can control me? 'Cause you can't control me!" - My take on the relationship between SEELE and Kaworu
"[Eva] is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little." - Hideaki Anno
"[Eva] is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little." - Hideaki Anno
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