[CYOA]Vegeta 20XX's attempt

[Vegeta 20XX]

EDIT (9/19/2009): I briefly changed the name to "Choose Your Own Adventure: Bender Bending Rodriguez", but since everyone avoided this topic like the plague afterward, I changed it back so that at least someone can reply and allow me to post Chapter 4.

Since so many other people are doing it, I thought I'd have a hand in it. This one is absurd at the very least, and is meant to be a sharp contrast to the other, more serious ones around here. Well, here goes...


Chapter 1: This Event Is Unexplainable

And it won't be. It was a very frightening day to say the least, with the reappearance of the Angels in Tokyo-3. What was about to happen, however, would change the overall feeling of the day from scary to fucking confusing.

Shinji hangs up the phone. Misato should pick him up any minute now...

The ground shakes. Shinji can't see the perpetrator, but if his most basic instincts tell him anything, he runs like hell. Misato can wait, right now living is more important.

Fast forward a bit. Misato picked Shinji up, and is now driving. As the Angel continues to move about, a small object is seen in the sky, though it's not given much attention because of the more serious matter of defeating the Angel. However, about two minutes later, the object wangs Sachi on what is presumed to be his head, glancing off of it like a rubber ball. Sachiel stumbles a little, but regains balance soon enough.

Now, that wouldn't be important if said object wasn't now hurtling in the general direction of Misato's car. Caught in a traffic jam, Misato is forced to stop, as the object crashes squarely into the car in front of her, damaging its engine. Shinji hears a few sounds coming from it, and to his surprise, they are fully intelligible words:

"OWW! Goddamn it, my ass! My beautiful ass!"

What should Shinji do? (Misato's too busy with road rage to care about the object and why its ass is in pain)

1: Approach the object.

2: Ignore it, and follow canon - like THAT'S any fun.

[Sammaeloo]

Approach it.

[Sailor Star Dust]

Approach it.

[Dranzer]

1!

[Legendary]

Just approach it. And exterminate it. We must eliminate all non-humans.

[Dranzer]

"OWW! Goddamn it, my ass! My beautiful ass!"

Asuka?

[Vegeta 20XX]

I was going to post part 2 today, but since there haven't been very many responses, I think I'll wait a little. However, I'll take this opportunity to give you guys something to think about in the meantime.

Who/What Might The Object Be?

Since Dranzer inquired that it might be Asuka (despite the fact that any human wouldn't be able to survive in the vacuum of space and the trip down to Earth, let alone live through a several-hundred-mile-per-hour collision with an Angel, crash straight into a car engine, and come out more or less unscathed), I want you guys to guess who or what the object is.

I will give two hints:

1: The object is from neither Evangelion or Dragon Ball Z. I know that NGE fans dread the coming of a NGE/DBZ crossover, as do I, so I wanted to clear that up so no one thinks it's a Saiyan space pod or something.

2: National Treasure. Nothing further.

[Great Genius Shinji-Sama]

Guyver unit?

[esselfortium]

National Treasure....so it's Nicholas Cage's house?

[Dranzer]

Since Dranzer inquired that it might be Asuka (despite the fact that any human wouldn't be able to survive in the vacuum of space and the trip down to Earth, let alone live through a several-hundred-mile-per-hour collision with an Angel, crash straight into a car engine, and come out more or less unscathed), I want you guys to guess who or what the object is.

Ohh,i just thought that Asuka is piloting that thing

[Adekis]

Approach it!


...Canti from Fooly Cooly?

[Vegeta 20XX]

Now, for Chapter 2!

Chapter 2: The Mysterious Object And It's Ass Pain

Shinji gets out of the car (Misato still doesn't notice) and slowly approaches the strange entity. The thing looked like a tin can with arms and legs, and as the thing pulled itself out of the damaged car, Shinji saw that it also hat a head.

The object looked around, and saw Shinji, to which he said:

"What are you looking at, meatbag? Haven't you ever seen a robot before?"

Shinji stood there stunned - not only did the object think and speak, but it also insulted him. However, this moment was shortlived, as Misato (finally) noticed that Shinji was not in the car, and came to put him back in it so they could finish evading the Angel (which was STILL THERE, by the way). She grabbed his arm, but stopped short of going back to the car when she saw the object, which identified itself as a robot.

"Why is everyone staring at me like that? Am I that great?" the machine said, quickly adding "Of course I am!" and laughing.

The robot got in Misato's car, and when Misato started to protest, it opened a compartment in its torso and pulled out a bottle of beer. It promptly consumed the contents of it, and threw the empty bottle at Misato, narrowly missing. She decided to take action, and pulled the robot out.

"Wait, what are you doing? Don't put me there, how will I get out and rob you?" the robot begged, as Misato threw it in the trunk and started driving.

Fast forward a little bit more, now we're at NERV. Misato is talking with Ritsuko, and as it turns out, the machine managed to escape from the car, and presented itself to the two of them in an obnoxious fashion.

Ritsuko had a better time identifying it than Misato did, but was more concerned with why it was in NERV HQ in the first place: "So how do you explain this one?"

"Dammit, I forgot to get rid of it before I got here!"

The machine rudely butted in, saying, "I don't see what the problem is. You should count yourselves lucky that you even know me"

It then walked off, singing some sort of song that it made up most of the words to.

Now, what should Ritsuko do with the robot?

1: Let it go - there isn't any possible way it could fuck things up, right?

2: Get someone to go after it.

3: Go after it herself.

Also, have you guessed who the robot is yet?

[Great Genius Shinji-Sama]

[Sammaeloo]

Yes! I know who it is.

Anyway, have Ritsuko go after him yourself.

[Legendary]

Send someone else. Like Maya.

[Vegeta 20XX]

Oh, deal with it. I said from the start that it was going to be different and more absurd than the rest of them.

[esselfortium]

Send someone else.

This is more or less what I do when I see your posting, GGSS.

Edit: Not trying to flame or troll, just telling you what I think about pointless emoticon-saturated posts. No, I'm not a mod and there's nothing I can do about those posts, but I felt it was at least worth mentioning so you take a look at it :P

[Great Genius Shinji-Sama]

Ok. np need fr flames or trolls. Just delete my post and I will rescend? my last statment.

[Dranzer]

send Maya...

[Vegeta 20XX]

Since I'm really impatient and don't want to wait for more responses, here is Chapter 3:

Chapter 3: Bender's Run, or, Dealing With A Alcohol Abusing Robotic Kleptomaniac

Ritsuko is obviously frustrated with this, err, robot, but decides that it (or rather, he, now that we know who it is) isn't worth the trouble of bringing Shinji to Unit 01's cage, opting to send Maya to do it instead.

Now, we go away from Ritsu and co., and follow a certain robot around whatever he happens to be doing.

"Awww, come on! Isn't there ANYTHING worth stealing or destroying around here?"

His search continues into a dark room, but he is prepared for such, as light projects from what we presume are his eyes. The machine sees something, but before he can get a good look at it, he's tackled and held down.

"Hey, who are you and why are you holding me down?"

Suddenly, the lights turn on, revealing Ritsuko, Misato, Shinji, and a hereunto person (Gendo) - the machine was in the cage.

However, the machine believed that the thing he was looking at before (now revealed to be Evangelion Unit 01) was a machine like himself, enslaved to do the tasks that humanity didn't want to do itself, and decided to take action after Shinji started being all whiny:

"You fiends have crushed the dignity of Robo-Humanity for too long! Release this mechanical soul at once, or I'll release my iron foot cups up your crapholes!" the machine declared. But yet another person, seemingly bound to a cart (i.e, Rei) had entered the room, the robot was distracted with the opportunity to do something he hadn't done in quite a long time: lay down and drink himself happy.

He threw Rei off of the cart and took it for himself, which had earned him the disrespect of the various humans around him.

"What, my ass is tired. You meatbags have problems with everything, like being robbed - if you'd just accept that I'm taking your things without your consent, everything would be fine. For me, anyway"

Now, time to step into Gendo's shoes - the machine just threw Rei off of a gurney, and was about to get his shiny metal ass handed to him, but Shinji was still refusing to pilot, and said robot was being a huge distraction from his guilt trip plan. What should he do?

1: See what good this robot can do - he needs to make up for all of the annoying things he's done so far.

2: Throw him out - he is quickly becoming a danger to NERV's efforts to defeat the Angel

3: Like #1, but give him a good reason to do so - you don't encounter robots everyday, and as many vices as this thing has, there's got to be some way you can make him do things your way.