[CYOA] Rei Ayanami
Moderator: Board Staff
The Second option is the only option.
"Why do you foolish Lilin assume you can control me? 'Cause you can't control me!" - My take on the relationship between SEELE and Kaworu
"[Eva] is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little." - Hideaki Anno
"[Eva] is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little." - Hideaki Anno
Dirty Mick wrote:No. 2, Horse Kung Fu for you.
Evangelion Genocide:chapter 14?!
CYOA:A Character Insert
And waiting for Evangelion 3.0 Q Quickening...Next summer,dudes! Or maybe before summer?:O ;)
CYOA:A Character Insert
And waiting for Evangelion 3.0 Q Quickening...Next summer,dudes! Or maybe before summer?:O ;)
You decide to disable Kiel Lorenz using your martial arts skills. Nerv has trained you well in the art of hand-to-hand combat as well as in marksmanship and knife-fighting. You regret leaving Commander AK-47 at home.
You deliver a flying drop-kick to the Committee Chairman’s face, still wearing your horse costume. Ikari-kun is dragged through the air with you in the bottom half of the costume.
Kiel Lorenz collapses to the ground, and you land on top of him, having lost your balance. Ikari-kun has also been displaced by your kick, and his head has entered your skirt. The horse costume has ripped in half, exposing your backside to the elements.
The Committee Chairman appears to be unconscious. His visor has fallen off and broken in two. There is a trickle of blood running from his mouth. He is no match for the combined might of horse costumes, martial arts, and novelty glasses. You would move, but Ikari-kun makes this difficult.
Ikari-kun seems to have found something interesting inside your skirt, as he has not yet withdrawn his head. You wonder what it could be.
“Ikari-kun, have you finished inspecting my skirt?” you ask. “We have yet to locate Special Inspector Kaji.”
Ikari-kun quickly rises to his feet, his eyes wide. His face is as red as Unit 02. His nose is bleeding, which you believe is a visual shorthand for sexual arousal in Japanese animation.
“I-I’m so sorry, Ayanami!” he sputters. “It’s not what you think!”
“I see,” you reply.
Ikari-kun’s knees buckle and he collapses to the floor, evidently fainting from embarrassment. You decide to administer CPR and revive him, as you have been taught. You remove your shredded horse costume for this purpose, placing the horse head in your backpack. Upon doing so, Ikari-kun awakens and jumps to his feet, flustered for no reason that you can discern.
“Um…Ayanami….um…you’re not supposed to do that sort of thing with someone unless you….” He stammers. His face has turned an even deeper shade of red, if that is possible. You notice a bulge in his pants.
“Is the pressing together of lips considered erotic?” you ask, puzzled. “I was merely attempting to revive you using my CPR training.”
“Um…yeah…I guess it c-can be erotic, yeah. Let’s never talk about this again, Ayanami,” he says.
“Yes,” you respond.
You see a door marked “Do not enter.” Ikari-kun turns the doorknob and prepares to enter.
“Wait, Ikari-kun,” you say. “We are not permitted to enter and must obey orders.”
Ikari-kun sighs. “Ayanami, I order you to enter with me.”
“Yes,” you say.
You step into the room. At the far end, you see Special Inspector Kaji inside an oversized cooking pot with his hands tied behind his back. He is naked and nonchalantly smoking a cigarette. Identical gray-haired boys are bustling about the room. Several of them are in the cooking pot with Mr. Kaji, nude. They are clinging to his sides.
“Yo,” says Kaji. “I’m already naked, so why don’t you bring over Rits-chan and Ibuki?”
Ikari-kun stares at Mr. Kaji for several seconds, evidently dazzled by his masculinity and nonchalant attitude. You notice that the nude boys seem to be gazing into space, as if they were devoid of souls. You decide to test your hypothesis and bounce a coin off one of their heads, meeting with no response. Once you have assessed the threat level, you approach the vat.
You take out the blue cyanide capsule the Commander has given you for emergencies. You hold it towards Mr. Kaji, saying “You must not tell our secrets to the enemy.”
“Ayanami!” says Ikari-kun, exasperated. “Just untie him!”
“Yes,” you say. You then do so.
Mr. Kaji steps out of the vat, taking a drag on his cigarette. Ikari-kun is staring at his genital region wide-eyed.
“Oh, this?” Mr. Kaji says. “It isn’t nearly as big as it looks. Thermal expansion will do that,” he says, winking. Ikari-kun looks as if he is about to faint again, but does not do so.
The three of you leave the building together. Kaji snuffs out his cigarette on the Committee Chairman’s prone form as he walks by, still naked. As you walk into the open air, you see passers-by of all ages and genders staring at Mr. Kaji’s oversized phallus, transfixed.
You decide to
1) Investigate the ramen stand further
2) Have the Commander call in an air strike
3) Go about your daily life, since you have completed your mission. The Commander has asked you to deliver some papers to the Sub Commander (aka Kozoman)
4) Give Ikari-kun dating advice
5) Reader’s Choice
You deliver a flying drop-kick to the Committee Chairman’s face, still wearing your horse costume. Ikari-kun is dragged through the air with you in the bottom half of the costume.
Kiel Lorenz collapses to the ground, and you land on top of him, having lost your balance. Ikari-kun has also been displaced by your kick, and his head has entered your skirt. The horse costume has ripped in half, exposing your backside to the elements.
The Committee Chairman appears to be unconscious. His visor has fallen off and broken in two. There is a trickle of blood running from his mouth. He is no match for the combined might of horse costumes, martial arts, and novelty glasses. You would move, but Ikari-kun makes this difficult.
Ikari-kun seems to have found something interesting inside your skirt, as he has not yet withdrawn his head. You wonder what it could be.
“Ikari-kun, have you finished inspecting my skirt?” you ask. “We have yet to locate Special Inspector Kaji.”
Ikari-kun quickly rises to his feet, his eyes wide. His face is as red as Unit 02. His nose is bleeding, which you believe is a visual shorthand for sexual arousal in Japanese animation.
“I-I’m so sorry, Ayanami!” he sputters. “It’s not what you think!”
“I see,” you reply.
Ikari-kun’s knees buckle and he collapses to the floor, evidently fainting from embarrassment. You decide to administer CPR and revive him, as you have been taught. You remove your shredded horse costume for this purpose, placing the horse head in your backpack. Upon doing so, Ikari-kun awakens and jumps to his feet, flustered for no reason that you can discern.
“Um…Ayanami….um…you’re not supposed to do that sort of thing with someone unless you….” He stammers. His face has turned an even deeper shade of red, if that is possible. You notice a bulge in his pants.
“Is the pressing together of lips considered erotic?” you ask, puzzled. “I was merely attempting to revive you using my CPR training.”
“Um…yeah…I guess it c-can be erotic, yeah. Let’s never talk about this again, Ayanami,” he says.
“Yes,” you respond.
You see a door marked “Do not enter.” Ikari-kun turns the doorknob and prepares to enter.
“Wait, Ikari-kun,” you say. “We are not permitted to enter and must obey orders.”
Ikari-kun sighs. “Ayanami, I order you to enter with me.”
“Yes,” you say.
You step into the room. At the far end, you see Special Inspector Kaji inside an oversized cooking pot with his hands tied behind his back. He is naked and nonchalantly smoking a cigarette. Identical gray-haired boys are bustling about the room. Several of them are in the cooking pot with Mr. Kaji, nude. They are clinging to his sides.
“Yo,” says Kaji. “I’m already naked, so why don’t you bring over Rits-chan and Ibuki?”
Ikari-kun stares at Mr. Kaji for several seconds, evidently dazzled by his masculinity and nonchalant attitude. You notice that the nude boys seem to be gazing into space, as if they were devoid of souls. You decide to test your hypothesis and bounce a coin off one of their heads, meeting with no response. Once you have assessed the threat level, you approach the vat.
You take out the blue cyanide capsule the Commander has given you for emergencies. You hold it towards Mr. Kaji, saying “You must not tell our secrets to the enemy.”
“Ayanami!” says Ikari-kun, exasperated. “Just untie him!”
“Yes,” you say. You then do so.
Mr. Kaji steps out of the vat, taking a drag on his cigarette. Ikari-kun is staring at his genital region wide-eyed.
“Oh, this?” Mr. Kaji says. “It isn’t nearly as big as it looks. Thermal expansion will do that,” he says, winking. Ikari-kun looks as if he is about to faint again, but does not do so.
The three of you leave the building together. Kaji snuffs out his cigarette on the Committee Chairman’s prone form as he walks by, still naked. As you walk into the open air, you see passers-by of all ages and genders staring at Mr. Kaji’s oversized phallus, transfixed.
You decide to
1) Investigate the ramen stand further
2) Have the Commander call in an air strike
3) Go about your daily life, since you have completed your mission. The Commander has asked you to deliver some papers to the Sub Commander (aka Kozoman)
4) Give Ikari-kun dating advice
5) Reader’s Choice
He shuddered a bit, remembering the somewhat creepy level of detail Kaji had gone into, while rubbing a watermelon in a disturbingly sexual way.
Life is a continuous nut-kicking contest where your turn comes last if ever. -majlund
Proud supporter of Shinji x Sachiel
- esselfortium
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4! Quatro! number four for great justice!
Avatar: Utena and Anthy hawtness <3
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XBOX LIVE GAMERTAG: ShinjiSama01
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http://shinjisama.wordpress.com/ - Blog
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http://otakuno1.deviantart.com/ - Deviant account
5 - Can we take (at least) one of the naked albino boys with us? The Commander might wish to inspect him. And we could push our house chores on him.
PS: This was epic!
PS: This was epic!
"People need more stfu in their diets." (NemZ)
"It was brainf@rt at first sight." [LiLi on Romance, II]
AVATAR - CUPCAKE CAT, SHOPPED BY NemZ
"It was brainf@rt at first sight." [LiLi on Romance, II]
AVATAR - CUPCAKE CAT, SHOPPED BY NemZ
- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
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5) Give Kaji some damn clothes already and then have the Commander call in an air strike. While the air strike is occuring, go somewhere private with Ikari-kun to give him some dating advice.
In regards to the Kaworu-clones, let's just wait for the real one to show up. :3
In regards to the Kaworu-clones, let's just wait for the real one to show up. :3
~Take care of yourself, I need you~
- Sammaeloo
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Dress Kaji and Shinji in the ruined horse costume. After that put the horse head on one of them and actually ride on them to NERV. Make sure to dress Kaji in clothes first before you put them in the suit.
Seize the day.....by the throat....
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
Sammaeloo wrote:Dress Kaji and Shinji in the ruined horse costume. After that put the horse head on one of them and actually ride on them to NERV.
This, but let Kaji stay naked if he wants. Let Shinji get naked if he would prefer. Neither matters so long as you can return triumphantly on a magnificent steed.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
- Sammaeloo
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NemZ wrote:Sammaeloo wrote:Dress Kaji and Shinji in the ruined horse costume. After that put the horse head on one of them and actually ride on them to NERV.
This, but let Kaji stay naked if he wants. Let Shinji get naked if he would prefer. Neither matters so long as you can return triumphantly on a magnificent steed.
That's conjures a weird image. It wouldn't be very pleasant for Shinji to be bent over with his head pressed against Kaji's naked ass. Unless Kaji is the back end.
Seize the day.....by the throat....
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
would it? he was certainly staring.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
- Sammaeloo
- Bridge Bunny
- Age: 34
- Posts: 1623
- Joined: May 30, 2009
- Location: In the cuboard next to th
- Gender: Male
NemZ wrote:would it? he was certainly staring.
That would be weird though if Kaji's ass was right there in his face. It would the best if Kaji farted, blowing back Shinji's hair slightly with a puff of air.
Seize the day.....by the throat....
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
I hate mcdonalds because their mascot is a creepy spooky clown who looks like he smells funny. Seriously every time I see ronald I think he's secretly some sort of rapist who turns people into hamburgers. Also their food sucks. -Defectron
Our plumbing is messed up and my dad will not call anybody because he's a cheap asshole. Fuck you old man, fucking call someone. Some of us want to stay sanitary. -backseatjesus
- trueno_twentyone
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Note: I’ll combine SSD and Lili’s suggestions. That way everyone’s happy! Yay!
Now that Special Inspector Kaji has been rescued, you realize that it is customary to wear clothing in public. You pull the ruined horse costume out of your backpack and hand it to him.
“You may use this to hide your reproductive organs until we find more suitable attire,” you say. Kaji puts on the horse costume without losing a modicum of dignity or composure.
You decide it is time to contact the Commander. He will know what to do concerning the ramen stand. You call his number and are speaking to him in a matter of seconds, interrupting his meeting with the Premier of China. You explain the situation.
When you have finished, he says “Rei, I’m calling in an air strike. Don’t worry about civilian casualties; you only have time to save Nerv personnel.”
“Yes,” you reply. You rouse the Lt. Colonel from the table where she is drooling in her sleep and drag her along by the arm. You inform Ikari-kun and Special Inspector Kaji that they must accompany you and do so as quickly as possible. As the four of you run across the street, a formation of jets flies overhead and the ramen stand explodes behind you.
“Um…Ayanami?” Shinji asks, “What just happened?”
“The threat has been neutralized,” you reply.
“But um…what about all the people who were still at the ramen stand?”
“They have been neutralized as well, as per the Commander’s orders.”
Ikari-kun looks uncomfortable with this. The Lt. Colonel is too busy leering at the Special Inspector’s buttocks to notice.
The four of you enter a clothing store in order to find more suitable garments for the Special Inspector. You pull Ikari-kun aside into the men’s shirts aisle.
“Um…what is it, Ayanami?” he asks nervously.
“How are items?” you ask.
“Um…items? You mean things, r-right?”
“Yes.”
“Items are alright, I guess. I just wish Asuka would stop being mad at me. I wonder if she’ll ever come home?"
“Perhaps I might pretend to be her, so that you may rehearse what you shall say in order to convince her to return,” you offer.
“Um well…I guess it couldn’t hurt,” he says, blushing.
“I am now in character. Please proceed.”
“L-listen Asuka, I'm sorry about the other day.”
“You are not sorry, Ikari-kun. You would have raped me had you had the opportunity, as you are a sexual deviant.”
“B...but I'm really sorry Asuka! Honest!” exclaims Ikari-kun, blinking in surprise at the accuracy of your interpretation.
“Liar. To you, I am a pair of mammaries.”
“Th...that may be true Asuka but... I was really happy that night you kissed me!” he says quickly, flustered.
“That was the most inadequate kiss in the long history of foreplay. I do not wish to associate with you in a romantic manner. You are beneath me, but you must pay attention to me, for I am needy.”
You are finding it difficult to discard Second’s persona and are becoming genuinely angry. Ikari-kun looks somewhat frightened. He waves his hand in front of you.
“Er…A-Ayanami?” he says, waving his hand in front of your face.
“I am not Miss Honors Student. I wish her to die in a fire of some sort,” you retort, now fully absorbed in your role.
Desperate, Ikari-kun takes Commander Horse from your backpack and thrusts him at your chest. “Look, Ayanami!” he says.
You emerge from your delusion and hug Commander Horse, smiling slightly. At this point, you notice that one of the gray-haired albino waiters from the restaurant is behind you and staring vacantly, apparently having followed your from the restaurant.
You realize that it would be convenient to have a soulless automaton around the house to complete your chores. That way, you would have more time to focus on amino acids and other important topics. You resolve to keep the albino boy for yourself. Then you choose to
1) Buy a leash and collar for your albino slave
2) Return home with the albino in tow
3) Go home with Ikari-kun and have the albino make tea
4) Visit the Sub-Commander
5) Go to your belated appointment with Dr. Akagi. Your fingernails are beginning to peel off and you are finding skin on your pillow every morning. You hope your physical form can hold together long enough to complete the Commander’s scenario.
Now that Special Inspector Kaji has been rescued, you realize that it is customary to wear clothing in public. You pull the ruined horse costume out of your backpack and hand it to him.
“You may use this to hide your reproductive organs until we find more suitable attire,” you say. Kaji puts on the horse costume without losing a modicum of dignity or composure.
You decide it is time to contact the Commander. He will know what to do concerning the ramen stand. You call his number and are speaking to him in a matter of seconds, interrupting his meeting with the Premier of China. You explain the situation.
When you have finished, he says “Rei, I’m calling in an air strike. Don’t worry about civilian casualties; you only have time to save Nerv personnel.”
“Yes,” you reply. You rouse the Lt. Colonel from the table where she is drooling in her sleep and drag her along by the arm. You inform Ikari-kun and Special Inspector Kaji that they must accompany you and do so as quickly as possible. As the four of you run across the street, a formation of jets flies overhead and the ramen stand explodes behind you.
“Um…Ayanami?” Shinji asks, “What just happened?”
“The threat has been neutralized,” you reply.
“But um…what about all the people who were still at the ramen stand?”
“They have been neutralized as well, as per the Commander’s orders.”
Ikari-kun looks uncomfortable with this. The Lt. Colonel is too busy leering at the Special Inspector’s buttocks to notice.
The four of you enter a clothing store in order to find more suitable garments for the Special Inspector. You pull Ikari-kun aside into the men’s shirts aisle.
“Um…what is it, Ayanami?” he asks nervously.
“How are items?” you ask.
“Um…items? You mean things, r-right?”
“Yes.”
“Items are alright, I guess. I just wish Asuka would stop being mad at me. I wonder if she’ll ever come home?"
“Perhaps I might pretend to be her, so that you may rehearse what you shall say in order to convince her to return,” you offer.
“Um well…I guess it couldn’t hurt,” he says, blushing.
“I am now in character. Please proceed.”
“L-listen Asuka, I'm sorry about the other day.”
“You are not sorry, Ikari-kun. You would have raped me had you had the opportunity, as you are a sexual deviant.”
“B...but I'm really sorry Asuka! Honest!” exclaims Ikari-kun, blinking in surprise at the accuracy of your interpretation.
“Liar. To you, I am a pair of mammaries.”
“Th...that may be true Asuka but... I was really happy that night you kissed me!” he says quickly, flustered.
“That was the most inadequate kiss in the long history of foreplay. I do not wish to associate with you in a romantic manner. You are beneath me, but you must pay attention to me, for I am needy.”
You are finding it difficult to discard Second’s persona and are becoming genuinely angry. Ikari-kun looks somewhat frightened. He waves his hand in front of you.
“Er…A-Ayanami?” he says, waving his hand in front of your face.
“I am not Miss Honors Student. I wish her to die in a fire of some sort,” you retort, now fully absorbed in your role.
Desperate, Ikari-kun takes Commander Horse from your backpack and thrusts him at your chest. “Look, Ayanami!” he says.
You emerge from your delusion and hug Commander Horse, smiling slightly. At this point, you notice that one of the gray-haired albino waiters from the restaurant is behind you and staring vacantly, apparently having followed your from the restaurant.
You realize that it would be convenient to have a soulless automaton around the house to complete your chores. That way, you would have more time to focus on amino acids and other important topics. You resolve to keep the albino boy for yourself. Then you choose to
1) Buy a leash and collar for your albino slave
2) Return home with the albino in tow
3) Go home with Ikari-kun and have the albino make tea
4) Visit the Sub-Commander
5) Go to your belated appointment with Dr. Akagi. Your fingernails are beginning to peel off and you are finding skin on your pillow every morning. You hope your physical form can hold together long enough to complete the Commander’s scenario.
He shuddered a bit, remembering the somewhat creepy level of detail Kaji had gone into, while rubbing a watermelon in a disturbingly sexual way.
Life is a continuous nut-kicking contest where your turn comes last if ever. -majlund
Proud supporter of Shinji x Sachiel
- Great Genius Shinji-Sama
- Test Subject
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- Contact:
Go home with Ikari-kun and have albino make tea.
Avatar: Utena and Anthy hawtness <3
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XBOX LIVE GAMERTAG: ShinjiSama01
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http://shinjisama.wordpress.com/ - Blog
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http://otakuno1.deviantart.com/ - Deviant account
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XBOX LIVE GAMERTAG: ShinjiSama01
-----------------------------------------------------------
http://shinjisama.wordpress.com/ - Blog
-----------------------------------------------------------
http://otakuno1.deviantart.com/ - Deviant account
- Sailor Star Dust
- Kept you waiting, huh?
- Age: 38
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- Joined: Aug 13, 2006
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- Gender: Female
I'm so happy you updated this twice in one day AND used our IRC stuff from awhile ago! And yay for combining ideas!
Hmm I say 3 on the chance Asuka's home and so SPOILERS can then happen. I wonder how Asuka will react to the clone.
So if Kaworu shows up at some point, will he be all ( "I'm an abomination. " ) about his deformed clone/Rei's new servent?
Hmm I say 3 on the chance Asuka's home and so SPOILERS can then happen. I wonder how Asuka will react to the clone.
So if Kaworu shows up at some point, will he be all ( "I'm an abomination. " ) about his deformed clone/Rei's new servent?
~Take care of yourself, I need you~
3 seems groovy.
Rei-as-Asuka was brilliant, btw.
Rei-as-Asuka was brilliant, btw.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno
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